I tore my armoured arm from the rapidly deflating corpse of Priorita, leaving a brown streak of oxidised blood in her jelly and flexed my hand into a fist. Bloody disgusting. The exposed flesh looked like it had been BBQ’d, blisters and raw flesh weeping bloody fluids from cracks.
Priorita jerked back, sliding away in fits and spurts as chunky gobbets of green slime poured from the hole I’d blasted in her.
I barked out a laugh, watching her die. After all the horror she had caused, I was glad to see her suffer. This was it. The first step towards filling the promise I’d made to myself.
A rapid-fire barrage of scents billowed from the jelly-cube. I choked and coughed on them, covering my mouth as Priorita began squealing out a high-pitched whistle like a deflating balloon. She began to speed-slime erratically about the temple, ricocheting off the walls, goblets raining all about.
“C’mon,” I shouted, backing away, almost tripping over Tyler’s corpse. I glanced at where he lay in an undignified sprawl. A wave of guilt rising again, I made a snap-second judgement. I couldn’t leave him here. Owed him a better rest than being consumed by Priorita, or left to rot in her playground.
His body blinked away as I looted it. A slew of notifications scrolled down my HUD, but I ignored them.
“Lad, what are you—” started Paddy.
“No time. Let’s get the fuck outta here,” I said, gesturing for the temple door.
He ran.
Priorita squealed past between me and the temple door. She flailed a pair of pseudopod arms she’d sprouted at some point.
“Oui,” said Ariel, shaking her head in disbelief. “Something tells me your actions will not be without repercussions.” Her eyes lingered for a moment on where Tyler’s body had lain, a crease between her brows.
The Scrambler’s burning blade flickered, then blinked out as the last wisps of its energy were exhausted. We were plunged into a dim twilight. The only illumination now came from the glowing armour and weapon sets Priorita had scattered about the room.
I wanted to grab one—sure that they’d be important—but she zipped about erratically in the darkness, squealing and spraying sizzling goo. I could still see her clearly with my infra-vision, but couldn’t predict her movements and wouldn’t risk getting sprayed with the corrosive shit pouring from her wound.
Without infra-vision, I might have missed what happened next.
The silver-haired, pointy-eared head of Zephyra peeked through the hole I’d blasted in the side of the temple.
Priorita stopped.
Something flashed between them. A beam only visible as heat.
I threw up an arm as the lights flashed on.
The berserk giggling of a toddler hopped up on PCP echoed from the obsidian walls.
And Priorita zoomed to a stop mere inches before me—perfect, whole, green.
“GOTCHA!”
A new tablet computer appeared.
??
“Oh my GOSH! You should see the look on your face!” She billowed out a wave of purple, saccharine-stinking air, thick with humidity. “I am a clone of the most dominant and powerful entity in two universes… did you really think that you could kill me?”
??
“Oh well, points for trying, I suppose! Tee-hee”
The giggle she let out this time was deep and full of bass, rumbling along with the roar of the spectating billions.
I remained rooted in place, pretty sure I was fucked. Paddy was gone, he’d been smart enough to escape when he had the chance. But I could see Ariel from the corner of my eye—she’d stopped at the doorway, just a few steps from freedom.
“Go, kid. Run,” I roared, bringing up my build menu as I searched desperately for something that might slow Priorita down and give the kid the time she needed.
But Ariel paused there, one foot inside and one out. Then she met my eyes—and stepped back in.
No. Run. Please.
Priorita slowly slimed closer until she was mere millimetres from me. The air around her was cold, like she sucked energy from space itself.
My menus fizzed out.
“Goodness! That was a neat trick, Allan. But give a girl some warning next time!”
??
She let out a girlish titter and whispered, “My safe word is ‘pineapple.’”
??
The spectating billions screamed with laughter as though we were on a damn talk show.
“Sorry, Priorita. I’d prefer to keep our relationship strictly professional,” sure, it wasn’t my snappiest comeback, but the spectators laughed all the same.
A flicker of movement above caught my attention. I’d thought him long gone, but Paddy had climbed onto the temple’s roof and was looking down through the hole Priorita had entered. He had a rope coiled in one hand, ready to drop it for me and allow escape.
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Like that was going to work.
The faint squeak of rubberised boot on freshly cleaned obsidian came from behind, and I felt with Stormsense as Ariel stopped beside me.
They hadn’t run.
Even after what I’d done to Tyler and Tammy, they had my back.
A wave of gratitude for my two friends filled me. I had to be one of the unluckiest bastards ever born, but at that moment I felt like the luckiest.
“So what now, Priorita?” I asked, staring into her lifeless, cartoon eyes.
“I’m so glad you asked!” she said, zipping away from me to stop beside one of the armour sets. “Now, we get to award your Wargame Vault prizes!”
??
“Seriously?!” The words fell from my lips before I could catch them.
“Yep! What’s your local saying? ‘No harm, no foul.’”
A series of pyrotechnic explosions and glitter bombs erupted as a giant banner unfurled above the first of the armour sets.
The yowl of a big cat made me jump.
The Jaguar Warrior
“Ocelotl”
“This ferocious, prestige armour set features jaguar-pelt body armour and a helmet made from its skull! Accompanied by an obsidian-edged macuahuitl and round shield, this set will surely strike fear into your enemies’ hearts!”
It looked bloody ridiculous to me. Did she seriously expect us to run around in animal skins?
“This may look primitive, but to these silly humans, this was cutting-edge technology!”
I scoffed, but Priorita ignored me. It was obvious she wasn’t talking to us.
“The apex predators of Aztec warfare. Ocelotl were not born to their spots—oh no, they earned them. Every jaguar pelt was paid for in blood and bravery, each warrior rising through ritual combat, not inheritance. These fantastic combatants fought not merely to kill, but to capture—dragging living enemies back for sacrifice to their god! Ohh I just love that! Do you remember the Spiritual and Religious Traditions system I added? You haven’t done much with it yet… naughty, naughty!”
She paused, waiting for the applause to die down. I glanced for the door and wondered whether I should make a break for it while she waffled on.
“Clad in spotted skins, moving like dusk through jungle and street alike, the Ocelotl were symbols of dominance, terror, and divine approval.” She let out a yowl like a cat in heat. “Wow! If that doesn’t excite you, then you are watching the wrong program!”
I almost told Priorita that this was meant to be a Mayan temple, not Aztec—but was distracted as again Victor’s watch sparked at my wrist, and that weird voice spoke in my head.
There was a squawk like a radio glitching, then in heavily accented English the voice said:
Before I had a chance to figure out what the hell that meant, the armour set and weird obsidian-edged axe floated into the air. They turned into wireframes of light and collapsed in upon themselves, leaving a token hovering in their place.
Priorita didn’t explain what the hell had just happened. Instead, she zipped across the room, leaving an iridescent snail-trail of slime on the glassy obsidian to where the other idiotic armour set waited.
Covered in feathers and topped by what looked like a skinless bird skull, I couldn’t imagine a less practical set of armour. It even had wings. At least the bundle of light-throwing spears that accompanied the set might come in handy.
The Eagle Warrior
“Cuāuhtli”
Even though I should have anticipated it, the loud SQUAWK that Priorita let out still made me jump. I grumbled under my breath as she continued her explanation.
“The Eagle Warrior is a light, agile infantry and scout unit that stands at the pinnacle of form and function. Oh, and just look at those feathers! How marvellous! I don’t think they will help you fly, though, you silly sausages!”
I was distracted as Priorita continued her idiotic explanation. It didn’t matter if the universe thought we were skin-wearing savages. Hell, she might even be doing us a favour by lulling our enemies into underestimating us. But I wasn’t buying into her crap.
Predator was still active, the infra-vision overlaying strange hues onto the world.
As she spoke, another beam of invisible light shot from Priorita, and I tracked it to where Zephyra now leaned inconspicuously against the temple wall.
What the hell…
Zephyra caught me looking, saw my eyes following the invisible beam. Her amethyst eyes widened slightly in surprise, and the beam cut off.
I’d known the Lutantha was dodgy, and that she—like everybody else in this damn game—was cheating somehow. But I had no bloody idea what this meant. I’d ask Ariel later.
The Eagle Warrior set transitioned into wireframe and collapsed into a token. Both the Jaguar and Eagle tokens floated before me, then exploded into a spray of sparks, the light sinking into my body. My HUD pinged with an update.
“Now all you have to do is return the tokens to your Throne Room, and everyone in your civilisation will be able to build and equip these fantastic, versatile armour sets!” said Priorita.
She slimed close.
??
Waiting.
Silent.
??
“Usually you’d have a snarky response for me here, Allan. We are live, you know!”
I glanced at Ariel. She shrugged, then gave me a little nod of encouragement.
“I’m not dressing up as a damn bird, Priorita. Both of these so-called cutting-edge technologies are ancient and idiotic. There’s a reason why those civilisations collapsed.”
??
“Oh, Allan, that’s just hurtful! I’m sure you’ll change your mind…”
A sickening pause.
“You know, once you try one on!”
??
There was a flash of light, and I was buck-bloody naked.
Ariel let out a strangled yell, covering her eyes.
Paddy roared with laughter and shouted down to us, “Christ, lad. Good for you. Looks like I needn’t have brought the rope, eh?!”
I covered my wedding tackle with both hands and shot a glare at Priorita. The jelly cube was undulating in place while wafting out great plumes of lavender-smelling gas. A moment later, there was another flash of light, and a warm weight settled upon me.
“Oh my! Who’s my pretty kitty!” Priorita said in her deep, creepy voice.
I groaned, looking down at my bare chest. The jaguar pelt was slung over my shoulders, covering my back like a cloak, leaving my chest and arms free.
Priorita started doing her heavy-breathing thing.
A loincloth that looked like tacky leopard print from a bargain store dangled down past my knees and was sure to be a tripping hazard. Beneath it, my balls swung free. The ornate jaguar-skull helmet flared out behind me with all sorts of nonsense, tickling the back of my neck.
A notification appeared.
Unique Set Equipped!
Jaguar Warrior “Ocelotl” Armour 3/3
Bonus:
- 10% to STR, STA, AGI
- Intimidate Perk*
- Catwalk Perk*
- +25% Movement Speed in Jungle Terrain
With my high level and elevated stats, I was already a powerhouse. A sudden 10% boost to that made me feel like I was hopped up on amphetamines.
I toggled through to Intimidate, curious about what it meant and activated the skill by accident.
My head whipped back as a concussive ROAR boomed out of the skull helmet’s jaws.
Ariel let out a high-pitched cry of fear, staggering a few paces away.
“Merde, Allan!” she snapped before returning to my side and punching me in the shoulder. “Je me suis pissé dans le pantalon.”
For once, the translation software kicked in and provided some helpful subtitles.
The kid had pissed herself.
I did my best to hold in my chuckle.
Then realised neither Priorita’s nor my implant had provided the subtitles.
The font was wrong, and some of the letters had glitched or were missing. I stared at them, frowning. I looked down slowly, searching, feeling something.
Victor’s watch was warm at my wrist, and as I focused, I realised that I could feel it there with Stormsense.
An electrical current that fed back and forth between me and the device.
Then, a voice.