Merry is looking at me with her blocky pixel-face twisted into a question mark.

  “Hero-san, there’s something… strange about you right now. What is that sword?”

  I hold Caladblock proudly.

  “This beautiful blade is the key to the future of our journey—my one true companion!”

  It blushes again, and I swear I can hear the muffled screams of what I assume are its past victims.

  Eh, I’m not that concerned. They probably deserved it.

  A faint miasma wraps around me like a tight embrace—Caladblock clinging possessively.

  Merry walks up, breaks the miasma like it's cotton candy, and grabs my wrist.

  “Hero-san, I don’t know what’s gotten into you, but we mustn’t delay! Our coupons are overflowing—they mustn’t go to waste!”

  Caladblock whispers jealously, “Hajime-san… who is this girl? I don’t like her. She’s unaffected by me—it’s unnatural!”

  In my head:

  I think she’s an influencer princess knight SSS-rank? Honestly, I swear new titles keep getting added whenever I’m not looking at her.

  “I don’t like her,” Caladblock insists again.

  Whalescalibur chimes in with venom, “She’s the perfect companion! A real hero! Not like this dummy!”

  “Ara ara~ you know that’s not true little sister,” Caladblock coos. “A true hero saved me.”

  “You mean doomed us all! I think he’s worse than the demon king!”

  That endless bickering becomes white noise.

  We’re nearing the dungeon entrance again. The banner ads in the distance tremble and… avoid me?

  That’s... oddly refreshing.

  We reach the carriage. I flop down into the seat, exhaustion washing over me.

  Reading on this site? This novel is published elsewhere. Support the author by seeking out the original.

  Merry tilts her head. “Hero, you’re puckered out. You know, if you premium—blah blah blah—”

  Nope, I’m just done. I let sleep take me to a sweet escape.

  Dream Sequence:

  I’m back in the meadow. The ocean glistens in the distance. Peace. Serenity.

  Finally, a place with no banners.

  Until I see it again.

  The damn white whale—cash symbols, angel wings, the whole mascot-from-hell look—is breaching violently like it’s under attack.

  Behind it: a black pirate ship, loaded with a harpoon cannon, chasing like it's Moby Dick Redux.

  I get some popcorn—because dream logic—and enjoy the spectacle.

  The whale notices me and darts toward shore.

  “Herooooo! SAVE MEEEEE!”

  Ugh. Can’t a guy dream in peace?

  The pirate ship transforms into a gorgeous onee-san in a black gothic uniform. Her buttons? Harpoons. Her hat? A cute skull-whale. She looks suspiciously like Whalescalibur—if Whalescalibur had taste and a grudge.

  The real Whalescalibur morphs back, dress tattered, sobbing rivers, and hides behind me.

  Caladblock, arms crossed, stares daggers.

  She gestures silently for her sister to back off.

  Instead, Whalescalibur hugs me tighter.

  Why is this my life?

  I ghost-walk through her arms—she faceplants.

  “AHH! MY FACE!”

  “Hero-san, come back to me!” she cries.

  Ignoring them, I create a recliner. Plasma TV. Shelf of Blu-rays with all my favorites.

  Time for Magical Nexus Girl, Episode 1: “Turning the Tide: Nexus New Star!”

  I sit down, silent. The swords stare in awe. They try to speak… but I’ve disabled their dialogue permissions.

  God-tier lucid dreaming perks for the win.

  Thirty dream-minutes pass. Peace, finally I've achieved it.

  I snap my fingers. They regain their speech. It was a big mistake on my part.

  “HEROOOOO, WHERE ARE THE ADs IN THAT SHOW?! HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?!”

  Whalescalibur foams at the mouth at what she has witnessed.

  Caladblock, murmuring: “Do you like frilly dresses? Maybe… I could expand my wardrobe…”

  I give them a look. The saddest expression possible for a man of my stature.

  “This… this is why I’m here,” I say. “This show. This pure, ad-free joy was denied to me by this world.”

  They blink in confusion.

  “I don’t get it,” they say in unison.

  A tear slips down my cheek.

  “Either way… we’re waking up soon. I need peace and quiet.”

  Whalescalibur cries in the corner, totally neglected.

  Caladblock pouts dramatically at the sadness of the hero.

  In my mind, my true self is screaming:

  THEY FINALLY SHUT UP AND I CAN WAKE UP REFRESHED LIKE A NEWBORN FOWL!!! IMAGINARY VICTORY SPLIT!!!

  Reality:

  I wake up in a slum like room.

  Yep, the dream is over.

  Time to deal with whatever hell’s is this crappy situation.