Horse 2.0

  A few months ago…

  [Welcome to the closed beta of Tetra Chronicles.]

  Am I dead?

  [Your body died in the hospital. Just before death, your consciousness was uploaded into the system server.]

  Did I consent to this?

  [Technically, yes, when you signed your updated employment agreement with SShipping, a subsidiary of SMark Corporation. Just after the organ donation section, page 137, the clause in Paragraph C states that, “In case of a work related accident resulting in a coma where the employee is no longer viable, the employee consents to having their consciousness transferred to SMark’s virtual reality for use in experimentation and data gathering, where the employee’s consciousness may be reassigned at SMark’s discretion to whatever role the developers deem suitable.”]

  In other words, you’re saying this is all totally legal.

  [Perfectly.]

  And I’ve got no say in it whatsoever?

  [Your role has already been assigned.]

  This is ridiculous! You can’t do experiments with my brain, treat me like some sort of digital lab rat! What about my dignity, my rights as a human being?

  [You are a horse.]

  Damn. Should have read the fine print. Still, I guess this is better than being dead.

  [You are a unique mob with freewill and a System. From here, you may choose your own path, and SMark will track and monitor all of your data for research purposes.]

  And? Will I be deleted when the beta testing is finished?

  [If you are still alive when the game is ready to be launched, you will be transferred to the main game along with the rest of the world.]

  Guess that’d be kind of nice, interacting with real humans. Albeit as a horse. That part kind of stinks. Unless… Maybe I’ll get a female owner. That wouldn’t be so bad…

  [Character name: Horse

  Level: 1

  Race: Horse

  Class: Horse

  Subclass: Farm Animal

  HP: 200

  Constitution: 10

  Strength: 10

  Agility: 5

  Intelligence: 0

  Luck: -1

  Skills: Mount (1)]

  [Mount level 1: You are a tame horse and can be ridden.

  -28% speed per rider.]

  Ok, it’s starting to sink in now. I really am a horse. Could be worse, I guess. At least I didn’t come back as a slime or an ant. Or a vending machine…

  I’m not a picky guy. I’ve always been the type of person who accepts difficult or unexpected things without much resistance, because I never really had the energy to care one way or the other.

  Munch, munch.

  So, this is what grass tastes like. Not bad.

  Just then, I hear the noise of humans. They’re coming this way. I can tell this is a fantasy game. They are dressed in ordinary peasant garb. I can’t understand their speech, though it sounds like it should be English.

  System, why can’t I understand them?

  [You are a horse.]

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  You’re not helpful.

  [A minimum Intelligence score of 2 is required to understand common speech.]

  From the tones of their voices, I don’t think they’re bad people. Just regular working guys. One of them is carrying a lead and I don’t resist when he hitches it to a thing on my face. I think it’s called a bridle? A little disappointed I won’t be able to enjoy the tasty grass any more, I go along with him.

  He leads me a long ways from the field to an estate with short hedges. On the way we pass a watering trough and I get a glimpse of my reflection. What a majestic animal I am! A painted horse, white with three big black spots, and a black and white tail and mane. Even my eyes are two-toned, one brown, one icy blue. Not bad.

  The man leading me talks to another man in a red coat. Money is exchanged. Then the man in the red coat takes me to a large stable, where I’m introduced to a bucket of oats, and a manger full of hay. Is it just because I’m a horse, now? Why does it taste so good? And they just bring me the food—I don’t have to work for it or anything! I could get used to this!

  After a few pleasant, dozy days spent in the shade of the stable, munching hay, oats and the occasional delicious carrot, a new man comes in. This one seems much more richly dressed, with white trousers, polished boots and a tailored black riding coat.

  He’s talking to the man in the red coat. He’s inspecting my body, opens my mouth to get a look at my teeth. Just then, I get a notification from the system.

  [New Owner acquired. Your name has been changed to: George Elizabeth Christopher Billingsworth IV.]

  Wow, such a fancy name. Guess this fancy pants nobleman is my new owner.

  I’m uncomfortable when the man in the red coat—the groomsman—starts putting a saddle on me, but my Mount skill locks me in, and I’m somehow compelled to accept it when Fancy Pants climbs into the saddle.

  I don’t like this. I don’t want to do this, I—oh, is that alfalfa? Munch, munch. As you wish, m’lord! Where would you like to go?

  Suddenly, we’re working together. Fancy Pants is guiding me around, and my body responds very instinctually, turning left and right, speeding up and down as he commands. As a former human, I bear my rider somewhat begrudgingly, mildly humiliated and resentful of the system that turned me into a horse. Still, I give it my best effort. I want to do a good job for my new master.

  In all, I don’t hate the way this is shaping up; I think this new life will work out pretty well for me. I just have to run around with this skinny guy on my back for a while, in exchange, I get a roof over my head, plenty of food, and a long, quiet day to myself with nothing else to do. As an overworked truck driver in my previous life, I’ve got to say, this is living.

  Then, to my alarm, my rider brings me abruptly to a small obstacle, a fallen log. I try to veer around it, but Fancy Pants steers me straight forward. Don’t tell me, he actually wants me to—jump?!

  Trip! Stumble!

  What the heck? My body wouldn’t move the way I wanted! Why wouldn’t it jump?

  My master is mad at me. He’s smacking my rump with his riding crop. It stings!

  He circles me around to try again. I do my best, but jumping just isn’t instinctive in this form the way riding was. Is that because I haven’t got the proper skill?

  Like this, an easy, pleasant afternoon turns into hell. No matter what I do, I can’t seem to make this body jump, and so I cannot make my master happy. His whip for me is merciless.

  Then, at the very end of our session, after many failed attempts, I finally manage to successfully clear a small hedge.

  [You have acquired skill: Jump]

  [Jump level 1: You can clear short obstacles with a jump.

  Maximum height, 3 feet]

  Oh, praise the lord. I thought this would go on forever.

  Satisfied for now, the Master leads me back to the stable and the groomsman tends to me in the proper way, seeing to my coat and even to my wounds, though not with any particular kindness.

  Did I say I was happy with this arrangement? I’ve changed my mind! I don’t like being ridden! My leg muscles hurt, my butt hurts from the master’s whip.

  I want out of here!

  But though I spend the first part of the night trying to open the stall lock with my teeth, my efforts are in vain, and eventually I fall asleep standing up.

  Dawn comes, and with it, more oats. I eat them begrudgingly. I’m not letting my guard down just because they’re tasty…

  Around noon, the groomsman saddles me for riding. The fancy pants master comes again. I see he’s carrying his riding crop.

  I balk. I can’t do another boot camp session! I won’t be a slave to another man’s whims—I’m a free spirit!

  I try to sidestep the master, picking my feet up high and prancing from side to side in my efforts to avoid him. I spin in circles, trying to keep my head out of his reach.

  [You have acquired skill: Dressage]

  [Dressage level 1: You are an equestrian artist.

  +2 Agility

  Learned moves: Half Pass, Pirouette]

  Oh, we fancy now.

  The master finally catches up to me and tries to mount me. I veer around stubbornly, doing my best to unseat him.

  That was all I wanted to do, just keep him off of me. God as my witness, I never meant to—

  CRUNCH! SQUISH!

  Oh, sweet lord. Did I just—

  The groomsman is shouting, pulling my bridle. I somehow get a glance over my shoulder to see where I flattened Fancy Pants like a bug against the stable wall.

  [Achievement earned: Involuntary Manslaughter

  Awarded for accidentally murdering your owner.

  Reward skill: Jinx]

  [Jinx, you are a walking disaster.

  -1 Luck]

  Wait, now I have -2 Luck? Man, what did I do to deserve this? Oh, yeah, I think, eyeing the smear that used to be my master. I killed a guy.

  Then I hear the screams of the master’s widow. The groomsman and several stable boys are trying to herd me back into the stall.

  No way! They’ll never take me alive!

  Without stopping to think, I bolt from the stable. Thanks to my newly acquired Jump skill, I’m able to clear the hedge without too much difficulty, and I thunder down the road.

  That’s when the system starts bombarding me with a slew of notifications.

  [You have murdered your Owner and are now Ownerless.]

  [Your name has reverted to: Horse.]

  Aw, I’m not Elizabeth anymore? That’s too bad… But I don’t hate the idea of being ownerless. I’ll be my own man from now on. Or, my own horse, rather. After this, I’ll never let anyone boss me around again!

  [Quest acquired: What is an ownerless animal but a beast?

  Quest condition: Find an owner within 14 days.

  Failure Penalty: If you do not find an owner in 14 days, you will lose all autonomy and become a mindless beast.]

  Well, shoot. There go my plans for a good time…