[Behavior,Unusual,Preparation,Resource,Distraction]
“What’s all that junk food for?”
“Snacks for the stakeout.”
“You are not eating that stuff in my car, Laura.”
“I know, we’re taking my car.”
“We can’t use your car, for one it’s parked on the property and for another, anyone who is familiar with you will recognize the car. No, we have to use my car.”
“If we are using your car then we are eating snacks in your car or we are taking up smoking. One or the other.”
“Over my dead body will anyone smoke in my car. Besides, aren't we a little too old to be taking up smoking?”
“We are not old, we are mature, also our age is the perfect time to take up smoking. It takes years and years for smoking to kill you, so we’ll probably die of something else before the smoking gets to us.”
“I don’t want to die at all.”
“If you are afraid of dying just do Epicurus's thought experiment, think back to before you are born. You are not afraid of that, so therefore you have nothing to fear of death?”
“It’s not the same, maybe if I was aging backwards it would be the same, but seeing as I’m not Benjamin Button, it’s not the same.”
“It’s the same before you are born, you do not exist, after you die, you do not exist.”
“Then what’s the point?”
“Why does there have to be a point? Or as Douglas Adams says the point is forty two. Does that make you feel any better?”
“It does not and no one is smoking in my car. Besides when you are surveilling a place, you should aim to be invisible. Lighting cigarettes and waving them around with their glowing embers is just asking to be noticed. If anyone sees us we might just as well stay home. As they won’t do anything incriminating if they know that someone is watching. Especially because they would assume we were police, keeping the scene of the crime under a watchful eye.”
“We could go down to Frontier Town and get some badges.”
“That closed like twenty five years ago.”
“They reopened parts of it. Besides, they used to give every kid a badge when he arrived. I bet you could find them just lying on the ground.”
“Are you going to get serious about this, you are the one that the cops are trying to pin this on.”
“Yes I understand that, but I feel like I’m in some absurdist fantasy nightmare. Just think about it. Three days ago would you have been expecting to go sit in a car outside my store, just to see what might happen. Yes I might wind up in prison for a crime I did not commit. But if I think about that, that’s a whole lot scarier than dying. So somehow, I have to try and keep myself out of prison, but I also maybe am enjoying my last days of freedom. So the keyword there has to be enjoy. I don’t expect to live through the entire prison experience if I get sentenced to it for murder. So damnit I want to eat snacks while on stakeout like every fictional amateur detective ever written. Except for Sherlock of course, great detective, lousy sense of humor or fun.”
“Fine, you can bring the snacks, but if you get any crumbs in the car you are taking it to the carwash tomorrow.”
“Why would your car need to be washed if I got a crumb inside it?”
“Very funny, go ahead and have your fun now, because we are staking out the store to hopefully catch the killer. Keyword killer so we need to be careful tonight.”
“Well if we see someone trying to get in shouldn’t we just call the cops?”
“No absolutely not, we can make videos on our phones or confront the person if you know who it is. After that grilling today, didn’t you get the memo, the cops are not on your side. Besides, did you not live in a big city, didn’t you take any self defense courses?”
“No Anais, I never took any self defense courses. An author gave me a taser.”
“Great, well just bring that.”
“It’s in my underwear drawer. If a panty thief ever breaks into the house, he is in for a shock.”
“Ha, Ha. You do know that puns are considered to be the lowest form of humor.”
“I never understood that, I love puns. Puns take either real thought or blind luck and I love both of those concepts. I love to stumble upon puns that just happened by accident. The highest form of serendipity, I can think of. On the other side, I admire the writer that will sit there and craft the perfect pun. Pun equals Fun, they share the un.”
“What has made you so giddy, should I take you back to the hospital?”
“No, it's the fact that I’ve been released. I hate the hospital, that’s why I could never understand McMurphy, why choose a hospital over prison, he’s locked up either way.”
“You should change into something dark. We’ll need to leave soon.”
“Why do I need to change? We're just going to be sitting in the car.”
“Because that hot pink is tough on the eyes, and I don’t want to sit in a car with a woman that glows.”
“I’m not sure that Amy has any dark clothes, she’s always been too cheerful for them. Plus she has to wear that black uniform everyday, that has to be a drag.”
I went up and changed into Amy’s darkest sweats. They were sky blue. I grabbed the snacks and we drove over to the store. We had a good view of the front door and a little bit of the east side of the building. If the killer made a sea landing from Mirror lake, we wouldn’t see a thing, unless they turned on a light.
I opened a bag of Bavarian pretzels and offered them to Anais. Stealing Amy’s snacks and feeding Anais was the least I could do considering the circumstances. She shook her head no so I started munching on them myself.
“Laura over the past week, is there anything odd that occurred, something strange that you didn’t think too much about. But now given the circumstances of what has happened might have been a clue.”
I thought about it, my memory seemed to be working perfectly. Unless I was playing false memories through my brain. But I think false memories must be recognizable, because they’d be dream-like, just stay in the memory long enough and you will notice the inconsistency with reality.
So I tried to playback my memory, backwards from when we got into this car to stake out the store, to Amy’s to the hospital, to the store, the accident. The breakfast I cooked, back to the previous day. The Fantasy Book club, yes that was decidedly strange.
“The night before last, I was walking out with Lis and Luke after their bookclub meeting and locking up the store. I thought I saw someone watching the store from right over there.”
I pointed to where I thought I saw someone. I knew this wasn’t a memory issue, at the time.
“I hadn’t been sure and I watched for a few minutes waiting for any movement, nothing had caught my eye. So I eventually just locked up and went to bed.”
“Did you mention this to anyone?”
“No, because like I said, I just thought I saw someone. It was dark and what might have been someone walking backwards into the pitch black of that house’s shadow. Might not have been more than a shadow.”
“We’re going to need a white board.”
“We can use Obsidian, it has a whiteboard built in and we can make extensive notes that connect directly to the whiteboard.”
“Alright, did anything else odd happen before the possible peeping tom.”
I replayed my memories, or at least I thought about what had happened that was out of the ordinary.
“You came in to buy a bible, that was strange.”
“Why is that strange?”
“Because you came into a genre fiction bookstore to buy a bible. Sure I think it’s fictional but I’d never stock it, like porn books, no judgement to those that like it I’ll happily order it for people.”
“Well I hate shopping online for something I can purchase in the town. So aside from me bible shopping, anything else that you can think of?”
I thought back and there was something else, two something else’s actually.
“Yes, first it was a little odd that Lachlan asked me to read his novel, he guarded its secrets like they were plans for an atomic bomb. Yet he handed it over to me. At the time I thought he just wanted free editing advice, and truly that is what I still believe. He may have trusted me with it because I’m not a writer, just a lowly editor and unlikely to steal any of his ideas. Oh and the weirdest thing of all, someone stole it.”
“What, that is the most important odd thing of all. Someone broke in and stole it.”
“No, I was reading it in my reading nook and when a busload of people arrived I put it on the coffee table and went over to the register. Much later when I went back to start reading it, it was gone.”
“That’s our best clue, in two different ways, Laura. First if we can find out who stole it we may very well find our killer. Second if the killer did steal it, it might very well contain the motive for why Lachlan was murdered. We need to get it back so we can find out what that motive might be.”
“Well in the first six chapters only the aliens have a motive for wanting Lachlan dead. I mean after traveling light years to our planet, the only thing they have any interest in is having sex with humans. Aside from the utter ludicrousness of the premise, I mean evolutionary wise. The only differences in the two species are the aliens have either enormous penises or breasts, and an extra set of arms. So through all of the randomness of evolution two species wind up almost identical and for some reason just find each other so attractive.”
“Well we need to read the rest Laura, we need to find out what else is in that book.”
“I actually thought of a wonderful mash up between Lachlan’s novel and War of the Worlds. When Lachlan’s aliens eventually start conquering the earth as most of these alien first contact novels wind up doing. Humans kill off the aliens just like in War of the Worlds, but the twist is that the horny aliens wind up dying from venereal diseases they never developed an immunity to. And if the publisher wants to turn it into a tragedy we can have the humans all die off from the aliens' version of venereal diseases.”
“You truly are a weirdo, no wonder you live with another bunch of weirdos.”
A case of content theft: this narrative is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.
“Thank you Anais.”
“That wasn’t a compliment.”
“It was to me.”
“Laura, the important takeaway is that you need to finish that novel. If it had just been stolen, that would be one thing but first stolen then the author killed. Somebody must have really hated that book.”
“I hated it but not enough to kill for.”
“But who was in the store when it was stolen?”
“I don’t know Anais, a bus had dropped off a whole bunch of people and they all came in at once. So I was answering questions and I even waited on a woman who bought ten romances. I don’t know if any locals came in and Lachlan’s novel may have been taken by one of the tourist bus people. Then they’d have left that day. No way that they’d have been able to kill Lachlan. If any locals snuck in I didn’t see them.”
“Any chance you have cameras in the reading nook area?”
“No I hate those things, why does everything have to be recorded these days. It’s almost like a real human experience hasn’t happened if it hasn’t been filmed. They filmed the moon landing and people still don’t believe that.”
“It would be quite convenient to have the murderer on film wouldn’t it.”
“Wait, Anais, I think I saw someone, over there by the oak tree.”
“I didn’t see anyone.”
“Just keep an eye on the tree, if it’s a person they’ll move again. If it was just a shadow, that will prove my point about the person I may or may not have seen the other night.”
“Oh, I see, a him maybe?”
“Yes it’s a him, it’s Ezra, what’s he doing here?”
“He might be the murderer, Laura.”
“He’s not the murderer, he's the tech guy, the science guy. He wouldn’t harm a fly.”
“Ha, Facebook has ruined modern society, that was invented by a science guy. The atom bomb, who else but a science guy. Don’t talk to me about science guys. The only thing worse than science guys are the religious guys. Science guys just don’t have the fervor that religious guys have.”
I watched as Ezra walked up to the front door, ripped down the police tape and entered the store. A minute later I saw the light in Ezra’s room pop on. It was only on for thirty seconds or so. Before it was turned off and darkness descended again. Less than a minute later, Ezra was exiting the store. I started to get out of the car.
“Laura, where the hell are you going?”
“I’m going to find out what Ezra went to his room for. Just stay here and if he starts to murder me, call the police.”
“No, I’m not going to let you face him down alone, Laura.”
So Anais joined me as we walked up the flagstone walkway heading to the front door of the bookstore. That’s when Ezra noticed us coming and looked like he was ready to bolt.
“Ezra, what are you doing here.”
“Laura, is that you? Thank god, we were afraid you’d die too. Did you see who murdered Lachlan?”
“Ezra, answer the question, what are you doing here?”
“I needed my removable hard drive. Yesterday they gave us like five minutes to pack. I was so rushed I forgot it and I have all my notes on it. I can’t write anything without it. So I walked in, made a wide circuit of the crime scene and just went to my room to get the drive.” Which he held up for emphasis. “Everyone is going to be so happy that you’ve been released. Anais, why didn’t you tell us that Laura had been released?”
“Because someone of you writers tried to kill her.”
“Anais, they did not, it was not any of the writers, I’d bet the mansion on it. But Ezra, you were lucky it was us and not the cops who caught you.”
“When can we come home Laura, not that we don’t like the inn, Anais, it’s very nice. It’s just not home.”
“I don’t know, Ezra, the detective is a real jerk, I’m sure he’ll drag his feet as long as he can, just to spite me.”
“Yeah, he keeps questioning us, and it’s always about you. The guy is a first class jerk. Are you trying to investigate to clear your name? I want to help if there is anything I can do, you just name it.”
“Let’s go back to the car before the cops see us on the mansion grounds, Laura.”
“I just want to ask Ezra a few questions.”
“Well, ask him in the car. If anybody else is going to break in they won’t do it if we are on the sidewalk chatting.”
“No, you’re right, Anais.”
We walked back to the car and Ezra got into the backseat.
“Ezra, did any of the writers get to know Lachlan?”
“Not really, he didn’t want to socialize with any of us, and he certainly didn’t participate in any of the group writing activities. Most of us wondered why he came here, what’s the point of a writers collective if you don’t participate?”
“Did he hang out anywhere in town?”
“Yeah, a couple times at meals he had mentioned The Brew House, it had food, beer and arcade games, everything he was looking for in an evening's entertainment.”
“Do you know anything else about him, Ezra, the police are trying to pin a murder on me.”
“About three weeks ago, Monique came back from taking a shower and found Lachlan in her room. He claimed he’d come into her room by mistake. She started locking her room after that. The only reason I know about it is I was passing by and heard them arguing. The door was open so I asked if I could help, Lachlan was pleading that Monique not have you throw him out. He kept saying it was an honest mistake. Monique said she’d think about it.”
“What did you make of it?”
“I thought it was creepy, he had to have been close to thirty and she’s maybe twenty, twenty one. After he left I told her that she ought to tell you, but that I wouldn’t say a word. It was her decision. But their rooms are four doors apart and once you walk in Monique has posters all over her walls, Dead Can Dance, The Cult, Siouxsie & the Banshees and the Cure. They would be pretty hard to miss, if you thought you were in your own room. In the end, she decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. As I take it you have never heard any of this before.”
“No I had not, if I had then Lachlan would have been out the very next day. As you so aptly stated, what's the point of being in a writers collective if you avoid your fellow writers. If I had maybe we wouldn’t be where we are today. But nothing can alter the past, all we can do is forge ahead. Thanks Ezra.”
“You shouldn’t be thanking me, I should have informed you what was going on, if I had any idea that we’d wind up here I would have.”
“No, it’s possible that if he had come to me and informed on himself, I very well might have let him stay if that was acceptable to Monique.”
Ezra left and we watched the store till about two am but no one else showed up, or if they did maybe it was while we were out on the sidewalk talking to Ezra before getting into the car. Anais drove me back to Amy’s.
“So tomorrow night we’re going to The Brew House, right?”
“Look Anais, you don’t have to keep doing this. I’m sure you have lots of stuff you need to do. Besides the Brew House will be loaded with families, the kids love the games and the adults love all the different beers. I’ll be safe.”
“Yes, we both will be safe and two heads are better than one and four eyes see more than two.”
“Thank you for tonight, I appreciate you driving and keeping me company, it would have been dead boring without someone to talk to.”
“Your welcome, I’ll be at Amy’s early tomorrow morning.”
“Why? There won’t be anything to do until the evening. The pub doesn’t even open till noon but it will be all young kids until the dinner crowd arrives.”
“No, I’m coming over in the morning so you can vacuum all the salt out of my car, from that big bag of pretzels you and Ezra ate.”
“Are you serious?”
“One hundred percent, besides, hasn't it occurred to you that it’s possible that the person who killed Lachlan, had tried and failed to kill you. They might come back to try and finish the job. So while you vacuum, I’ll keep an eye out for any potential killers.”
“Alright, but not too early, I couldn’t get any sleep in the hospital and it’s close to two thirty. I’d rather be killed by a killer than sleep deprivation.”
The following day was a day of cleaning. Anais was true to her word but thankfully she didn’t arrive at Amy’s until eleven am. After a coffee, I was out in Amy’s driveway in another of Amy’s sweatsuits vacuuming the surprisingly large amount of salt that had fallen off the pretzels I’d eaten.
“Don’t you have to work today Anais?”
“No, as a matter of fact there is nothing for me to do, the few less important things that do need to be done, I’m allowing my personal assistant to do. They keep clambering for more responsibility so this will make an excellent test case. I’ll get a few things done, they’ll prove how capable they are.”
Soon after I finished vacuuming, I received a call from Eve. The bookstore was officially cleared by the police department and the writers could move back. The store could reopen once the crime scene was cleaned up.
If anyone would know about crime scene cleanup it would be Amy, so I called her for advice on who to hire.
“Amy, do you know any reasonable crime scene cleaners?”
“As a matter of fact I do, I’ll have them at the store in less than an hour and I swear you won’t find a cleaner as good or as inexpensive within two hundred miles.”
“That sounds great Amy, you are a lifesaver. Thank you for letting me stay over and the clothes, I will bring them back after I wash them.”
“Just throw them in my washer, and when I have some more dirty I’ll do them all at once. Stay with Anais until the real murderer is caught, you could be in danger.”
“Yes, Amy.”
Half an hour later Amy and some man I had never met walked in wearing hazmat suits. He went to look over the job, while she joined me at the register.
“Amy, why aren’t you at work?”
“I took a half day personal leave. That’s Chet, he’s been trying to get me to agree to help him out on the odd occasion. He’d supply all the training and supplies and permits. I agreed if he cleaned here for free with me doing all the work so this will count for all my training at the same time. Pretty sweet don’t you think. I’ll make really good money when I do have to fill in for him.”
“Amy I can pay, I think my insurance will cover something like that.”
“No Laura, they'll just raise your rates next year. Insurance never really pays for anything. You either pay in advance or after a claim they raise the rates.”
“Well come to the Brew House for dinner with Anais and I, my treat.”
“I would if I could Laura, you know that but, I can't. I have to go back to the sheriff's. I switched dispatch with this evening's operator. But we’ll go another time, okay and don’t go off alone, stay with Anais.”
“Yes I will and Amy I really, really appreciate it. Can I get you and your boss some coffee or tea, something to eat.”
It took about three hours, but after they were done, it was impossible to tell that this was the scene of a crime. A lot of the stock had been contaminated and needed to be thrown away. But Amy was really patient with me as I noted down the titles that would either need to be restocked from inventory in the back or be reordered.
I only wish that Lachlan could have been saved, or better yet, had never been attacked.
