SONG VIBE: Still With You - Jung Kook

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  SAPHIRA

  The Inner Keep, Castle Renatus

  Saphira rested her head against the windowsill of her tower, her hands gently closing her book. A whole moon cycle passed since the Ashen Blades had packed up their camp outside the Castle and marched into the shadowlands. Autumn's grip was tightening as summer faded—once vibrant green leaves faded to yellow, crisped at the edges, and drifted to the ground.

  This is the longest I have been locked up here, and I’m only halfway through my punishment, Saphira moaned, rubbing her forehead, I’m so bored I feel sick, and I’m so sick I don’t feel like doing anything.

  Lazily, Saphira watched the yellowing forest beyond the city, waiting—hoping—she might see the Ashen Knight astride his giant black stallion, triumphantly bringing Golgog’s head to her father. On such a windless autumn day, the Forest of Blood was still and dark, possessing a strange dying beauty, filled with ancient memories of the wars fought in it and the bloodshed.

  Once, Renatus was the capital of the continent, and the city was older than any records, built on top of cities past. Then, Saphira’s great-grandfather, King Urban, had grown too close to their Hyland neighbours. Duke Wyatt of Lux rallied the other Dukes, overthrew King Urban, and proclaimed himself king of the continent.

  Then, Lux became the capital, and his son, Edwin, the crown prince. An offence my father has never forgotten, Saphira thought, as a boy, my father was fostered out to Wyatt—a hostage to keep Renatus from ever rebelling. Now, Celestine lives at Court.

  Saphira thoughts turned again to her wedding night—as it had a thousand times since she and Nocturne had made love. A wave of gratitude swept over her. Most noblewomen whisper, saying their husbands simply roll off after, barely acknowledging them. She thought, Lord Nocturne was so tender, so gentle. I wish I were in his arms again.

  Ginny entered the tower, carrying with her a plate of sweet rolls, steaming as she removed the serving lid. The sickly-sweet aroma filled the room; Saphira suppressed a gag, inhaling the fresh air from outside the window.

  Above: Ginny brings sweetrolls

  “You’ve been sitting by that window since the wedding.” Ginny closed the door with her hip as she kept the plate perfectly balanced. Glancing behind her, she whispered, “Daisy talks every day about her husband. You were so kind to let her take your place—and far more gracious than anyone else would have been in your situation.” She sighed, her sky blue eyes softening, “To think Daisy…in love with the Ashen Knight?

  Saphira suppressed a gag; the truth Helena tried to conceal from me, she sighed, sickened at the thought of Daisy’s lies.

  “I still can't believe you traded places with her. No one suspected a thing!”

  That was the lie Father told, Saphira lamented, If I were to swap places with someone, it would have been Celestine.

  “What?" Ginny paused. "No witty quip?”

  “I’m just so tired,” Saphira sighed, pushing the sick feeling away from her gut. Over the past few weeks, Ginny had told the story repeatedly—for that was all anyone talked about in the castle. A few hours after the wedding, the curious crowds had burst into the bedding chambers. Inside, the Ashen Knight was nowhere to be seen, but they saw a very naked—and very much deflowered—Daisy in the bed, wrapped in silken sheets.

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  That was the most wonderful night of my life, Saphira thought, but the castle looked upon me with pity—the girl who was tossed aside at her own wedding.

  “Well…if the Ashen Knight returns, all will be forgiven when he takes Daisy and their child back to Firestone.”

  “Their…child?”

  “Oh dear." Ginny placed her free hand over her mouth, covering the gap between her two front teeth. "I wasn’t supposed to say—Daisy is with child. Her womb has not yet turned, so she may lose the baby yet, but she has missed her moonblood, so the whole castle knows now.” Ginny placed the tray of sweetrolls on the mahogany table next to Saphira, saying, “These will make you feel better.”

  “I just feel sick.”

  “Just…let it pass. Daisy will be gone soon, and you’ll be let out of your tower.” Ginny held out a sweetroll to Saphira, saying, “Normally, you’d be scoffing these down by the dozen. Your moonblood is very late.”

  The sickly-sweet aroma, enhanced with cinnamon, filled Saphira’s nostrils. She suppressed another gag as another wave of nausea crashed over her. Head spinning and her limbs feeling weightless, Saphira reached down and placed her hand over her womb—she knew.

  Oh no. She felt her cheeks turn ice cold. It can’t be so…

  Trying to calm the pounding of her heart, Saphira pushed the tray away, commanding, “Take these down to the washerwomen and bring up fresh rags.” She again touched her womb—making the gesture into a show—and lied, “I feel cramps coming on.”

  “At last,” Ginny laughed, teasing, “I was beginning to worry.” Ginny frowned, tucking a stray lock of her strawberry blonde hair behind her ear. “This will all be over soon. Once Daisy goes to Firestone with the Ashen Knight, everyone will forget what she did and everything will go back to normal.”

  “Normal—” Saphira let out a laugh “—I don’t think so.”

  As Ginny locked the door behind her, Saphira scrambled over to the secret compartment in her desk. She found the vials of herbs she had painstakingly brought from the market, harvested in the castle gardens, and pilfered from the apothecary when no one was looking. She took out the woman’s weed and added a pinch of the herbs to a cup. Over the fire, she boiled water in her metal pot and waited for it to cool, ever so slightly. She poured the water over the herbs and let it brew.

  When the liquid cooled just enough to drink, Saphira gulped the water down. Limbs jittering, Saphira paced the tower room, before reading a few notes she had scribbled in her hand-drawn herb book, giving up, and then remaking her bed. As she felt her bladder ache, begging to be emptied, she found her chamber pot.

  When she finished, she looked at the liquid in the chamber pot—pale blue. Saphira’s shaking hands lowered as she touched her womb.

  Below the tower, she heard the guards opening the door for Ginny. Saphira rushed to her sewing kit and pulled out her sewing knife. She cut her finger and allowed it to bleed onto a rag.

  As Ginny unlocked the door, Saphira pulled the newly bloodied rag from under her skirt, saying, “Thank you.” Saphira snatched the rags from Ginny and, as her maid turned her back, she placed them in her underlinens.

  Ginny moved to collect Saphira’s chamber pot.

  “No!” Saphira added, “I’ll need it in just a few moments. Come back for it later. I want to be alone.”

  “As you wish, my Lady,” Ginny muttered, backing away.

  When Ginny locked the door, Saphira emptied the chamber pot outside the window. She sat on her bed and breathed slowly, trying to calm her pounding heart. Her hands again cradled her stomach. A sinking feeling descended upon Saphira. Lord Nocturne must return now, she panicked, I cannot walk around with a belly swelling with child.

  She looked at her potions and saw silphium, traded for poppy seeds with a Luxian noblewoman, Lady Laurent. Saphira had kept it, never knowing what to do with it, until she came across a small annotation in a book noting silphium acts as a contraceptive or an abortifacient.

  I would risk escaping this castle before taking the silphium, Saphira thought, but what if someone poisons my food? Nobody can know, not even Celestine; I will have to hide my condition until my husband returns.

  Saphira looked at her finger—while the bleeding had ceased, the wound remained. I’ll need to collect blood every day to have enough to convince the washerwomen my moon cycle has come each month.

  She sniffed the air, suppressing another vomit as she inhaled the lingering scent of the sweet rolls; she thought, I’ll have to eat those damn sweet rolls too to make sure they don’t suspect anything is different.

  Despair hit her as the realisation sank in that she would soon be a mother. And all I want is to be held by my own mother, Saphira grieved, remembering the soft touch of her mother’s hand through her purple hair, the songs and spells she taught.

  Then, Saphira remembered the cave where her mother had taken her, the blood on the walls…and barely making it out alive. There are so many gaps in my memory—how do I know what is real?

  She touched her belly and thought, At least I know Nocturne is real. The most real thing that has ever happened to me.

  Barefoot, Saphira padded over to the window and looked out into the blue autumn sky. This baby will come in Spring. With the right clothes, a woman’s belly can be hidden until she is halfway due.

  She thought, please, my husband, return before the winter sets in.