-Arc 1-

  Chapter 15

  “Bloodied Hands”

  *?*?*?*

  Anxiety. Dread. Sadness. Guilt. Fear. Rage. Disgust. Agony. Helplessness. Confusion. Hatred. Betrayal. Doubt. Envy. Shame. Regret. Disgust. Desperation. Exhaustion. Despair. Isolation. Uselessness.

  After a brief period of time where only those things existed in a void—

  ???: “Eris? Eris?”

  Eris: “Mhhgh.”

  ???: “Eris! Oh, you’re awake… again… you really scared me, but we're all really… proud… of you?”

  She felt a murky sensation, like lying in a swamp and suddenly being embraced by warm water. An unrecognizable voice spoke to her.

  As the warm water continued to hold her, Eris’s mind eventually came to.

  It turned out that the swamp she was lying in was no swamp at all, and was in fact her bed. The embrace was not by warm water, but by warm Petra, who was yet to let go.

  As Eris shifted, Petra’s warm grip eventually released her, and her emerald eyes took in Eris’s disoriented figure with what seemed to be relief.

  Eris: “What was it you said… about being proud?”

  She could not remember doing anything worth being proud of. In fact, she barely remembered anything at all. It would be horrible if amnesia was sweeping her again, but it seemed to be a different form of forgetfulness. Something held a cloud in front of all her recent memories as if teasing her with them.

  Her head throbbed the most, but her entire body ached like she had just worked out all day. Especially her legs, as if she had been running and kicking things.

  Petra: “Oh, yes… what you did… saving us all, we’re all very thankful. Especially Caelia, Seraphine, and Aqua. Though… I didn't expect something like that from you.”

  Eris: “What I did…”

  She did not remember doing anything. She could not remember the last thing she was doing, other than the fact that it was not that long ago.

  Petra: “Aside from the damages, it was amazing.”

  Eris: “I’m sorry Petra, can you give me a moment?”

  Petra smiled delicately, nodding. However, even being allowed a moment to gather her thoughts, the cloud was not lifting. Not even yanking on her hair tightly helped.

  Petra: “Eris, that looks painful!”

  Eris: “Ah, yes, it is…”

  Still distracted by trying to make sense of the past few hours, she absent-mindedly responded.

  Petra: “——”

  Eris: “You mentioned… Seraphine…”

  Petra said that Caelia, Seraphine, and Aqua were all thankful. Again, she was unsure of what for. And regardless, she was trying not to think about two of the people in that statement.

  Eris did think that she was taking the events of the red room a bit too casually, but selfish wrath and self-pity would and should be pushed aside. After all, her memories were slowly returning. Mainly, that of the demon-beast’s horns colliding with Seraphine.

  Petra: “Yes, I did… among others.”

  Eris suddenly shot up, despite her aching body. Petra’s eyes widened at her sudden movement.

  Eris: “Is she alright? Seraphine, is she okay?”

  Surprised by the sudden directness of her question, Petra's eyes went wide as her cheeks became slightly pink.

  Petra: “H-Huh? Y-Yes, yes. She's fine. She's resting right now I think.”

  Eris: “Ah… she’s okay… I'll go see her, then.”

  Petra: “Eris? Shouldn't you be resting too?!”

  For some reason, Eris wanted to confirm the well-being of Seraphine with her own eyes. It did strike her as strange that she was acting this rashly, despite trusting that Seraphine was most likely okay as Petra said. But she was a slave to her body’s whims, and she did not try to fight it.

  Maybe, she thought, that her mind was trying to use Seraphine as a substitute for the hole left behind Aqua. Eris suddenly slapped her hand over her eyes, as if to force any thought of Aqua out of her head.

  Petra: “Eris, Eris! Where are you going? I know you’re worried about Seraphine, but she’s okay. You shouldn't wake her if she’s sleeping. Besides, you should be resting yourself.”

  At the gentle tug on her sleeve, Eris came to a stop.

  Petra: “Besides, I get that you’re really worried about Seraphine. I was too. But if you’re going to worry, shouldn't you be worried about Caelia aswell?”

  Eris: “Cae…lia…”

  Being told about it, the cloud over that specific memory was lifted. Though, replaying the moment of Caelia being thrown aside by the demon-beast’s massive skull, the moment still only felt vaguely real.

  She had a hard time extending the same sympathy to Caelia as she could Seraphine. Rather, she could not at all

  Petra: “Come back to your room to rest. I’ll get you some tea.”

  Eris: “No… don't worry about making me anything…”

  Petra: “It's fine if you don't want it, but it's not a bother to me.”

  Eris: “I don't want it.”

  Petra gently guided Eris back into her room, tucking her back into bed despite it only being early evening.

  Petra: “If not tea, is there anything else you want?”

  Eris rubbed her thumb over the scarlet bedsheets.

  Eris: “Damages. What damage?”

  A few minutes ago, Petra had mentioned that aside from the ‘damages,’ something was amazing.

  Petra: “Hm? You don't remember? That is odd… well, actually not that odd.”

  Eris did have a habit of forgetting things after all.

  Petra: “When you threw the demon-beast… it was very impressive. And surprising… but, it did destroy a bunch of stuff.”

  Eris: “Threw… the demon-beast.”

  Petra: “You threw it… I guess you don't remember at all, but yes, you threw it. Right after you kicked a rock clean-through it, and kicked its leg off and punched its guts out.”

  Eris: “——”

  Petra: “You look a little overwhelmed, Eris…”

  Eris: “I don't remember that.”

  Petra: “Well, you did have a pretty scary look on your face.”

  The whole thing, any of those acts of extreme violence, did not seem possible. Likely, no. Possible? Definitely not. The maids did rely on Eris’s physical strength often, like lifting heavy objects or carrying lots of stuff, but she was confident that she could not throw a demon-beast of that size. Or kick its leg off. Much less than that, it definitely did not seem like something she would do.

  Petra: “Hm, now that I’m really thinking about it… maybe someone did mention something about a scarlet rune?”

  Eris: “Scarlet… rune.”

  Looking at the back of her hand, where a rune would normally be, there was nothing as usual. Not to mention, in her studies of ‘Eris’s’ books, as well as a few from the library, she had never heard of a rune of that type.

  Petra: “It was really scary, but you kept us all safe, so again, we're all super thankful.”

  Eris: “You’re saying that I destroyed the manor?”

  Petra: “It’s not like the whole manor is ruined, though. Just… a small part. But, Master Carlos isn't upset at all, so don't worry.”

  Even if she had destroyed only a room, she found it unlikely that the owner of the home would be indifferent.

  Actually, considering Carlos, she could not picture him being furious.

  Eris: “Speaking of… why wasn't Master Carlos here to fight the beast?”

  Petra: “Apparently, he left with his friend. Really bad timing. But he’s back now.”

  Eris: “——”

  After a moment of awkward silence, Petra rose from her chair beside Eris's bed.

  Petra: “You should get some rest. You really exerted yourself, Aqua said. If there's nothing that you need, I’ll be doing some work, okay?”

  Eris: “A—qua…”

  The image of Aqua attending to her unconscious body made Eris suddenly shudder as her breath, as if replaying those moments, disappeared.

  Petra: “What was that? Did you say something, Eris?”

  Eris could only shake her head. Petra gave an understanding nod, as if she understood anything, and quietly left the room.

  Now isolated in her bedroom which never really felt like hers, Eris suddenly clutched her hand over her mouth as extreme nausea built in her stomach.

  It was a combination of anxiety, sadness, helplessness, and the trauma of the red room.

  The faces of Caelia and Aqua still flashed constantly in her mind, even when trying to think of anything else. Nothing could take her away from reliving it. Her leg, aching with fatigue, still flashed with the pain of being severed. Her lungs would deprive themselves of air when reminded of the moment.

  Tears again filled her eyes, and Eris was helpless to stop them. Even the tears reminded her of the red room, when she sobbed and begged Caelia for mercy and death.

  Formerly, in moments like these, where she was overcome by despair and felt trapped by the crushing weight of everything, her mind and body could be calmed with the simple memories of being embraced, comforted, and seen by that scarlet-eyed maid whose blue hair cascaded like rain.

  But now, as her mind instinctively grasped onto her memory for comfort, she was only sent deeper into the spiral.

  Realizing now that the only person who ever seemed to understand what Eris felt like— the only person that was able to put her at ease— take her away and shield her from the world she wanted to escape from— the only one who seemed to actually care, was now the main source of her despair.

  It was like she was falling into a void, unable to grasp anything to slow her fall. The light she fell from only grew further and further. The air getting colder, and her body getting lighter and filling with adrenaline and nausea, butterflies in her stomach. There was no comfort, nothing that could cleanse her mind and wash away like rain everything terrible that gripped her mind.

  There was nothing that brought a feeling of ‘it might be okay,’ aside from one sudden thought.

  Death.

  Yes, if she died, then everything would end. She would not have to deal with this anymore. It was a selfish, slothful desire, but she was a slave to her mind’s whims, and she did not try to fight it.

  Even if it would leave her own wishes and loyalties unfinished. Even if it brought an end to the hope of ‘Eris’s’ return. Even if it made the others scream and cry in despair, she could not shake the desire for death.

  As if she had the resolve to use it, Eris leaned over her beside and looked into one of the drawers. In her hands, she drew out a pair of scissors left by ‘Eris.’ Small metal sheers that, even designed for cutting, had a sharp enough point.

  The sharp, metallic point, pressed to her throat, and…

  No. Again, she did not have the resolve to do that. Even with the cold blade to her neck, the desire for oblivion swirling about in her head, she couldn't even apply enough pressure to draw blood.

  Eris: “Useless.”

  Fantasizing about it was useless. Trying it was useless. She was useless. Too pathetic to even end her own life.

  Dropping the scissors onto the mattress, Eris pushed herself off the bed. Her closet was full of ‘Eris’s’ old clothes. Mostly spare uniforms, with very few personal articles. She had made a point to avoid the non-uniforms, as they were not an expression of her own self, but rather ‘Eris’s’ fashion sense. Even on her off-duty day, she wore her uniform.

  She didn't put much effort into getting dressed. Her dress was still wrinkled, loose and unstraightened in places. Her frills ruffled, her hair messy, her stockings uneven, her headpiece forgotten.

  She noticed her main inside shoes were gone. There was a backup pair, but they were brand new. Stiff and yet to be broken in. Not that she cared much for the discomfort of her feet, but it was something she noted.

  Stepping out of her room, even she noticed her own change in personality. To be honest, being so apathetic was half of her own accord, half the whim of her emotional state. But she did not dwell on herself for long.

  Making her way to the cold, dark room, Eris’s thoughts were on the manor’s owner, her employer; the enigmatic Count of Auriga, Carlos Schwartzhardt.

  Eris figured that killing herself would not be instant. At the very least, it would require a bit of planning, as she did not have the courage to plunge a blade through her own throat. So in the meantime, Eris sought to minimize her own suffering.

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  There were two factions that Eris was aware of in the manor: Aqua and Caelia’s conspiracy, and the Count himself. His members and motives were a bit unclear, but Mirra was all but confirmed to be on his side. Technically, a third party could be considered in the form of the neutrals. Assuming there were any.

  Eris was familiar with being neutral. Being one, she was intimately familiar with the consequences.

  Someone like her could not be neutral however. Either she was accused of being a dangerous soldier for one side and tortured for it, or subtly manipulated into joining the other. There was no ‘true neutrality,’ at least for her. Regardless of the side she picked, it seemed like tensions were about to boil over. She was forced to pick aside, even though her choice seemed to matter little. If she did not, more suffering would be brought to her.

  Even if she desired death, she had already experienced enough pain.

  If she was forced to pick a side, was it not natural to seek out the faction which did not torture her? Betray her? Turn her life upside down? Turn every memory into suffering, and every moment both sleeping and awake into a traumatic replay of her pathetic agony?

  If she was forced to pick a side, was it not natural to seek out the faction which desired her? Accepted her? Asked her to join, seeked what she could provide, and whose members had provided for her?

  Even if she was mistrustful of the faction's leader, and skeptical of its only known subordinate, she was mistrustful of everyone now.

  Even though instructed not to knock, and instead walk in whenever they pleased, Eris tapped her knuckles against the door of Carlos’s office.

  ???: “Ahh, come in~!”

  That enthusiastic voice called from the other side. Opening the door, she was hit by the cold, her eyes having to adjust to the near pitch-black darkness.

  ???: “Ah, hello dear Eris…! I see you have awoken. If you’ve come to apologize for the damages, there is no need~. I’ve already arranged for repairs, and they’re of no cost or inconvenience to me.”

  The speaker, shrouded in darkness aside from the candle light flickering across his androgynous face, was of course Carlos.

  Eris: “Hello, Master Carlos… I did come to do that, but that's not my only reason.”

  Saying that as she bowed, Eris gently shut the door behind her, sealing the two of them in the dark, cold room together.

  Even more than usual, the room held an air of tension. Fear. Anxiety. A tugging feeling of dread.

  Carlos: “Hoh~...”

  Expressing his intrigue, Carlos placed a gloved finger near a candle wick, and without any apparent cause, the wick ignited into a bright light. Carlos and his desk were now almost fully illuminated in dim vermillion light.

  Motioning his arm to the chair opposite his desk, Carlos grinned widely.

  Eris obliged, taking the luxurious seat beneath her, though she did not revel in its comfort. She was far too tense and distracted to notice. Her hands were shaking, and her leg was bouncing.

  Carlos: “I’ll say~, I’m pleased to have one of my lovely servants approach me for conversation. I have a hard time starting them my own~ you see?”

  Eris slowly nodded, feeling her own face being dimly lit by the candle.

  Eris: “If you don't mind, I’d like to… get right to the point?”

  Carlos pressed his elbows on the table, flattening out his hands and interlocking his fingers, resting his chin on them.

  Carlos: “Of course~, dear Eris.”

  Swallowing hard, Eris nodded. Her heart skipping a beat, she worked hard to enunciate her words carefully, so that she would not stutter.

  Eris: “I came to accept your offer.”

  The Maids of

  Count Schwartzhardt's Manor

  Of course, when Eris said she accepted his offer, she was not only saying that she would ‘keep an eye on her co-workers.’ The true context was that she was more or less joining his ‘faction,’ whatever that may entail. Discarding her neutrality, and firmly aligning herself with Carlos.

  Carlos: “Ah, I see.”

  Unexpectedly, Carlos actually seemed to be somewhat surprised by Eris’s words. His golden eyes widened and flickered with something unreadable in the candlelight. Pulling his chin off his hands, he leaned back in his chair and crossed his slender legs.

  Meeting his gaze bashfully, Eris felt simultaneous, opposite sensations take her body. Her face went hot, as her body went cold.

  Carlos: “If I’m going to be honest~, I didn't expect this development. But, I definitely am pleased.”

  Winking a golden eye, Carlos crossed his hands again in his lap.

  Staring at him, Eris expected the verbose and theatrical Carlos Schwartzhardt to continue speaking, but he didn't.

  Eris: “So… err… is there… a specific task for me, or anything?”

  Carlos: “Other than my original request, I have nothing special to ask of you. My directions remain the same~. To keep a quiet eye on your co-workers. At your current position, I’m sure you understand what I mean~ by that?”

  Due to Carlos’s nature, he could mean any number of things. But looking at the slender, dark-clad count, Eris believed she understood.

  Slowly nodding, Carlos reciprocated with a nod of his own.

  Carlos: “Good, good~. Since we are now officially mutual benefactors, I suppose~ it would be natural for us to clear up some things?”

  Eris: “Clear up some things?”

  Carlos: “I don't want to get into the specifics~ if you don't have anything in particular, but I figured you must have some questions for me?”

  Adjusting his sitting posture, swapping the leg that was crossed, Carlos grinned at Eris.

  Of course, Eris had a myriad of questions for Carlos. So many that she could not keep track of them all. So, instead of grasping at straws, she decided to just ask the first things that came to mind.

  Eris: “I know that Caelia and Aqua are against you—”

  Since Carlos did not react to that statement, Eris assumed he was already well aware of this.

  Eris: “—but I was wondering, if there truly is a divide amongst those in the manor… would it be okay to try and get Seraphine and Petra on our side…?”

  Speaking without filter, finally spilling out that the manor was truly in a cold war, it provided a tiny sense of relief to Eris.

  Her reasoning for making an offer like that was that she did not wish for either of them to suffer the same way Eris did. If neutrality was the cause of it, then she wanted them to be as far away from it as possible. There was a bit of bitterness in her logic as well.

  Carlos blinked slowly, his golden irises bouncing around his sockets, apparently giving her question considerable thought.

  Carlos then tilted his head to the side, giving her an understanding smile.

  Carlos: “Of course, I get how you feel~ dear Eris. Indeed, recruiting others to our side would~ be beneficial. However, the state of affairs aren't exactly how you're picturing them, Eris~.”

  Eris: “Hah?”

  She could not help but let out a confused breath. Carlos’s answer was nebulous, perhaps intentionally so, and provided no insight to her inquiry.

  Carlos: “Uhahaha~ I seem to have accidentally caused some confusion. What I mean to say is— enlisting the help of dear Petra and dear Seraphine will not be necessary. I believe~ my current cards are a stable hand, and adding any new play would threaten that delicate balance~...”

  Eris: “I’m not really sure what you’re trying to say… but I guess you mean you don't want them involved?”

  Carlos: “Precisely~.”

  Eris nodded, swallowing past a tightening feeling in her throat.

  With her first idea rejected, Eris let her mind wander for another question that stuck out to her.

  Eris: “Earlier today, apparently, I was the one to defeat the demon-beast…”

  Carlos: “Decisively so~.”

  Eris: “I have no memories of that. Petra mentioned something about a scarlet rune?”

  Again, running her finger over the back of her hand, Eris again was met with the undeniable fact of her runelessness. More evidence of her helplessness, patheticness, uselessness.

  Carlos took in a large breath, nodding as he leaned forwards.

  Carlos: “Of course~, it goes without saying that with your amnesia, you would not remember it.”

  Eris: “——”

  Carlos: “To put it simply, the scarlet rune is a rather extreme form of the red rune. An evolution~ you could say… do you know the details of the red rune, Eris?”

  Aside from the base knowledge left behind by ‘Eris,’ Eris did do a bit of reading about runes. Like the other runes which held the domain of fire, water, wind, earth, or even the mind, among others, the red rune held the domain of the physical body. Enhancing the user’s physical capabilities to extreme capacities, even in areas like that of using weapons, some of the most famous and powerful warriors of history were wielders of a red rune.

  Eris: “To some extent…”

  Carlos: “Splendid~. Yes, the scarlet rune is just as that~. Though, the scarlet rune differentiates itself in the matter of its application~.”

  Eris: “——”

  Carlos: “To put it simply~ the user is deprived of their body while it is in use, and the rune takes over~. Of course, there have been some users who have been able to tame it~, but I’ve never met one…”

  Even with the nature of the scarlet rune elaborated on, the true source of confusion was not cleared up for Eris.

  Eris: “So, what happened to me? I’m still confused on why I apparently killed the demon-beast, but have no memory of it…”

  Carlos: “Isn’t it obvious~, dear Eris? Because you are a wielder of a scarlet rune.”

  —*—

  Eris, again, gazed at the back of her wrist. There was no rune, nor on the other hand, and there never had been one.

  Carlos: “Oh, dear Eris~... You know, the scarlet rune isn't a standard type of rune? The scarlet rune, like a crimson rune, black rune, white rune, and the sepia rune, among others~, are not present on your wrist like the standards…”

  Bringing a gloved hand, scarcely illuminated by the candlelight, up to his temple, Carlos tapped against his skull.

  Carlos: “It’s all in here~... Rather, your whole body… you see~?”

  This time, there was no source to stare at. No hand to notice the lack of a rune. It was not like her entire body was covered in the iridescent markings of a rune, so it was hard to fathom Carlos’s words to be true. Regardless, she was not so foolish as to immediately chalk it up to a lie.

  Eris: “I don't really see… At least, I don't think I understand it very well, but… I do think I can comprehend it a little.”

  She was aware that her own words made little sense, but it was all she could come up with. The revelation that she was not runeless like she had come to accept was shocking, but not mind-bending. If anything, it was a bit of a relief.

  It did raise the question though.

  Petra: “You… well, you don't have a rune. But it’s okay! You don't need a rune to be a great worker.”

  On her first day, Petra had told Eris that she hadn't a rune. Was she simply ignorant of the fact, or was she deliberately hiding it from her? Had ‘Eris’ kept it a secret?

  Carlos: “Well~, I can't explain it all to you. You’ll have to do a bit of soul searching~, you know?”

  Eris: “——”

  Carlos: “Uhahaha~! Though I told you that, I’m still willing to answer your questions. Mischievous, aren't I~?”

  Eris: “Mischievous…”

  Playing with that word on her tongue like a fidget toy, Eris tried to set her mind on another question. Of course, there were many. But unlike the first two, it was surprising, but— nothing jumped out at her.

  The ambient dread and fear which lingered in the room, as well as her pre-existing hesitancy and apprehension at being here made it hard to think.

  After a while of thinking, Carlos suddenly interrupted her.

  Carlos: “You know~, dear Eris… With you accepting my offer, I’m extremely grateful…”

  Eris: “Ah… I mean, it’s not really…”

  Trailing off, she had nothing to say to that.

  Carlos: “No~, nooo~... I mean it. Eris, you are my strongest warrior, you see? Something like that is truly valuable to me, you know~? Eris, the strong… they are those who gain success~.”

  Witnessing Carlos’s rant, Eris turned it towards herself. Though she had the self control to refrain from saying anything reckless out loud, Eris had an impossible time picturing herself as ‘strong,’ let alone Carlos’s ‘strongest warrior.’ Maybe even more difficult was to picture herself as ‘Carlos’s warrior’ at all. Not only did she not feel like a ‘warrior,’ she did not feel like ‘Carlos’s.’

  Eris: “I, see…”

  Carlos: “You and dear Aíma here~.”

  Eris: “—Here?”

  Nearly choking on air, Eris's eyes flew open wide.

  Carlos turned around, igniting a candle casually as he did so. This one much brighter than the others, a large portion of the room was illuminated.

  As he did so, Eris’s veins froze. Blood no longer pumped. Her cheeks drained. Her hands began to shake again. Adrenaline surged. All sourced at the sight of a petite, adorable maid with crimson eyes, and horns crowning her head of black hair in a bun— which had been revealed by the bright candle.

  Eris: “A-Aíma?!”

  She could not help but nearly shout those words in pure shock. Had she truly been here the entire time? Had that been why the room itself seemed to be full of dread?

  Aíma: “Hello.”

  Had she been there to witness their entire conversation? Hearing it all? Even when Eris brazenly accepted Carlos’s offer and openly declared there to be a conflict between the maids?

  Of course she had. There was no doubt about it. It's not like anyone else came in during their conversation, so she must have been there the whole time.

  Carlos: “The lifeblood of the manor~, isn't she? Not only is she one of my strongest warriors~, she’s also one of my most skilled servants.”

  Aíma: “——”

  The demon maid, the lifeblood of the manor, was still standing motionlessly, expressionless as usual.

  Eris: “Does that mean…”

  Carlos grinned. A different grin than his usual. This one, completely bathed in crimson light casting deep shadows under his features, made Eris shudder. Resting his chin on his hands as he did previously, he squinted his sharp, androgynous eyes.

  Carlos: “Dear Eris, Dear Aíma, and Dear Mirra. With you three, we could conquer the world~, could we not~?”

  Eris: “Heh~...?”

  —*—

  Eris gazed out the window. On the third floor, she stared out at the manor’s yard, surrounded by high iron fences. Gore was still splattered about, probably from the demon-beast. The large gazebo was shattered, its debris scattered about, and the fence was torn open in a place.

  Eris averted her gaze from the view, her eyes focusing on the reflection in the window. Her maid uniform still disheveled, she still made no effort to fix herself.

  She looked down at her hands. No longer was she a neutral fence sitter. No longer was she simply a victim. No longer was she a non-combatant bystander without a rune.

  She had a rune, one which stole her very consciousness for its own violent whims without control. She was not a bystander, because she was now a soldier of a war. Not a warrior, but she had aligned herself with a belligerent faction. If one were to consider Eris’s mental state, Eris was also the first casualty of the war.

  She would prefer to soon be the first real casualty, considering her actual life, but she could postpone that selfish desire for at least a while longer.

  But most importantly to Eris, it was sort of abandoning her own self. Up until now, the only true ‘identity’ that she did not dismantle herself for trying to grasp, even subconsciously, was that of being a neutral bystander. By selecting a side and subjecting herself to it, she could in no way be considered neutral.

  Though Caelia was the first to claim it was false, Eris was the one to bloody her hands and kill off her only identity of neutrality.

  Officially bloodying her hands by joining the conflict, Eris did still feel a bit of shame and even guilt.

  In the red room, even though it hurt physically to think about, Eris still could see Aqua’s perspective. It was harder for Caelia since she knew her less, but it was still possible.

  Somehow, she could tell that they only wanted the best for the others. Aqua really does care for Seraphine from what she could see. Even though Aqua did pretend to do the same for Eris, Seraphine could not be mistaken for a belligerent.

  That Eris considered them an enemy, with only polar opinions able to be formed about them and their motives— it was regrettable. She had been acting emotionally.

  Thinking about it like that, was it really okay, what she had done?

  She had made a decision for herself, one of the first ones she had made in a while, and it was one that would probably harm many people. At least Aqua and Caelia in some way, and disrupt the status-quo of the manor. What little was left of it.

  Not to mention, she had even tried to drag the innocent Petra and Seraphine into it. Aside from trying to recruit those probably uninterested into joining a conflict, it would have actively put them in the line of danger. What if Aqua and Caelia took the same measures on them as they had Eris, or gone even further?

  Looking again at her bloodied hands, still with room for plenty more blood, it only served to push her own personal agenda forward.

  She was not capable. She was pathetic. She could only make things worse. Every time she tried to do anything, any time anything happened, and even when it didn't— she could not stop these feelings of despair.

  She could wash her hands of blood, ease the burdens of others, and save herself of the agony, by cutting her own life short.

  Yes, if she died, then everything would end. She would not have to deal with this anymore. It was a selfish, slothful desire, but she was a slave to her mind’s whims, and she did not try to fight it.

  Even if it would leave her own wishes and loyalties unfinished. Even if it brought an end to the hope of ‘Eris’s’ return. Even if it made the others scream and cry in despair, she could not shake the desire for death.