TDEUCE: Everyone, check in. Where are you? It's serious. JKING: He's not kidding. Caleb, Angelina, we need to talk. PANTALOONY: I'm in Henderson. Stelian's with me. Good news, his haircut stayed good overnight! The silver scissors trick worked! STELICIOUS: I'm with Tess. And I feel sexy! PANTALOONY: You *are* sexy! CAPNTOM: im on me ship at the ti goon PANTALOONY: I thought you couldn't cross water? CAPNTOM: tis runnin' water i shant cross. arrr, tis all foolishness! that so-called venetian canal? fake as me goon. naught but a glorified bathtub. yet i can’t cross it? but this here innd sea? cursed watering hole o’ the damned? same pipes, same plumbin' as the rest o' vegas. safe as a babe in its mother’s arms. tis all in the mind, I tell ye! this world be mad! TDEUCE: We're getting off topic. Who hasn't checked in yet? Caleb, Angelina, Philip... what about the glittergang, Stel? STELICIOUS: All the GG are safe. They have a separate signal chat. I just checked with them. Also, don't forget Elvis and Cardi. JKING: Trust me, I am NOT forgetting Elvis. Did Cardi make it home st night? TDEUCE: I haven't seen her. FUCK. PANTALOONY: Slow down. What the hell is going on? CTRYST: I'm up! I'm up! What the avaopwpva9 STELICIOUS: Caleb? BIGAPPLEANGIE: Caleb dropped his phone. I made him drop his phone. ;) PANTALOONY: Go Angie! JKING: Yes, yes, congratutions on your reinvigorated sex life. Now get serious. If we can't find Philip and Cardi I have to assume they're missing. Who saw them st? CTRYST: Last saw Cardi at the Venetian. Pretty sure she went out hunting. Possibly went after Diane, though I told her not to. TDEUCE: The woman who came in third in the tournament? That's a bad idea. CTRYST: Yeah, well, she had *that look* in her eye. We all know the one. PANTALOONY: Wait, what look? CTRYST: Almost all of us know that look. I'll expin ter, Tessa. BIGAPPLEANGIE: Didn't Philip get a ride back to Denny's with Elvis? TDEUCE: SHIT! JKING: FUCK! TDEUCE: Elvis is Renfield. CTRYST: what? TDEUCE: ELVIS is RENFIELD.

  Trey sent the crayon-modified sketch of Renfield over the chat.

  PANTALOONY: The fuck!? STELICIOUS: *Elvis?* BIGAPPLEANGIE: Caleb just got another text, and he says it's just as urgent. We're going to head over to Denny's as soon as we can, check on Philip. But it might be a trap. If we don't make it back, who's next eldest? CAPNTOM: That'd be me. JKING: Tom... we've been over this, you couldn't have been turned in the 1700s... CAPNTOM: 2003. I was turned in 2003. Two years after Angie, five after Caleb. I'm the next eldest. But I don't think it should be me. BIGAPPLEANGIE: Tom? CAPNTOM: My live name... was Thomas Melton. I... I tried to die at Treasure Isnd. Pills, booze... and I swam so far into that goon, thinking I’d drown. I wasn’t breathing, wasn’t responsive. Thought it was done, y'know? But then she -- my sire -- brought me back. Thought it’d be some grand favor, but this life? Same as the st one. Hard. Sad.CAPNTOM: I thought I could escape it. Live in the fantasy of being a pirate. But it’s just... *pretending*. Pretending I’m someone else. When I *need* to be, I can force myself to face the world... but it always hurts.CAPNTOM: Thomas Melton should’ve stayed dead. Maybe it’s better that way. But if it’s life or death? I can be Thomas Melton again. I can stop pretending. But I’m not fit for leadership. TDEUCE: It has to be Stelian. JKING: What? TDEUCE: It can't be Tom. It can't be you or me. We could get distracted if Renfield decides to make us py 52-pickup. Stelian's only been around since 2014, but he's brave and capable.STELICIOUS: *Me?* I'm not exactly... PANTALOONY: You're not perfect, Stel, but you're more capable than you know, and where you need help, I'll help you.

  Caleb opened up the other direct message:

  MAPLESTAKES: Diane didn't check into her hotel room st night. Tell me where that little alpaca clutching bitch is, or I'm going to come after YOU, truce be damned. CTRYST: I don't know. Cardi and Philip are missing. Scott, you're telling me Diane's missing too?MAPLESTAKES: Don't pretend you don't know what happened. CTRYST: If Cardi hurt Diane, I won't stop you. I gave her fair warning. But I don't think that's what happened. And there's been a break in the Renfield case. MAPLESTAKES: FUCK Renfield, where's DIANA?! CTRYST: SCOTT! I don't KNOW! I'm freaking out TOO! Maybe this is all connected. Can you meet me at the Denny's off of Tropicana Avenue? MAPLESTAKES: You can't expect me to fall for such an obvious trap. CTRYST: You're right. If this was a trap, I'd make it *way* less obvious. Therefore, this can't be a trap. MAPLESTAKES: Unless that's what you want me to think.

  Caleb forwarded Scott a picture of Joshua.

  CTRYST: I honestly think you'd be good for each other. MAPLESTAKES: Fine. But I'm bringing my good stake this time. CTRYST: Fair. MAPLESTAKES: And if this is a trap? The offer to "make it quick" expired st night. CTRYST: Duly noted.

  ***

  Diane had woken up hours ago, locked alone in in what could only be described as a makeshift cell of some sort - really, not much more than a windowless storeroom with a bolted door. But it was enough. She wasn't going anywhere.

  The st thing she remembered was heading back to her hotel room after cashing out. She stepped onto the elevator, only for that Elvis impersonator at the tournament to come in on the st second. She didn't think much of it, but as soon as they were alone, she remembered being attacked, a rag over her face.

  Then she woke up here.

  Her friends were right. America really was a dangerous pce these days. Odds of waking up in a storage closet: not great. Odds of getting out of here alive? TBD.

  She looked around. Fiddled with the door. Looked around for anything useful.

  Goddamnit. Her aunt always did say that gambling would be the death of her.

  She tried screaming for help. All that left her with was a hoarse throat.

  And from somewhere, somewhere nearby, a soft: "Shh!"

  She looked to where the sound was coming from, and discovered she wasn't alone in the room at all. She jumped back, crashing into an industrial shelving unit.

  "Cardi?" she asked. "What the hell?"

  Cardi was curled up, nearly fetal, in the corner of the room, still clutching her alpaca plushie. How the hell did Diane not notice her there before?

  "Shh!" Cardi said, frantically waving her arms.

  "He got you too, eh?" she frowned.

  "Not exactly," said Cardi. "He doesn't know I'm here."

  "Hunh? Cardi, can you expin what's going on?"

  Cardi whimpered and hugged the alpaca like a life raft. Then, with great reluctance:

  "Not unless you can get real cool about a lot of heavy stuff really quickly."

  ***

  Angelina drove the Camry with Caleb in the passenger seat, while Caleb was speaking quickly into the phone. There was only one hour of shared nighttime between Vegas and Transylvania, and Caleb wasn’t about to waste it.

  "Caleb?" said a heavily accented voice on the other line.

  It was nice to be able to say that Dracu took your calls.

  "Good news, Count. We know who Renfield is. He's been posing as Elvis this whole time."

  "Elvis Presley vas Renfield? The Elvis Presley from ze Ed Sullivan Show?" Dracu asked, incredulously. "I luffed his movies."

  "No, no, Renfield's been impersonating a person who's impersonating Elvis."

  A pause.

  "Run zat by me again, Caleb, my childe?"

  "People impersonate Elvis all over Vegas. Renfield’s been posing as one of those impersonators. We just got so used to calling him 'Elvis.' Anyway, that’s not the important part. The important part is three people are missing. Two are vampires -- Philip and Cardi -- and one is a human named Diane Sweet. She’s connected to Scott Lupescu, a vampire hunter."

  "Scott 'Baby-Shark' Lupescu?"

  "You know him?"

  "Late-night poker shows. He’s on Poker After Dark all the time. I luff his personality. Great hand-reader. Also… he has my lucky charm."

  Caleb couldn’t help the half-ugh of disbelief that slipped out. "Your lucky charm? The Eye of Strigoi?"

  It seemed like no matter how weird it got, there was always a little more room for Caleb's life to get weirder.

  (Angelina gnced at Caleb, confused.)

  "Yes, yes, I made it. Took seven years studying with ze ?oloman??. Zey are madmen, Caleb. Ze cult of Scientology has nothing on them."

  "You made the Eye of Strigoi? The one that neutralizes vampire powers?"

  ('What?' thought Angelina.)

  "Of course. But it also neutralizes vampire veaknesses. Sometimes it’s nice to go out for a sunshine picnic, or to visit Oktoberfest without vorrying about the whole immortal zing."

  Caleb rubbed his temples, trying to keep his brain from spinning.

  "And Scott has it… how?"

  "I lost it to his grandmother in a game of Schnapsen," Dracu said, grumbling. "She said if I won, I could have her as my bride. If she won, she gets ze Eye."

  "You lost the Eye gambling?"

  "I’m not saying she cheated," Dracu muttered, "but it vas a cold deck, Caleb. Cold."

  Caleb sighed. "Right. Thanks for the info, Dracu. And thanks for the sketch."

  "Stay safe, Caleb, my childe. Is zere anything else I can do to help?"

  "Well, an expense account would be nice." Caleb chuckled, half-sarcastic, as Angelina finally parked in the back of the Denny's.

  "Done," said Dracu.

  Caleb blinked. "Wait. What?"

  "I already set it up," Dracu said with a dismissive wave. "Just forgot to mention it. I didn’t like ze idea of my childer living in abandoned buildings and serial killer houses. Figured I’d set up a little trust fund. I trust you to manage it."

  Caleb shook his head. There was always room for things to get weirder.

  "I’ll text you ze access codes. Just don’t forget about compound interest," Dracu said.

  Caleb stared at the phone for a moment, utterly fbbergasted. "Thank you."

  "Go. Save your friends, Caleb. But stay safe. You know how ze world is."

  Caleb hung up and found Angelina staring at him, utterly confused.

  "I promise," he said, holding up a hand, "I’ll expin everything as soon as--"

  The car door was suddenly ripped open. Scott yanked Caleb out of the car before he could react.

  Caleb’s heart skipped a beat. His instincts screamed at him to retaliate, to use his vampire strength to throw Scott off, but his body felt... wrong. Heavy. Almost too slow.

  Before Caleb could fully register what was happening, Scott smmed him onto the pavement. He should’ve been able to fight it, but the more Caleb struggled, the more he realized something wasn’t right.

  His limbs were stiff. His enhanced senses? Gone.

  Oh no.

  Not again.

  Once again, Scott was standing over Caleb with a deadly weapon. Only this time, there was no st minute leap of faith. And instead of a stake, it was a fre gun in Scott’s hand that was pointed directly at Caleb.

  "Scott!" Angelina shouted, her voice sharp with panic. "What the fuck!"

  "Stay back, vampire!" Scott growled, his face taut with intensity. "Or I’ll fry your boyfriend, I swear to god I will!"

  ***

  "You're telling me," said Diane, her voice incredulous. "Vampires are real."

  "Uh hunh."

  "And you're a vampire," Diane pressed, her eyes narrowing.

  "Uh hunh."

  "And Elvis is a vampire," Diane said, the disbelief in her voice rising.

  "An evil one."

  "And you're a good one?" Diane’s brow furrowed.

  "More, uh, chaotic neutral?" Cardi squirmed, her hands twitching as she adjusted herself on the cold floor. "I was, uh, gonna stalk you and eat you."

  "What?" Diane froze, her heart skipping.

  "Not, like, all the way. I was just going to, you know, nibble a bit," Cardi said, as if it was nothing. She fidgeted with her fingers, avoiding Diane's gaze. "I’m very hungry. I was going to get some... nourishment before the tournament but I got a little distracted, because I got into an argument with this guy who would just not understand that you are supposed to switch doors in the Monty Hall problem, because Monty knows which door has the car! If Monty doesn't know which door has the car, then the problem..."

  Diane stopped her, reaching out to put a hand on Cardi's shoulder. Her touch was light, but firm—enough to ground her.

  "Cardi. You're cute, but focus."

  "Right. Well, smart people taste better. I don't know why. And you're very smart."

  Diane's lips twitched, half a smile, half a grimace. "If this wasn't terrifying, I'd be fttered."

  "Yeah, I can imagine. Kidnapped, locked up by a crazy Elvis impersonator, and then when you think things can't get any worse, you find out you're locked in with a hungry vampire who has the hots for you."

  Diane facepalmed, the motion quick and sharp. "Thank you for summing up my life-threatening situation so succinctly. But if Elvis doesn't know you're here, how did you--?"

  "People don't notice me, not when I don't want them to," Cardi said, tapping her temple with a finger. "It's a vampire trick. Only one I can pull off, really."

  "Do you know any others? Any that might get us out of here?"

  "Yeah." Cardi hesitated, a little too long, before she continued. "I might be able to bust down the door. But in order to do that, I have to be strong. And in order to be strong..."

  "You're asking to bite me."

  Cardi's gaze flicked toward Diane's neck. It wasn’t hungry, but calcuting-- like she was trying to convince herself it was okay. "Please?"

  Diane's chest tightened. "Will I turn into a vampire if you bite me?"

  "No, it doesn't work like that." Cardi looked away, fingers twiddling nervously. "I'd have to, like, drink you completely, or close enough, while you drank some of my blood, and, uh, point is, you can't create a vampire just by feeding on them. Except for Angelina. And that was an accident. She bit back. It's actually a really cute story, how she and Caleb met..."

  "Right, right," Diane muttered, closing her eyes to fight the knot of unease in her stomach. "Will it hurt?"

  "Only a little. Like getting a shot at the doctor's. A very kinky doctor's. It's kinda sexy, actually."

  Diane winced. "And you'll be able to stop before... before I die?"

  "Erm... usually."

  "Usually?"

  "Almost definitely. But I'm really hungry. I'm like... 91.3% sure."

  "So basically, the same odds as fading a gutshot on the river."

  Cardi nodded slowly, the corners of her mouth curling into a half-smile. "Yeah. Something like that."

  "What happens if Elvis comes back and we haven't gotten out of here?"

  "Don't know." Cardi shifted her weight, her gaze darkening. "But I think he's holding a better hand than just a gutshot."

  Diane swallowed hard. She could feel the weight of the air thickening around them. "Right," she said, her voice tight. "Okay. Do it."

  "If I do accidentally kill you, I'm sorry."

  "Cardi, you're sweet, but you're making it worse."

  Cardi's hands shook slightly as she moved closer. She touched Diane’s shoulder, guiding her gently, almost reverently, until Diane’s head rested in Cardi’s p. Diane closed her eyes, her pulse quickening.

  "Close your eyes," Cardi whispered, her voice quieter now.

  Diane could feel Cardi’s breath on her neck, the soft warmth of her hands guiding her into position. The cool air hit her exposed skin as Cardi’s mouth hovered near her pulse point. It should’ve been more terrifying, but there was something oddly... soothing about the moment.

  The bite came, and at first it was just a sharp pinch, followed by a coolness that seemed to flood through her, like plunging into a pool of water when you least expect it. Her heart stuttered, but she let herself sink into the sensation, the surrealness of it all. What else was there to do? She’d already pushed all her chips in, and now it was time to see if she'd fade the gutshot on the river.

  Of course, the river, in this case, was the Styx.

  ***

  "Angie," Caleb said, his voice strained from the pressure of being on the ground in the back of the Denny's parking lot, fre gun pointed at his chest. "He's serious. But he's also reasonable."

  "Reasonable?" Angelina scoffed, standing a few paces away with her arms crossed. "You call this reasonable?"

  "He's scared. Scared for his friend. Diane's missing too."

  "Diane? She's so nice. Who'd want to kidnap her?"

  "The one with the pink alpaca," said Scott, shifting his stance slightly, fre gun never wavering. "She was practically drooling. I knew I shouldn't have trusted you. No matter what you say, Caleb, the hunger always wins out, eh?"

  Caleb looked around, trying to assess his situation. He immediately frowned, closed his eyes and cursed under his breath. "Oh, Philip..." He then fixed his gaze directly on Scott.

  "Cui bono?" Caleb said, forcefully.

  "Quoi?" Scott blinked, confused.

  "The fuck?" Angie’s voice dropped into her cssic New York exasperation, her hands on her hips.

  "Who. Benefits?" Caleb crified, pushing himself up onto one elbow as he winced at the weight in his limbs. "Cardi might be hungry, but she's way more clever than she’s hungry. And she doesn't kill those she feeds on -- unless there was an accident. I’m not ruling it out, but if there was an accident, the first thing she'd do is reach out to Trey and Jack for help. They're like her big brothers. And Trey and Jack said Cardi hasn’t made contact. If Cardi killed Diane, covering it up wouldn’t benefit her. Cardi does not benefit," Caleb said, his words deliberate. "Who's next?"

  "You could be holding her hostage," Scott said, narrowing his eyes. "To intimidate me."

  "Then I'm doing a very bad job of it," Caleb grunted, shifting on the ground as the pressure in his chest felt oddly foreign.

  "Angelina could be jealous that Diane’s better than her at poker," Scott added with a shrug, but there was a flicker of doubt in his voice.

  "Scott..." Caleb chided, wincing slightly at how tired he sounded.

  Scott winced. "Yeah, I know. That sounded stupid once it came out of my mouth."

  "Also, I would never!" said Angelina, her eyes fshing with offense, though her voice softened as she took a step forward, her hands now at her sides, a bit more in control of herself.

  "Scott. Think about it." Caleb said, his voice steady despite the situation. "This has to be Renfield."

  "How do you know that?" Scott raised an eyebrow, his grip tightening on the fregun.

  "It's a hunch," said Caleb, shrugging.

  "That's it? A hunch?"

  "It's more than you have, Scott."

  "I have a fregun, my good stake, and the Eye of Strigoi."

  "I have Angie." Caleb gnced back at her, a slight smile tugging at his lips. "You doing okay, honey?"

  "Not really." Angelina’s voice was tight, her brow furrowed as she shifted from foot to foot. "Everything feels... weird. And none of my tricks are working."

  "Yeah, that’s the Eye of Strigoi," Caleb said, his voice almost ft, like he was resigned to it. "Your favorite poker pyer's good luck charm is a magical artifact crafted by Dracu and a bunch of Romanian Scientologists."

  "Well, he's not my favorite poker pyer anymore."

  "Fair." Scott’s lips quirked, but his eyes remained hard as he studied the two of them, his posture tense. "But I still have the upper hand here."

  "Yes," said Caleb. "Yes you do. Which is why I'm folding. I don't have a hand to py here. I am putting myself at your mercy, Scott. I am, despite every rational reason not to, deciding to trust you."

  "Caleb... he's got a fre gun pointed at you."

  "Yeah," Caleb said, his gaze never leaving Scott. "But that's not the only way to kill a vampire, is it?" Caleb closed his eyes, his voice quieter now, almost defeated. "Cui bono. Who benefits. Who stands to gain from driving a wedge between us, from making you go on a holy crusade against me? Who benefits from taking Diane and turning this whole thing into a war?"

  "Renfield," Scott said, his voice dropping, his grip loosening on the fre gun.

  "And who would kill Philip in such a way that I would think you did it?" Caleb pressed.

  Angie nearly colpsed. She caught herself on the car, her breath catching in her throat. "Caleb, don’t-- don’t say that. He’s just missing. We don’t know..."

  Caleb turned his head slowly to the side, his face calm but strained. "Angie. I’m sorry, but I’m looking at his skeleton right now." His eyes met Scott’s, cold and resolute. "Scott. Either turn off the charm, or help me move this dumpster. Philip’s under it."

  Scott cursed under his breath, then muttered something in Romanian. Immediately, Caleb and Angie felt the familiar pulse of their old selves returning, the weight in their bones lightening. They hoisted the dumpster together, dragging it aside with a force fueled by grief. The body they uncovered was unmistakable—Philip’s clothes from the night before, the same familiar style, but his lifeless skeleton was grotesque, stripped of its humanity.

  A wooden stake was jammed into his rib cage, right where his heart would have been. The skull had been neatly severed from the rest of the body, as if it had been removed with surgical precision.

  "It looks like your M.O., doesn't it, Scott?" Caleb's voice was eerily calm, almost detached.

  "Caleb. I-- I didn't do this."

  "I know, Scott." Caleb's voice was completely steady. There would be time to mourn ter.

  Scott seemed to falter, caught between guilt and disbelief. "I mean, if I was going to do this, this would be how I'd do it, but..."

  "Stop talking, Scott," Angelina snapped, her voice breaking as she stepped forward, tears welling in her eyes. "Just... stop. He was our friend, Scott. Our friend. He helped us out so much, even when he didn’t have to, and he was... and you talking about him like he was just a thing-- that's what you want to do to us? Just because of who we are? Scott, you... you monster."

  ***

  Diane felt drained. Which, of course, she literally was. Even lying down, she felt dizzy, with a massive headache, and her body was shivering on it's own accord. Her breathing was shallow. She felt extremely thirsty, and was desperate for a gss of water.

  She was finding it difficult to concentrate, and when her eyes fluttered open for a brief moment, all she could see was Cardi's newly flush face, and the genuine panic she saw there.

  "Diane?"

  Diane groaned, and slipped out of consciousness.

  Cardi recognized the signs... intense blood loss. She hadn't killed Diane. But she had still taken too much. Too much for her to be safe. A few sugar cookies weren't going to cut it. She needed an ambunce and an IV drip. She'd fucked up. She'd really fucked up.

  Right. No more little miss tiny vampire. Now was the time for her to be a badass.

  She had absolutely no talent at being a badass. She excelled at being the least threatening vampire in the room. So to say this was not in her wheelhouse was an understatement.

  She pced Diane's head under the stuffed Alpaca, letting her use it as a pillow.

  "Right. Right. You've got this," said Cardi, trying to psych herself up. "You can do this. You're strong. You're a bad ass. You're Cardmil, and you are a fucking vampire queen."

  She took the buckle of her belt and pried it into the gap by the door's lock, and then, with a quick jerk, kicked it with the heel of her shoe. It dented the door frame just enough that she could see through a gap on the other side, and had an idea of the locking mechanism. She jammed a few pying cards into the gap (because she always had pying cards with her), and slowly expanded the gap until it was a good half-inch in size. She looked around for something she could use as a lever, and settled on the handle of a mop that she broke in two and wedged into the door.

  Finally, the door was open. But Diane wasn't making it out of here under her own power.

  Cardi would have to carry her. And even with vampire strength, that was going to take both hands.

  She winced, and it hit her-- she was going to have to leave the alpaca behind. The alpaca Trey had won for her at Sugarloaf. The alpaca that kept her grounded. The one thing that had given her strength in the hardest times and the longest nights.

  Whenever she felt scared or frightened or overwhelmed by all the noise and all the numbers in Las Vegas, she held onto it for strength, remembering Trey and Jack's support of her.

  Leaving it behind would break her heart.

  And so... her heart shattered, as she scooped up the taller, heavier Diane, and carried her out of the room, somewhere in an abandoned industrial park out in the middle of nowhere that she'd never been to before. Where she was, she didn't know. Where she was going? No clue. She was somewhere. And she needed to get Diane to a hospital.

  Preferably before the sun came up and reduced her to a diminutive skeleton, her ashes scattered across the desert.

  She took one st look behind her, knowing she was leaving her alpaca and would probably never see it again.

  And then she started walking, with Diane draped across her back.

  She hoped she was walking in the right direction.