I learn from Sherbert that Pitola is the second city in the third area. Area 3.5, if you will. Following the quest line, we’re moving away from the mountains where I spent so much of my time trapped in tunnels, into even deeper forested areas.

  To me, the scenery is exquisite, exactly to my taste. A deep fantasy forest, with trees that reach impossibly high, and dark canopies that blot out the now fully risen sun. The forest floor is cool and green and covered in moss, and little woodland creatures dart across our path from time to time, giving it that extra Disney touch.

  “It’s like Sleeping Beauty’s forest,” Sherbie observes, face flushed with excitement. I can’t see his eyes behind the thick spiral glasses, but I’m sure they’re shimmering with childlike wonder. “I keep expecting to stumble upon her cottage with the water wheel and the fairies any moment.”

  “You’re awfully dreamy for a guy, you know that?”

  “That’s what my granddad says,” he chuckles self-deprecatingly. “Herbie the half-wit, always with his head in the clouds…”

  Just then, a party speeds past us, laughing and calling to one another.

  “Normally I like having a lot of people around, but they kind of spoil the ambiance,” my friend observes.

  “It’s a popular game,” I shrug, “and it’s a one-world server. Though I’m not sure how the land mass in TC compares to earth. I expect it would get less crowded if we abandoned the original quest line and went off on our own.”

  “You think so? But how would we level up? It’s not enough just to kill mobs, we need the experience we get from turning in quests as well.”

  “Not necessarily,” I say, thinking of my time spent in the dungeons. “Anyway, I’m sure there are plenty of hidden quests out there waiting to be discovered that would sustain us. Definitely some unique hidden skills as well.”

  “Should we do that, then? Strike off on our own, find our own adventure?”

  “Hm,” I consider his proposition. “We can think about it. No need to make a decision right away.”

  “Right,” Sherbie says, picking up his pace with a light spring in his step. “As far as I’m concerned, it doesn’t matter where we go. So long as we’re together. The game’s so much funner now that you’re here, Rev.”

  Yeah. It is nice to have a friend, someone to talk to. Even if it is Herbie the half-wit. Was that too mean? Maybe. But for as fond as I am of him, I can’t help but look down on him just a bit. Intellectually, he’s just not my equal.

  It’s not going to be hard at all, convincing this guy to build his character to my preferences. Though if I’m honest, I still haven’t decided whether I’ll have him do it or not. After all, I’m not entirely soulless. And he is my friend…

  “Look up ahead,” Sherbie says. “Those guys that just passed us, they’re talking to someone. An NPC.”

  “But we’re still a ways away from Everglen.”

  “Maybe they found another quest giver. Come on!”

  Together we run till we reach the NPC. I couldn’t help but notice that the party disappeared after talking to him for a minute. Were they transported to a separate instance?

  “Captain Moon!” Sherbie greets the armored man enthusiastically.

  “Someone I should know?” I say to him, aside.

  “We worked together in a previous quest, he’s a great guy,” he assures me.

  “Right…”

  “Good to see you again,” Captain Moon greets us. Because we’re in a party now, he sees us both as though we’ve done the same quests, and the game reads off of Sherbie, who’s progressed farther than me. Good thing, otherwise I’d be stuck in low level areas forever, catching up.

  I don’t know much about a guy’s looks, but I get the feeling Captain Moon’s face is one girls would go for. He’s young, slender but rugged, with black hair cut in a trendy style and narrow, hooded eyes. He looks like a KPop star cosplaying as a knight.

  Somehow, looking at that perfect face of his aggravates something primal in me, and I can’t help but want to take just one swing at him…

  “Am I glad to see you. Last time you proved your ability, so I know this won’t be too much for you. Though I’ll admit, the situation doesn’t look good for us…”

  “What’s going on? Is there anything we can do to help?” Sherbie asks anxiously, and I sense he’s getting into this role play thing just a little too much. Just as well. This way, he can take the quest for us, and I won’t have to talk to Captain Irritating-face.

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  “A cockatrice has been spotted in these woods—as if we don’t have enough problems with these damned occultists right now. I sent a troop after it, but it’s been a whole day and they’ve yet to return. I fear the worst, and none of my men are willing to go in after it. I was about to face the creature alone, hoping to dispatch it with my special kill strike, but I’d feel a lot better out there with you watching my back.”

  “Say no more,” Sherbert says, lifting his hand in a very serious gesture. “You can count on my friend and I to help you deal with the beast.”

  “That’s what I like to hear,” Captain Moon claps his shoulder in a gesture of camaraderie, and I roll my eyes. “But if you’re going to help, you’ll need these,” he says, and he holds in his hand what look to be two clothespins. “Plug your nose with these. It will keep you safe from the monster’s petrifying breath.”

  It’s my turn to speak up.

  “I thought cockatrices had gazes that turned people to stone.”

  “No, it’s the breath. Trust me, friend,” captain Moon lays a hand on my shoulder. “This isn’t my first time dealing with these beasts.”

  “Sure,” I shrug him off, annoyed. “You’re the expert...”

  [Would you like to accept quest: Diagnosis: Halitosis?

  Reward: Captain Moon’s Shield]

  What’s this now? A new shield? I wonder if it’ll be better than mine. Suddenly, I’m not so annoyed.

  “Yes,” I accept the quest with newfound enthusiasm, never minding the discomfort of donning a clothespin on the end of my nose. Beside me, the other two do the same.

  “Right. If we’re all set, let’s defeat that beast once and for all. Oh, and keep your eyes open for its nest. It’s sure to have one. If you see it, destroy it.”

  “Yes, Sir!” Sherbert salutes sloppily.

  “Let’s go.”

  [Loading instance

  Exit condition: Kill the Cockatrice and destroy its nest]

  “Hey, Rev,” Sherbie whispers to me as we stalk through the forest behind Captain Moon. “You seemed to recognize the monster’s name.”

  “Sure. It’s in a lot of fantasy games.”

  “What’s a…cockatrice?”

  “Well, it’s a—”

  But I don’t have to explain it to my friend, for the next instant the beast steps from behind a giant mossy rock formation, and reveals its hideous form.

  It’s got the body, legs and long tail of a green dragon, and the yellow-orange wings of a chicken with a long feathered neck and the face of a deranged potoo bird, with red eyes that bulge out of the sides of its head. It stretches its neck out and roars/crows, a strangled, disgruntled, all around disconcerting sound that doesn’t terrify so much as make one extremely uncomfortable.

  “That—is a cockatrice.”

  “Look alive, lads!” Calls Captain Moon, bastard sword drawn and shield in his left hand. “You take its left side—I’ll take the right. And remember, keep away from it’s beak!”

  Easier said than done. That thing’s neck is long and flexible, and very easily it twists around so its right in front of us as we run to our positions. It’s already caught in my aura, but I have nothing to hit it with. All I can do is hold up my shield as it opens its toothy beak. I’m halfway anticipating some kind of fire breath, but all that comes out is a blast of noxious yellow cloud.

  “Its breath attack! Don’t breathe it in!”

  “Hot dang!” Screams Sherbie behind me as the cloud engulfs us, and he breaks into a coughing fit.

  [-50 HP, poison]

  Holy heck!

  I thought it would be paralytic gas, not a blast of actual bad breath! Guess the quest name warned me—I should have paid more attention.

  What crawled down your gullet and died, bro? Seriously though, I can see how people would be paralyzed by this. I have a nose plug and some of the stench is still somehow getting through, turning my blood into cheese.

  The cockatrice is quick, and its attacks are vicious, thudding again and again into my shield, drawn to my aggrovating face so it ignores Captain Moon and Sherbie completely.

  [-50 HP, poison]

  [-42 HP]

  [-36 HP]

  “Stay behind me!” I shout to Sherbie. “Just concentrate on healing!”

  “I think I’m gonna be sick!”

  The monster’s health is falling thanks to my aura and Captain Moon’s attacks, but not fast enough. Just then it manages to evade my shield, coming over it to sink it’s toothy beak into my shoulder.

  [-128 HP]

  “Arg!” Damn, that hurts!

  It flips me up, tosses me into the air. I fall with a heavy thud.

  [-10 HP]

  [-50 HP, poison]

  “Rev!”

  “I’m fine!” I scramble back to my feet and run to put myself once more between the monster and my healer. “Just keep throwing heals!”

  “I only have the one!”

  “Just be ready with the cast as soon as the healing over time expires!”

  The cockatrice is a boss monster, so I don’t stop its regeneration. Good thing for me it has a lot of health, and for every ten points of it I drain, I’m healing one. Coupled with my Flourishing Physiognomy skill, and Sherbie’s Regrowth spell that heals me over time, I’m somehow managing to stay alive against its vicious attacks. But I can see at a glance it won’t be enough.

  [-50 HP, poison]

  [-39 HP]

  [Shield durability has reached 0]

  “Hell,” I swear, tossing aside my shield as the beast breaks through it and equipping the second one, and throwing back a health potion while I’m at it. It doesn’t heal much, I think with dismay. Am I finally outgrowing these low level potions?

  “Distract it!” I hear Captain Moon yell. “I’ll ready my kill strike!”

  “What do you think I’ve been doing all this time?!” I yell back at him as the cockatrice’s bite attack knocks me to the ground. I roll out of the way in time to avoid a second strike, then roll again as it hits me with another breath attack.

  [-137 HP]

  [-50 HP, poison]

  Wheeze! Choke! A smell this bad would knock a buzzard off a shit wagon! Man, forget being paralyzed by this breath—if I didn’t have a clothespin on my nose, I’d kill myself just to escape it.

  We’ve got it down to about a third of its health when I hear the captain shouting his finishing move from the other side.

  “Shattering STRIKE!”

  His sword makes a sound like ripping the air as he hit’s the cockatrice’s side with an attack that sends ripples of distortion through the forest. The beast rears back its head and howls/crows/gargles a dying cry, only to fall atop me with bone crushing force.

  Oh, shit.

  It knocked off the clothespin.