The alley lay in the shadow of a large root that ran between the rows of houses like a colossal stone serpent. The three nobles who approached all kept an equal distance from each other.

  One man stepped forward. He wore his hair long and loose, and reminded me of Shen Yang. His dark grey robes had orange highlights as though someone had draped him in rusted iron. With a flourish, he produced a long box of iron grey wood and handed it to me.

  “Greetings, honored cultivator,” he said with a smile. “I represent the righteous Shen Clan, and we would like to gift you this three-star jian as a token of our goodwill. There is an excellent teahouse right around the corner, and if you follow me can discuss how the Shen Clan can further support your expedition.”

  As I passed the sword to a wide-eyed Chen Ai, a woman in violet and cream robes stepped forward. She smiled as she presented me with a small jade box, which Chen Ai quickly plucked from my hands.

  “Please ignore the vile barkings of that Shen dog, honored cultivator. That blade will rust if rain is sighted on the horizon. I am from the glorious Ran Clan, and we offer you this Century Ember Pill. Our clan possesses superior resources and information that may aid your expedition, and, most importantly, we won’t pull out at the last second and betray you! If you would join me at a nearby restaurant, where the twice-cooked pork is particularly --”

  “You dare speak of betrayal?” cried out the now red-faced man in the rusted iron robes. “Honored cultivator, believe no words that crawl from the rotted tongue of a Ran serpent.”

  She sneered at him as violet flames danced across her fingertips.

  “Is the lowly dog pretending he can bite?”

  “You dare?” shouted the Shen man.

  Violet flame engulfed the Ran woman’s fist as she dashed forward and punched at the Shen man’s jaw. He produced an iron pole from some hidden storage treasure and blocked her attack with an echoing clang. Purple sparks filled the air as they leaped from wall to wall in the tight alley.

  As they clanged at each other, the third noble stepped forward. He wore a cloth uniform that resembled a guard’s armor. On his chest was the emblem of Mountain Root City. He handed me a sealed envelope, which Chen Ai happily took.

  “Greetings, honored cultivator,” he said drily. “You look rather uncomfortable.”

  “Would you believe this is my first time interacting with nobles?” I said.

  “I couldn’t say.”

  “How kind of you.”

  “Quite,” he said with a polite smile. “I represent the City Lord. He is not affiliated with either clan, and he would like to meet with you to dine before you depart from Mountain Root City.”

  I frowned. This man didn’t mention the expedition like the other two, nor did he mention supporting me. I wondered what was in the envelope.

  “Thank you for your gifts,” I said. “However, I must review the needs of the expedition before I can make any decisions.”

  “Of course,” said the City Lord’s servant. “I wouldn’t dream of imposing on you right now.”

  The two other nobles stopped fighting. Though the Shen man’s robes were charred in places, and the woman had several thin red marks across her hands and face, they seemed largely unharmed.

  “We shall also not press you in this moment,” they said at once, before glaring at each other. “My clan shall send a messenger to your inn with a date and time. Stop copying me. No, you stop --”

  The flaming fist and the iron pole reunited with a flaming clang.

  I bowed politely as I backed away from them.

  “Thank you all for expressing your interest.”

  They returned bows, the Ran and the Shen pausing their brawl to do so, and with that, my companions and I hurried away to return to the privacy of our rooms, go over our gains, and find out what exactly this expedition business was all about.

  It seemed like overkill for picking a flower.

  ###

  It was nice to have some peace and quiet.

  Chen Ai wanted to go over the gifts immediately, but I wanted a moment to rest. As soon as I said that, her eyelids drooped and she marched off to her own room. It was harder to convince my disciple that we should separate, but eventually I convinced him not to sit outside my door.

  Chen Ai’s drunken snores rumbled through the walls as I placed Cabbagy on top of a dresser and sat on the bed. This would be the perfect time to go to sleep, but, alas, such pleasure was not meant for me.

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  “Hey, Cabbagy,” I said. “I’m back.”

  “Honk. Shoo.”

  “Are you actually asleep? Or are you just pretending because you’re mad I left you alone?”

  “I didn’t miss you.”

  “I didn’t say you did.”

  “Good,” he said.

  I took him in for the first time. How dirty he was, and battered. It was a miracle he was even still held together, considering how browned and softened his leaves were.

  “How are you going, Cabbagy?”

  “I’m fine, kid,” Cabbagy wheezed.

  He sighed, and some small gnats puffed around his leaves. I stood and waved them away from him. That’s when I saw it wasn’t a miracle keeping him together, but gummed-up blood that had spilled on him. Looks like I wouldn’t be giving him a bath anytime soon.

  “Give me a little twirl in those fancy robes.”

  “Thanks,” I said as I showed off the fabric that looked like liquid gold.

  “You know, I don’t say this enough, kid, but I’m proud of you.”

  My heart broke a little. He was talking like Drippy.

  “Don’t worry,” I whispered. “I can carry you with me.”

  “Of course you can. I’m not going anywhere, ha ha!”

  “Ha ha!” I cheered.

  “But, this expedition sounds dangerous, so let me teach you a little technique.”

  “What is it?” I asked.

  “Hmm?”

  I rolled my eyes.

  “What is it, master?”

  “Much better, kid. This technique will allow you to absorb all my teachings at once, and will serve as a backup should anything happen on the expedition.”

  “Nothing’s going to happen, Cabbagy.”

  “Of course,” he said. “You don’t need that technique, let me teach you something else.”

  I nodded. This was excellent.

  “What is it, master?”

  Cabbagy took a while to explain his technique, often pausing when his voice grew hoarse, but as he reached the end of his lecture, and I understood what he was saying, my eyes grew wide with horror.

  ###

  While Chen Ai and my disciple slept, I marched through the mid-morning crowds of the Merchant District. A small sack hung over my shoulder, and in that sack sat Cabbagy.

  “This is ridiculous, kid,” Cabbagy said, his voice slightly muffled. “I’m not even sick, remember?”

  “You thought you could trick me?” I asked. “You thought I wouldn’t figure it out?”

  “You were in denial!”

  “Well, if you’re so sick, then I’ll just have to fix you!”

  As soon as people heard that I was helping my friend, they kindly cleared a path as I hurried along. Innkeeper Bu had provided excellent directions, and I quickly found myself at a prestigious doctor's house. The front door was an imposing slab of wood that swallowed the sound my knuckles made.

  Silence followed as I waited for someone to respond.

  “By the way, kid?”

  “Yes?”

  “Nice job with the Matriarch.”

  I blushed, but nodded.

  “Cheers, Cabbagy.”

  “Though, as your master, I must insist you allow me to watch next time.”

  “No.”

  “Oh? Then I suppose I won’t be able to whisper you instructions.”

  My blush deepened.

  “I don’t need instructions.”

  “She said as much? Trust me, kid, you can always get better and there’s nobody better to teach you how to --”

  I stuffed Cabbagy back into the sack as the door opened. A thin man stood there in elegant, pinstriped robes. He was so emaciated that he looked like he needed to live in a doctor’s house.

  “Do you have an appointment?” he asked.

  “No,” I said.

  He closed the door.

  “Rude,” I said.

  “Asshole,” Cabbagy added. “Can’t he see I’m sick and dying?”

  “No, he can’t…”

  I pulled Cabbagy out of the sack and pounded the door with a blood-pumped fist.

  “Hey!” I shouted.

  The door opened, and the thin man returned. He looked exactly the same except for a single raised eyebrow.

  “Doctor Wu doesn’t see people without appointments. You may make one at his office in the Garden District.”

  He closed the door again, but I put my foot in the way. The heavy wood hit my shoe and continued. I looked the thin man in the eye as he crushed my foot until the bone stopped him.

  “My, my,” he said. “You are very determined.”

  “My friend is sick and dying,” I said as I held up Cabbagy.

  He raised his other eyebrow to match the first.

  “I see. If you’ll wait right here, I’ll fetch Doctor Wu.”

  I stepped my pulpy foot back.

  “Thank you,” I said with a deep bow. “Please tell Doctor Wu that price is no object, as the Stone Forest Merchant House is covering my expenses while I stay in this city.”

  He paused.

  “I shall tell him,” he said.

  The door closed as though it had never opened.

  “Do you think I handled that well?” I asked Cabbagy.

  “You did great, kid.”

  “I hate these kinds of interactions. Talking to people when it’s all about etiquette instead of emotion. I suck at it.”

  “If you suck at something, get better,” Cabbagy said with a growl. “You’re not lucky enough to wallow in mediocrity… unless you want to return to the facility. You can wallow all you want in your cozy little cell.”

  I stiffened.

  He was right. Being around so many people had riled up my memories, and it was easy to forget that I was no longer mortal. I was something else, and I had to keep that a secret.

  At least I was human and perfectly sane. They might seem like simple things, but it was enough to keep me going.

  The door coughed to get my attention..

  “I’m sorry for that,” said the door with a meaningful glance down toward my bloody foot.

  “Forget about it,” I said.

  “I appreciate that,” said the door. “I really don’t have much control over how I move.”

  “It’s not your fault.”

  The door smiled.

  “You’re so kind! So, let me give you a word of advice.”

  “Oh?”

  “Don’t look at the nose.”

  “What?”

  “Doctor Wu’s nose,” the door repeated slowly. “Don’t look at it. I mean, obviously, you can look, but don’t stare. He’ll go buck wild.”

  “What?”

  “Buck. Wild.”

  “Ok, I’ll keep that in mind, thanks.”

  The heavy wood swung open completely, and the thin man gestured me inside with a sallow smile.

  “The doctor will see you now.”

  I entered and he led me through a minimalistically designed interior to a spacious office filled with natural light. A doctor sat there in pure white robes. Her hair was tucked away in a neat bun of salt and pepper hair, and she had a nose as long and thin as a scalpel.

  “Good morning,” she said as she rose from her chair. “I am Dr Wu Ying. How can I help you?”

  “My friend is sick,” I said as I pulled Cabbagy out of his sack. “Do you see?”

  She leaned forward and nodded thoughtfully.

  “Oh, my, he certainly looks unwell.”

  “By the heavens!” Cabbagy shouted. “Her nose is insane! Do you see that, kid? That’s unnatural!”

  “Shut up,” I hissed at him. “Don’t talk about her nose!”

  Dr Wu stiffened.

  “What did you say?”

  “I’m sorry, Dr Wu, he’s not in his right mind!”

  She nodded and smiled with too many teeth. If I were a small animal, I would think she was trying to eat me.

  “And you say that the Stone Forest Merchant House is covering your expenses?”

  “Excuse me, Dr?” said the thin servant from behind me.

  I did my best to stop from jumping into the ceiling. I think I might have winced.

  “Yes?” she said.

  “I contacted the Stone Forest Merchant House, and they sent this. It is for our honored client.”

  He passed me an envelope. I tore it open, and Dr Wu let out a gasp.

  “Is that what I think it is?” she asked weakly.

  say 'cough'.

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