Egbert watched as the Man Grabber fell apart in a loud clatter of metal and wood. Then it began magically piecing itself back together in its new upgraded form. It wasn’t what he was expecting. The upgrade had actually made the grabber look even cruder than it had before.

  The base of the turret appeared to have been roughly reinforced with a mismatch of metal slabs simply tied in with metal bands. The ballista portion was much the same except now it had crude red paintings all across it like a demented warning. The grabber, though, had changed enormously. The thing was almost half again as thick with curved protrusions on the inside of the claw to aid in its grabbing efforts. And the outside of each claw had a massive mismatched metal tube painted bright yellow with a handful of holes all along its length.

  Huh... I really hope that doesn’t just brain some poor soul the first time it gets another headshot; that thing looks awfully heavy now. Thrognar is busy staring at the stream right now; might as well see how far I've come recently.

  [Greed]

  [Threat: Confusing But Manageable]

  [Wealth: Technically Taxable]

  [Influence: Local concern]

  [Store Progress]

  [Toll Items 1.6 / 10 Gold] (lvl 2)

  [Mimics 1.1/ 10 Gold] (lvl 2)

  [Dungeon Loot 2.1 / 10 Gold] (lvl2)

  [Hazards: 1.3/10 Gold] (LVL2)

  [Containers 8 Silver / 1 Gold] (lvl1 )

  [Monsters 1.1/10 Gold] (lvl 2)

  [Dungeon Decor: “Coin slots don’t magically make it a damn toll item.” 7 Silver/ 1 Gold](lvl1)

  [Notable Features]

  [Abnormally Hostile Loot Items]

  [35 Percent Chance Of Sterilization Via Blunt Force Trauma]

  [Kills 2]

  Horde: [Copper 5] [Silver 7] [Gold 2]

  OH Ho It looks like upgrades counted for my level ups! I should check out what new forms of mimics my wonderful dungeon has unlocked. I wonder if it's just the same as upgrading them… Also, that price jump to level up further is awfully steep. Oh, and buying that grabber pushed hazards over the edge finally as well. Oh, just overall so many new goodies!

  I do need to start pushing into the next area though if I'm going to get a space big enough for Max to set up his tavern in and create a proper dungeon floor. Wait, does that say two kills? The dwarf survived...for that matter, why hasn’t Bubba respawned? That should have happened last night, I think!

  Bah, okay for now, let's check on my favorite barbarian, and then after he leaves, look into another shopping spree.

  Thrognar had practically been frolicking in the stream under the bridge in the next room. Egbert hadn’t paid them much attention before, but there were bizarre little near-transparent jellyfish that lazily blooped around in the gentle waters. Thrognar had a handful of them, and apparently they glowed when shaken because that's what was happening right now.

  An eerie “Come play….” Whispered psychically across the cavern. Thrognar set the jellyfish down one by one back in the water before answering “In Minute Must Feed Scrawngly….” He stopped talking as he somehow finally noticed the bright red outhouse that had just slid itself slightly further into the center of the street. Remorse, I think your upgrade made you worse at being a mimic.

  Surprisingly, the required brain cells made the connection between the overtly long limbs jutting oddly from the side of the outhouse and the single malevolent eye that peeked at him in recognition. Thrognar’s face immediately lit up as he jogged down the street towards Remorse, oblivious to the many-eyed horror skittering above him.

  Remorse immediately started forming a mouth before the small pink ribbon on the back of the outhouse glowed, reminding him that Thrognar wasn’t food. And of course Thrognar is the first one to pay for the safety pass; the boy just puts coins in anything I put in front of him, probably for the best.

  Remorse realized it couldn’t eat its foe and started trying to change its form into that of a smaller house to hide from the rapidly approaching barbarian. He never made it. Thrognar hit him in a full-bodied hug that made Egbert wince; the squeeze deformed the outhouse into an hourglass shape momentarily as Thrognar picked up remorse in his embrace, shaking him from side to side slightly.

  “Scrawny door, you grew up!” Thrognar set remorse down and whipped the bloody carcass around like a surprise birthday present. Remorse went from annoyed to intrigued, his eye narrowing predatorily at the offered meat. “For you!” Thrognar said joyfully.

  This story has been taken without authorization. Report any sightings.

  Remorse carefully reached out a long limb and grasped the carcass, a tremor of anticipation running through the half-formed building before a mouth nearly as tall as Thrognar appeared and the carcass was stuffed inside without a single chew. Remorse made an appreciative grumble at the snack, and Thrognar reached out to pet a “wall” fondly. “Good mimic, I bring snack for you every time now.” Don’t spoil him, Thrognar; he needs to learn to hunt for himself. I don’t even want to know what the hell happens if you domesticate a Ravenous mimic through a mix of intimidation and bribes. My monsters are already a bit odd..

  Boo dropped nearly ten strides from the ceiling onto Thrognar’s shoulders, screaming the moment she touched him, “PEEKABOO.” Thrognar jumped so violently he inadvertently flung Boo over a nearby rooftop in a twirling tangle of legs and surprised eyes.

  “Oh, Thrognar, Sorry, come back; please don’t be dead... Thrognar hates it when he squooshes maybe friends.” Thrognar said after gathering himself from the fright. Haa…wow, okay, psychic powers zero, physics and muscles one.

  Boo tentatively peeked around the corner, watching to make sure Thrognar wasn’t going to charge. When he waved towards her dumbly, she covered her eye with her front legs a few times, pantomiming hiding. Thrognar nodded in excitement and covered his eyes.

  Thrognar started counting loudly with his eyes covered while Boo scampered off to hide somewhere. “One, two, three, uhh, three...five? Thrognar need to practice more... Three, ready or not, here Thrognar come!” Thrognar thudded down the street with a gleeful chuckle. A malicious giggle echoed psychically throughout the room, leading him from dark corner to dark corner. I'm sure that's supposed to be for terrifying effect, but Boo. Good luck; you haven’t met him before, and I’m pretty sure he doesn’t have a survival instinct.

  Thrognar earnestly inspected every dark corner of the cave the giggles came from. All the while Boo scuttled along behind him from rooftop to room top, directing his searches with psychic nudges. Thrognar spun suddenly, pointing a finger intensely at a rooftop that Boo was just on. “AWW, you is sneaky; good practice.” Thrognar began searching again with even more intensity. Leaping from room to room and even climbing onto a roof at one point.

  Thrognar finally stumbled into one of the rooms overflowing with keys and chests. He looked around the dusty, mostly barren shelves and the rotted bed frame next to a mimic chest. Then picked up a double handful of keys and let them trickle through his fingers back into the massive pile. “Thrognar thinks this bullshit.” He turned and left without even trying a single key, rushing outside as he caught the slightest skittering sound on the roof above. You know I'm going to think back to this moment, I'm sure, for years to come of the orc whose simple solution was just to not.

  Egbert sighed internally and left them to it; he doubted he would be making any more money off Thrognar today, and besides, it was probably good enrichment for them both. The treasure chest mimics could really use a break from Boo’s constant prodding.

  I'll save some gold for sprucing up the village a bit cosmetically. Hell, I need to start sprucing everything up a bit; it's almost sad being a coin- and wealth-themed dungeon with barren stone walls and not a single gilded statue of myself in sight. Wait...When I get enough money, I can actually do that: a gilded statue of my dignified features, glasses perched oh so perfectly to read out the line items on any deduction sheet...ahem...that's an idea for much later.

  For now I should go ahead and see what kind of mimics I unlocked and possibly buy a door mimic or two to upgrade into Oasis mimics. Egbert scrolled his still totally overwhelming store to mimics. To his pleasant surprise, he could buy all the variants of mimic that remorse could have evolved into now without the song and dance of an upgrade. And sure enough, there were some new options from his level up.

  *[Key Mimic](1 silver)

  How could I not slip this one in there after you went ahead and made a puzzle as mean as you did? Let’s really drive those adventurers to just buy the damn correct keys, and if losing a few fingers isn’t inspiration enough, they weren’t going to buy them no matter what. It's a mimic that can look like a key. Perfect for the room filled with keys and mimics... Obviously.

  [Coin Mimic] (5 Silver)

  A mimic capable of disguising itself as any coinage known to man or fish person. Introducing these to the carefully crafted economic hamster wheel you are building would introduce an almost omnipresent need for paranoia. If you are hoping to sell therapy services or some “Be Calm” pills down the line, what these will do to the average person’s psyche would certainly get that ball rolling in the right direction.

  [Oh my gods. A Puppy!] (1 gold)

  Spoiler alert. It’s not a puppy.

  [Thieving Replicator](5 Silver)

  This mimic variant is an odd one; it will try and pickpocket every magic item it can and then replace them on an adventurer's body. It doesn’t eat them, just their stuff and probably their self-worth after their sword runs away with all their most valuable shit, giggling the whole time. People are going to be PISSED if you have a few of these, but your [Gimme The Gold] skill works on the stuff in the replicator's belly, soooooo it's your call.

  Whaa…. I am so scared of the Not A Puppy that I almost want it out of sheer morbid curiosity. But that would be irresponsible, right...I could charge people for treats for the puppy...I bet it can take care of itself just fine. I am getting some orphans here soon; they could use that, right? Argh, I'm just too damn curious. If it's truly awful, I'll just feed the puppy to Contempt.

  Egbert impulsively bought the puppy. It poofed into existence in the middle of the village. It was utterly, unreasonably adorable. Big sad eyes and a mottled black and brown coat. Big soft paws, and whatever breed it was, it was a fluffy one because the “puppy” was more adorable fluff than sleek hunter. It immediately started snuffling around curiously. Doing almost performatively cute hops around the road from cobblestone to cobblestone.

  Dammit! What is it, though? Egberts inspect just left him more confused. [Not A Puppy Tier-1](lvl76) Uhh...why is that so high-level... Alright, maybe contempt can’t deal with it... I guess I'll back-burner this for a second.

  [Copper 5] [Silver 7] [Gold 1]

  Egbert went ahead and bought seven of the Key mimics because how could he not? He dotted them into both chest rooms. They were exactly what he expected: angry little blobs with a pair of legs and a mouth the size of a fist that immediately snapped into the shape of the nearby keys and edged themselves haphazardly into the piles.

  Egbert’s attention was ripped back to Thrognar suddenly. “Oh! Puppy is Lost!” Thrognar happily scooped up the “puppy,” giving it a gentle nose scratch. The “puppy” wagged happily. Shittt...no, Thrognar, put down the maybe demon thing! It's fifty levels higher than you!