We see people in rags made of paper ads. They’re so worn out that no information can be gleaned from them anymore. I look to my right and see the stoic knight... a single blocky tear falling from her square cheek. I look to the left and see the Saintess gasping in horror at the state of this place. Honestly? I don’t see the big deal, but my sensibilities in this world have already been skewed by the Way of the Blocker?.
Either way...
I see the Saintess setting up a bread line with some patsies from her organization to advertise bread products. She's handing out ad-themed t-shirts from her streams... and some posters of— me?! Hold up a second. Where are my royalties?! Copyright!!! Cough, cough. The princess is “helping” the relief effort by photo-opping and chilling about how her kingdom is more righteous than all the others. Honestly, this is more in tune with my original world than I expected...
I decide to give them the slip and take out my compass. I unsheathe Whalescalibur and she immediately starts shouting:
"Hero!! The horror of this place! I... I should be giving ads to the needy!! Please help me!! Just this once — be a HERO!!!"
I whistle at that melodrama.
I spin Whalescalibur in a full circle. Surprisingly... she doesn’t tremble.
"Hajime-san!! I’ve learned to repress my fears! Now, if you want me to guide you... be a TRUE hero!!!"
Tsk. Now she won’t guide me? Since when did my compass get so savvy?
I give her a long, hard look and say:
"Hey hon. What should I do with a defective compass?"
Then Caladblock chimes in:
"Ara Ara~ I can make a few suggestions."
Whalescalibur starts trembling again in dread.
"Ohhh look, it's working again! Thanks for the tech support, luv~" I say with a smirk.
A black miasma heart pops in the air as Whalescalibur wails:
"WHYYYYY am I stuck with this kind of hero?!"
Love this story? Find the genuine version on the author's preferred platform and support their work!
She is currently pointing to the direction of the highest tower on the land.
And just like that, our cardinal direction is chosen for this adventure. We make our way to our destined nonsensical escapade .
Melissa-san's Landfall:
A tired office lady steps off the ship. She sees her crush walking off into the distance, surrounded by a harem of beautiful women and posing heroically with a shining white-and-gold sword.
A dark feeling stabs at her heart.
She knows she and he are destined to be together… but his radiance is not yet something she can monopolize.
She silently writes her hatred in her pocket grudge book. Over half of it is filled with Nocture-sama hate-filled Tumblr-tier curses. Two new entries are added:
"Mysterious goddess of a woman princess"
"Direct competitor: Elf grandma!"
Childish nicknames. But honestly, the pettiness helps soothe her fragile heart.
She searches their profiles and subscribes silently, lurking and stalking to identify their weaknesses. But then—she discovers the truth.
He’s the hero.
Her whole body shakes. The source of her recent grief, her gaming downfall... is the very man who listened to her complaints with quiet kindness. This contradiction tears at her soul.
“A forbidden romance… between a demon and a hero...”
Her fantasy books, her escapism — they were all just prep work for this moment!
She realizes something then, if she wins his heart before Nocture-bitch-san gets her claws in him, it will prove once and for all that love triumphs over feet.
The hero must definitely hate feet.
“He alluded to it,” she whispers, patting her chest. “Maybe I can use this... I have a chance!”
Then a lightbulb flashes in her head.
"Hehehehehehehehehehehehehe..."
She laughs darkly wile simultaneously starting her journey to the secret branch office of the Predatoriad Kingdom.
Elnora-san's Stream:
“The hero is SPARKLING as he descends the ship, halos of light and ads floating around him like Roman banners in a victory parade. He makes small gestures and the holy followers commence their work. Lines of ad t-shirts and ad bread fill the streets. Grateful believers flood the stream with dings and super subs. It is beautiful. It is divine. It is... clout-maxxing perfection."
Her heart monitor hits 150 bpm. Her fervor is at max level. She is elated by the virtue and generosity of her one true hero.
Then, the hero spins with his holy sword.
Ads scatter, falling like sakura petals onto the children.
“They were the manaa of the polishing ad...” she murmurs. “Only the holy sword may grace the future of this land...”
She kneels and prays in his direction as he walks ever onward, he leaves entrusting the faithful with their sacred labor.
This becomes her most-liked stream in 200 years.
And the first of many in her quest for ultimate clout.
Dark Figures in the Alley:
“Is that what I think it is?” a muffled voice says.
“Maybe it is...” a monstrous voice replies.
“He looks like the Ascendant...” whispers the first.
“Hush. Don’t say more here.”
They both look toward the direction the hero walked.
“We will meet soon. Our dark wish can finally be fulfilled…”
The figures blend into the shadows like they were never there.