Impossible. Trying to control one topic means giving up on another. Balancing them while dealing with their consequences is the way I find not to stabilize it, but this is just an unstable gambit that will end up killing me.

  Morgana is right. It's impossible to control destruction. Trying to completely contain one topic of power means being the target of another; balancing them while dealing with one consequence after another would kill me at the first mistake in combat; letting them all affect me in order to have acceptable control over each one slows my concentration.

  In the forest, I let control slip through my hands and disrupted Elron's output; but it was this same loosening that allowed me to kill the abomination.

  Destroy what you want. Only what I want. Better said, only what I allow.

  I let the chains slip out of my hands. The red energy spreads through the room and paints the blue skies red. Grass dies and wood rots. Heavy and dense, the energy fades like smoke as it moves away from me.

  Yes, I could have destroyed the entire village. Not at once, not with the power I possess—but with the power I would have had if I had been consumed by Chaos. Now, however, without having to force myself to limit the distance, control of the two-tenths of power guaranteed by the awakening is brought to the fore and becomes three. Stability and emission become a mere consequence of that same control, now focused on me, the house next to me and the woman in front of me.

  Mastering this power is as much about overcoming as it is revenge for all the nightmares it has forced me through. Faced with an attempt to escape that I want to interpret as a plea, I tighten the chains around its throat and deny the storm its mercy. The power of instability is stabilized—the uncontrollable is controlled.

  Chaos screams. My heart is pounding. The abyss of fire that surrounds it and burns my chest spreads throughout my body and consumes it. Reality is forced to kneel before sensation when I make its red burn like fire, even though its form doesn't change.

  Morgana is enveloped by the energy, apathetic and unchanged. I look again at the slender shadow in the corner of my house. She had come a little closer.

  “Aura.” I say, then turn to Morgana. “The physical manifestation of mana is called an aura. A useless term, in my opinion.”

  Differently from other materials that are associated to limited concepts, Aura is malleable and associated with everything the sorcerer wants it to be. Creating a barrier from aura might not be more resistant than one of metal, but transmit the concept of Chaos way better. Instead of using an unstable element that I don’t dominate, I can use aura as a back-up.

  “I find it more complicated to say solid mana than aura. Mana is a motor. You use your arms to hit someone, not your brain.”

  “Do you really care?”

  “No, but I like to correct others. It was very difficult not to do that while watching you get the terms wrong. Congratulations, Sieghart, you passed my first lesson. How do you feel?”

  “… Like taking off a shoe that's been tight for a long time. It's harder than it looks, too.”

  “You spent his life used to containing the Gates. You needed some incentive to let the power he doesn't control free. It's a waste of mana, but it'll work for now.” She says. “You have control and less power. Can you tell me how much?”

  I scratch my chin. “Three tenths. Maybe four. Maybe five. You're right, it's a waste.”

  “If you don't have to worry about limiting yourself, you can focus on improving your power and spending less mana.”

  “It's not like it's a problem for me.”

  “Am I seeing a bit of ego, Sieghart?”

  I shrug. “Even if I'm safe, what about the soldiers around?”

  “You're naive if you think they'll let you use magic. You'll be the secret weapon. If you get to the point where you need to fight—and you will—you need to forget about the consequences. You're not up against more men, Sieghart, but beings older than the ground we're sitting on.”

  “Is Aldwyn older than you?”

  She forces a smile. “… I thought we agreed not to talk about my age, dear. Would you like me to correct you again?”

  “No, no. Sorry.”

  Stolen content warning: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.

  “Right. Anyway, it's only natural that you’re bad at mana control.”

  “Bad?”

  “Oh, forgive me. Let's just say that, for someone who can't control his own magic, spends half the day trying to stay sane and who, even with all the effort in the world, can't evolve, you're pretty good.”

  “… Are you angry because I reminded you that you're old?”

  Morgana comes closer and pulls my cheek. “One more of these and you won't have any cheeks left for me to rip off.”

  “Sorry.”

  She pulls herself together and clears her throat. “Don't worry. Every curse has a blessing in contrast. Your troubles culminated in your escape from the village, and that's why you met me!”

  The exchange certainly wasn't worth it, but I fear for my life enough not to say so. She seems to know that's what I thought, but she respects my wisdom in keeping quiet and is content with just a sharp look.

  “We have a week before you leave with Arlong to hunt Aldwyn. Getting used to releasing power in this way will help you focus on what really matters. First, I'll introduce you to the two secondary pillars: invocation and connection. Do you know anything about them?”

  “Not much. Connection is with weapons and Summoning is for familiars, isn't it?”

  “Yes -- Summoning is the creation of a pseudo-consciousness in a creature; transforming an entity previously controlled by you into an autonomous being. It is sentient, even capable of thought, but not yet a consciousness. Have you ever seen anything like it?”

  “… I fought a golem once in the entrance test, but it was controlled manually.”

  “I don't expect you to know about summoning in this village. It's a rare specialization even among mages.” She smiles. “That day was great. Seeing the faces of those mediocre wizards when you controlled Chaos was wonderful, wasn't it?”

  In order for Arlong to accept the agreement, the entrance test was used as proof. After the awakening, it was easy to surpass the targets they had for considering me stable.

  “It was. Yes, it was.”

  “Don't let your guard down, I'm still mad at you.” She says, then continues. “Summoning is considered a minor pillar because it doesn't stand on its own; it needs something to be summoned in the first place.”

  “So I have to beat something to summon it? Or create it in another way beforehand?”

  “Indeed. Your magic works fully within you, but the further away you get, the more its effectiveness diminishes. Affecting yourself is easy, the world around you is more complicated, and it's almost impossible to affect someone else directly, depending on how strong they are in relation to you. The more conscious the target is, for example, the more difficult it is.”

  “… Wait, what does this have to do with invocation?”

  “This was to tell you that summoning something depends on your power to subdue a creature or object, to shape one yourself or to make a deal with it. A Familiar is the term we use when a mage is bonded with his invocation.”

  I scratch my chin. “So I can't blow someone up, but if I blow up a vein inside someone's brain--”

  “Chaos is absolute and causes effects all the same, but let's not rush into it because you haven't mastered it yet. Instead, I'm going to teach you the basics. You may be able to get around one magic formula or another, but you won't fool a universal concept.”

  “… So I can't do something small if it's tied to immediate death. I should be able to do something simpler.”

  “Right, and a good way to know which ones are difficult or not would be to test them on a human, but you'd be arrested if you did.”

  “Executed. And what is connection?”

  “It’s what we did at the lake. When sealed, I couldn't emanate much power. Creating connections is complex, and the only way I could escape that was by transferring it to someone else. If it wasn't for Chaos getting in the way, I could feel your presence and emotions.”

  “It would be much easier to do that with a rock and jump from anchor to anchor, wouldn't it?” I scratch my chin. “No, you didn't have the mana to do that. You had to wait for some fool to get close enough to cheat and get away with it.”

  “Sieghart, darling, I don't like your tone. If I didn't know you, I'd think you were calling me an opportunist.”

  “…”

  “You're taking too long to deny it.”

  “I'm not.”

  “Not what?”

  “Taking too long to deny it.”

  “To deny what?”

  “That you're an opportunist.”

  “Can you tell me the whole sentence?”

  “… You're angry-”

  “Speak.”

  “You're not an opportunist.”

  Morgana smiles. “Very good.”

  “… How do I undo a connection?”

  “Why the interest?”

  “Curiosity.”

  “Don't be so curious. Now…” She continues. “Aldwyn can use these two pillars against you. Against him, we'll use the principle. How did you build your aura?”

  “I didn't build it, it was already there.”

  “And what's she like?”

  I look away. The shadow had come another meter closer, now staring at me even though it had no eyes.

  “It's dense. I feel like I'm submerged in the sea. It's hot, too. As if the sea were made of acid or fire. I can't make it stay in one state, it always changes from one to the other. I used smoke for the gaseous and I think iron for the solid, but I'm not sure.”

  Morgana picks up one of the apples she had protected with her own aura and throws it towards me. As she approaches the epicenter of the aura, the apple dissolves into thin air.

  “Corrosive. I don't think it's just the appearance.” Morgana smiles. “I think you're already halfway there. Well done. Would you like some candy?”

  “I'm not a child.”

  “I didn't know that adults had bans on sweets.”

  “They're against childish behavior.”

  Morgana forced a hurt expression. “You hurt my heart.”

  “Isn't that considered a lie?”

  “Jokes are not lies.”

  “Who decides that?”

  “The same thing that decides that exploding a vein in someone’s brain is not something you can do, even if it’s something small. It's not something you can understand right now.” She says. “Solidifying a concept is also impossible for now. Chaos affects your mana and produces disorder no matter what you do, but let's not put the horse before the cart.”

  “And what are we going to do?”

  “You know little about the chemical elements. The more you know, the easier and better you'll be able to emulate them with your aura. Increase the level of emission and the effectiveness of mana usage, decrease consumption, solidify the properties of the aura…” She says, then begins to draw symbols in the dead earth with her finger. “You must not have been educated in this village, so I'll be your teacher.”

  “I see.”

  “There is, however, something I'd like to know before we continue.”

  “What?”

  “Why do you want to know so much about Chaos?”

  “I thought I'd explained it to you. It's the right thing to-”

  “You don't have to justify yourself to me, Sieghart.” She says. “Speak. You know I'll ask you why beyond that. I want the real reason. Why?”

  I frown.