So I’ll wait for my steak in peace.
The Saintess and the Princess, their mighty pissed at me, they sit down next to me, emanating enough fury to boil broth dry.
I feel their stares penetrating deep into my skin.
"JIIIIIIIIiiiiiiiiiiiii—"
I continue browsing the dessert menu, ignoring the unreasonableness of my companions.
Then I hear loudly in my mind:
"How could you leave me?! Was the polishing we shared only important to me?! How could you—?!"
Someone’s trying to be a tragic heroine, but to be honest, I’m this close to walking out and saying “going to get milk from the convenience store.”
I respond with serenity this magical word:
"Yes."
She starts crying harder than before.
Tsk. There goes my peace of mind.
Then the Princess speaks up towards me:
"You still have a lot to answer for…"
How do I placate this premium obsesessed princess?
Ding. A cursed idea appears in my corrupted mind. I hate it, but… let’s give it a shot.
“In this limited-time offer, I, Hajime-san, grant a Premium Free Trial of the Dating Experience?. If you shut up for a full day, we can go on a trial date—at the most earliest convenience—” murmurs “to me” “—the time and place is of my choosing.”
The Princess fumbles her words at this unexpected development. Her hand’s trembling with excitement…
“I accept those terms and conditions!!!!”
And just like that, she shuts up like her life depends on it.
Then the Saintess raises an eyebrow.
“I won’t be that easy to placate Hero-kun…”
Tsk, such a shrewd baba.
I resort to underhanded tactics with this one.
I make a squeezing hand motion.
Did you know this text is from a different site? Read the official version to support the creator.
She flinches a few times. Her face turns violently red at the motion.
I think: (Thirsty old hag…
Even the faintest hint of hope gets her this flustered)
And just as predicted—like a hopeful simp—she shuts up with extreme prejudice.
With sparkly hopeful eyes she looks at our hero.
Hoping for something that will never happen.
Now lastly.... the golden white sword is the only one left to placate.
...Mehhhh. This one’s I better leave alone—
"NOOOOOOO!"
"Block!"
“I thank you profoundly my dear.”
Oh hey—my steak is finally here.
Looks like the others are ordering different stuff too.
The Saintess orders an AdSalad with a side of AdJalaiba.
The Princess silently points to the AdTuna.
A harmonious feast begins—complete with the raucous dwarves still debating which power tool ad is the manliest to flex with beer.
A council of suspicious individuals reviews the deeper data sets on the Hero.
An obscure femboy demon trembles and speaks:
“The brutality!! He killed me first—before I could even enrapture him with my charm!!!”
He trembles with righteous indignation.
Then, a haughty demon woman lounging in a bathtub sighs dramatically:
“That just proves his loyalty to me. Those ads truly do wonders for the minds of my followers…”
Then a small, shy voice murmurs:
“Are you sure it’s because he likes you...? He… did bite your legs off...”
She splashes the water angrily:
“Of course he loves me! Look at that rabid expression he had!
If that’s not love—!”
She stops mid sentence and sigh's.
“It’s my fault... A true queen must have legs of steel quality...”
She begins massaging her feet mid-rant, after vigorous post-endurance training.
“Here, this clip! He drank my water! That surely means that he loves me!”
The shy voice whispers again:
“Did he… even realize the origins of that water…? He was…”
“Shut up!!!”
“......”
Then a suspicious snot-bubble-shaped metal stick speaks up:
“Our compatibility is the best! We should definitely turn him to our side!”
Then a beautiful silhouette with blocky features speaks—clearly high-ranking:
“Yes... he truly represents the pinnacle of what a demon should be.
His efficiency is otherworldly. His love for ads? Unquestionable.
And yet… I don’t understand his rating.”
The shy voice dares to speak again:
“Maybe… he doesn’t like ads…”
Everyone in the room gasps:
"HERESY!!! He’s a HERO!”
“......”
The blocky demoness continues:
“Lucile’s failure is a tragic setback to our expansion plans.
Have we recovered the asset?”
A shadowy figure languidly crosses her legs:
“Yeeeeah... recovery of that failure is underway...”
“Good work. Now—about the meeting with the Hero—”
Whistling is heard from a nervous looking metal stick.
The shadow hums a tune alien to the participants in this meeting.
“...Yes. I suppose it’s been delayed again.
We’ll conduct a performance review later.”
“SAVE MEEEE!!!” screams the stick.
“Meeting adjourned. Good job, everyone.”
Everyone exits with mixed feelings.
But in the end—the Marketing Director’s Heavenly King was the closest to the truth about the Hero.
Too bad the CEOs never listen to the wants of the target audience.
??