Interlude 5: A high scoring autistic conversation

  “How the heck did you do that?” I looked askance at Johnny.

  “What?” He didn’t relent.

  “You got him to spill everythin’, even stuff he had no right to know but just deduced! How the heck did you do that? I mean, he went way beyond full cooperation!”

  I kept my confused look. “I said it in the room. I don’t lie.”

  “That was real?” That made the silence stretch a bit.

  “Johnny, how the fuck do you interrogate people?” He shrugged.

  “They teach the Reid technique at the academy.” I facepalmed.

  “Jesus horse cock sucking christ, no fucking wonder your country fell apart… Johnny, I got that info on torture from the old USA’s army and CIA investigation into torture. I also got that interrogation stuff out of it! How the fuck are your cops still using that bullshit psychological torture for fuck’s sake…” I asked while rubbing my face in frustration. He shrugged again.

  “It’s what they use in most corpo-sec. Gets confessions.”

  I sighed. “Yeah, I shouldn’t be surprised, it’s great at getting false confessions after all... Anyway, when you suck at… people, you find ways around, mostly using logic.”

  “Logic?” He asked as we jogged up a few floors. “People aren't logical.” I raised a finger.

  “Ah! No, they are always internally logical, but they’re chaotic.” He looked dubious but willing to hear me out… probably. Since he didn’t object, I gave myself one point for a good guess.

  “A chaotic system is like throwing a pair of dice. Bytal, if I threw a pair of dice, with our two info gathering systems combined, would you be able to predict exactly how they’ll land?”

  -With 99.84% certainty in an enclosed system without unforeseen turns of events.-

  “Exactly! So, is throwing a pair of dice random?” I asked Johnny as he pondered.

  “No, it’s just that you ain’t capable of predictin’ ‘cause you don’t have all the info.”

  “Exactly! People are the same way. They always make sense to themselves, even if subconsciously. Super ‘illogical’ things are usually your past, especially trauma, affecting your present in ways you don’t understand yourself. However, most of your actions make sense to you! Most other people’s actions make sense, or are logical, to them.”

  “So, the way you get around that is you gather info. You find what that person has as values, what they consider hard rules, you watch their past actions, etc… Then you have a profile of very basic information, which can tell you a lot. Advertisers do the same. They can even predict if someone’s gay before they know it sometimes! They don’t need everything, just enough to extrapolate.” The both of us kept heading up, going for the first skybridge where we’d deal with those fucking mercs.

  We’d already gathered all the info we could from our prisoner and I’d transmitted everything to the people who needed to know. I’d tell everyone, but only after fake interviewing a few more of the fuckers. Or, well, the militia would. I was busy. The Kais had participated in the plan to empty the building essentially, planted devices and viruses, etc… My new buddy gave us all the info we’d need!

  “It’s hard as hell for a lot of occasions but it’s easier for me when I get to know somebody. Their likes, their dislikes, their sensitive points, their values, etc… The more I know them, the more I can tell what they feel if I mix that with my shitty understanding of facial expressions. I recognize the same ones on the same people much easier, of course, but still not easy.” Johnny Law looked at me, a weird look in his face I didn’t know. Damn…

  “That sounds unspeakably exhaustin’.

  I chuckled tiredly. “Oh you have no fucking idea… Anyway! That guy I researched using Altany, who is the best!”

  My sides are being super heated by unexpected solar storms, resulting in an approximation of a blush.

  I laughed. “When I knew the info on him, I could understand what he wanted and his values. I got good at extrapolating important stuff over time, you know? I mean, to be clear, absolutely no details, and not precisely, but enough to be usable. Then, I aligned our interests to the extreme and made it as clear as possible that the offer was real. I used a bunch of stuff I researched a while ago to get better at the people stuff. I’ve had to use all that shit quite a fucking lot! Leadership guides, interrogation stuff, conflict avoidance, active listening, etc…

  “How… how the heck do you think about all that as you’re talkin’ to someone?” I shrugged.

  “I don’t, really, I create protocols, and even then I suck at a lot of it. Like right now, I’m carrying most of the conversation, it’s a fault of mine. I can prattle on about stuff I’m interested in, worse if I’m fascinated. It’s probably part of the autism stuff Altany told me about…” I trailed off as I thought about it. I’d have to find more guides…

  “Anyway! I use those protocols to kind of… guide situations? I think I might be really good at very specific parts of ‘people stuff’ because I integrate leadership techniques, teambuilding techniques and whatever stuff more naturally than other people. I mean, those protocols, guides, structures or whatever are how I do conversation. It makes sense I’d be good at some of that by sheer value of the fact I don’t know how to do anything else, right?” I asked, trying to get a two way conversation going, remembering my manners. Were manners the same thing?

  “Uh… I guess, do you think guides help you that much?” Okay, good start to a back and forth! One more point!

  “Yes. Especially for difficult conversations, where it’s easier for me to stay more centered and keep to the structure… Like, annoying people on a team? How do you deal with those?”

  “Mostly ignore them. If they’re disruptive, shut them down. Can even make an example of them if you’re really in leadership I guess.” I frowned, but also yes! Another point!

  “I’m too nice for that I think. That is not a criticism at all! It’s just a fault of mine. I remember this leadership guide, it told me like four ways to deal with disruptive team members. I always use that. I don’t have many of those in the enforcers, though… Did you get that problem with the cops?”

  I asked, fucking nailing the two sided conversation! He laughed and I wanted to fist bump! That was five points right there! If he went on a long monologue that revealed something about himself…

  “Oh hells yes. It was always ‘I ain’t doin’ overtime’ or ‘this place doesn’t pay enough bribes’ or ‘You’ll never convince someone rich enough to buy a warrant’, urgh! It was all about credits and corpos. Want to help someone? Most SOBs didn’t want to do anything or take any risk that didn’t involve a fat payday. When we were attacked by xenos? They screwed off! Said they’d wait on the PMC that was contracted. It’d arrive in two hours!”

  “There weren’t that many, but I made my stand at the mouth of a cul-de-sac. A lot of folks were armed, but not in shape to fight. Those that were helped. I organized them and everything. Didn’t work out for some of them… I still… I still feel bad about them even if the whole village ended up throwin’ me on my ass. I was the big hero of the hour, then I told my friends I liked guys and boom! Shunned. I drifted for a while and did what I could but… well, you know the rest. My family sucked anyway. God my mom was a piece of shit, but I just wanted her approval for so fucking long… Pretty sure the village just cared about the ranking boost anyway...”

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  He shoots! And he scores! Ten conversational points! Yes!

  “Holy dog, that was a bit darn personal… Sorry, didn’t mean to…” I cut him off.

  “Oh, don’t worry about it. It’s a talent of mine.” He blinked at me.

  “What is?”

  “People share very deep personal things about themselves with me. Robin says it’s because people aren’t used to someone as open and honest as I am or that doesn’t judge them. Especially if they truly feel both of those. She says I look trustworthy too? Not sure what that means…”

  “Wait, people tell you super personal things about themselves, like, all the time?”

  “Yup!” I said as we passed another landing. We’d been talking at my maximum boosted speed. Well, the maximum I could do while feeling like I was talking normally. “I don’t lie, I don’t judge and I have a trustworthy vibe. I mean, I am trustworthy, or at least I do my best to be but yeah, it’s the way Robin tells it.”

  “I think people don’t get to do it often and when they finally have an outlet they let out all that stuff, like with a therapist! Problem is, those are fucking expensive! Also, the therapy programs suck! I pirated a few, but it didn't work great for me. Maybe I should buy one for autistic people? With points maybe? That could be worth it!”

  “I’m sorry, I ain’t skipping over this, most people tell you their deep dark secrets? Like, you know them? Seriously?” I looked at him.

  “Probably not all of their secrets. How would I know? Also, just people I have long conversations with. Alcohol usually accelerates things. It’s part of how I choose enforcers very often.” He blinked at me.

  “So you know the deep dark secrets of all your enforcers?”

  I nodded. “Most of them, or at least the ones they told me about. I imagine there’s plenty they don’t want to get off their chest or are afraid of speaking aloud. I mean, we’re not talking ‘all of their personal information’ here, it’s the stuff that weighs on them. It’s not really precise times, places and people!” He still couldn’t get over that. I didn’t get it.

  “Aren’t they a bit afraid you’ll blackmail, betray or reveal them or something?” I looked at him, genuinely aghast!

  “What? Fuck no! I’d never fucking do that! What kind of scumbag would? They told me that shit in confidence! Also, it’s fucking emotional things! Personal things! Fucking hell I’d never tell anyone!”

  He looked at me for a good, solid five second equivalent. “Holy shit, I believe ya.”

  I glared at him. “Why wouldn’t you?” He decided to change the subject.

  “So, wait, isn’t selection for enforcer judging someone?” I actually thought about that one.

  “No? I’m not condemning them. I don’t judge them morally I guess is the better way to phrase it? I’ve done fucked up shit, Johnny. Fuck, I just did some fucked up shit. I have no right to judge someone’s deepest regret, especially if these are regrets.”

  “I’m perfectly fine knowing who they are now. I also don’t really judge them, I learn about them. If they happen to fit the mold of ‘enforcer’, I make the offer. The criterias aren’t moral in the sense you might mean, really. It’s complicated, anyway! No, I don’t judge them. If they’re not a piece of shit hurting innocent people now, who they were doesn’t matter all that much to me.”

  “Even if they made mistakes recently, it’s all about who they are and will be in the future, their potential. I give most people a shot, because most people aren’t monsters and have incredible potential. You remember monsters more, but they’re a small subset of the population. Most people are decent folk, even if they made mistakes of one kind or another. Sometimes it’s not even their fault, they just didn’t know any better. They were raised or trained a certain way, you know?”

  “Huh… I don’t think I quite get it?” I shrugged.

  “Me neither bud. I just know I don’t lie, I don’t judge and I do all I can to be trustworthy. If you want something real personal from me to balance the scales, I’d understand and be fine with that.

  “Hum… Thanks. That’s very generous. Alright, so, you don’t lie?” He asked with interest rather than confusion.

  I was learning to read him! Yes! Another point! If I was right…

  “As much as possible, no.” I said simply. It was a weird concept for people.

  “So, what if Robin asked you if his pants make him look fat, for example?”

  I looked at him as I thought of the question, trying to find the catch. “Hum… I’d tell him the truth? Is this a trick question?” He looked at me with… okay couldn’t read that one, damn!

  “You’d tell him he looks fat?” My eyes widened.

  “Oh! Fuck no. First, we’re street people, fat doesn’t exist much. Second, if they didn’t suit his perfect body properly…” That got me an eyeroll but I pushed on. “... I’d tell him they didn’t fit him as well as his last pair, or that they weren’t flattering or something. That’s called tact buddy. If they didn’t I’d tell him no. However, let’s use that example.”

  “Let’s say I told him they made him look great and it was a lie. How would he feel if he found out that he’s been going around with pants that made him look fat? He’d feel horrible!“

  “If he never found out but he asked again? I’d have to remember. That shit piles up and I don’t want to keep track of a thousand things! That’s how you get caught, inconsistencies in your grand narrative, your web of lies.”

  “Every time he’d put on those pants? I’d feel guilty for lying to him! Also horrible! I don’t want that shit”

  “Finally, my husband knows that I always tell him the truth. I don’t lie, I don’t make false promises and that’s part of being trustworthy. Respecting your deals and stuff too.”

  “So, you’re going to get that kid released from jail?” I looked at him, surprised.

  “Of course, the moment we get the net back. Even now, Altany sent out a smart demon to do it before that, but I’m edging my bets. However, that’s part of life in the street, you know? Your rep! Normal folk tend to think of gangers and stuff as untrustworthy. It’s partially because desperation will make you do stupid shit, but if you have a name? A recognized name? Reputation is everything! If you fuck over people on deals, who’s going to deal with you? Also, fucking over people makes the worst kind of enemies.”

  “I gotta ask, what if, like, a bounty hunter came around askin’ questions?” He asked while probably feeling self-conscious.

  “I’d point to the sign that says ‘bounty hunters not allowed, if you’re still reading we noticed, be careful of slipping on hot brass on your way out’.” I said before pointing to said sign on the landing. They were cheap 3D printed plastic posters, we had a bunch of them.

  “That bullshit corpos do where they scratch and bite for every advantage? Good at short term for them and no one else. That’s if they don’t get thrown off the corporate ladder, which is the case for almost ninety-nine percent of them. I mean, It’s real fucked and unsustainable. However, that's a political debate and not the subject.”

  “I don’t do lies because most are a net negative in the long term. There are very few exceptions, especially when the options to shut the fuck up or say ‘fuck off’ are there. However, I’m not fucking perfect, at all.”

  “My daughter tells me she loves the animated eyes she came up with? I’m going to keep those eyes and make sure everybody fucking knows to tell her I think they’re fucking great! Rachael wants me to call her Rach like that’s not a horrible nickname? I mean, seriously, it’s so fucking close to roach– fuck it whatever– I will fucking carve ‘Rach’ on her tombstone if I have to, just to make her happy. Oh, and if you spoil Santa for Alice? I will fucking murder you.”

  That made him laugh. Another five conversational points! I was on fire!

  “Actually, makes me think… What about jokes?” Johnny asked. I tilted my head, my animated eyes conveying the raised eyebrow.

  “What about them?” I asked back.

  “I mean, if conversation’s got these structures, ain’t jokes extra? Are you brakin’ structure?

  “Oh! Fuck no, I love jokes! They’re extra, sure, but they require wit, intelligence, creativity, imagination and humor to craft at just the right place, at just the right time! They’re like… puzzles! Word puzzles that are funny and make people happy! They’re worth all the energy, especially puns!” I said with a manic grin.

  “Ah! Puns! My weakness!” Johnny said theatrically while clutching his chest.

  “Oh no, quick! Heart restart, I have to punch you in the chest!” That got a few laughs!

  Also, twenty points for Huffle-Puff! Fuck Griffindors, fucking jock pricks!

  “You know, for me? My weakness is that I need to spend a week nestled with Robin after this shit’s over!” I said with a massive shit eating grin!