Do you remember the times they made you laugh, smile, and kick your feet up in joy?

  Do you remember the times when you told them they were worthless?

  How their academic skills weren't worth as much as your street smarts. How you were going to strangle them if they disobeyed. How you said they were your best friend.

  And you did.

  You twisted their arms, legs, and neck. You twisted their words, weaving them into tapestries of a hideous monster, painting yourself as the victim. You twisted their heart until all their love left them, greedily taking it for yourself.

  Some people might say that it was because of love, because of hate, because they wanted to be like you.

  But have you ever thought how much love it takes to admire someone of that nature?

  That was and never will be a friend. That was an admirer, but because they admired you so much, they stopped seeing themselves.

  You might be reading a pirated copy. Look for the official release to support the author.

  But do you ever remember those times?

  I remember that time you choked me on the bus.

  I remember that time you told me I was nothing.

  I remember that time you told me I was just a replacement, a second option.

  I remember that time you told me I was weak, how you were so much stronger, and how afraid I was that you were going to be right.

  But what I should have been more afraid of is all those sleepless nights, all those isolated lunches, all those thoughts telling me I was really worthless.

  But somehow, I'm more afraid of you forgetting me.

  Somehow it hurts more to think about how I was nothing to you.

  That I was just a replacement.

  That I was just nothing.

  That I was just this admirer you never wanted.

  Maybe that's what you wanted, someone to transmit all your suffering onto.

  You thought it would be over afterwards. Maybe I would kill myself, forever keeping my lips sealed.

  But what you don't remember is that summer I had to take lessons on how to be myself again, I had to learn how to make friends again, I had to learn how to set boundaries again, because it was never about not being good enough. It was about being more than enough.

  And when you told me that your parents locked you out of the house and forced you to sleep your treehouse. And when you told me how ugly you felt. And when you told me how unintelligent you felt. And when you told me how small you felt, I was never going to be your admirer again.