This tower looks rather impressive — it stands tall enough to overshadow the city — and yet not a soul is near it.
Warnings are plastered at the entrance reading:
"Condemned Dungeon: Paywall Not Accessible."
As we approach, an ad tries to play but disappears halfway through. It's stuck on a loop, an infinite cycle that never allows the Subscribe button to appear.
“Hey hon? I smell a kindred spirit here.”
says Caladblock.
“I suspect you’re right, luv… it just feels incomplete somehow.”
I swing my sword at the ad.
An unholy scream spreads throughout the entire city.
All citizens tremble, not knowing what change our hero has just triggered.
A Subscribe button appears.
But honestly… I don’t want to subscribe to it.
“I’m sorry, Hajime-san, but subscriptions are not my specialty...”
Caladblock shrugs.
I don’t want to give up on this, but what can I doooo?
I kick the door — and the Subscribe button glitches.
The doors open eerily slow.
Lucky!!!
Hajime cheers, unaware he was just let in by a higher power.
The door is adorned with the skeletons of monsters trying to escape the tower.
“Ara ara~ Looks like they starved,”
Caladblock chimes in.
“The monsters run on ad magic right?”
I ask.
“Yup! Looks like they were trapped and met a gruesome adless death.”
She’s oddly giddy about that part.
I avoid the bones and continue deeper into the tower, only encountering eerie silence and darkness.
Caladblock summons a miasma flame.
“Ahhh, that’s better, thanks for the light.”
Eventually, we reach the boss room of the first floor.
The doors creak open… and there it is: a gigantic skeleton of a Goblin Chieftain.
“Huuuuuuh? Pretty convenient that everything’s cleared. What do you think happened here?”
“Dungeon probably died,” Caladblock yawns.
This content has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.
“Honestly, back in my heyday, it wasn’t uncommon to kill off random dungeons.”
“Tsk. Should’ve gotten you sooner.
Well, at least we’re together now.”
A dark heart emoji appears between us and we continue to the second floor.
After climbing an ungodly number of stairs for 20 minutes, we finally reach it.
Hajime collapses onto a Save Zone bench.
“Lucky they have save zones.
Too bad there’s no refreshments...”
He’s really parched but he furtively notices a poster for a play — a colosseum with a central stage.
“Looks like the second floor was a talent competition,” Caladblock explains.
“Whoever had the most likes and sponsors could progress.”
“Truly, we’re really lucky that’s not the case anymore...”
Hajime sighs.
They continue. Skeletons litter the floor as if making a line.
They reach a stage, colosseum-style, with skeletal spectators eternally watching a glitching ad.
“Ara ara~ Look over there hon.”
“The ad is glitching like mad. Someone definitely had a sense of humor.”
I raise my holy sword and do a modest swing.
A horrible scream echoes across the room — again, across the entire city.
“SOMEONE’S noisy,”
Hajime mutters, cleaning his ears.
“This better be worth the inconvenience.”
“Hajime — look! Something’s moving!”
A figure in a dress approaches — the first real challenge of our hero’s journey!
“He’s ascending the tower... The prophecy is being fulfilled. The revival is underway.”
“Yet it won’t be felled easily. The Blocker Artifact… we couldn’t overcome it.”
“Only a hero pure in ads has a chance to succeed. We must trust in the process...”
They glance toward the ongoing relief effort.
“At least his virtue is true. Only a true hero would be this generous.”
They have no idea that their misunderstanding… will be their undoing.
“HAJIME-SAN WENT INTO THE TOWER!!! WHYYYYY???”
She sulks in the air, abandoned yet again.
With righteous energy, she zips around town, handing out ads like candy.
“I need power!!! More power — so no one ever mistakes me for a compass again!!!”
Still hung up on being treated like glorified navigational gear, she hears a second scream.
“What the hell is the hero doing!?”
“There’s definitely something evil in this city!”
She redoubles her effort to collect ad power… and maybe a substitute wielder.
A knowing glare lands on the princess still shilling in the corner.
Hajime, unknowingly, has underestimated the little sword’s rebellion.
This will be the catalyst for Whalescaliburg’s ascension...
She will become a proper sword again!!!
“WHAT the hell is happening in this city!?”
Melissa is furious, her beauty sleep interrupted.
She thumps her pillow with sorrowful cries.
“All roads lead to Hajime…”
“Our hero — victim of this world — now stands at a crossroads.”
Will he succumb to the world’s unfairness?
Will he gain the tools to survive in this WORLD?
Honestly... his fate is in the hands of a higher being.
AKA: MEEEEEEE.
Knock knock.
“Don’t break the 4th wall!!!”
“SORRRYYYYY!!!!”
Narrator-kun mumbles and quietly boots up a popular game in the corner for the rest of the day.