“But at the end of the day, the most important part is this: Every political position exists somewhere on the spectrum between 'we should work together for the common good', and 'we should eat each other alive because I'd win'.” -Bleu-Blanc-Rouge; In The Grim Darkness Of The 41st Millennium, Nobody Beats G.I. Joe!-

  ____

  James made jokes about killing god from time to time. Casual apostasy that way was just funny to him, but it was, importantly, always a joke. A reference to every anime and RPG and comic where god wasn’t even the final boss fight, and, importantly, it was very little more than that.

  James wasn’t a believer. He used the words that he’d been told he shouldn’t say while growing up as swears, but he didn’t have any real tangible faith in a higher power. So when he listed his vacation plans as ‘attack and dethrone god’, what he actually meant was ‘I dunno, probably gonna hang out with my partners, maybe play a video game for the first time in a year’. He wasn’t actually serious. It was a goof, and a comical declaration of his atheism.

  Oddly, even the intrusion of the dungeon, and then later dungeons into his daily life hadn’t changed his beliefs. They were weird, sure, but to James, they were no more proof of a higher power than any other bizarre thing on the planet was. Every nature documentary and election cycle did a great job of proving that both nature and the humans that were part of it were fucking weird. That was just the way of things.

  Partly, that was why he was so annoyed with the Mormons he’d recently encountered. If James did want to make an argument for a divine architect, the existence of massive hidden worlds that mirrored the creations of mankind and gave those brave enough to explore them special gifts was kind of a pretty good argument actually. Especially to someone younger, because James was well aware of the fact that kids operated almost entirely on a sense of what they thought was cool, and dungeons were very cool. The church could have simply called it a miracle, and showed it off as an act of their god, and gotten probably a way better result than trying to use the magic to force people to believe what they were told. Unethical and cruel, sure, but it was also just… just a bad plan.

  The other thing that could have shaken James’ un-faith was the pillars. Despite all of them seeming to go out of their way to be as non-divine as possible, there was… a feeling to them.

  James didn’t talk about it much, because what was there to say? It wasn’t just that they were dangerous or powerful or insane or all three together. Even as far back as when they first met Blitzkrieg and didn’t have her proper name, he’d known something set her apart. Something more than just being a master delver or a dungeon boss fight.

  Looking at a pillar was like looking at the moon. They were timelapses of sunsets, skyscrapers under construction, undiscovered deep sea creatures, and the network of lights of Earth’s nightside seen from space.

  Even the Right Person At The Right Moment. Even Kiki. It didn’t matter if they were helpful or friendly, there was no way to lose the knowledge of just how vast they were. Depths without end. Summits defined only by imagination. When he saw one, James knew, in both the primal instinctive part of himself, and also in the rational scaffold of civilized thought, that he was looking at something that was only barely a person anymore.

  Being who he was, and determined to get himself killed by his own terrible comedic timing, James tended to swallow that feeling whenever he was called upon by happenstance to mouth off to a pillar. Which hadn’t happened very often, actually. He didn’t really want to be a jerk to Nick, and the Last Line of Defense - or Nick and Lloyd as James delighted in nicknaming them - hadn’t ever actually talked to him, just to Anesh. Though he was beyond proud of his boyfriend for that whole encounter. And despite his bluster, James had been passive with the Chain Breaker.

  Because her insanity was obvious. Out in the open erratic madness, bubbling emotions that made her unpredictable, and James had known in that instant that he just needed her to overlook him and not cut him in half.

  But all the pillars were like that, according to Nick. Mentally compromised, or else on the path to getting there. And while the Order of Endless Rooms didn’t have proof of that…

  Well, the pillars they’d met didn’t do a great job of convincing anyone otherwise.

  Except. Now Kiki was here. Kill ‘Em With Kindness, emphasis on the kindness part it seemed, but more than willing to take part in the kill as well when she felt like she needed to. James hadn’t understood at the time, when they were in that messy skirmish with the Alchemists and a half dozen other factions besides, just what he was looking at when Kiki had fallen from the sky and walked through gunfire without flinching. He hadn’t met enough pillars to recognize the feeling. But he recognized someone who was deadly dangerous, and just because she had a clubhouse full of grandparents playing scrabble didn’t make her any less lethal.

  The idea that she might lose control of that power, or lose control of herself, made James’ blood turn to ice in his veins without any need for Climb magic. When the woman had asked for help removing herself from the board, the core of James self that had spent the majority of his life fighting to the death with his own suicidality had rebelled instantly. He’d been as polite as he could, but obviously that was not something he would ever help someone with. So he’d agreed to help more generally.

  And then he’d had time to think. Days that included a lot of quiet moments and hours to himself, where his thoughts could percolate and wander. And he’d wondered, what if it was him? He wasn’t exactly capable of mind wiping people or ripping limbs off with his bare hands, but he might be someday. And what if, with all his supernatural abilities and strengths, he ended up suffering from something like Alzheimer’s? What if he hurt someone because his mind degraded to the point that he didn’t know how not to?

  James didn’t want to die. But given the choice, he’d take death over becoming that kind of problem for the people around him. And bit by bit he came to understand Kiki’s point of view. If she thought she was losing control, and she had that much power? She was probably more scared of what she could do than James was.

  So he’d do what he could for her. So would all of the Order. Research and Recovery weren’t exactly flush with free time right now, but people who could be spared were moving to double check on the known effects of her power on her close companions, or setting up a place where they could study her without collateral, or formulating potential tests and acquiring the materials for them.

  It wouldn’t be especially professional. It’d be rushed and messy. But that was kind of what they had to work with sometimes.

  So James had kissed Anesh goodbye, gotten a passing high five from Alanna, hugged Arrush and Keeka in turn, and teleported away with a determined group to a small cabin in the forests of Mt Hood that was almost certainly not officially allowed to be there.

  He had two goals. One was to help an old woman who needed, more than anything, to know that she wasn’t going to hurt anyone. To either help her control her powers, expunge them entirely, or, in the worst case, to have a backup plan for stopping her permanently.

  There was a voice that was alternately practical or dark depending on how you looked at it that told him that having a favor owed by a pillar would be the item in the Order’s political arsenal for a while. But honestly, he would have done it for no benefit at all. He would have done it by himself if he needed to, though he knew he’d be worse at it; James just wasn’t a very good organized researcher. But he’d still do it.

  His second goal was to get through the next few hours or maybe days of conversation, testing, and planning, without making a single joke about deicide.

  _____

  On the third day of September, James appeared as part of the first group on a road that seemed to be little more than dried mud. And not even fully dried, either, almost sipping him up as he took the first step toward the cabin surrounded by douglas firs and a couple swinging benches that overlooked a steep slope. The seats, sanded but unvarnished, looked like a woodworking project from the previous resident of the place, and the wide shed nearby that still had a dusting of sawdust out in front of it reinforced that image.

  The air smelled like pine sap and chill dew, and while James didn’t consider himself a city kid, the shift to a whole different panoply of sounds around him made the place feel not just new but almost alien. He wasn’t totally isolated from nature, he’d heard birds before. But he’d never heard these birds, singing these songs.

  ”Huh. Smells weird.” The short ratroach next to James commented, sniffing the air, body twisted around showing off an overly curved spine. “Weirder than I remember anyway.”

  ”Reed, why are you still in Kyoo’s body?” James asked the Researcher. “I thought you guys wrapped up experimenting with the Least Safe Possible Table a month ago.”

  Reed shook his borrowed head, the lopsided form of chitin and fur moving gingerly as he avoided triggering any hidden pains while they walked. “Longer term tests.” He said. “And I volunteered.” He closed the quartet of offset eyes he had and inhaled deeply of the mountain air. “It’s not as bad now. And it’s kind of growing on me.”

  ”Really.” James asked, adjusting his backpack as he walked toward the cabin and glancing sideways at the ratroach form. He wasn’t sure he believed that considering what he’d heard about how most humans handled the level of pain ratroaches tended to be in on a baseline level.

  The pair of arms mostly on Reed’s left side wrapped filed down claws around the backpack strap he was wearing. “Really. I mean, come on. You think I liked my body?” He asked.

  James looked back behind them at the others following up the road, mostly entangled in their own conversations or complaining about the number of bugs in the air. Bugs that, he noted, were wise enough to avoid Reed entirely. “Uh… I don’t want to…”

  ”Sure didn’t!” Reed said happily. “Hey, you know what? I’m easily distracted and can’t keep a schedule, which makes it really hard to stop being fat. I could have done an exercise potion thing, but that just made me feel stupid, and I had other stuff on my plate. Kyoo’s body hurts, kinda, but it’s manageable, and having a tail is cool. Not being able to reach shelves sucks though.”

  ”Is this gonna be a permanent thing?” James asked, curious, as they approached the better kept gravel and flat stone path around the expansive front deck of the cabin. “Just so I don’t accidentally tell Kyoo some kind of state secret tomorrow, in the unlikely case that a ratroach who I have talked to ones of times asks me for passwords to the vault or something.”

  Reed made a stilted shrugging motion with the new arm he had. “Maybe? I’ll have to talk to her. See if we want to trade. Besides, shaper substance exists, for some reason. Anyway, that’s not important. You excited?”

  ”For whatever is about to go wrong today? Yes.” James nodded, stopping to look up at the bits of the sky that could be seen through the canopies of the hundred foot tall trees all around them. His boots made hollow thunks as he ascended the steps of the front porch, followed by a softer impact as he slung his backpack down to the pale wooden slats and turned to lean on the roughly sanded railing, watching the others come in behind them.

  Not rising to the bait, Reed just let himself into the cabin, followed by the other members of the Order and their gear as they set about unpacking what they wanted to use today. James nodded to people as they passed, faces he recognized but names he often didn’t, the group of them here to meet Kiki and start the process of exploring what she was.

  The medical team arrived next, another batch of five people carrying equipment that was probably more expensive than everything the preceding group had brought. Deb was busy with something, but she had confidence in the people she sent. They didn’t call themselves doctors, exactly, but James had a suspicion that they could have tested into the role if they needed to.

  The cabin behind him filled up with voices and the sounds of furniture being moved as he waited outside. The crisp cool air making him glad he’d brought a coat, but also just so refreshing after a long and abnormally hot summer.

  It was just nice here. Whoever had built the cabin had clearly done so with some modern help, but it was out in the middle of fucking nowhere, and the only thing around really was trees and the rough scrub brush and prickly vines that kept the slopes from eroding. A tiny island of human habitation in a sea of wilderness, only a dirt road that led back to a slightly more stable gravel driveway three miles away, which was itself five miles off from the highway. And the dirt road was going to fade into nothing over time now that the owners of this particular structure were the sort that preferred teleportation to pickup trucks.

  So James waited patiently, shifting to lean forward in a way that stretched his back out, a happy grin on his face as he caught sight of a bunch of deer idly picking their way through the underbrush. None of the animals cared about him watching, their stick thin legs ably carrying them through the blanket of fallen pine needles and the dull greens and yellows of the plant life, occasionally stopping to nibble on something.

  None of them reacted when a woman fell from the sky a few hundred feet away on a clear path they couldn’t see from down the slope. James reacted though, his breath hitching slightly in alarm before he remembered that Kiki hadn’t actually said how she was going to meet them here, and that he should technically have remembered how she seemed to deal with long distance travel.

  She was dressed differently now than when James had met her at her clubhouse. Gone were the loose red blouse and khakis, replaced now by plain black clothing that looked like it was halfway between professional secretary and professional hitman. Her hair was braided with silver charms that clinked and chimed like metal leaves in the wind as she hit the ground.

  Her eyes, though, were still kind. She was here for a dark reason, but she wasn’t unfriendly. Her landing didn’t even disturb the ground; no matter where she’d actually come from, she didn’t mess things up as she arrived. And James had to struggle not to laugh as, before Kiki could catch her breath and start hauling her duffel bag over toward the cabin that would be her home for at least a few days, all the deer he’d seen a second ago poked their heads through the treeline, curiously approaching with a complete lack of fear to sniff at her arms and hands.

  The woman sighed and tried to look exasperated as the family of cervids was joined moments later by a pair of heavy grey squirrels, a skunk, eight birds that landed along the arm holding the straps of her bag, and a corn snake that settled on her shoe and looked up at her placidly.

  ”Holy shit.” James voice was quiet, but he saw her look up and meet his eyes anyway, the gap of space between them no issue for her ability to hear. “You’re an actual Disney princess.”

  ”This is why I don’t go outside.” Kiki grumbled as she gently flipped the snake into the bushes, shook the birds off, and walked away from her trailing vanguard of forest creatures. She said it good naturedly though, and there was an almost visible wisp of joy coming off her like steam as she stopped at the bottom of the steps.

  ”I’m just saying, you’re the perfect candidate for a magical girl!” James said as he leaned forward on his arms, glad the coat kept the splinters out as he put his weight on the railing.

  Kiki’s mouth twitched in a smile. “Big talk from a kid who thinks he’s Superman.” She retorted.

  ”Hey, I’m Aquaman at most.” James defended himself. “You wanna come inside?”

  “Hold your horses. I’ve got something to say first.” She tossed her duffel onto the first step and set a gnarled hand on her hip, braided grey hair drifting in the light wind behind her. “I know what kind of person you are.” She started. “I know you don’t want to kill anyone. I know you think you can save me.”

  James nodded. “I do.” He said. “Or… well, I think we should try.”

  ”And what happens when you can’t?” Her voice was rough, raspy in the same way James’ grandmother’s had been. “What happens then?”

  Meeting the stare of the thing that wasn’t a god but sure felt like an insurmountable force of nature, James took a long breath of the fresh pine air, holding it in until his lungs felt like they were stretching to their limit. “Then we try something else.” He said gently. “Then we keep trying. We already have an outline for safety protocols to keep people rotating in here, so no one gets exposed too much to your changes, just in case. We’ll find ways to contain your magic, or protect ourselves. We’ll find a way to help you.”

  ”And if you can’t?” She pressed.

  James turned a hand over, looking down at his open palm that was starting to collect new scars again. “Then I’ll try to kill you.” He said with the same tone. “I’ve been thinking about it. About what we know, and what we’ve seen. If you start to lose control, really lose control? Then I promise I will stop you.” He said.

  Inside, someone made a joke and a few people laughed. Overhead, the green boughs of the trees swayed in the wind. Ten miles away, people drove by on the way to work or family vacations or trucking route deliveries. Nearby, a family of deer eyed a woman that didn’t seem like a human and wondered if she was some kind of delicious new plant.

  Kiki and James appraised each other silently. And then, after either a minute or an hour, she nodded and her shoulders sagged. “Thanks kid.” She said in an old and weathered voice.

  ”But we’re gonna try to help first.” James reminded her.

  ”I know. Don’t wanna keep you in the dark, but I’ve been spying on your own clubhouse.” She was smiling again, and said the words bluntly, but James felt like she was secretly hoping that he’d absolve her of her guilt for the action.

  He just nodded. “Yeah, we figured. Kind of a jerk move, but I get that you needed to see who we were without us having a chance to curate.” He pushed himself upright and turned toward the front door. “You need help with your stuff? Everyone else is already here and some of them are worryingly eager to meet you.”

  ”If you start a cult, I’m getting the hell out of Dodge.”

  ”If they start a cult, I’m gonna ask you to take me with you.” James deadpanned.

  _____

  First, there were medical tests. The standard battery of things that were common at checkups, including bloodwork. And then more blood draws when the medical team realized that they were getting different blood every time.

  Kiki had been apologetic, but just as curious as everyone else. And the event prompted her being asked what it was that let her change her form like she did. Like all pillars did, it seemed. And that led to the floodgates opening on questions in general.

  There were a few planned tests and theories for the next few days, but the thing about having a test subject who was a living maybe-still-human person was that you could ask her questions. Not just to get answers, but to get her own opinions, input, and questions back in turn. So the first couple hours after the checkup were spent in conversation about what exactly Kiki already knew, and what they all wanted to learn.

  What was up with the shapeshifting? She didn’t know. It was new to her, too. But it led to a longer explanation about how Kiki had increasingly felt like she was an alien in her own skin over the last year. Which apparently she was if her blood type was changing with every test they did. As for her outer appearance, to her - and also James and some other members of the Order - it had begun to appear as if she had a motley patchwork of other people that would sometimes replace bits and pieces of her body. But to everyone else, especially normal people with no magic at all, there was never any comment on it.

  Even in the room full of people who were deeply involved in the Order, some of them couldn’t tell that it was going on even when the skin of her face rippled and shifted. So they spent some time double checking what everyone saw her as, and that was when James started to realize that most people probably never actually saw a pillar’s true self. Because while the majority of people described her as grandmotherly, it became clear quickly that in the details they were seeing different faces.

  Especially amusing was that the two camracondas present today described someone who, if you didn’t know any better, would have matched up with a description of Karen. Even if they insisted she didn’t look like Karen, the broad strokes were all the same.

  So that power was a mystery on its own. There didn’t seem to be any rhyme or reason to who could see through the unwilling facade, only that the ratio was in favor of ‘no’. But it brought them to the next question.

  What, exactly, could Kiki do?

  The old human had taken a deep breath, swirled the water around the fancy blue frosted glass that she wasn’t drinking out of, and then tried to give a list. And it had very, very quickly become clear that she didn’t know the limits of what she could do, because she could do so much that she regularly forgot her own powers.

  She could heal. Not just broken bones, but almost anything. Though every distinct form of healing was something different and ‘felt separate’ to her, but she could do them anyways. She could follow connections of friendship and favor between people, and use them to spy or communicate. She could change someone’s mind if she had a good point to make, which might not be magic, but probably was given how people resisted having their minds changed.

  All those were on her danger list. Healing infected people with her magic, especially deep healing. Watching didn’t seem like a problem, but communicating ‘shook out the friendship’ according to her, and she didn’t like messing with people that way. And anything that looked like mind control she shut away so hard that she tried to not convince anyone of anything directly these days.

  That was what worried her. What didn’t was strange in comparison.

  She was stronger and faster than a human should be, and when they tested that afterward she showed it by bending a steel bar one handed. She could get almost anywhere, though the way she did it was by flinging herself into the sky and ‘following the thread of people who needed her’. Testing that specific power later that night just created more questions because she literally disappeared as she ascended and reappeared on the way down. Sending drones along to watch showed a thin bubble of tension in the air that she slipped through, so Kiki was kind of making her own hole in reality. But not a portal; there was a lot of delay in each jump.

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  And then there was what she just knew. Kiki had grown up as a bit of a tomboy, but her adult life had been spent as a housewife and mother. Her adventures as a grandparent had included taking an ikebana class and going on cruises. But now, despite a peaceful life, she could identify and skillfully use every weapon without a second thought. But it also extended in another direction too; she knew every single cookie recipe humanity had ever used as comfort food.

  She knew the original recipe for what was thought to be the first cookie in the 7th century, and she knew the secret other beginning of the treat from two thousand years before then when a child happened upon it and gave the results to his sister before his master beat him for wasting food. There might have been more farther back, but connections got more distant at that range, she said. She could also walk through a museum and know the name of everyone who had held the weapons on display, and their reasons for fighting with them, if there was even a hint of compassion to their purpose.

  She could also exchange how nice people thought she was for physical wounds. For some reason, this bothered her a lot less than everything else.

  All of this, though, left her touch on people. Either those close by, or those she was actively using her abilities on. And her power changed people. Slowly, in small ways perhaps, but it did change them all the same. It didn’t sand away rough edges in a personality, but it made those edges more focused; it made people kind. And, at the same time, it also made people more decisive. Not unafraid, not heroic, but it instilled an attitude of not flinching away from danger or violence.

  That, James noticed instantly, was a lie by omission. Kiki was holding something back. But he didn’t press, because it was the first hours of the first day, and she didn’t trust them yet, and that was okay. They weren’t in a hurry.

  The last thing she could do - or knew she could do anyway - was make magic items. And that was absurd, because she described it in a way that was, more than anything any of the knights of the Order had ever seen, magic.

  She bottled favors, and turned them into friendship bracelets that connected people in a hundred special ways. She captured animosity aimed at her and reshaped it into weapons that could damage anything but flesh. She stole weapons of importance to their wielder, and made the leaf shaped charms that adorned her braided hair, each of them ready to shatter to block an attack. Before they would put themselves back together later, of course.

  And none of those caused her magic to seep out. She had a powerful and precise sense for where all her magic was at any given time, and that was both dulled for any dungeontech - pillartech? - she made, and a great way to know that it didn’t leak.

  They group, sitting around on wicker chairs and couches that had familiar worn IKEA cushions stacked on what seemed to be handmade frames, started working up a list of more specific tests to test the limits of that specifically. This was also the start of the codified wishlist; they needed a way to detect magic on their own. They couldn’t rely on the woman who was their voluntary test subject to also be their primary piece of equipment.

  That might be a problem though. Dungeons seemed stubbornly resistant to meta-effects. So a magic detector started the list, followed quickly by resistant or absorptive materials for Kiki’s extra unwilling effects. Which led to the point that they might already have those and not know it. Hell, something as mundane as copper might act as a buffer for magic, and they’d never know. But now they could.

  When the conversation got deeper into the problem of her magic seeping out, Kiki reminded them that whenever she was hurt - or ‘killed’ - the problem was much worse. More potential tests were added to the list, because apparently the woman was sternly accepting of the idea of being damaged for the sake of learning more about how to combat her condition.

  And then someone asked the question. The one that hadn’t exactly been avoided, but had been pushed to the side as they asked about abilities and personal health and the things Kiki had already tried herself.

  The question that was at the core of every question about the pillars. The question that needed answering.

  ”How did you end up like this?”

  _____

  “When I was younger,” Kiki began, “I wanted to be an astronaut. I lived through the whole space race, you know? And when we landed on the moon for the first time… well heck, kids. It felt like we did it. We accomplished something big. And I wanted to be part of that.” She paused only briefly. “I knew I never would. I was too old to start training then, even if I could have afforded it or if they’d take a gal at all. But I remember the feeling. The inspiration of it all, and the way that it made my heart beat and my eyes shine. Oh, back in those days, everyone was terrified of the Russkies ending the world, but for just that one moment, there was no fear. Just this amazing thing.”

  She smiled as she stared out the dirty window of the cabin, into the still green scenery beyond. Not lost in her memories, but visiting for a time. “My mother was already on the decline, her heart wasn’t doing well. Every time I talked to her she’d say she was on her last legs, then laugh, and keep going. I came home to watch those first steps with her, too. Oh, you could hear the whole neighborhood cheering when it happened, I swear. And while we were sitting there in her kitchen, feeling all that stupified hope, she turned to me and said ‘that’s how you do it Kiki. That’s the way you get em.’.”

  The smile she was wearing was a faraway thing. A half century in the past, but grinning like it was yesterday. “She was dead the next day. And when I found her, she was still smiling. That woman was a force, I tell you. The orneriest, grumpiest, rudest bastards just couldn’t break her down. Give her a month and enough baking powder and she could turn any rude man into a fellow worth having. More magic than I ever was, I’ll say.” Her smile didn’t fade, though the shape of her lips slid into another different face as she spoke.

  ”She didn’t tell me I had to be like her. But she showed me how right she was every day. It’s been fifty five years and I miss her every day.” Kiki wiped the corner of her eye and breathed softly, the population of the room shifting quietly as they raptly listened to the story of her life. “And then life picked up and went on. And I had an alright one, but you don’t need to know the details. What you do need to know is that I was my mother’s daughter, and I never forgot how she raised me. Even when I got old, and started dying, and even when everyone else failed me and stuck me in the cheapest hospice they could find.”

  The smile was gone now, and she was rubbing at her chest without realizing it. Memories of good times passing into memories of exhaustion, medical malpractice, and pain. “Suffered what I could for a while, but I was on the way out. I told your boy here,” she inclined a bony chin toward James, “a little bit, but let me tell you. There’s nothing like pain to make you angry.” The camracondas and non-Reed ratroach, as well as a good chunk of the humans in the room nodded silently and knowingly at the words. “But dreaming about throwing your nurse out the window is different from doing it.”

  Kiki laughed with a bitter little tone that ran up and down the register as a dozen voices overlapped her own. “I remember dying, or being so close it didn’t matter. No light, no pearly gates, but I was outta here kids. And my last thought was going to be how pissed I was that I didn’t even get an aspirin for it. But all of a sudden, things were different.”

  She stood and paced around to behind her chair, staring out the glass door to the back deck of the cabin that overlooked a steep slope down into a forested ravine. Still staring out the window, she kept talking. “It was like someone put the whole world in my brain, and told me to pick part of it. Oh, I had no clue what it was; thought I was having one last wild ride before my old bones gave out. But I remember that witch of a nurse was there, and I remember thinking that maybe I could dream of her head popping off if I tried.”

  Another little laugh. “And then I thought that maybe, maybe my mother was right. Not that I ever didn’t believe in her anyway. But maybe if I had to pick some final thought, it should be to thank her for her help, go out with a nice word, and Kill ‘Em With Kindness.” The words rippled through the room, and a brief brush of something moved across the people present before being hauled away. “Whoops. Sorry there.” Kiki said, crushing her distracted magical leak.

  ”Here’s the meat and potatoes though. It wasn’t because I was dying. I didn’t keep much, but I know that at least. It was just a coincidence.” She brushed a strand of hair out of her face. “Whatever happened, it was because something landed on me. Not like your alien friends here,” Kiki gestured to the nonhumans in the room, “I mean something spooky. I’d call it an angel if I thought it was alive. I don’t know where it came from, and I’ve always been afraid to go back and check to see if I can find out, but it was from somewhere, and I think it was heading here on purpose.”

  She sighed and changed tones, like she was wrapping up her explanation. ”Well, that was it, as you might have guessed. I was dying, then I was this. Just got out of bed and walked out. Oh, I thanked that nurse too, and she fainted on me. Making more work even then. I figured out right there that I was stronger than I should be when I caught her and stuck her in my bed before leaving.” She sucked in a breath through crooked teeth. “And then I faded away. Maybe it was what I thought I was supposed to do, and the magic made it happen. I couldn’t say. I was there, but I wasn’t there, if you take my meaning. A couple few years of that. Being a ghost, pulled along without really focusing on anything. Thoughts all tangled up, with no good way to sort them out. I don’t remember how I did come back to my senses, either, mind you. There’s a feeling of a shadow or a reflection, maybe? And then I was standing in a room halfway up some New York skyscraper staring at a water cooler wondering where I’d been for my whole life.” She shrugged, an oddly familiar motion. “And then… I didn’t know what to do. Tried to go back to living, but it felt so different and wrong. Wandered around for a while. Eventually ended up back at home.”

  The little smile came back as she turned around and set a hand on the back of the chair. “It turns out you can go home again, it’ll just be different. So I found a few people I used to know and restarted the Grandparent’s Society. Some old friends, some of their kids, something to keep me invested. And then their grandkids. And sometimes another link down the line. Turns out when you can keep people you like alive for longer, you end up with a lot of great grandparents. My own great grandson doesn’t know about me really, but I keep an eye out.”

  Someone started to raise a hand as the math began to come into focus, and Kiki clicked her tongue, cocking a finger their direction. “You figured it out, huh? Yeah, I wasn’t young where my gabbing about my life started. Just had a birthday, I’ll let you guess how old I am, but it’s closer to a hundred than you’d think. No one better start singing, I’ve heard that damned tune enough for two lifetimes.” Her smile turned smug and she waggled her eyebrows at her own joke until someone - James - snorted out a laugh. “Anyone want to guess how many times I’ve died?” She said with the cadence of a game show host.

  No one did. “Sixteen. Not from old age or heart attack, after I… changed. But I wasn’t ever much of a fighter before and I haven’t gotten good at it now. Before I learned I could make the charms, and before I figured out how fast I was, I got into a lot of trouble. I can’t ignore things, that’s the important thing you need to know. If someone’s a rude little brat, I’ll be a ray of sunshine on ‘em. If someone’s kind despite the world, then I feel like I’ve gotta help ‘em. I can’t turn a blind eye if it’s something important to me. If I do, I get…”

  She trailed off, staring down at the back of hands that were moving between different finger lengths. “I lose myself. Bit by bit. If I try to ignore a problem, then I’ll forget why I wanted to ignore it and run straight into it anyway, except I won’t be thinking while I do it. It’s like it’s a current in the river, and I can either steer into it, or get thrown in the rapids, but I can’t get out of the water.”

  ”That’s why I’m here. That’s why I need your help. I’m not getting better at steering. I’m falling apart, and holding it all together feels harder and harder every day. I wish I could tell you how it happened, but I barely remember that.” She met James’ eyes. “Your boy here says you want to heal me, and kiddos, I respect that. I really do. I’ll do what I can for you in return, because you all seem like you’ve had a hard time of it and you’ve earned a little break. But I’m old. And I’m tired. And I’d rather see it all end before I hurt someone when I get tugged into another mess. And these days, everything feels less and less stable with each check on the calendar.”

  There was a long stretch of silence, with only the sounds of birds outside and a couple pens scratching on paper to fill it. And then Kiki sighed deeply and sat down again, moving more like she was the old woman that her body made her appear as and less like a force of nature that could probably flatten the whole building without breaking a sweat. “But you asked how I ended up like this? I can tell you one thing I know in my bones.” She looked up at James, before sweeping her eyes around to meet everyone else’s, making sure they were paying close attention.

  “Something changed me. And whatever did it, I don’t think it stopped with me. Sometimes I feel what I think is that sensation of being the whole universe again, but it’s far off in the distance. It’s like it’s a tingling fire just out of sight. And I’ve always been too afraid to go see what it was. And also… I don’t think it was on purpose.” She picked up her glass of water, untouched for her whole speech, and drained it in a sustained gulp. “You know I used to think this life was a curse. But you know what else?”

  ”God, I would have felt so much worse if that awful, awful woman of a nurse got it instead of me.”

  _____

  They took a break after that.

  James found himself sitting out back, getting cold from the wind that was picking up, and wondering what the hell he was doing here.

  They hadn’t even gotten to anything more than basic medical screenings, and Kiki demonstrating the process of converting a battered if well cared for hunting knife into one of her charms and back. The knight who had volunteered it for the example decided to keep it as the charm, wearing his old weapon as a shield that he planned to get a little silver chain for later. Which was cool and all, but it just made James feel more and more out of his depth.

  What the hell was he supposed to helping with here, he wondered. He didn’t feel like an idiot or anything; a hundred skill ranks had brought him to a level of baseline competence in so many different fields that he actually felt like he was the ultimate cosmopolitan. But when people started discussing methodology for tests for determining what material compositions stopped magic the best, James felt like he was going to go crosseyed from trying to focus on the chart taking shape on the whiteboard.

  James could help out by trying to custom make dungeontech for them, but he doubted that he was going to be able to make something that could sense magic at all. He’d tried. Everyone in the Order who was interested in blue imbuement had tried. A magic item - or even just magic full stop - finder would be the single most valuable thing they would have. Some things got close, like the affiliation glasses that glitched when used on dungeon life and caused migraines, or the glasses that showed how much time something would waste that let you pick out dungeontech by how problematic it was, and also caused migraines.

  The Office magic sure seemed to cause a lot of migraines. James would look into that later, when his head hurt less.

  He could be around to help provide security, maybe. But they were in the middle of a forest on the side of a mountain, and if anyone was tracking Order operations and was gleeful at the opportunity to strike at them while Planner wasn’t obfuscation the building, then they’d be a little disappointed that the demigod making small talk with Paper-And-Words was currently both here, and on the Order’s side. So any pretense of protecting this cabin was firmly an affectation.

  He could cook? That sounded like something he could do to help. Assuming Kiki didn’t get to it before him; she seemed like the kind of person who reveled in the simple act of feeding people. Which James understood, but it would also leave him completely out of a job. It also assumed that none of the dozen other people here knew how to feed themselves, and while he was prepared to believe that applied to Reed and maybe the newer guy from Research who looked like he was a delicate twig, James was confident that at least one of the people in the wooden cabin knew how to assemble a sandwich. Or that they hadn’t just brought a copy of the lunchbox of holding lunch, filled with enough food to not worry about it.

  So in the complete absence of something useful to contribute right now aside from a slightly different perspective, James sat on the back porch with a copy of the mindful reverberation spellbook, planning to test it out on himself so they could better understand how far the self-mind control could go. He was about halfway through the twenty minute requirement, trying to forget that he didn’t have a useful role there, when someone interrupted him.

  ”Moral support.” Kiki said, sitting down on the bench next to him and settling forward on her bony legs.

  ”Buh?” James asked, displaying his mastery of the English language and losing his progress entirely as he looked up.

  ”You’re here for moral support.” She told him. “Someone needs it.”

  He looked back through the cabin’s window, dirty glass that hadn’t really been a priority for the last owner giving him a warped view of the interior where people had broken into groups and were making lists of things they’d want shipped in, deciding who would be staying here long term and who would be heading back later. “These goofs all seem like they’re excited and energized to be here.” He commented.

  Kiki reached over and patted him on the shoulder. “I meant me, kiddo. But thanks for thinking highly of the old lady.”

  James’ laugh slipped out so abruptly he hurt his throat. “Ahhhh… okay, that got me.” He said, shaking with a silent breath of amusement. They sat quietly, watching the trees, before James spoke up again. “I wanna say thanks.” He said.

  ”For the charm? I’ll be doing a heck of a lot more than that before we’re done here, I’d wager.” Kiki said with a smile. “Appreciate the gratitude though.”

  ”No, for just… telling us so much outright.” James sighed. “We’ve talked to people who feel like you before, you know? I mentioned it when we met. Pillars, they call themselves, though I’m starting to think that’s an organization and not a designation.” He rubbed at his eyes, trying to figure out why he was so tired even though he’d actually gotten a full four hours of sleep last night and then realizing how stupid that thought was. “You filled in a lot of gaps.”

  ”Wanna share with the class?” She was still smiling, but James could sense a tension, and see her form shifting in what might be a pillar form of an anxiety response.

  He nodded. “Nick… well, he’s The Right Person At The Right Moment, really. I had a chat with him a little while back, and he made a comment that none of the pillars were sane. And I sort of got the impression that he was talking about being worn down by his role in things. Later, Aku - Necessary Evil, he’s kind of a jerk - gave us another clue that pillars don’t really get to choose if they do what their names say they do.” James set his mouth in a tight line as he gave Kiki a sideways glance, trying not to make it too much about pity. “And then you tell us you get pulled along, and…”

  ”And you see more of the whole picture.” She sighed. “Is that why you agreed to help?” She said, and when she said ‘help’ she meant ‘kill me’. “Because you know I’m going to end up out of my gourd?”

  James winced, but nodded. “Yeah, sort of.” He said with blunt honesty. “I mean, it’s a lens into why you need help. I would have helped anyway.” And when he said ‘help’, he meant it without any other undertone. “You know they’re probably going to want to test how strong that pull is, and how it affects you to resist it, right?” He asked. “I can stop that right now, if it’s a problem.”

  ”Oh I’ll live.” Kiki said with a magnanimous wave of a hand. “Just have to warn everyone to stay clear. Just in case.”

  ”Mh hm.” James wasn’t convinced, but he let it drop. “Anyway. Knowing you can make magic items is weird. I assume the other pillars can do that too. It’s close enough to how dungeons work that I also wonder if they can share powers. And that leads to the worrying question of if Camille - you’d like Camille I think by the way.”

  ”I like everybody!” Kiki gave a raspy laugh.

  James laughed back. “No you do not!” He countered with a grin. “Just cause I’m neurodivergent and in my thirties doesn’t mean I have no attention span! I listened to your story!” He shook his head, letting the smile drop. “Anyway. Cam is someone that the Last Line Of Defense used as a soldier for a while. And now I worry that she’s got some of his magic in her, and he knows exactly where she is. Her and her sisters, who are currently sitting in my secret city.”

  ”…You know, I’ve been spying on you, doing a whole lot of snooping,” Kiki said with dry humor, “and you still manage to say these things that make my head spin. Where are you hiding a whole city?”

  ”Tennessee.” James answered instantly.

  ”How?”

  ”Cleverly.”

  ”Har har.”

  James smiled as he pulled his coat tighter against a gust of wind, which didn’t help much. He was pretty sure there was a purple orb for staying warm, and he made a point to check when he got back, because whatever genetics his parents had passed down to him, surviving winters in the Pacific Northwest was not part of them. “But yeah.” He brought the conversation back to his point. “If nothing else, just learning from each other is valuable. So thank you.”

  ”Don’t thank me yet kiddo. You don’t know if I’m about to end up as nuts as the other fellas like me.” Kiki pointed out. “And what then? When I turn into a monster that can’t do anything but be nice and murder people?”

  ”Honesty?” James started

  She cut him off. “Don’t tell me that sounds like a good monster.” Her weathered voice was irate.

  ”I’ve met worse monsters, is all I’m saying!” James shrugged. “Besides, typically, people or monsters who are actual problems kind of show up in my life like natural disasters. You didn’t do that, so, statistically, you’re fine and I’m comfortable enough with the absurdly powerful old lady being a little dangerous sometimes.”

  ”You’re too pure and stupid for this world.” Kiki said with a friendly lilt to her words.

  James didn’t take it personally. “I’m half joking, so you’re half wrong.” He told her. “But really, what am I supposed to do if you snap and decide to hurt us? Ask nicely for you to not turn the mountain into a crater?”

  ”If I did that it’d probably knock me out for a little while, at least. And if you asked nicely for me not to and I did anyway, it might… well I don’t know what could kill me, but we might want to try that.” She said after thinking about it for a little too long. Which was at least a good thing to know. “You sure seem anxious to get out of here, that’s all I’m trying to say.” Kiki’s sudden backtracking almost threw James off the whole conversation. “What’d you rather be doing?”

  For a split second, James felt himself start to say “Anesh” before he caught the word and choked it back. But raised eyebrow smirk that Kiki gave him made him think that maybe listening in on his inner monologue was a power of hers. “Okay, real answer?” He sighed. “Helping fix up a natural history museum in my secret city. Or maybe going to explore a dungeon. Trying to find some new magic so I can catch up to being able to resist people like you if I need to. Or, hell, I could go scout the place you failed to die, if you know the address. Or whatever new fire needs putting out.”

  ”Life’s like that.” Kiki coughed when she tried to sigh. “The problems are always knocking on your door. Why don’t we ever get to go cause trouble for them?”

  ”I think we’re supposed to be better than that, but I sure don’t feel it.” James said, finding it amusing that he was waxing poetic and practically reminiscing about the past with someone who was sixty years older than him. “I feel like I want to go find a problem and ruin it’s day unexpectedly and unannounced and then vanish.”

  He pulled his phone out of his pocket, checking it quickly for a text that would never arrive here in the mountains where cell service was only accessible via a convoluted magic item that stored internet connection that James wasn’t holding.

  Kiki looked over his shoulder at the blank screen. ”What?” She asked.

  ”Just kind of expected something there.” James replied. “It’s been that kind of life lately.”

  ”Maybe they need your help and you’ll get the message when you get home.” She offered kindly. And then, there was a small wash of warmth and the feeling of the perfect birthday gift, followed by Kiki’s smile getting brittle and annoyed as her pillar magic worked itself out into the atmosphere. “Someone is trying to get ahold of you. Go on kid, get out of here. I can handle being around these weirdos for a few days.”

  ”They’re not that bad.” James jumped to his companion’s defense.

  ”I know you’re dating one of them, but I know you know the bug-rat fella is just the strangest species.”

  James laughed as he stood up, wedging the paperback spellbook into his pocket to take with him. “Kiki, that’s not even in the top five for me. And besides, the ratroach here today is actually a human. They’re just trading bodies for a little for testing purposes.”

  ”You’re leaving something out.” She accused him.

  ”Sure am.” James nodded. “Ask Reed. I’m gonna let them know I’m leaving and vanish before I end up getting roped into building boxes out of twenty different materials that you’re not supposed to use to build boxes.” He’d seen the checklist that the research team was making. And he’d take any other project over that. Taking a deep breath of fresh air, he offered Kiki a hand up, which she took, the feeling of her skin warm and rough but also inescapably massive. Like there was a whole other mountain present, hiding in the shadow of this one woman.

  He went back through the cabin, confirmed that they did have a packed lunch-space, nodded along to the long term testing plan they had for seeing if there was an option for draining or siphoning away magic from a concentrated source without being able to detect that magic, and then headed out.

  James was a problem solver. Given enough time, he could solve this problem. But he was applying a practical leadership skill he’d picked up all on his own.

  He’d taken ten very smart people, who were curious about the world, and put them in front of the problem. Then he’d told them to have fun, and given Kiki a friendly mostly joking warning.

  And he had to remind himself anyway that this was solving the problem. And that twiddling his thumbs here wouldn’t be as important as just coming by to have direct conversations, update the non-pillar on things, and get her unique take on the different things the Order had discovered. He felt the weight of her presence as he left, but James was actually one of the people who had an easy time just talking to her like a person, and he was pretty sure they both appreciated that.

  The whole thing left him feeling mixed when he teleported back to the Lair, and all his messages showed up telling him that they’d confirmed that the Mormons had stopped their tracking of Lincon, and that they were ready and willing to head down to sneak into the dungeon whenever James gave the word.

  He would have to start reminding people that there were other paladins they could ask now, for when he was hiding up in the mountains, but not right now.

  Right now, he had a dungeon to explore, and a new horizon to see, and he was happy.

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