For two days, Adam ignored Nickie’s texts.
He wanted to reply.
But every time his fingers hovered over the keyboard, his chest clenched and his thoughts spiraled out of control.
By Wednesday, band practice day, there was no avoiding her.
‘Just act normal. Like nothing happened. Play. Breathe.’
David was already at the studio, quietly tuning his guitar.
Adam arrived next, picked up his bass, and began adjusting the strings with cold focus, never once meeting his brother’s gaze.
Then Nickie walked in, bright as always, her usual chaotic energy in tow… and Adam’s carefully built wall cracked like glass under pressure.
“Hey, guys,” she said with a grin.
“Hey, Nickie,” David replied.
Adam mumbled something halfway between a grunt and a hum.
David threw him a side glance. Nickie just settled behind her drum kit, pretending not to notice. But she did notice.
Adam risked a glance in her direction.
‘She’s beautiful. I like her. Fuck, I really like her.’
He gripped his bass tighter, heart pounding.
When they started playing, Adam hurled himself into the music. His scream into the mic hit harder than ever, raw and aching. The room vibrated with it.
By the time they took a break, sweat clung to him like a second skin.
David and Nickie exchanged a look. David spoke first.
“You sounded good,” he said carefully.
Adam kept his eyes on the floor. “Thanks.”
“You good, man?”
“I’m fine.”
“Huh.” David didn’t believe him.
“You good for another hour?” Nickie asked, voice light, but something guarded in her eyes.
Adam met her gaze just long enough to feel the sting in his chest. Then he nodded. “Yeah. I’m good.”
They kept playing, but Adam’s rhythm faltered here and there. He had to watch Nickie for cues, but each glance cut deeper than the last.
She noticed.
‘He looks like he’s in hell,’ she thought. ‘What happened? Why won’t he talk to me?’
Meanwhile, Adam’s mind wouldn’t shut up.
‘I want to hold her. Talk to her. Anything. But what do I even say? What if I mess it all up?’
At night, he screamed into his pillow just to silence the noise in his head.
For a while, Nickie kept texting:
Nickie (11:38 PM):
Yo, bass master, you alive? Or did David finally smother you with a guitar case? ??
Adam smirked, but the guilt rushed in fast. His thumb hovered over the reply field. He locked the phone and tossed it aside.
Nickie (4:13 PM):
Just saw a guy at the store who looked like your evil twin. Same hair, same scowl. You got a clone out there or what?
It made him smile. For a moment. Then it twisted into pain.
Nickie (10:31 PM):
Saw this and thought of you. No pressure to reply, just… hope it makes you laugh.
This tale has been unlawfully obtained from Royal Road. If you discover it on Amazon, kindly report it.
(Attached: a meme of a bassist tripping over their own amp cord)
He stared at the screen, bitter amusement bleeding into shame.
Nickie (12:02 AM):
Hey, I know you’re in your cave or whatever. Just wanted to say you killed it at rehearsal today. Your scream was ??.
He buried his face in his pillow.
‘She notices everything. She always has. And I’m just… disappearing.’
He wanted to write back. But every word he drafted felt wrong. Too much. Not enough. So he said nothing… and hated himself for it.
At school, he didn’t show up.
At practice, he didn’t speak unless he had to. He only looked at her when timing required it.
‘At least he has to look at me for that,’ Nickie thought bitterly.
But even then, she saw it: his eyes were tired, lost.
Not avoiding her to be cruel, but because something inside him was tearing apart.
David watched, quiet and concerned.
The music still worked, barely.
But something between them was unraveling, and he knew it couldn’t go on much longer.
His brother was crumbling, and no one could stop it but Adam himself.
***
Zombie walking & lost time | Adam’s POV
I wake up. My body aches, my head pounding. It’s full of… too much. I can’t handle what I’m feeling. It’s too… overwhelming.
I need something. Anything.
I shuffle to the fridge, hoping for a miracle. Nothing.
Nickie. Warm. Now. Then. Past. Pain. Static. Noise. Too much. Too strong.
‘Need to make this stop.’
The usual pills won’t touch this pain. It’s too deep, too raw.
Cupboards.
Empty.
No relief.
Then, tucked away in the back: Bottle of cheap wine.
Grab.
Drink straight from the neck.
It runs out far too quickly, but the sharp edge inside me dulls just a little.
Stumbling into the street, the faint buzz of alcohol barely keeps the crushing weight at bay. Throat dry.
‘More. I need more.’
I don’t know how long I walk or where I’m going. My feet just move.
“Should we call someone? He’s been staring at the sea for an hour now.”
The voice jolts me slightly. I turn my head.
“He looks like a kid. He might just be in a bad place. I’ll try talking to him,” another voice says.
I blink, trying to piece together where I am.
‘The beach? How the hell? Why is it already dark? When…’
“Hey, son,” a warm voice says, pulling me from my daze. I look up to see a man with kind eyes standing a few feet away.
“Are you ok?”
I don’t know what to answer so I just nod to the ground.
“Won’t you join us? We’ve got plenty o’barbeque meat. Have a seat, eat some.”
I glance at the small fire nearby, where a woman sits with two kids laughing and playing. The glow feels distant, surreal.
“Um… Yeah. That’d be… Nice,” I mutter. “Thank you.”
I sit awkwardly as they pass me a plate. They ask me questions: where I’m from, if I live nearby. I answer without thinking, the words spilling out like static.
“Do you happen to have a charger?” I ask suddenly, realizing my phone is dead.
The man nods and hands me one. When my phone powers back on, it buzzes incessantly. Missed calls from David… forty of them. Thirty more from Nickie. A ton of messages from Alonzo.
‘Shit.’
I send David a quick “I’m okay” and a live location.
I finish eating and I wait for the phone to charge just a bit.
Then I stand up.
“Thank you for the meal,” My voice is stiff.
“I should go. Thanks again. I mean it.”
They look at me with concern but don’t press.
I stumble away, my thoughts spinning.
It’s not the first time I’ve lost time like this. David calls it “Zombie walking.”
I’m a fucking mess.
‘losing it.’
Nickie’s face flashes in my mind, her warm smile, her steady presence.
I want to be with her right now, more than anything.
I scroll through the unread texts and see the one Nickie sent.
Her words wash over me, and for a moment, I feel her warmth, even though she’s not here.
‘Maybe if I just… just hear her voice… I want it so bad… But no, I can’t…’
I tighten my grip on my phone, my breath shaky.
‘I can’t do this to her. I can’t burden her like this.’
The ache in my chest swells again, sharp and unrelenting.
‘It’s not going to work. I have to stop. I have to stay away.’
But no matter how hard I try, the thought of her always pulls me under.