Jeremy awoke to a pounding headache. His head and eyes were covered with what he suspected was blood, and he couldn't move.

  The gnomes were arguing nearby.

  “We're not going to kill him,” Fizzlepuff snapped.

  “I don't want to kill him either, but we have no choice, and you know it,” Fekfuff said. “He's a high-level rogue. If we leave him, he'll catch up to us and kill us all, and the Piff Snizzle will fall into enemy hands.”

  “If his head weren't so hard, he'd be dead already,” Fuzzit said. “I did my best to graze his head, to knock him out, but I'm not that good of a shot."

  “If only we could make a deal with him,” Pufflepop moaned. “He's kindhearted as humans go. Completely insane, but kindheartedly so.”

  “Too kindhearted,” Fizzlepuff said. “Anyone remotely sane would have killed those goblin vermin when they had the chance and made the universe a better place. At first, I thought he must be a degenerate goblin lover, but he's living proof that the gods look after the insane and stupid. It's a miracle he's lived this long.”

  “We have to kill Jeremy. This is bigger than all of us,” Fekfuff said. “I'll put a knife through his skull. He won't suffer.”

  “Squeak!” Jeremy felt Squeak smash itself against some barrier, trying to help its master, but unable to escape. Through Squeak's senses, he could see they were still in the passageway with the statue. The four gnomes stood off to the side, arguing. His equipment, including the Piff Snizzle, sat next to the gnomes' things. Jeremy lay in the middle of the passageway, wrapped in a metallic web. It was odd, looking at himself through Squeak's eyes; his face and head were covered with blood. He supposed three gnome bullets fired at his head would do that. He groaned inwardly. He hadn't even suspected the gnomes would try something like this. How stupid could he be?

  “Now, Jeremy,” Flint said, appearing in front of Jeremy's closed eyes. “I don't suppose you'd mind if I rename you Idiot? You knew they wanted the Piff Snizzle, Idiot, but you let them sneak up on you. As soon as you pulled out the Piff Snizzle, the three gnomes standing behind you raised their guns and shot you in the head. Then they wrapped you in a wire net. Squeak tried to help, but they caught it in a magic trap.”

  “You could have warned me,” Jeremy hissed.

  “They were too quick,” Flint responded. “They must have planned this well in advance.”

  Jeremy heard, and through Squeak sensed, Fekfuff approach.

  “Stop,” Fizzlepuff snapped. “As the leader of our party, I should be the one to kill him.”

  Fizzlepuff joined Fekfuff and took the other gnome's knife.

  Jeremy made a show of groaning. “Where am I?”

  “It's okay, Jeremy,” Fizzlepuff said softly, “go back to sleep.”

  Fizzlepuff pulled his hair away from his neck, making him glad he hadn't bothered to trim his hair recently.

  “He's about to stab you through the base of your skull,” Flint said. “A quick, clean kill. I'd do the same in his position.”

  “I'm glad you've spent so much time thinking of how you'd kill me,” Jeremy hissed under his breath.

  “It wasn't much time.”

  Jeremy made a show of moaning and twisting around, careful to squirm just enough to avoid being stabbed, but not enough for the gnomes to shoot him again.

  “Get over here and hold him down,” Fizzlepuff said to the other three.

  Jeremy waited as the other three gnomes approached. The three grumbling gnomes piled on him, holding him still. “If only we didn't have to do this,” Pufflepop moaned.

  Fizzlepuff pulled Jeremy's hair back again and got ready to stab him.

  “Now!” Flint said.

  Jeremy released the electrical charge that had been growing slowly inside him for the past several days.

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  The charge sent the four gnomes flying, leaving them twitching and unconscious on the dungeon floor. The air filled with the smell of burnt gnome and human hair.

  It took Jeremy longer than he'd have liked to get free of the net. He eventually rolled his way over to the gnome supplies, grabbed some gnome metal cutters, and used them to cut through the net and free himself.

  After freeing himself, he freed Squeak and stripped the gnomes of anything they might use to escape before tying them up with his charmed rope.

  “Squeak?” Squeak could drain the life force from the gnomes, healing Jeremy in the process.

  “Not just yet,” Jeremy answered.

  Flint cleared his noncorporeal throat. “I realize I'm wasting my time, but I'd like you to consider that these gnomes will kill if you let them live. It would seem your gun is some sacred gnome artifact they're willing to kill for. Furthermore, if you wait for them to regain consciousness, they will probably plead for mercy, at which point, you won't be able to kill them without being marked by the dungeon.”

  “They didn't want to kill me,” Jeremy said. “They just wanted my gun. Unfortunately, I can't use it until they show me how.”

  The two healing potions he found in the gnomes' packs cured the worst of his injuries, but his head pounded, and his right hand shook so badly he had trouble holding anything steady. He found himself zoning out, staring at things before remembering what he was doing.

  He felt something appear on his stat sheet. Pulling it up, he'd received another gray mark larger than the others.

  Thief!

  “That is not fair!” he shouted at the dungeon, “the gnomes just tried to kill me!” There was no response. With a sigh, he returned to what he was doing.

  He carefully examined the gnome weapons. The gnome guns had gears and dials he couldn't figure out, and though he could tell some of the guns were loaded, pulling the trigger did nothing. He was unable to make them shoot.

  Fizzlepuff was the first to return to consciousness. The gnome's eyes fluttered open. He looked tired and sad. ”I guess we're no longer friends?”

  Jeremy ran over and kicked the gnome. “Why is every adventurer trying to kill me?”

  “Strictly speaking,” Flint said, “it's only four groups out of the seven, though the Draconian might have tried to kill you if you hadn't given him the healing potions. That would make five out of seven. Shall we say four and a half?”

  “Shut up, Flint.”

  Fizzlepuff looked up at Jeremy. “How did you do it? We found nothing with you that could have shocked us like that.”

  Jeremy ignored the question, glaring down at the gnome. “Why did you try to kill me?”

  “We had no choice,” Fizzlepuff said. “If you take the Piff Snizzle from the dungeon, it will certainly fall into Cleansing Wind hands. They'd use this gun to kill thousands, maybe millions of beings.”

  “I thought Cleansing Wind were your friends.”

  “We despise Cleansing Wind. When one of our factories fails to meet quota, an enforcer draws lots to determine which of the factory workers' kids they kill. We're slaves to our rulers with no hope of a better life. We'd join the Red Shield, but they don't take gnomes. Gnomes are a joke to both sides of the conflict.”

  “I'd never let this gun fall into Cleansing Wind hands,” said Jeremy.

  “You couldn't kill a pack of goblins,” Fizzlepuff responded. “And you think you can kill Mezirma? Mezirma is one of the most powerful child spellcasters in the known universe. Even if you could shoot the gun, you'd mess it up. As it is, Mezirma and his party are probably the only adventurers in this dungeon who could shoot the Piff Snizzle. And even an idiot like you can figure out how they'd use the gun.”

  “It would seem the gnomes think you're an idiot, too,” Flint said. “Perhaps they're more intelligent than I'd thought.”

  “Shut up, Flint,” Jeremy hissed.

  “What is Red Shield?” Jeremy asked.

  “Beings of many races united in fighting Cleansing Wind. Red Shield has the numbers, but it takes only one high-level adventurer to make numerical superiority meaningless.”

  “Indeed.” Jeremy wondered how many armies someone like Mezirma could destroy.

  “Just give us the gun,” Fizzlepuff said. “It's useless to you, and we'll trade you whatever you want for it.”

  “I can't do that,” Jeremy answered. “Especially now that I know how powerful it is. If anything can kill Mezirma, it's this gun.”

  Fizzlepuff moaned. “You are insane, Jeremy. You would take an un-shootable gun into an unwinnable battle. Just give the gun to Mezirma and save yourself the trouble.”

  Instead of arguing, Jeremy picked up Fizzlepuff's rifle, small in his larger hands. “The question is, why won't this gun shoot? Do I need to send mana through the gun to activate it?” He caressed the weapon, trying to get a feel for it. “I have Magic Item Activation. This shouldn't be too different.”

  Fizzlepuff didn't respond.

  Pufflepop groaned and started to come around.

  Jeremy forced mana into the gun. The gun resisted, twisting in Jeremy's hands but otherwise doing nothing. Crud.

  “Tell me how to shoot the Piff Snizzle. Your payment will be your lives.”

  That we know you won't kill us is all the more reason you shouldn't have the Piff Snizzle,” Fizzlepuff responded.

  Jeremy glared at the gnome and drew his sword.