When I made it back to the Hall on my own a while later, I didn’t feel tired so much as hollowed out. I had managed to press down the swirl of disagreeable emotions in my chest, but no nice feelings had swept in to fill in the void.

  I instantly sought out Alys at the elders’ table. Walking up behind her, I closed my arms around her waist.

  “Do you mind if we head back home?”

  Though my question was a whisper, I knew that nearly everyone at the table heard it anyway, thanks to their superior senses. I didn’t care.

  “Hrm. Don’t mind at all, since I already ate.”

  Alys’ tone was teasing until she tilted her head to look at me. Whatever my dragoness saw on my face made her pause. I was keeping my expression carefully blank, but I didn’t fool myself into thinking she couldn’t see past that. Not after spending so much time with me.

  She was up quickly, her hand searching for and gripping mine.

  “Let’s go.”

  I lingered just long enough to wish everyone a nice rest of the day before Alys swept me away. A small smile graced my lips at her obvious concern. Wherever we touched, a trickle of warmth seemed to chase away some of the shadows within me.

  We almost ran all the way home. Alys seemed set on getting the familiar walls between me and the world, and I wasn’t about to protest. When we arrived, she dragged me upstairs and into bed, allowing only for a short period of separation between us to change into more comfortable clothes before I was bundled up in her arms, wings, and the blankets.

  She nuzzled her head into my shoulder, saying nothing but running her fingers soothingly down my back. She didn’t ask a single question. Offered no platitudes or reassurances. She was simply there, warm and welcoming and loving.

  It was affection unlike anything I had ever known.

  That thought cracked something deep within me. The memories of my parents, which had been hovering at the edge of my consciousness since dinner, broke through. And, as the sharp sting of that wound flared for a moment, it caused my feeling to shift slightly.

  Something ancient and possessive reared up inside me, like choking thorns trying to wind around my heart.

  It yearned for more. For certainty, and finality, and possession. I didn’t want to lose anything I cared about ever again. I wanted to be loved with such utter devotion that the emotion could never be questioned.

  I pushed myself up on my elbow, my hand coming to rest on Alys’ cheek. This time, when she looked into my eyes, she froze. I had no idea what she saw there, but I knew what I was feeling. My magic was roiling and prickling away beneath my skin like countless thorns threatening to burst out of me.

  I wanted her, and it wasn’t a pretty, gentle emotion. It was all searing heat and passions best left unnamed. In spite of that, I didn’t think she would turn me away. If I did what my whole being was longing to do in that moment, she wouldn’t reject me.

  Yet I couldn’t let that happen.

  I couldn’t let these less than pleasant traits mar anything between me and Alys. When we decided to indulge in that experience, I wanted it to be a moment of pure affection and connection. I certainly wouldn’t let this cloying need, rearing its ugly head from the most detestable parts of my heritage, taint something that should be so beautiful.

  With a painful effort, I closed my eyes and let out a long, frustrated hiss, beating all of that back. Then I slumped and pushed my face into her shoulder.

  “I’m sorry.”

  Her chuckle was a warm, loving thing. “What for?” Her fingers found my hair, gently tangling in it as her other hand continued to rub up and down my back.

  I didn’t respond with proper words. Unintelligible sounds were all that escaped me as her touch lulled me into a place of safety and drowsiness. My consciousness slowly slipped away.

  Not before I heard one final teasing comment, though.

  “Next time you look at me like that,” whispered my dragoness, “you better be willing to follow through. Or I will.”

  —

  With all that had happened the day before and the emotional upheaval that had followed, I’d forgotten to deliver Grafton’s next supply of nutritional supplements. Even so, I didn’t go back to town the next morning. Instead, before setting up my tent, I called out for Kiri.

  One of her owls responded. I presented it with my request to have her deliver the supplements to the elders regularly. From the hoots and nods I received, said request was accepted.

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  From there, I planned to get my mind off everything by working the day away, but Alys caught me before I could leave.

  “Come on. I want to show you what I’ve done so far,” the dragoness declared proudly.

  I could do nothing but follow her as she led us to the edge of the pit she’d made… which I could no longer refer to as ‘a pit.’

  I hadn’t looked inside since the day she’d started working on it. I was shocked at how quickly the hole had turned into an open-air basement.

  The floor and walls were already formed, glistening in black and completely straight. Three areas were clearly marked out. On the right was a large room with plenty of space for a well-equipped laboratory. On the left was a bathroom, also of decent size. Between the two was an area that featured the beginnings of a staircase, as well as open space we could use however we wanted. It would probably turn into a temporary storage area for everything I made which we didn’t want to keep upstairs.

  For a moment, I just stood there, gazing in shock. At the rate she was going, she would finish up the basement level that very day, and then start tackling the house proper.

  “I… I’m beyond impressed. Didn’t expect you to make the stairs out of the same material as the walls and floor.”

  “Hrm. Trying something new. I don’t know how well I’ll manage, since I’ll need to make supports and… molds, I guess, but I’m thinking of making the ceiling out of it also.”

  She looked caught between excitement and reluctance, probably because she had always preferred to work with wood.

  “I am not complaining at all,” I replied. “It sounds like the results would be interesting. But might I ask why? I’m guessing it’s so the room would be properly sealed.”

  “Hrrrm.” She nodded in confirmation. “You’re always so concerned about the fumes and such. If I do it this way, the room will be perfectly sealed. Besides, I like the challenge of making a whole house out of the stuff.”

  “The whole house?” I raised an eyebrow, imagining such a structure. “That would be stunning, yes.”

  “As I said, I want to experiment, too.” My dragoness shot me a grin as her tail lashed about happily. “Might rework my own home the same way, if it turns out nice. It would be like I’m honoring my heritage, I guess. I miss my grandmother’s lair sometimes.”

  I responded with a stiff nod as the pain from the previous day made a brief return. It had been easy enough to bury it that morning when I woke up feeling loved and cherished in her embrace.

  “Alright, you can run along now. Though, before you go…” My dragoness leered playfully before pulling me into a deep kiss, only breaking it when both of us desperately needed air. “There. Now you can go.”

  I laughed and pressed one more kiss into the side of her snout before relenting. I, too, was eager to get back to work. I wanted to finish the immune system boosting powder sooner rather than later.

  I wouldn’t be able to complete it in truth until the elders fulfilled their promise of providing me with materials, but I could get started. Besides, at some point during the endless chatter of the day before, Hyel had assured me that the hunters were already working on my request. Three of them had been sent north, including Yors and Emma, so I was hoping I’d get some more kappa bits to play with soon.

  My wish was granted two days later. A very tired beagle dragged himself to our door and dropped off a large wooden box. Yors’ ears and tail were drooping, and there were large bags under his eyes, so Alys and I let him go back to town quickly. We didn’t even chastise him for waking us up before dawn with his delivery.

  The four days after that were a bit of a blur.

  With the completion of the project within reach, I threw myself at it with the kind of passion I had rarely brought to bear before. I only saw Alys at breakfast and dinner. Every night, I passed out in her arms immediately after the evening meal.

  Despite some worry from my dragoness over how hard I was working, my enthusiasm was paying off.

  Of the kappa bits, the liver proved to be the most beneficial. The heart and kidneys helped, of course, but the essence of the other ingredients clustered best around the liver, boosting and altering its magical effects in just the right ways.

  Of the minerals, zinc and selenium were particularly potent additions. As was iron, to my mild annoyance. Meanwhile, my good friend ginger and Alys’ torture fruit were also featured heavily, along with the other plants and herbs I’d prepared. I didn’t have to discard even a single one due to incompatibility issues.

  I paid extra attention to the local variant of ginger after my conversation with Ritsu. While I detected a subtle difference in taste, the plant’s underlying effects were not altered in any appreciable way. This did, however, inspire me to try and make the powder taste a bit better. Since the first intended users would be pregnant women, I didn’t want to upset their stomach if I could at all avoid it.

  That led to a brief but fruitful sidetrack as I struggled to add in healthy yet pleasant-tasting ingredients while emphasizing their taste in the mixture. The final addition to this ingredient list would be quite controversial if it became known, but I pressed ahead and used it anyway.

  After all, belladonna berries had a potent and lovely taste.

  I was also deeply familiar with their magical nature. This familiarity allowed me to blend the berries into the mixture without detracting from the powder’s intended effects. I was careful to remove all poison from them, so it wasn’t like anyone would take harm from ingesting the powder.

  They might feel a little uncomfortable upon learning what exactly I had fed them, but that was a problem for future Thorn.

  When the fourth day drew to a close, I couldn’t deny that my frantic work had been successful. I had experimented, developed the recipe, and finetuned it. I had produced a decent amount of the powdered product.

  Yet I also could no longer deny the true reason why I’d kept myself so busy.

  I didn’t want to give myself a chance to think. The emotions Ritsu’s food had stirred up, coupled with the brief moment of weakness I’d experienced with Alys, threatened to haunt me whenever I let them.

  Autumn fae could be passionate. I knew that. I also knew about the less desirable traits that my kin tended to exhibit. Possessiveness, obsession, a depth of emotion some might find… repulsive.

  And there was another matter, too, one I had never even considered as a potential issue.

  My mother, as annoyed as I was to be forced to think about her more, was a Summer fae. In the past, her heritage had only manifested in the color of my eyes and the shade of my skin.

  Now, though, I found myself wondering if the fiery temper of the Summer lineage had also left a mark on me.

  Blowing out a frustrated breath, I decided my little episode had run its course. I could not, and would not, just bury myself in my work. My latest project had provided a worthy excuse, but this was not going to be my way of life. At the very least, I wanted to spend more time with Alys.

  I resolved to do better as I packed up my equipment and slowly made my way back home.