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25 - Freefall

  The next two weeks of Noah Bennett’s life were an unfamiliar mixture of routine and freefall.

  On paper, they were being very responsible. They had rules. They followed them.

  In public, they were normal: instructor and student, neighbours who occasionally spoke in hallways. Appropriate volume. Reasonable eye contact. Nothing that would get you subpoenaed by HR. They did not, for example, lean in too close in the library or forget themselves in the elevator when the doors closed and the world went briefly private.

  But sticking to the script required a level of constant, low-grade vigilance that Noah hadn't anticipated.

  There was a moment on Tuesday, for instance, in the university library, at his part-time job as a book stacker. Noah had been tucked away in a corner carrel, fighting a losing battle with a particularly problematic printer, when he’d sensed her. He didn’t know how he knew. The scent of her shampoo? The specific rhythm of her stride? Or maybe just the fact that his brain had apparently reallocated thirty percent of its processing power to thinking about her at all times.

  He’d looked up.

  Rachel was walking down the main aisle, two rows away, carrying a stack of reference texts that looked heavy enough to be punitive. She was wearing her "Instructor Ellis" armour—blazer, crisp shirt, expression focused and unapproachable.

  She stopped to talk to a librarian, shifting the books in her arms, and a strand of hair fell into her face. She blew it away with a sharp puff of air that was so distinctly Rachel—so un-professor-like—that Noah’s hand twitched and nearly spilled an ink cartridge.

  He wanted to let the printer win.

  He wanted to walk over there, take the books from her hands, and ask her how her day had been since they’d parted that morning. He wanted to touch the small of her back and feel her lean into him the way she did now when she was tired. Instead, he stood still. He watched her finish her conversation, nod politely, and turn. Her eyes swept the room and found him instantly. A coincidence, or maybe her radar was just as compromised as his.

  For a second, the library noise faded. Rachel didn’t smile—she couldn’t. But her eyes softened, the corner of her mouth quirked in a microscopic acknowledgment, and the look she gave him was so intimate it felt like she’d shouted his name. Then she turned and walked away.

  Noah had stared at the printer for several moments without pressing a single button or trying to wedge something back into place, his chest aching with a frantic, stupid kind of want that made him realize the rules were going to be the death of him.

  Noah considered himself disciplined. He believed in schedules, systems, and not doing things that created unnecessary complications. He believed in sleep. He believed in not making decisions that would ruin you for the rest of your day. Then Rachel would look at him a certain way—soft around the edges, eyes too honest—and Noah would learn, repeatedly, that discipline was not the same thing as having his girlfriend within arm’s reach.

  It wasn’t just the physical aspect of the relationship, though that had arrived like a storm and then, for reasons neither of them could pretend not to understand, decided it liked the neighborhood and planned to stay.

  It was the way everything else fit around it. The way she took up space in his apartment like she’d always belonged there. The way her laugh lived in his living room now. The way her hand found the back of his neck when she walked past him.

  He came home on a Friday to find her sitting on his living room floor, surrounded by a chaos of papers and grading rubrics, wearing one of his hoodies that nearly swallowed her hands. She hadn’t even looked up when he entered; she’d just held out a hand in his direction, fingers wiggling, demanding contact.

  Did you know this story is from Royal Road? Read the official version for free and support the author.

  He’d walked over, dropped his bag, and taken her hand. She’d squeezed it, brought his knuckles to her mouth for a distracted kiss, and then gone right back to muttering about a student who didn’t understand significant figures.

  It was mundane and simple, and it was the best part of his week.

  He’d been attracted to her from the beginning—he wasn’t blind, and he wasn’t made of stone—but he’d thought that attraction could be a clean, manageable thing. A spark. A want. Something you could keep polite.

  With Rachel, it didn’t stay polite. The more he learned, the worse it got. Not worse in a bad way. Worse in the way a fire got worse when it found oxygen.

  He learned that her calm was not effortless, but earned—built carefully over years of being the sort of person who always looked like she had it handled, even when she didn’t. He learned the particular way her anxiety hid itself: in lists, in double-checks, in the way she asked questions that were really her trying to make sure she hadn’t missed anything that might hurt her later.

  He learned that she was capable of being shockingly stubborn about the smallest things, and that her pride could be coaxed into softness if you approached it like you were trying not to startle a deer.

  He also learned that she listened when he spoke, with the intent focus of someone who genuinely wanted to know him and hear what he had to say. It did something to him that he didn’t have language for.

  It was all mildly terrifying.

  Because things that fit that well were supposed to come with a catch.

  If anything, though, Rachel seemed to look at him like he was a good thing that had happened to her, and Noah did not know what to do with that except hold on and try not to shake.

  They usually spent one or two nights a week at her place, driven by Rachel’s sudden, dogmatic insistence on learning to cook. She had appointed Noah as her supervisor—a role he accepted with the wary patience of a driving instructor in a car with no brakes.

  Tonight, however, Noah had drawn a line in the sand. Or rather, he had drawn a line at her cutlery drawer. After a harrowing, near-miss encounter with a bagel that morning, he had insisted they move the stir-fry operation to his apartment, refusing to let her practice knife skills with the dull, serrated things she used to bludgeon her food.

  "My knives are fine," she had argued earlier, watching him pack a bag of vegetables.

  "Your knives are a hazard," Noah had countered calmly. "They don't cut. They mash. It’s disrespectful to the produce."

  Rachel had rolled her eyes, but she’d followed him across the hall.

  They stood side by side, shoulders brushing in a way that could have been accidental if Noah’s brain hadn’t been keeping track. Rachel had her sleeves pushed up, hair clipped back, glasses on, expression intensely serious. She held the chef’s knife like it was an instrument of science.

  Noah set a cutting board in front of her and slid a bell pepper closer. “Okay,” he said, keeping his voice light, because if he sounded too fond he’d ruin it for himself. “Basic rule: keep your fingers curled.”

  Rachel squinted at her own hand, obedient and determined. “Like this.”

  “Like that,” Noah confirmed. “You want your knuckles to guide the blade, not your fingertips.”

  Rachel’s mouth tightened with focus. She adjusted—tiny movements, careful and precise.

  Noah watched her for a second too long and then forced himself to look away before she noticed. Embarrassment, he’d found, was a constant companion now. Not the humiliating kind—just the private, unavoidable awareness that he was, apparently, a person who could be softened into stupid affection without warning.

  Rachel glanced up at him. “Am I doing it right?”

  Noah met her eyes, and the question hit him on two levels at once.

  He swallowed. “Yes,” he said, and meant it in every way it could possibly mean.

  Rachel’s cheeks pinked faintly, like she’d heard the second meaning too, and she looked back down at the pepper with renewed determination, as if she could out-stubborn her own blush.

  Noah leaned closer, pointing to the angle of the blade. “Thin slices,” he instructed. “Even thickness. That way it cooks at the same rate.”

  Rachel nodded solemnly, as though she were being entrusted with state secrets. “Even thickness,” she repeated.

  Noah turned toward the pan, oil heating, the kitchen warm with the promise of food and the far more dangerous promise of how well this was starting to feel like the ‘life’ thing Josh had been telling him to get for so long. Behind him, Rachel’s knife resumed its careful, somewhat inconsistent rhythm—tap, tap, tap—each sound a small declaration that she was here, she was trying, and she wasn’t going anywhere tonight.

  Noah stirred the aromatics as they hit the pan, the scent blooming sharp and bright, and thought—briefly, absurdly—that if he had to be afraid of something, he could do worse than being afraid of how perfectly his girlfriend fit into his life.

  He glanced back.

  Rachel was still focused, still serious, still utterly adorable as she fought for her honour against a bell pepper.

  Noah turned back to the stove, because he didn’t know what kind of stupid grin she’d find on his face were she to turn around.

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