A Beginner's Notes

  Why did I sign up for this insane game? I'm way too old for this. Was I trying to impress my kids? Apparently, we've completed the tutorial. Maybe this'll be fun after all. I can barely follow what these kids are talking about, though. Good thing I brought a notepad. I'll just start writing everything down.

  01  Aura

  An energy all humans possess. Some develop crazy abilities with their aura, others use it to enhance their weapons. I don't do anything with mine.

  02  Natura

  Basically the same thing as aura, just for trees and plants. Even more useless than aura?

  03  Lore

  This is what we players call the game's backstory. Everything that happened before we entered the valley. Essentially, it's about long-necked horses that terrorized humanity until the first fire mage burned them all. Pretty underwhelming for such an elaborate game.

  04  NPC

  I found out today that I've been wasting my time befriending a Non-Player Character (NPC). They're part of the game not real people. Fantastic! Why did this computer spend hours talking to me about cars? And why aren't NPCs labeled better? Minus one star for the developers.

  05  Tutorial

  A bad joke. Apparently, that was the first few weeks where the NPCs told us the lore. A couple of players can now strike fire from rocks. I can't.

  06  Names

  Azazel? Ganymede? Note to self: A lot of players give themselves ridiculous nicknames in here. Just play along. But that's too silly for me. What would my kids think?

  07  Tree Sap

  We watched these monstrous sloths drive their claws into tree trunks and drink the sap. Great… so the trees here can be tapped. Unfortunately, the bark is rock-hard. No chance without an enhanced weapon. Supposedly tastes slightly sweet (guess I'll just have to take their word for it).

  08  Weapons

  Why did I start with a notepad and an umbrella? The guy over there has an axe! At least nobody's going to try to rob me. After all, you can't go five minutes without stumbling over an unarmed corpse around here. And we players can upgrade our stuff, too. Some items even change their shape. Lately it's been raining nonstop. So my umbrella's getting plenty of use. But what am I supposed to do with an upgraded umbrella? I seriously need to develop an ability.

  09  Abilities

  Tutorial over? They can't be serious. Why won't anyone explain how these abilities work? Some players do insane things with their aura. They focus it into attacks or use it to cook, heal, or craft. Fire seems to come naturally to a lot of them. But there are also unique abilities. It's completely unclear what's possible here and what isn't. I'll be docking at least another point in my review for that.

  10  God-Tier / High-Ranker

  Terms for the strongest players in the entire game. The ones competing for the title of most powerful. Right now there are apparently only two: the Cold Empress and Prometheus the Firebringer. Word is, though, there's a third one out east who's been mentioned more and more as a top player: Lupina the Werewolf. I don't like this one bit. God-tier… so what do they call players with umbrellas?

  11  Tree-Running

  A few players gave me the brilliant advice to channel my aura into a tree trunk. Idiots. Got launched a good three meters and nearly broke my arm. If I ever get my hands on them… which I won't. They called me a boomer and were out of sight within minutes. They jump from tree to tree and they're surprisingly fast.

  The tale has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.

  12  Boomer

  …honestly, no clue. Everyone just laughs when I ask. From context: I'm old?

  01  Guilds

  Interesting twist. I'm now a member of the Azure Dragon. The guild came by while I was tapping a smaller tree with my umbrella. They were seriously impressed. Basically, we're just a group of players watching each other's backs so nobody robs us. Guilds like these are popping up all over the valley. (P.S.: This glossary is slowly turning into a diary. But it calms me down somehow.)

  02  Questgiver

  What a stupid game. They're all just killing each other. That can't be all there is to it! I would never have signed up for something like this. What the hell is the point of this game? "Open world," "total freedom". What a load of crap! Thankfully, the NPCs have shown up again. There's supposed to be a village on the other side of the river. Apparently, this NPC village has someone who hands out assignments: a questgiver. Maybe he can finally tell me what I'm supposed to do; it is his job, after all.

  03  Quest

  Tasks that players have to complete to earn a reward. The blunt thorn: A barb that cannot bite. Seek it in the palest light.

  What kind of nonsense is this? Am I supposed to go around pricking myself on every thornbush in the valley to find a thorn that doesn't sting? Preferably in the dark, too… Aren't there even poisonous shrubs around here? But God forbid you ask a simple follow-up question. I'm pretty sure this questgiver is the rudest NPC in the game. I can't dock enough points from the developers for this.

  04  Quest Hunters

  Players who actually take these moronic quests seriously. Those jerks even cheered me on to go confront the questgiver. Hilarious. Thank God this little girl showed up and tugged on his sweater. Completely insane, these quest hunters. One of them wanted to see my "quest log." Pretty sure he meant my notebook. I'm never going back to that pit.

  05  Factions

  Things are getting uncomfortable. In the north, several guilds have banded together and now call themselves the Northern Alliance. Their leader, the Cold Empress, is supposedly extremely unpleasant. This so-called faction is claiming more and more territory along the river and attacking guilds that refuse to join. The Azure Dragon decided it's better to play along.

  06  Northern Alliance

  Holy hell. The Alliance is straight-up dark ages. "Alliance," my ass. The only thing that matters here is the Cold Empress's word. Gallows are going up everywhere. The Azure Dragon is just a small guild, and we're being treated like dirt. Word is, a new faction is forming in the west. Prometheus is rallying the guilds there to put up a fight. That's where we're headed.

  07  Western Union

  Shit, did we just start a war? The Northern Alliance is calling us deserters. The Western Union is supposed to hand us over so we can be hanged. But in the Union, the death penalty is thankfully off the table. It's run by a triumvirate of the three strongest guild masters: Prometheus, Magnus, and Joris. Unfortunately, they're not too happy with us either. The guilds have been called to the river. The Azure Dragon is expected to fight on the front lines. Should we have fled east instead? But that's one massive PvP zone over there. Pure anarchy, where everybody slaughters everybody.

  08  Player versus Player (PvP)

  Dear diary, yes, it's official now. PvP just means two players fight to the death, by the way. Should I just let myself be killed? But the pain is very real. There's a reason the Alliance hangs deserters. Doesn't get more terrifying than that. PvP it is, then.

  09  Faction War

  What madness. The blood is turning the river red. Unbelievable that I, of all people, am being celebrated as a hero of the Union. With my umbrella, I deflected fireballs and arrows so the wounded could be treated behind me. When the melee fighters came across the bridge, I even stabbed a few of them with my umbrella. Damn, I've actually gotten strong.

  10  The Duel

  Prometheus and the Cold Empress dueled on the largest of the nine bridges yesterday. It was insane. Although… I didn't actually see much through all the steam. Only Lupina the Werewolf witnessed the PvP firsthand. She confirms the Cold Empress won. What she doesn't say… The bridge is destroyed and Prometheus had to be pulled from the river, badly injured. But we won at the other bridges. The losses on both sides are staggering. There's talk of dividing the valley between the Union and the Alliance.

  11  Eastern Collective

  It just doesn't stop. The crazed PvP players from the east have formed a third faction: the Eastern Collective. There are some real monsters in there. The Union and Alliance's attempt to divide the valley between themselves was brutally shut down. Only together could we push the Collective back. But they're far from beaten. The Collective is run by a double-edged sword: two leaders who can only make decisions together. If they disagree, they have to fight each other in PvP. The survivor decides, and someone else takes the loser's place. Not worth writing down who's in charge right now. They'll probably change three more times before the week is out. Damn barbarians!

  12  The Shattered

  Unbelievable. The Cold Empress was murdered in her guild hall today. An assassin took out one of the most powerful players in the entire game. A cowardly ambush. But how? Rumors about an assassin guild had been floating around for a while, but now everyone's whispering the name: the Shattered. Zacharias the Lightbringer will likely take over as leader of the Alliance.

  13  Goldwater

  Peace. That guy with the staff actually brokered a compromise between the factions. The strongest players from all sides met at the lake. Prometheus unfortunately still wasn't back on his feet. So the Triumvirate sent Magnus instead. For the Alliance, the new Light King Zacharias stepped up, and the Collective sent that monster Serafin. Then the three of them "broke bread," as they say. The river is being divided fairly, and a shared city is being built on the lake: Goldwater on the Silver Lake. The City of Peace. All factions are allowed to offer their goods and trade with each other there.

  14  The Horde

  What a sight. We shouldn't have left the dead lying by the river. More and more of these horrible red lizards started showing up. First one, then two… then hundreds. Their bite is pure poison. Invisible, venomous lizards… what the hell? This goddamn game. And right when I was finally getting the hang of things. The Cold Empress is dead, Prometheus is injured. And the Horde isn't satisfied with carrion anymore. We need to get out of here.

  15  The Offensive

  Dear diary, this is going to be my last entry for a long time. The factions are pushing deeper into the valley. We're calling it an offensive, but the truth is, we're running. The valley belongs to the lizards. The Union is trying to cross the Madwood. From everything I've heard, I don't expect to make it out the other side. Game over?