Chapter 2

  Time stood frozen around Tanya, a sensation she had felt twice before, and now once again she felt her body locked in place as a presence swelled in her perception.

  Then that most hated voice of Being X spoke out, his figure descending from a cloud. Being unable to move her body, thus disabling her from ripping this devil’s throat out, Tanya still gave it her best effort, twitching in place. All the while somehow still keenly aware of the feeling of Visha’s blood spreading across her chest.

  “MY LOST LITTLE LAMB IN YOUR FINAL MOMENTS DO YOU STILL RENOUNCE ME AS YOUR…”

  “BE STILL”

  Suddenly Being X froze, much the same way Tanya floated frozen in the air. The world shifted and fell away until She found herself surrounded by white light as if she was floating in a sunbeam.

  She could still perceive Being X frozen before her, but his presence that had always been a heavy thing weighing down on her was now muted and withdrawn. Slowly a calm peace seemed to suffuse her surroundings. Tanya panicked, thinking that her mind was being influenced by some sort of chemical or miraculous effect trying to dull her senses. But somehow, something inside of her knew that she was alright and uncompromised.

  The calming presence withdrew and seamed to solidify, not into a person but more of a nebulous cloud of light somehow brighter than the surroundings but not hurting her eyes when gazed upon.

  “RETURN”

  Suddenly Visha was present and alert. Not the empty shell that had been hanging in Tanya’s arms, but Visha, alive and instantly awake, her blood gone, and body whole. She didn’t gasp awake or shudder, just one moment she was dead, empty and the next she was there, looking around confused but not panicked.

  Tanya’s mind was running at lightning speeds trying to analyze the situation. Was this some sort of different trick of Being X or was something else at play. Her eyes strayed to his form frozen in time all this while, did he seem duller in this moment, she thought noticing how much darker he seemed compared to the bright cloud or even the white space they were in.

  She pulled her eyes from Being X’s form her gaze going back to Visha, joy bloomed in her chest, and she had to fight down a bout of unhinged giddiness. Where did that come from, she wondered? No matter, I must warn her not to speak or think too much here. The voice spoke again before Tanya could speak to her adjutant and warn her of the situation.

  “MY CHILDREN, PEACE BE UNTO YOU, AWAIT BUT A MOMENT WHILE I ADMONISH ONE OF MY STEWARDS AND I WILL THEN MINISTER UNTO YOU.”

  Tanya and Visha felt as if an invisible wall now separated them from both Being X and the Cloud of light. Somehow, they could still feel the presences on the other side, but they were muted and dulled. Like some sort of filter was lessening the pressure from the other side of the barrier. The presence of the Cloud swelled, expanding to fill the other space. Looking inside the Cloud the outline of a person could vaguely be seen.

  “SERVANT! WHAT HAST THOU BEEN DOING?”

  Being X unfroze dropping to his knees and began speaking.

  “MY LORD I HAVE BEEN DOING AS THOU HAST COMMANDED, LEAD…”

  “SILENCE”

  The servant of the master found himself unable to utter a single sound once more, slowly bowing his head in shame, while trembling with fear.

  “THOU TREMBLIST IN THE PRESENCE OF YOUR LORD, WHY?”

  “HOLD! FOR I KNOW WHY. I HAVE BEHELD YOUR WORKS AND DEEDS. WOE BE UNTO YOU MY WICKED SERVANT FOR THY WORKS ARE WRITTEN PLAINLY BEFORE ME IN THE MARKS ON HER SOUL. YOU REMOVED THE FREE WILL OF ANOTHER AND HAVE TAKEN AWAY HER AGENCY. THOU HAST CHOSEN TO WALK THE SAME PATH AS THE DECIEVER AND THEREFORE SHALL BE CAST OUT TO BE WITH HIM AND HIS LEGIONS.”

  “DEPART, SON OF PERDITION!”

  With a flash Being X was gone. Tanya felt the barrier separating her and Visha from where Being X had been moments ago disappear and they were left alone facing the personage inside the cloud.

  Oldy enough, despite seeing this Entity overwhelm Being X (a figure of unfathomable power in Tanya’s mind) she felt no fear. Whether this was a product of this strange calming presence infusing her surroundings or of her own courage kicking in she couldn’t say.

  The Figure raised its vaguely outlined arm to them a palm barely discernable upraised in a disarming gesture.

  “I will speak more plainly to you now. Words and ceremony have a power of their own, and you yourself understand the need to follow procedure in certain circumstances. Don’t you Mr. Kaizaki? Although I suppose Miss Degurechaff is more appropriate now. The you that was Soto Kaizaki is truly dead, and it will be better for you mentally and spiritually if you come to truly accept that.”

  “I shall take that under advisement, but as you may be aware I hold little regard for the beatitudes of self-proclaimed Gods, no matter how amiable they may appear in the moment.”

  After speaking Tanya wondered if maybe this time when conversing with a supremely powerful Being, if maybe she should just keep her mouth shut until it sent her to her next life. After all mouthing off the last time had not ended pleasantly.

  Her next thought was to wonder how Visha was handling all of this and what she was making of the situation.

  “I understand your hesitance to trust me in this matter or any matter. After all much damage has been done to you by my hand. For truly by the hand of my servants or by my own it is the same. Much like how you were responsible for the actions of your men and could be held accountable for them. I too am bound when those who act in my name commit folly.

  “In this case the damage is worse than just a loss of faith and trust. Your free will has been violated and the marks of that still reside on your soul. Fear not! It will heal in time, a few more reincarnations and the damage will be long forgotten.

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  “Now before we continue, I can see you have many questions for me, but perhaps we should clear up some of the confusion of your friend here.

  “Viktoriya, there is much about Tanya here you do not know and with her permission I would like to show you the burden she has been living under.”

  Somehow Tanya knew the being was looking towards her for permission to share her past.

  Turning, she found Visha looking at her, confusion clearly on her face mixed with a bit of apprehension. Did she really feel comfortable with Visha knowing about her past life? Her struggle’s with Being X? Well, she had no problem with Visha knowing about that. The only thing keeping her from telling anyone before was how crazy it would sound. She had had no desire to be committed to an asylum.

  Now however was different, she had the proof of her struggle right in front of her. No, what made her hesitate was the revelation of her past life and her memories of it. How would Visha react to finding out her brilliant young commander had been cheating with the knowledge and maturity of a middle-aged man from a parallel future.

  Oh well, in for a penny in for a pound and at this point did it even matter?

  “It Depends, how will you show her, what will you be showing her and would I also get to see it all as well?”

  “You will see what she sees, it will feel as a dream where time moves in strange ways. Moments will pass slowly and years in the blink of an eye. She will see your world through your eyes, parts of your life, your death. The time you first spoke to my former servant and the beginning of your new life. She will get but a glimpse of your thoughts in these moments, but not too much, just enough to understand why you made the choices you did. Is that acceptable to you two?”

  “I suppose that would be acceptable so long as I remained present and if there is anything I don’t wish for her to see you will stop it correct?”

  “Yes.”

  “In that case very well. What are your thoughts Visha?”

  “Ta.. Tanya? What’s going on? You, you called God Being X and I heard you yell at him then this God sends him away and what does he mean I can see your past life. I’m confused and I know I should feel scared, but I just feel calm and assured like everything will be ok, but that’s not how I know I should feel and…”

  “Visha! Calm down! Now is not the time to lose your cool. I know this is confusing but if what I think is about to happen is correct then many of your questions are about to be answered. All I ask is that you not judge me to harshly for what you see.”

  Not that it matters anyway, after this I’m half convinced that our minds are going to be wiped for our next reincarnation, thought Tanya, much less worried about the situation then she should have been. Maybe it was because this was her second death, and she had been expecting it since the Rhine.

  “Ok commander I’ll do it. I’ll see whatever it is you and um, who are you?”

  “I have many Names and Titles, but my most well-known Title would make Tanya here roll her eyes and click her tongue, so you can call me Eternal for eternal is my name.”

  “Well then um Eternal, Tanya, show me whatever it is that’s going to help me understand, Wait am I dead?”

  “Yes.”

  “No.”

  Tanya’s head whipped over to look at the Being after hearing that by whatever technicality, Visha was still alive, she felt a bubble of warmth in her stomach, something to think about later. But if Vasha’s alive then by that same logic she too was probably still alive.

  God, did that mean she had to go back to the war front, she hoped not. Before her thoughts could spiral even further out of control, they were interrupted by the Being speaking yet again.

  “Neither of you are dead, but for the sake of your souls and for mine own purposes I will not return you to the world you were just in. Now allow me to show you Visha what we were speaking about and then once all are informed, we can then discuss your choices going forward.”

  At the nod of both of their heads the Being seemed to smile, though neither of them could understand how they knew that.

  Then they saw.

  For Tanya, it was like seeing a random assortment of memories from his life, small parts of his childhood, and flashes of his various school days. Time spent with friends when young and acquaintances as he got older.

  His climb up the corporate ladder, his work ethic, his drive. To Tanya, nothing was particularly new, some things long forgotten were remembered. Looking back, he didn’t feel like he would change too much if even if he could. He still stood by most of the decisions that he made based on the information he had available at the time.

  Seeing the events leading up to his death was surreal. Well, hindsight was twenty twenty and he wished he had listened to that old supervisor and watched his back that day.

  Then came his meeting with Being X. Even reliving it, he still felt like so much had simply gone wrong and had just been bad luck on his part. He couldn’t see what had set Being X off or why he in particular was chosen to be the outlet for X’s breakdown.

  Moving on to her rebirth in the Empire. Well, for her there really wasn’t much to pay attention to.

  She kind of wanted to see Visha’s reaction to what they were seeing but during the whole surreal process it was as if she was alone watching all these things happen as an observer. Truly an out of body experience.

  As memories from the war began, Tanya began to see a troubling pattern. When commanding her men and fighting she had always held the self-image in her mind of an adult man, for the most part. Sure, she remembered she was a little girl all the time, the world made sure of that. But when she viewed her actions in her head, they were the actions and words of an experienced adult.

  Seeing herself perform those same actions from a third person perspective proved to be uncanny.

  She had not been the only child fighting in the war, far from it. Especially when it came to mages. One had to only look to Serebryakov to recognize that. She was conscripted at fourteen maybe fifteen years old. The difference was Visha grew her confidence and battle-hardened aura. Likewise, most of the other children, be them soldiers or mages where at first terrified, often reluctant to kill, constantly questioning orders. Tanya never acted that way. She acted like the grizzled veteran she was, but she looked like a child.

  In fact, she watched an officer preform the same action that she had not fifty paces from her. Yet the looks he received were so much different than the ones she got. She had noticed before, and she had surmised that people found it odd to see someone her age doing the things she did. But seeing it herself, she finally felt it herself.

  It was eerie.

  Like watching a child’s doll come to life and kill all of your enemies right in front of you, only to sit down for teatime after. Well, no matter it’s over now, my image doesn’t matter one bit anymore.

  Continuing her trip down memory lane, Tanya had time to feel regret for what would become of her men in the 203rd, as well as the rest of the kampfgruppe. They were in for a hard time without her and win or lose the war, the country was not heading for a bright future.

  Now that the necessity of using them as meat shields was removed, she was able to more objectively view her feelings concerning them. She had built up a comradery with those men. Something only soldiers who lived through hell together can have. Looking back not as their commander, though she was damn proud of the work she had done raising them.

  No, looking at it not as their officer but as a member of the 203rd , as a member of the group, she really had enjoyed working with them. And now they were gone, and she would likely never see them again.

  Her and Visha would be marked as MIA on the mission logs and that would be the end of it. Again, Tanya felt the pain of loss and now, being unable to curse Being X she was stuck with the feelings jammed in her stomach as she watched the last moments of her second life play out. Only for those feelings to intensify as she watched Visha sacrifice herself in the most illogical way possible. Not to save her, but because she clearly wanted to die by her side, instead of running away. Visha, I taught you better than that, chided Tanya.

  Tanya had a complicated knot of feelings regarding this moment. Tanya had always known she was a bit twisted in her own way. She did have feelings for other people, she just never put much stock in them. She was now both frustrated and touched by Visha’s actions. There were layers to these feelings as well. Tanya had made no small effort to try and insure Visha’s survival, as a good boss should. Only to have her throw all her efforts in the trash just to come back and die with her. Well, who am I to argue with people’s right to make choices.

  The fact that Tanya had done such a good job as a superior that she engendered such loyalty from her subordinates was beyond flattering.

  The Visions slowly came to a close and Tanya found herself back in her present body looking at a trembling Visha who had wet cheeks and tears in her eyes.