“Could you make steak for breakfast today?”
The worker smiles at me. “Sure ma’am. Anything else you would like to add to his meal?”
“Yeah, one mango shake too. He likes that. Thanks a lot.”
Steak is his favourite food. He told me a few months ago. As for the mango shake, Nico likes mangos, so I guessed he would like a mango shake too.
Around a week ago, I bought noise-cancelling headphones for this very day. The asylum noise and chaos bothers him a lot, so these would be good to block it out.
Nico doesn’t really celebrate his birthday—because he was taken away from his parents that very day, 6 years ago. The thought has a wave of sympathy rushing to me. He was only a child. Only 13 years old…
But like someone said, “hell is empty as all the devils are on earth”—and I’m probably one of those devils. But today, I’m not…
Today, I’m not the bad guy.
I walk to his room, the gift in my hands.
Even Riven seems to soften up at the sight of Nico. In fact, the entire asylum has a soft spot for him. People in here could (and might) kill each other, burn the hospital down, but no one would ever let him get a single scratch. The boy is getting love from everyone—he just doesn’t recognize it anymore.
Opening the door, I plaster a big smile on my face. “Happy birthday, Nico!” He looks at me with confused eyes as if he himself doesn’t remember his own birthday. Nevertheless, I sit beside him, holding out the present.
“What’s this?” He asks with a curious gaze.
“It’s your birthday present,” I reply enthusiastically.
Nico slowly takes the box from me, running his fingers through it before starting to unwrap it. “The only birthday presents I got were punches and slaps from them, equal to my age.” He murmurs.
I let out a sigh as if his words don’t make want to rip every organ out of the people who did that to him. “You wont be getting presents like those anymore. Go on now, open it.”
As he starts opening the gift, Riven enters the room, and he’s hiding something in his hands behind him. The thought makes me smile. Of course he bought Nico a present too.
Wait, where did he get it from? Patients aren’t allowed to leave the hospital premises, are they? Fuckass, he sneaked out. Not wanting to ruin the moment, I decide to confront him about this later.
He sits to the left of Nico, ruffling his hair like he always does. “Happy birthday, champ. Turning nineteen, aren’t you? Got a gf yet?” He teases. Dumbass, does this man not have anything else to talk about? But I noticed something else—he didn’t flinch at Riven’s touch. He always flinches whenever someone touches him, but this time he didn’t. The sight has a wave of happiness rushing to me. He’s healing…It’s slow but evident and gosh I would be the happiest person ever if he heals completely.
He tries on the headphones, puts something on his phone and then just…doesn’t move at all for a while. His face relaxes, his shoulders which are always tense, droop.
So, this is what it feels like to have five fucking seconds of silence. Of course, Nico has never experienced complete silence. Even at night, when the world is quiet, there are enough voices inside his head to make him stay awake the entire night. Shock…its shock he’s experiencing. He’s going to break now—any second. This is the kind of surprised look people have on their faces before they start crying out of either happiness or nostalgia. For him, I’m pretty sure its going to be a mix of both. I feel him tug at my sleeve urging me closer and I do.
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He rests against my side and there it is…the tears I knew which were coming. Riven looks concerned but doesn’t say anything. Probably he doesn’t know what to say. Instead, he slowly pushes the plushie which he got onto Nico’s lap. A fox. Damn did he think about it? Because a fox resonates with Nico’s situation. Its resilient, clever and survives in any environment, just like him. Wait…no, what the fuck, Riven wouldn’t think that much. He just probably closed his eyes, did inky-pink-ponky and chose whatever his finger landed on. Still, the plushie’s pretty cute and Nico seems to love it.
As soon as Riven gives it to him, he hugs it tight, like a precious treasure. I can feel Nico’s tears dripping on my hands, but I don’t tell him to stop crying…I just let him—because believe it or not its actually a sign that his condition is getting better. PTSD patients don’t really speak or display any emotions, they just become numb, and he was like that once, when he first came.
But him crying is a really good thing so that’s why I let him. Even Riven scoots closer resting an arm on his shoulder and a moment of understanding passes our eyes as out gazes meet.
After a while he gets up from my shoulder and I notice his tears have dried up.
“Thank you.” He says, his voice soft, vulnerable.
Gosh those two words make my heart melt in the best way possible.
“You’re welcome, after all it’s your day.”
Next, he turns to Riven, who has a big smile plastered on his face. “Come here, champ”. He says hugging Nico tight.
Damn, I knew they both were close, but I never knew they were this close. Nico hugging someone a big thing, like a really big thing. The only people he has hugged after he was rescued are me and Riven.
What Nico does next, has a look of pure, unadulterated shock and happiness on my face. As a psychiatrist I should expect but this…this catches me completely off guard.
He smiles…the biggest brightest smile I have ever seen coming from him. His smile could stop fucking wars. That’s how beautiful it is. He looks so much cuter when he smiles like that, and I wish—oh I so goddamn wish that he wears that smile more often. His smile makes me love him even more, if that’s possible in the first place because I already love this boy so much. Suddenly, I feel a sudden lump in my throat, as my eyes burn with tears but I blink them back. Fuck I feel like a damn mom whose kid just graduated.
“Nico, now I want to see that smile much more often on your face, ok?”
He nods back, his smile widening slightly. If I could ask God one question it would be why was the world so fucking cruel to this innocent soul. He did nothing to deserve any of this.
But life is never fair, is it?

