You'll be happy to know that your new jerkin cost substantially less than that stupid anti-slug armor you originally picked out.

  I examined the shouldered leather jerkin. It was green with brown ribbing and had clasps that ran down the center. Embossed on the leather was a leafy, natural design. Overall, I thought it wasn't a terrible choice, I just didn't know why Richard had chosen it. Hitting [Analyze] cleared things up pretty quickly.

  [Armor Shaped Perching Pet Bed - This may look like armor, and it gives a humble boost to defense, but it is actually an armor-shaped pet bed. The Armor Shaped Perching Pet Bed has a ribbed motif for better grip, heat and cooling functionality controlled by your [Companion], and an automatic interdimensional treat dispensary. Don't worry, it's set to once a day so your [Companion] won't grow fat.]

  "Seriously? A pet bed?" There goes having any sort of protection. It was as if he wanted me to die.

  Fuck.

  I also bought Ash access to the Virtual Dungeon Store, and... a few more upgrades to the interface to make it actually shoppable. Richard continued, unperturbed. Are you going to put it on? I thought you'd look handsome in these colors, like a true [Adventurer].

  Giving in to the ridiculousness of it, I put on the jerkin. It was comfortable. The oiled brass clasps slid into place and tightened. Just like the shirt I'd purchased, it was a perfect fit. The desert heat didn't seem so harsh within the shade of the large shoulders.

  Richard's tentacles extended like a small child asking to be picked up.

  I humored him, bending down and putting him up on my shoulders.

  Ah yes, this is the life.

  Despite my misgivings, I was actually in agreement with the slug. This was the most comfortable piece of armor I'd ever worn. The inside had a felt lining that was nicely padded. The fit was snug, helping improve my posture, but not so tight I couldn't breathe. I swung my arms to the right and left. It didn't restrict motion. And I really felt cooler.

  An additional bonus. Richard was on my shoulders, and no slime had made it to my back.

  "I must say, you might be right on this one, Richard."

  The slug licked my ear. I'm always right.

  “Did you get your daily treat?”

  No, it hasn't triggered yet. Huh, I wonder if it was on a timer?

  Shaking my head, I decided it was time to move on to the next task.

  "Ash, come over here. I need to show you something." My mood improved remarkably. I thought it was finally time to tackle the market with Ash. I expected it to take hours knowing our craftsman. Hours of browsing and talking. Thankfully, we had a ready water source. Food wouldn't be a problem once I hit buy on our supply stacks. I paid 10 Dungeon Coins for a shovel. Might as well dig the wagon out while Ash was busy.

  One glance over at Briyain and Meredeath communing by the oasis convinced me the SCMMOO-based interdimensional fishbowl could wait.

  Several hours later, Ash was done. The sun had moved in the sky, showing it was probably noon.

  "Alright, are your selections final? There are no returns." I examined the virtual sack that held our selected purchases. I'd already spent 11 coins on my shirt and the shovel I'd been using for the last hour. Richard had spent 1500 coins on his glorified pet bed. Plus the categorization fees, granting access to my teammates. We'd eaten into the total, but we still had 8,247. Of course, between the fuel rods at 2,000 and the glorified fishbowl at 5,000, that sum was significantly reduced.

  "I'm good. I should be able to get the carriage up and running by tomorrow. And I have some other ideas if we can just get to a city with a maker's forge. With a crafter's station and some tools, I can build the team a ton of useful gadgets." After the dynammonites, I wasn't about to question Ash's ability to build us useful items.

  Glancing at our team's virtual sack one last time, I hit the finalization command.

  With an audible pop, an enormous pile of items snapped into existence. The pile was much larger than I'd expected.

  [Thank you for shopping at the Virtual Dungeon Store, [Adventurer]. May you enjoy your spoils. All sales are final.]

  "Ash, did you get buried?" I called. The pile was three yards tall and spread out.

  This tale has been unlawfully lifted without the author's consent. Report any appearances on Amazon.

  "No, I'm okay," he called from the other side of the pile.

  "Cole," Meredeath had deigned to join us. "Why are there several thousand pounds of oats in the oasis?" I'm not sure what hurt more, the incredulity in her voice or the fact that she assumed I'd made the mistake.

  But of course it'd been me.

  "I, uh, ordered ten sacks of oats. I thought it'd be good for breakfast." At the time I'd thought they were a little expensive compared to the trail rations, but getting a ten-pack reduced the cost. Apparently at the Dungeon Store, oats were really cheap and meant as feed for livestock. How was I supposed to know?

  Looks like extra-dry oat granola is going to be on the menu for a while.

  It took us a bit to get everything sorted, and most of the oats ended up staying in the oasis. A giant monument to our successful run of the dungeon.

  Our last act before leaving was to use the [Bowl of Transportation].

  Meredeath admitted that she'd been contemplating how to stay in the oasis. She was that attached to Briyain. I'd have judged her if I weren’t carrying around a foot-long slimy banana slug.

  "I'd have loved to have been consulted on the loot, but even I'd be willing to admit this is more than my fair share." She held up the remnants of the SCMMOO in the sunlight. The sun bent around the bowl, scattering little reflected rainbow shards of light like a crystal.

  Water first. The deep voice of Briyain echoed in our heads. I'm glad he didn't talk to the rest of us too often. It was enough having Richard's snark in my head, much less a monster from the abyss.

  Meredeath obliged, dipping the bowl into the oasis. The water was remarkably clear as it twisted the light even more. Meredeath looked at her Tuli Monster, then bent down, putting some of the red desert sand in the bowl’s bottom.

  "A bit of home for you," she said the words kindly, as though she already loved her monstrous [Companion]. The beast ducked its mouth into the water in what I assumed was a grateful nod. It was hard to tell with the mouth far from its eyes.

  The beast turned into the water, disappearing. The only sense that it was still with us was a slight swirl to the water as though it was draining. Unsure of what the creature was planning, I took a step back. Ash followed suit, so that only Meredeath stood on the shore with her bowl held high.

  The Tuli Monster did not disappoint. Its mouth emerged from the water, teeth overlapping in a sharp grin. The neck followed by a body with an eye bar balancing atop. Flippers, a line of gills. I realized at this point that it was flicking itself out of the water right at Meredeath. I wasn't sure whether the creature was going to eat Meredeath or crush her. Horrified, all I could do was watch. It happened so quickly.

  Just as it hit the apex of its jump, the beast started to shrink. In reality it was probably as long as a wagon, horses included. But just as I was sure Meredeath was about to be crushed beneath its weight, the creature shrunk down to a hand-span's width, lightly splashing into the bowl.

  "Holy shit!" Ash cried. I mean, I knew it had dimension manipulation properties, but for once I agreed with my maganically inclined friend.

  I stepped forward, peering into the fishbowl. The little Tuli Monster looked almost... cute.

  I had to stop myself from wiggling my finger at it through the glass.

  Ha! Not even a foot long. Who's the boss now? Richard's mental taunt hung in the air.

  I am still the boss. The beast replied, leveraging the full mental weight of its [Mesmer] capabilities. My consciousness flickered as I woke back up, on my knees.

  Apparently, that answered my other question. This monster was still fully capable of using its [Mesmer] skills on the rest of us.

  "Meredeath, are you sure you want to bring Briyain with us?" I asked, brushing the sand off my palms.

  Her eyes held a faint flame of green as she looked at me. Her voice was icy as she spoke.

  "It's a part of me now, Cole." Then she softened, as though realizing that threatening me would not help her cause. Or its cause, I wasn't sure who was really speaking anymore. “Would you leave Richard behind? He’s the world’s biggest asshole.”

  She had a point.

  Within ten minutes we were loaded onto a very full carriage. Meredeath, Briyain, and Argin sat in the carriage. Ash and I on the driver's bench with Richard. The carriage top was full of strapped-down fuel rods and the rest of our supplies. Ash examined the control board and pressed a sequence of buttons. This was the moment we'd been waiting for.

  The maganical engine shuddered, shaking the carriage. Ash grinned as it hummed to life.

  “There’s nothing like a little elbow grease to get a motor running!" He laughed, and I wondered just how close we'd been to the carriage not working at all.

  Richard sat on top of the dashboard. Two shimmering constructs of horses appeared before us. They weren't undead ghosts, but sparkled like a constellation of magic. Mimicking a real horse, the right one snorted, shaking its head. It looked back at us as though asking when we were going to get started.

  Ash gave a whoop as he hit another button and we started rolling forward. The two horse constellations moving at a steady gait. I'd been fairly comfortable, even in the desert heat, but the wind as we started moving was nice.

  Richard must have thought so too, as he sat on the dash, tentacles extended into the air.

  What a relief! The heat was even getting to me.

  I frowned for a second. Wasn't his pet bed cooled?

  As the realization hit, I leaned forward, bringing my head even with his tentacles.

  "Thanks!" I whispered as the wind gushed past us.

  For what?

  I didn't bother answering, just leaned back and tried to figure out how to trigger the daily treat function.

  I checked the little pocket on the left side, and sure enough, it was filled. Pulling out a little brown nugget, I popped it into my mouth. The sweet flavor of a chocolate-covered candied ginger bite filled my mouth.

  Turned out, being a pet wasn't all bad.