“What. The. Fuck?” Harley demanded, smoothing her hands over her torso, which was not clad in the green sweatshirt I’d gifted her for Yule.

  No, she was wearing a sexy skin-tight super-suit with green lines. I tilted my head, taking in not only how gorgeous she looked but the familiar pattern of the green lines across her chest.

  “Motherboard?” I asked as her eyebrows contorted in confusion, then widened as she took me in with a leer.

  I glanced down and saw my wife wasn’t the only one in a body suit. Mine had red lines in the same pattern as Harley’s, and a guffaw erupted from my chest.

  I engaged Will-Based Foaming Bubbles Control, but there was no familiar blue screen in my vision. Nothing happened at all. I pushed harder, willing the bubbles to form all over my body, but nothing. Not one pop.

  And that was baaaaad timing because the flat, glassy surface I was lying on began to shake rhythmically with a thump. Thump. Thump.

  It was regular, and repeated, predictable. At a rate that felt familiar.

  Thump. Thump. Thump.

  My mind automatically cataloged the beats per minute. Something like a heart. Or a song.

  “Oh, for shit’s sake, what now?” Harley moaned at the same time I realized my right hand held something impossible.

  I didn’t have time to consider why I was holding a giant blue-striped candy cane or where it had come from because the ground kept thonking regularly.

  My eyes took in the scene around us at a glance. The platform we were on had a vague opacity to it and wasn’t fully transparent, but beneath our feet, I could see numerical glowing lights.

  I didn’t waste another moment considering the environment because Harley hauled me to my feet and started running forward, away from the approaching noise.

  Dammit! I had no powers, none of the super-human Vigor I’d gotten used to ever since my Murder Pizza conversion a couple months ago.

  Harley pulled me, then slowed, catching onto the fact that I was not running at super-human speed, then green light crackled all around her suit, and she opened her mouth wide in a mad, gleeful laugh.

  “Woooo!” she screamed, hauling me forwards. Behind us, I heard the regular beat of that deep sound getting closer, so I risked a glance over my shoulder, but I was not prepared for what I saw.

  “Whaaaaaaaa?” I screamed, but it was more a question than anything. Pushing me ahead of her, Holly turned, running backwards and watching the approaching horror.

  It wasn’t a tree, and it wasn’t what was in the fireplace at home. But it was a giant six-foot log with spindly arms, black gaps for eyes and a mouth, and a crown of fire shooting flames up its top like an infernal hairdo from Hades himself.

  “Shiiiiiit, Red, we could really use some fire-repressing bubbles right about now! We’ve got a fucking murderous yule log on our tails!” my wife shouted, turning back around, and threading her arm through mine.

  “Can’t,” I gasped. “No powers! I think they shorted out in the upload!”

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  Harley shot me a worried glance, then looked at her hand, which held the strangest whip I’d ever seen.

  Then she commanded, “When I say down, you slide, Red. Got it?”

  I nodded, trusting her and our years of gaming together. Then Harley spun, back against mine, and shouted, “Down!”

  I turned so I faced Harley, tucked my right ankle behind my left knee and kicked out, sliding to my backside, and easily skimming down the slick floor away from the approaching monstrosity and my wife.

  Then she spun around and became a green blur heading for the charging beast.

  I skidded away from them, but kept my eyes focused on Harley’s forward momentum, and she was fabulous! Feet from the Murder Yule, she stopped, feet spread wide and planted firm.

  The vile log roared at her and sounded like an infernal terror rumbling, “Oh, my love!”

  Harley didn’t hesitate; she lifted her popcorn-strand whip, flicked it forward so it grabbed the base of the perverse creature, and jerked.

  Wham! The devilish thing fell with a crash and guttural scream, rolling far away from us both. Harley spun, grinning at me, and I saw green letters in front of her face.

  That made me long for my own blue power-up screen, but when I thought about all the commands I could usually control with a thought, nothing happened.

  It was at that moment that I caught a scent that made no sense. Blueberry tarts.

  I glanced down at the glimmery blue-striped candy cane in my hand and realized the appealing aroma emanated from it! Touching my tongue to the blue confection, I got a zing of blueberry tarts coating my tongue, and then the miraculous happened!

  Blue letters flickered before my vision, sputtering in and out. I kept licking the candy cane, savoring the flavor, and focusing on the powers that I knew could be restored, and I was rewarded!

  Mission Accomplished: Survive Upload

  Skill Rebooted: Vigor

  YES! I jumped up as Harley zoomed back to me, and she wasn’t even panting.

  “Red?” she asked, and as I continued sucking my candy cane savior, the flickering blue lights in front of me stabilized. She saw the message and grinned. “Me too, Red! How’d you get yours back?”

  “Candy cane power up,” I mumbled around the treat in my mouth.

  Herley threw her head back and laughed. Joining her, I giggled, “What’s your role, Har?”

  As she recited the list, green text appeared in front of her.

  Name: Harley Cannon

  Age: 28

  Role: Barbytron

  No! I had to be a fucking-foaming-hand-soap princess while my wife got to be Barbytron? “Did you call yourself that, Har?”

  She cackled gleefully, nodding as the text continued to scroll.

  Mission Accomplished: Survive Upload

  Skill Activated: Turbo Mode

  Mission Accomplished: Face Down Murder Yule

  Skill Activated: Invento-Weapon

  Mission Accomplished: Delay Murder Yule

  Skill Activated: Glimmer Reverb

  “Glimmer Reverb?” I asked. “What the fuck is that?”

  “Dunno yet,” my wife answered, motioning forward. “We should get going. System says the killer log is delayed, so get your Vigor on, Red. Power ups—“

  “Unite!” I finished, igniting my inner awesome. Looping my arm through Harley’s, we sped forward away from the scorching terror behind us, which sounded like it was still rolling the opposite direction.

  I had a few seconds' reprieve to consider our environment, and I didn’t like how it was shaping up. We’d been on the sofa, enjoying Yule Eve. There’d been cabernet on the end table and a delightful cheesy snack fresh outta the oven.

  And sitting right next to the wine glass was my data pad, open to that damned game I hated. And what did I see beneath the transparent floor Harley and I were zipping across at top speed?

  You got it. Fractions.

  Well, at least Harley wasn’t here by herself. If that’d been the case, she’d have never gotten out, but she had me, and— my thoughts stuttered.

  Out. Out. OUT?! How the hell did we get OUT of the Fraction Fever video game?

  The Most Intimidating Knight . This book had me chuckling and scrolling, and I think you’ll love it!