That night Kiyui cried and cried… until he passed out from exhaustion. That was bad… that was really bad. I’ve never seen him like that before. He isn’t even remotely close to okay.

  I shouldn’t have let him see Agaroth. I should have stopped him from going in that room. I could have told him that he unleashed his demon side and massacred the goblins after they had already killed Agaroth. That would have been a more plausible story.

  No… no… I should have just told him the truth… lying is what made this so much worse. If I had told him, then he wouldn’t have been confronted by it so abruptly. I mean… he clearly suspected… but it is one thing to suspect that you did something and another to be confronted with the fact that you did.

  But how do I handle this from here? Last time that he killed somebody that he cared about he ran away from home. I can’t let him run away. If he does that, he’ll be alone again… I don’t want him to be alone. I want him to know that he has me… I know who he is… and that demon isn’t him.

  I didn’t sleep at all… I couldn’t. All I could think about was Kiyui. Specifically, what he said about needing me to make him feel something. Is that what he’s been doing all these years? Distracting himself from his feelings by using sex? That can’t be healthy? But it certainly would explain a lot.

  Seeing somebody you love in so much pain and not knowing how to fix it… it… it’s devastating. I just want to hold him forever and keep him safe. I want to make sure that nothing like this ever happens again.

  When Clive returned in the morning to fix my foot, Kiyui was still asleep. I shuffled out of the bedroll so Clive could get a proper look at it. Kiyui must be truly out of it… because he didn’t wake up… despite my shuffling. Hang on… he smells even weirder than usual.

  Dwynfel: “Why do you smell of molasses and rice vinegar? And is that… sesame oil?”

  Clive: “I told you… I was preparing meals last night. Can you not also smell the duck?”

  Dwynfel: “I can, but the molasses and rice vinegar are much stronger.”

  Clive: “I probably spilled some on my robe… My hands are not as steady as they once were… and those bottles are finicky. I shall have to get the robe cleaned… once those things absorb into the material, the smell lingers for weeks. Your ankle is worse than yesterday…”

  Dwynfel: “I think I twisted it getting in the bedroll.”

  Clive: “You need to be more careful. Your party lacks a healer now. You are going to need to look after your body better.”

  I looked over at Kiyui and began to wonder if there is any kind of spell that can heal emotional trauma. We can use magic to repair physical ailments… but what about the mental scars that we carry?

  Do you think that somewhere out there… somebody has found a way to treat the mind as one treats the body? Because if there is one thing that I have come to realise over the years… it is that the mental wounds seem to last way longer than the physical ones. Even without magic, it is amazing what the body can recover from… but the mind… it is affected by so much.

  Clive: “You should be able to walk on your ankle now.”

  Dwynfel: “Oh, wow… sorry. I was so lost in my own thought; I didn’t even notice you cast the spell.”

  Clive: “In daylight these spells are less obvious. Shouting out spells is also unnecessary. People only do it because they are trained to do so.”

  Dwynfel: “You said clear-mind in the cave.”

  Clive: “Because people expect it, and people can be very confused when reality does not match their expectations. So, I find it best to humour them. I shall be leaving you now. Until we meet again.”

  Dwynfel: “Hang on… before you go. You said you could see things… can you tell me… will Kiyui be okay?”

  Clive stood up and gave me a sympathetic glance.

  Clive: “I am afraid that his future is unknown to me.”

  Dwynfel: “Why? Can’t you just look and see.”

  Clive: “Viewing the future requires sacrifice. I view what is essential to the prophecy… that is all.”

  Dwynfel: “If there is a price to be paid, then I’ll pay it… please. I need to know that he’ll be okay.”

  Clive: “And if he isn’t?”

  Dwynfel: “What?”

  Clive: “And if you saw into the future and saw that he wasn’t okay… what would you do?”

  Once again, I looked at Kiyui. He lay in the bedroll… his head in a wet patch from where his tears had fell the night before… bits of his hair stuck to his face with dried mucus. Yet, despite all that… when he was asleep… he looked peaceful.

  Dwynfel: “I genuinely don’t know what I would do.”

  Clive: “Sometimes… the future is best unknown… for in the unknown there is hope. Now… I must away… until we meet again.”

  Stolen story; please report.

  And with that, the strange little priest left. And I don’t just mean that he left me and Kiyui to go back to whatever he was doing. I mean he took Carter and left the camp altogether. I have no idea where they went, and quite frankly I didn’t pay it much mind. I was way more concerned about Kiyui. Hang on… Damecus has always been quite vocal about emotional wellbeing… maybe he’ll have some idea about how I can help Kiyui.

  I can’t see him anywhere around the camp. Smutisha will know where he is. She’s probably in her tent. I can’t just go in there though. I can ask the guard that stands outside… he’ll know if she’ll be ready soon. I’ll put my gear on and go ask.

  Guard: “Lady Smythe was early to rise this morning. She is currently speaking to the women that were rescued. I would advise that you wait until she has finished. I do not believe that those women wish to see a Grim roaming freely.”

  That’s understandable. I’ll try somebody else.

  Dietrich: “Hey, Kid. What’re you after Smutty for?”

  Dwynfel: “Oh… Dietrich… hi… didn’t see you coming.”

  Dietrich: “It’s alright. You’re not in a great place right now, I get it, it effects your perception. At least you seem calmer.”

  Oh fuck, yeah… I kinda had a mad rant at everyone last night, didn’t I… shit.

  Dwynfel: “Umm… sorry about…”

  Dietrich: “Don’t apologise. Everybody has quirks that wind up those around them. And you just saw one of your oldest friends die. I can forgive you a bit of venting. Although, I notice you never said anything about Farrow. Should I be offended, or should she be flattered?”

  Dwynfel: “I don’t really know her that well… but she seems really nice. Felt like I couldn’t really pass comment on her.”

  Dietrich: “Fair enough, what are you after anyway?”

  Dwynfel: “I was wondering if Lady Smythe knows where Damecus is. I want to talk to him about something.”

  Dietrich: “He isn’t here. Left with the baby for the fort. The mother, she… she’s been through a lot. Don’t think she’ll ever be okay again after that.”

  To be honest, it was what I was expecting. Survivors of that kind of ongoing relentless assault… well… it isn’t something that you just recover from.

  Dwynfel: “I should get back to Kiyui…”

  Dietrich: “I heard about the whole undead thing. He taking that okay?”

  Dwynfel: “No… no, he is not.”

  I returned to the bedroll to find that Kiyui was missing. I instantly went into panic mode. I desperately looked around camp. He can’t have gone far… I only left him for a few minutes… shit… where could he have gone?

  I found him a few minutes later with his face in a water butt. I freaked out and pulled him out of it immediately, knocking the butt over.

  Dwynfel: “What the hell are you doing?”

  Kiyui: “Cleaning my face.”

  Dwynfel: “What? Why?”

  Kiyui: “I was covered in snot.”

  Dwynfel: “I thought that you were…”

  Kiyui: “I was just washing my face, Dwyn. Calm down.”

  Seriously… I thought he… Mother of Mercy… I don’t know what I would have done.

  Dwynfel: “When I didn’t see you at the bedroll… I panicked.”

  Kiyui: “Please, don’t worry about me. I just… if people saw me like that, they would want to talk to me about it. And that will make me worse right now. I just… I need time.”

  Dwynfel: “You aren’t going to… leave… are you.”

  Kiyui: “I don’t know. I’m a risk. I don’t want to hurt anybody else that I care about.”

  Dwynfel: “If you leave then you will hurt them… the boys love you… I don’t know what I’d do without you. Please… please don’t leave.”

  Kiyui: “But what if I lose control again? What if I hurt you. Or one of the kids. I’ve known Agaroth longer than any of you. And now he’s dead… because of me.”

  He needs reassurance. I can’t let him leave. If he leaves it won’t just destroy me… it will destroy the kids… it will destroy him.

  Dwynfel: “What happened was because you were hit with confusion gas. We can easily avoid that happening again. We can quit the adventuring. If we just live as simple farmers… we’ll be fine… you won’t be at risk… it will never happen again. Please Kiyui… please. I don’t want to have a life if you aren’t in it.”

  Kiyui: “I can’t ask you to give up the adventuring. It’s your dream.”

  Dwynfel: “We gave it up for years before. We can do it again.”

  Kiyui: “Let’s not make any big decisions right now, okay. I need time to think.”

  Dwynfel: “Okay… but… you know that you can talk to me, about anything… always… right?”

  He reached out and stroked my face.

  Kiyui: “I know that, Dwyn. And I know how worried you are about me. You’re so worried about me that you haven’t even freaked out and asked me to put my clothes on yet.”

  I looked down and suddenly it registered that he was still completely naked. How the fuck did I not notice that? Especially when he was bent over the water butt. I looked back up at his face and he kissed me gently. He definitely seems better than last night… but I’m worried… I think he’s trying to bottle his feelings again.

  Dwynfel: “Don’t use nudity to change the subject.”

  Kiyui: “Fine. I promise that I will talk to you when I need to. But not here, and not now. I’m just… I’m not ready.”

  Dwynfel: “I love you.”

  Kiyui: “I love you too.”

  He smiled at me… but it wasn’t his normal perky smile… it wavered… his lip trembled slightly… the whole gesture seemed tinged with sadness. He turned and walked back towards the bedroll. As I watched him, I felt a hand grip my shoulder.

  Phoenix: “We need to talk.”