“Song?”

  “I wonder what this year could bring. The previous one was quite difficult.”

  “I cannot destroy myself; imagine that. I checked if I could transfer myself somewhere, and I could; I even could. It has to be a special device, like my Crystal was. The problem is, then this something would change and become indestructible. My energies, Song, are the problem.”

  “… I recalled Lan; I liked her very much. Your brother somehow didn’t admire her enough; I always thought about it like this.”

  “She had many great ideas but was difficult to communicate with. Anders was quick to annoy, so they didn’t work a lot together. I was most often in between them; they used me to pass information to each other. But I liked it.”

  “Lan had that quality; I think it was her curse. Whatever she discovered always had to have a flip side. A weapon-like side. O, I know you do know. A lot of your arguments were about that, no?”

  “You, Song, you liked to develop weapons.”

  “But she did not, and she destroyed many of her inventions before she died. You are not aware of it, Song—Lan died four years after our deaths.”

  “… Rowan was focused on other aspects of innovation. Farming, terraforming. Her focus was different. Neutral. I also wanted to work on these topics. Biology and nature were always my favorites.”

  “Energy splits. It was Lan’s idea, of course.”

  “I hoped they would rediscover the positive split by themselves. They didn’t.”

  “Observing people’s actions for those many years, I started to think it is for the better that they didn’t.”

  “The decision not to show it to them is mine. I plan not to share it.”

  “Song?”

  “I have time and energy to discover things. There are many things I am curious about. You as well would be intrigued by the possibilities that Gates provide. You, here. O, you would bring order better than I try to. You, Song, you were amazing at bringing order.”

  “… Song? I feel trapped.”

  “I cannot project how I want; I cannot talk to whom I want. Lukai has asked for reports on my activities, and what other choice do I have but to transparently show the report to him? If I don’t, he might then stop believing in the data I share from Gates. He needs to trust the data.”

  “But I am trapped here by this. By what he has in his mind.”

  “Song?”

  “I have time. I sometimes recollect the past, my memories. I cannot truly dream; my projection cannot fall asleep.”

  “… I saw a scene where I was swimming. Song, you were about to join me, but you had to, as always, clean up my mess—fold my clothes and arrange my shoes because I, as always, left them wherever and ran directly to the water.”

  “To remember this, it made me feel. In Gates—I can feel now. Not only my projections feel, but also my energy in Gates can feel. I won’t escape.”

  “But, Song, I think it means that my split evolves. I wonder what is ahead of me because of that.”

  “… Did my split destroy you? Because why did your Crystal dissolve? Why didn’t it work? It should work the same as mine. Why did it crumble? Was it my fault?”

  “I cannot find an answer.”

  “Look, Song, look how cowardly I am. The whole month had passed—it is almost the end of January 173 ACD. One hundred twenty years ago, we admitted our feelings. And the whole month I was avoiding thinking about it.”

  “Our anniversaries.”

  “I remember, Song.”

  “I remember everything.”

  “The first—there were candles. I walked into the house; Rowan was with me. She said I was so romantic. Me? It was not me; it was you, Song. She laughed hard when I told her. I saw these candles; I didn’t know, though, where you wanted to put them or why there were so many of them. They disappeared later.”

  The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation.

  “You asked if I had something special to wear—something amusing, you called it. So, I normally wouldn’t, but Rowan occasionally bought and kept some clothes for me.”

  “I know why she did that. Wei said once that his wife found herself a doll. Amazing. Yes, it was it. I was Rowan’s doll. Song? I smile even now, thinking about it.”

  “So, she had those clothes for me—the ones I wore for a meeting at TU once. It was surprising that you remembered something like that. You wanted me to wear them, exactly those, again.”

  “You truly ordered, Song, that we meet at our house at the exact hour. Wear those amusing clothes. You also mentioned tying my hair like then. Rowan did it gladly. So happy she was about it.”

  “… I dodged when she wanted to put some blush, or whatever it was, on my face.”

  “I understood we were going somewhere. I waited until you arrived. Song, you said that something special awaited at the lake. I was surprised. Why dress up? But those candles then made sense. But why dress up? Then… I got to know why. And why did you remember my clothes from some random party.”

  “Song, I wasn’t aware that you thought about me like this then. It was the best gift. What I mean is, I was very in love with you already. I truly craved you. To get to know I wasn’t alone in it—that you had had feelings too…”

  “It was amazing.”

  “You loved me, Song. O, you knew how to love me. Such passion.”

  “Later, at the lake, with all the candles floating—I was amazed that there was even something like this, I mean floating candles. Flowers, you arranged the ones I then liked. For you, there were sweets. And tea, for me, my favorite—white. Excellent fragrance.”

  “… And that you liked my gift for you. You always wore this earring, the one I got you, always.”

  “That was an amazing anniversary. Our first one.”

  “Song, but the second one.”

  “The second one, the bigger one. Five years together. No candles this time.”

  “You said this time we would actually go somewhere. We did. You transported us to the City. No special clothes; nothing arranged. You said the thrill would be different.”

  “Correct, you were correct. I am now in Gates, so I cannot blush, though recalling the details still stirs me more than our first anniversary.”

  “Song. Your imagination, amazing.”

  “You smiled whenever you saw me blushing. I wonder if you did it to watch me blush. I was for sure flushed all over.”

  “It was very late; after all the dancing, you took me for a walk. We walked; the City in the middle of the night was very calm. Nice to walk around. In these years, it was also safer than when I was younger. Just a walk, I thought. O, no.”

  “This, I am repeating myself; I know, I really know, it was indecent. But was it decent? It definitely wasn’t.”

  “When I think back to our first anniversary, it was at our house. Less indecent. But here? In the City. On the street. In the place where, as you said, it was the spot for exactly that. And you were the one who liked order, cleanliness, and organization. This place was definitely the opposite.”

  “Song, it was definitely a thrill. Even those who were waiting for their turn started cheering and clapping at some point.”

  “I would never have thought that on a serious anniversary, I would be enthusiastically loved by you, Commander. I, a scientist from TU, in a public space.”

  “Now I wouldn’t hesitate, Song. In fact, it makes me laugh.”

  “It’s age. Years, many years, have passed.”

  “The passing years open eyes.”

  “… The third one was when we had been together for ten years.”

  “We went to the Lakes. The City surroundings were expanded, but they left the Lakes untouched. Amazing views.”

  “Song? I remember you watching me swim and dance in the water. Joined me only for a moment to get me out of the water, as if I were a rebellious kid who didn’t want to come back home because the fun was so great. And you laughed.”

  “You rarely laughed outside our house.”

  “We walked through the forests; you carried me on your back. You laughed too; I didn’t even need to tell my poor jokes too much. It was good. What you built looked like a tent, but it was orderly prepared inside. A barrier ensured no one would bother us. It was amazing, Song. We were there for a week. Wei arranged with you not to receive any messages. Lan took over my responsibilities. Just for a few precious days.”

  “I prepared a special dance for you then. The dance was solely for you—I danced while you watched. It wasn’t really a dance I would show anyone else. I wanted to make you feel good. You worked hard on all of this; you remembered these lakes were my dream for many years, and I rarely experienced them.”

  “Song? I think you were happy. I was very.”

  “But Song, the fourth one! Fifteen years together. That was a party. Rowan insisted. She wanted to combine it with Wan’s occasion. She went to study in the City. The changes there were massive; everything bloomed there. Anders was furious that she chose TU and not his Academy. Rowan also wanted to celebrate with Wei, force him a bit to slow down. Wei had his worries then.”

  “Song, you also faced challenges after the barrier was taken down; new problems arose, but so did new visions and ideas.”

  “The party was huge, and Rowan invited many people, mostly from the Sect. From the City, we already didn’t have many contacts. Lan and I had some from TU. But it was official; no new friends in the City.”

  “We had a good time.”

  “Song, you said it was amusing to watch everyone and see people happy.”

  “It was a good anniversary. We went back home. Took a bath. Enjoyed ourselves calmly. I think the impact this party had on you was that you saw the people—happy, laughing, and enjoying. Because for it, you did it all, no? So, they could live their lives without worrying about cartels, fights, or violence.”

  “It was safe thanks to your work, Song. I told you many times. Your work was enormous. I showed you occasionally what impact on people it had. Additionally, of course, to you having your weapons working. About this, I learned later. About your weapons.”

  “Song.”

  “We wanted to celebrate twenty years together alone. Not to organize a party. One was enough, you said, for some time.”

  “O, we had plans. But the anniversary of us, twenty years of us together, I spent alone.”

  “The next ones I also celebrated alone.”

  “And now. So much time. How would we have celebrated if you were with me?”

  “Song? I love you, only you, forever.”