True recollection is a form of time travel. The alcohol of death and decay lingered in my soul, and whatever barriers separated me from my pasts loosened. I probed the unfolding memory like a sore tooth, and it came free at my touch.
I no longer sat at a table on the side of a mountain.
###
My body is thin, especially for a man of eighteen years. Scrawny limbs reach from brick to brick, nimble toes and fingers finding holds. Below me, the city grows quiet as I climb above the stink. The climb is hundreds of feet up, and it's something that nobody should attempt. But ambitious hunger wraps around my spine as I climb the high walls outside a noble’s gardens. The scents of fruits and exotic plants reach my nostrils and urge me onwards until I tumble over the wall and land amidst the branches of a tree.
The winters in Shadowlight City are dry and cold, but this garden is damp with unseasonal warmth. I’m amazed at the lush display of exotic plants. More than I’ve ever seen before. It stuns me, and while I used to look at the weeds growing from cracks in the buildings with joy, I now see how narrow my world was.
I don’t know how long I stand there, but the distant sound of voices forces my steps. Hurrying to hide in the bushes, I watch as nobles walk past, cups of alcohol in their hand, conversing and laughing. My eyes track the jewels on their fingers, the fine money pouches at their belts, but I have a mission, and so I scamper away into the vast jungle.
My directions are clear, and it doesn’t take me long to find what I seek.
The Midnight Orchid.
A flower the size of my palm with petals so dark they drink the light. Dextrous fingers use my harvesting knife to cut the stem, and I place the flower into a specially prepared silk pouch. The whole climb, I thought about running away and selling the pouch, but though the price might have fed me for weeks, the beating would have threatened my life.
No matter how many warrens I master, the city does not truly let one escape.
Besides, money wasn't why I was here.
So I quickly place the flower in the pouch and tie the pouch to my side, and sneak away. I dodge more wandering nobles and climb a tree to gain access to the wall. One quick leap, and I land on the bricks. My smile almost hurts as I hurry from brick to brick and towards the top.
The alchemist promised that this flower would create the medicine I need. With the Midnight Blossom Pill, I would be able to cure… like a burst of empty glass, the name does not come… she would be able to walk and breathe and smile again, and once she was better, I could set my sights on a job that would finally give me enough stability to change our fate.
I reach the top of the wall and am struck by the sight of Shadowlight city sprawled out in all directions. The vast sea of rooftops and spires undulates with the wandering mirages, and my heart pounds.
One day, I will stand this high above the city, but not as a thief.
I shall be a master.
“Well done.”
The voice is so soft and close in my ear I almost tumble, but well-honed reflexes slip me over the side, and I hastily descend to the street below. When I risk a glance up, there is nobody on the wall. Still, my heart thunders, and I drop the last few feet in my hurry. Pain flares in my ankles, but I start running.
The wall forms an alley, but before I can reach the end, a silhouette just… appears. A man with a long white beard holds out his hand.
“If the flower is undamaged, I won’t take your life.”
He is the alchemist who told me about the flower. I thought he was a crippled old man, but now he appears upright and intimidating.
Before I can even turn to run, a pressure grips my body as though I’m drowning in cement. Too late, I realize he is a powerful cultivator. Unable to breathe, I simply stand there as he takes the pouch from my waist. He inspects the flower.
“It seems you won’t die today,” he says. “I wonder if you will thank me?”
The pressure of his aura vanishes, but before I can act, a black sack drops over my head and then --
###
The memory sank back into my mind, and I sat there stunned by the brisk air and the sound of people and the vast looming darkness of the Great Northern Mountain. What was her name? Who was the person I risked my life to cure?
Did she ever get better?
“Senior brother?” Chen Ai asked me, and I know she is repeating herself. “Are you ok?”
“I’m… yes. I’m alright.”
She smiles, but the worry isn’t gone.
“Like a donkey kick to the head, right?”
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“Yeah.”
“That’s right,” said the bottle. “I’ll fuck you all the way up.”
I glowered at the bottle, but took another drink. It burned, but the heat helped to take away the chill left by the memory. Was that why I was so committed to finding this flower? To achieve now what I hadn’t then?
I tried to probe my mind, to see if there was more, but my street rat memories retreated, curling away into my mind like an animal wrapping itself around a wound. My farmer and merchant memories pushed forward, defending my other past.
###
Walking the fields, checking that the plantings are aligned, that the animals are taken care of, knowing that the sun sets on a day of work well done and that it shall rise on the promise of another.
###
I squeezed my eyes shut against the pressure as the memories swirled through me, disjointed, days and years colliding into impressions: the smell of grass caught up in the summer wind twisting across the prairies, the feel of gold in my palm, and the long winter of the north like a frozen stain…
###
Hauling wagons beyond the map to find a rare perfume that will sell for a hundred times its weight in gold, a risk that returns profits, that turns heavy wagons into heavy purses, that lets the body sleep on silk and the soul sleep in peace.
###
I glanced up at the mountain as Chen Ai refilled my cup. The dark silhouette, littered with lights, as though it were a separate night, cut into the sky. My memories told me that fulfillment lay there, hidden in the roots of the great tree, in the dangers of an Imperial Forbidden Zone.
But who was I to act out those fulfillments? Should I dedicate my fourth life to acting out the regrets of my three pasts?
I stared and drank, and Chen Ai refilled my cup.
If I stared long enough, would the mountain speak to me as well?
Chen Ai thumped the table so hard the bottle shook. Broken from my thoughts, I glanced over and saw her cheeks rosy with the alcohol.
“Stop sitting there and trying to look mysterious,” she said.
I smiled.
“Alright.”
“So, are you going to tell me why this is so important?”
“Once upon a time, I tried to do something like this… something that should not be done. Actually, it was exactly like this. I tried to pick a forbidden flower.”
“Did you fail?”
“No, I succeeded.”
“What happened?”
“I was caught… no, I was set up. It was all a trap, and I was imprisoned in a place I don’t want to talk about. Now that I’m free, I want to show the world that it can’t stop me from picking flowers.”
Would this make up for the past? Would this provide closure? My questions slipped into my mind, but none of my memories held answers. This was something I would have to solve by looking to the future.
She smiled drunkenly.
“So you’re crazy.”
“I suppose.”
Our cups clinked together, and we drained them. After letting the alcohol burn down our throats, we took the bottle and left the inn’s table and wandered out into the city. Drunkenness took us on a journey, and I found myself walking along the windswept prairie as often as I walked down a narrow alley between two colossal stone tree roots.
“What will you do about the City Lord?” Chen Ai asked.
“Do you think he would actually pay us 50000 silver?”
She snorted.
“I doubt that.”
“So do I.”
“I could tell him that I was a Special Inspector? That worked on the guard at the gate.”
“Judging from Phoenix Gate Captain Shen's expression at the Stone Forest Pavilion, he definitely knows you aren’t a Special Inspector.”
“Hmmm.”
“Yeah.”
We sat on a wall overlooking a plaza where performers juggled flaming balls for a gathering crowd. The wall shifted and bumped beneath me like a wagon on a well-worn road.
“I’m not backing down,” I said. “So, let's put together the expedition quietly, and if the City Lord asks, we’ll say that quitting will look better if we've made more arrangements.”
“That makes sense.”
“Yeah!” said the near-empty bottle. “And if the City Lord tries to fuck with you, then you just kill him and take the 50000!”
Chen Ai frowned.
“Is it just me, or did the bottle talk to us?”
“It’s not just you,” I said. “But don’t listen to the bottle, it doesn’t want what’s best.”
“Ok,” Chen Ai said as she raised it to her lips. “I don’t know if that’s my signal to drink more or less.”
I watched her drink.
“We’ve spoken about me, but are you ok?”
She wiped her lips and set the bottle down. Her eyes were unfocused.
“No, I think I’m going to black out soon.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll make sure you get home safe.”
She nodded and leaned against me. Even through our robes, I could feel her powerful muscles. Her horn poked me near the eye, but I let it be. Not like I can’t replace an eye.
“Don’t let me make a mess,” she mumbled.
“No worries, junior sister.”
I eyed the bottle. It truly was empty.
“Damn.”
“If I don’t remember this… I’ll see you tomorrow….”
The empty bottle looked at us proudly.
“They say that true inebriation is a form of time travel.”
We laughed, and even the empty bottle joined in.
###
Chen Ai woke to thunderous pain. Someone was striking her body with a hammer, but when she opened her eyes, flames burned her face. She groaned and tried to roll, but the world spun underneath her. A cup was placed in her hand, she smelled water, and drank thankfully. The hammer strikes faded, and with that moment of clarity, she cycled her qi.
After a few minutes, she sat up and opened her eyes.
She was in her room, but someone had destroyed everything. The bed lay in splinters, and there were holes in the walls through which she could clearly see the other rooms. A terrible suspicion -- and the state of her knuckles -- told her she was the one who did the damage.
The cultivator formerly known as the Flawless Blade sat by the window.
“Good afternoon,” he said. “Are you feeling better?”
“No,” she said as her head sank into her hands. “I slept until the afternoon?”
“You and my master were drunk for two nights and a day. This is the afternoon two days after you started drinking. I was instructed to ensure nothing happened while you slept, and to tell you that while my master did his best, you did, in fact, make a mess.”
Chen Ai groaned.
The feeling of a hammer on her flesh wasn’t just her heartbeat, but as she poked, she found bruises across her body. What happened? She pointed to her traveling pack.
“There’s a leather pouch, please get it for me?”
He retrieved the pouch, and she pulled out a bunch of spirit grass. Her fingers trembled as she packed a cud into her mouth and started chewing. Grass qi flooded her dantian, and as she circled it through her body, a modicum of control returned.
“What kind of mess?” she asked.
“The representatives of the Shen and the Ran clans came to petition their expedition candidates. You claimed that only the strong could attend and punched them.”
“I assaulted nobles?”
“Yes.”
She squeezed her eyes shut as though it hadn’t happened.
“Then what happened?”
“They left, and said they would return with stronger candidates.”
“Nothing else? I’m not about to be assassinated?”
“I don’t believe so.”
“That,” she said with a sigh. “Could be a whole lot worse. Where is senior brother?”
“Master has returned to the Stone Forest Pavilion to retrieve your elixirs.”
Damn, he’s looking out for her after she did all this? She really needed to repay him, but that could wait until she was able to move.
“I’m going to go back to sleep.”
“That isn’t possible.”
“Why?”
He lifted her to her feet.
“The stronger candidates are downstairs right now,” he said. “They say they are ready for you to test their strength.”
Chen Ai groaned, but when she tried to fall back into the pile of her bedding, the cultivator formerly known as the Flawless Blade dragged her out into the hall.
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