Caleb found himself sitting on the rooftop of Joshua's house, sitting next to Dracu, having a private heart-to-heart.

  Dracu.

  THE Dracu.

  Well, if Dracu was going to just show up, Caleb would give him a piece of his mind.

  "I had to come out to my father earlier tonight, and found out that he too, was a maniputed serial killer," said Caleb. "I honestly thought to myself that this night couldn't get any worse. And then you show up. My sire. The one who did... this to me. Made me into something unnatural. Unholy. You cannot believe," he said, "how pissed off I am at you."

  "Oh, I haff some inkling," said Dracu.

  "No, you don't, not really. I'd probably be yelling and screaming at you if I wasn't already emotionally drained. But... screw it. I have to ask. Why did you turn me into a vampire? Why couldn't you just leave well enough alone?"

  "Because it vas ze only vay I could zink of to stop you from killing, vithout killing you. To break Renfield’s control over you. I knew vat vas happening vith Renfield’s bloodline. Zat bastard... I should haff killed him vhen I had ze chance."

  Caleb raised an eyebrow. "In the book, you did kill him. And he was your thrall."

  "Book, shmook," said Dracu. "History is vritten by ze victors. It took me a long time to figure out vat Renfield vas. Decades. But I am getting ahead of myself. Ze point is, I made you a vampire to break Renfield’s control. To stop you from killing."

  Dracu pointed to Joshua, down by the firepit in the backyard, where he was in a deep conversation with Angelina. Where Pantessa and Stelian ran off to was anyone's guess. "I did not know zere vas anozzer," Dracu expined. "I t'ought I vas ending ze bloodline vith you. Cutting off his power."

  "His power?"

  "Ze only commonality between us vampires is zat all vampires consume life, Caleb. You know zis. Blood is just ze most common vay to do so. Renfield… he found a different vay. Yes. he is a vampire, Caleb. But not like you, or me. He does not feed on blood. He does not drink it… literally. He feeds on human suffering. Misery. Fear. Pain. Und he has been using your family for generations to generate zat fear for him."

  Dracu extended a palm and gestured with it.

  "He likes to choose zose he sees as innocent… veaker… as his victims. Und vhy bother killing people yourself, vhen you can simply control your descendants to do your dirty vork? It is cleaner. Simpler. Easier. Und it creates two victims, not just one."

  "Well, if you're looking for a pce where you can feed on human pain and misery, you couldn't pick a better city than Vegas," said Caleb. "It's an all-you-can-eat misery buffet. Speaking of which, and you'll forgive me for being slightly pissed at this, why did you just... leave me on my own. You turned me and then you fucked off. Why the hell did you do that?"

  "Zere's a country music song by Johnny Cash. 'Ze Boy Named Zue,' haff you heard it?" said Dracu.

  "Of course."

  "Ve all have our banes, Caleb. Mine is Transylvania. I can't leave it for long. Even now, already, I feel it... pulling me back. I did not stay to train you, because... I could not. Und if I could not be a real sire to you, zat... rage. I hoped it vould help keep you going. A lot of vampires do not make it, you know. A lot of them just... can't handle ze pain of it, und zey just valk into ze sun. I needed to give you a mystery to solve. An absent sire to rage against. A reason to keep going, even if zat reason vas spite."

  Caleb had to admit to himself that his sheer stubbornness helped him through many a long day.

  "So what brought you back here now?"

  "You summoned me. I felt your fear in my bones. Sorry it took so long, but even vith my resources, it takes a while to travel to Las Vegas from Romania."

  "Ah, the bat-signal."

  "The vhat?"

  "I noticed that whenever one of is in mortal danger, it's like... a signal from sire to childe, or vice versa. We called it the bat-signal, because... because it was funny. But I've been mortally terrified before," said Caleb. "Why didn't you come then?"

  "Because you veren't scared enough zen, I tink. For a human, Joshua really did a number on you. A terror so great and so sustained it reached me all ze vay across ze vorld. No vonder Renfield likes him. He’s good at terrifying."

  Dracu shrugged. "I mean, I’m better. But for a human, he’s good."

  "So, Renfield's been here all along," said Caleb. "You put a stop to the st of his descendants in Vegas. And he can't feed as effectively, until one of his other descendants shows up in the city... and... hold on, I just thought of something."

  "Joseph!" he called down.

  "Yeah?" Joseph yelled back.

  "Quick question. Your job at the Venetian. How'd you get it? Did you apply for it?"

  "Well, yeah," said Joshua. "Well, no, hold on, a recruiter contacted me first, said it was perfect for my background."

  "That expins something, Josh. Thanks."

  "Don't mention it?" replied Joshua, who was confused as to what relevance that had.

  Caleb turned back to Dracu.

  "Probably arranged for Josh to come to Vegas in the first pce. Which means something really good for us. Renfield doesn't have range. He's limited to Vegas, so he can't use my father up in Reno, and he can't use the Randolphs if they're still in Texas. Not without relocating to Texas."

  "I tink I am tinking vat you are tinking, Pinky," said Dracu, his eyes narrowing with sudden crity. "And I am sorry I did not tink of it twenty-five years ago."

  Caleb flew back down to Joshua and Angelina, an eerie and unsettling grace to him, as if he purely willed gravity to go piss off.

  "Could you... not do that?" said Joshua, frowning.

  "I don't exactly have many opportunities to cut loose among friends," said Caleb. "Heck, you want me to, I could give you the Lois Lane treatment, fly you around a bit."

  "No thanks, I've had enough flying around for a lifetime." Joshua nodded towards Dracu, who was also descending from the roof.

  "Yeah, well, I'm going to have to ask you to do a little bit more," said Caleb. "You need to get the hell away from Vegas. It's not safe for you here. I think Renfield can't operate at range, so the further from Vegas, the better."

  "Have you ever ridden upon ze Gulfstream G700, Joshua?" Dracu inquired, fshing a too-wide grin. "I could be giving you lift! I must return to Transylvania anyway. And—ha!—you are already packed!"

  Angelina slowly turned to Dracu in disbelief. "Wait. You have a private jet?"

  Dracu shrugged. "I haff inherited a voivode from mine father, Vd Dracul. Is true—I am how you say... nepo-baby. Also, compound interest."

  "Un-fucking-believable. I have a stolen Camry and am squatting in an abandoned industrial park. And my sire has a private jet."

  "Why are you squatting in abandoned industrial park?" Dracu asked, brow furrowing. "It’s not exactly... patial, yes?"

  "In order to do that, I'd have to expin about fifty years of economic theory, the consolidation of the real estate market, systemic problems with capitalism, and also everything requires you to go out during the day," said Caleb.

  "Why not... mesmerize a servant to handle your affairs?" Dracu asked, his voice dripping with mock curiosity. "Zey are so convenient, no?"

  "Because I can't-- I can't do that," said Caleb, choking up a little. "Maybe I could learn, but after what Renfield put me though, I'm not going to-- mess with another person's mind like that."

  Angelina headed over to Caleb, holding his hand.

  "Ah," said Dracu, nodding sagely. "I understand completely. I think I stepped in vulf shit on that one. Forgive me, I am a little... out of touch. Been centuries since I st updated my... social media, yes?"

  "Yeah, Dracu," said Angelina. "It did kind of come off as an 'Ok, Tomber' moment."

  "My bad," said Dracu.

  Joshua sat, staring at the fire pit. "Okay," he said, resigned. "It makes sense. I'm too dangerous to other people here, so I guess I'll -- and I can't believe I'm saying this -- hitch a ride with Dracu."

  "You can stay in the castle guest room, if you vish," Dracu said, waving a hand. "But... do not go into ze forbidden wing. I know, you are probably a smart enough cookie not to need warning, but... I've had idiots try to get in there before. Don't be a Harker!"

  "I just need a moment," said Joshua, holding his head in his hands, "to process the fact that in order to keep myself safe from vampires, I'm leaving what is famously one of the sunniest cities in the world to go to Transylvania and live in Dracu's castle."

  "Funny old world, yes?" said Dracu, tilting his head with an exaggerated grin.

  Before anyone could say anything else, there was a loud crashing sound from inside Joshua's house.

  ---

  The four of them rushed inside to Joshua's bedroom. Caleb, in the lead, opened the door, took a gnce at the scene, and immediately closed the door.

  "Nope. Nope... Nothing to see there. False arm. Everyone, let's go back outside," said Caleb, eyes wide.

  Angelina furrowed her brow. "What is it, Caleb?"

  "It's nothing. We can go now."

  "This is my house," said Joshua, "And I'd really like to know what's happening when there is a literal bump in the night."

  "Don't worry about it, Joshua," insisted Caleb, providing no further expnation.

  "I know when you're hiding something, Cal," said Angelina.

  At that point, Pantessa opened the bedroom door from the inside.

  "Hey," she said.

  Angelina, Joshua, and Dracu stared at her, while Caleb hung his head in embarrassment.

  "What was that noise?" asked Angelina.

  "What noise?" lied Pantessa, unconvincingly.

  "Ze big crashing noise," said Dracu.

  "Oh, that noise," said Pantessa. "It was nothing."

  "It sounded like an awful lot of nothing," said Joshua.

  Stelian then appeared behind Pantessa.

  "It was nothing. Really. Everything is under control. Situation normal."

  "What happened?" asked Angelina.

  "Slight... furniture malfunction. But, uh, everything's perfectly alright now. We're fine. We're all fine here now, thank you. How are you?" said Stelian.

  "We should head in."

  "Uh, no, no," said Pantessa. "We... there's some debris here. Give us a few minutes to lock it down. Lots of debris... very dangerous."

  Joshua looked past Pantessa and Angelina into the room.

  "What the hell happened to my bed?"

  Sure enough, the headboard was cracked, the mattress was in disarray, and the legs had colpsed in under themselves.

  Caleb facepalmed.

  "Stelian," he said, calmly.

  "Yeah, Caleb?"

  "Your shirt's on inside out."

  "Thanks, Caleb. Thanks for trying to cover."

  Angelina sighed, looking at Caleb wistfully. "That brings me back."

  "Zo vhat," said Dracu. "Are you two a zhing?"

  "Are we a thing now?" Pantessa asked.

  "I think so. If you want it to be a thing," Stelian said.

  "Dammit. I think I do," she said.

  "I do too. Wait, why 'dammit?'" he asked.

  "My boyfriend has awful hair."

  "I vas not going to say anyzing, but zat haircut? Ghastly." Dracu shuddered. "Even I, a creature of ze night, vould not be caught dead vith such a thing."

  Stelian shrugged. "Maybe there's something we could do with product or something?"

  "We could try that," she said. "Or you could keep the Stetson on. I like you in the Stetson."

  "Just to make sure: You actually want a glittery vampire boyfriend?"

  "Duh! Since I was twelve years old! Yes!"

  "Okay!"

  ***

  Joshua said his "goodbyes for now," to Caleb, Stelian, Angelina, and Pantessa, then headed off with Dracu to Henderson Executive Airport. The bad news for Joshua is that Dracu did not usually travel by car, and so Joshua once again did have to "Lois Lane" it to the private jet parked there.

  While Joshua's bathroom, unfortunately, had a window, there was a closet that didn't, and Pantessa decided to stay the night there, and would rendevous back up with Caleb and Angelina tomorrow. Stelian, who was perfectly fine with sleeping in the non-broken parts of the bed, decided to take that route -- the closet wasn't big enough for both of them.

  Angelina offered to let Caleb stay with her at her storage locker, and though Caleb didn't want to impose, he had to admit that it would be safer to head to the middle of Las Vegas and the Orleans rather than try to make it all the way up north to the industrial park from Henderson before the sun came up. They left the LeSabre behind and Caleb and Angelina took the Camry.

  Angelina decided to drive. Caleb looked wiped. Dead tired. I mean, he always looked dead, but... this was a massive night for him. They drove from Henderson to Angelina's storage locker in silence, with Caleb just keeping his eyes closed.

  They finally arrived back at Angelina's pce with about thirty minutes to spare before sunrise. Too close, in both of their estimations, but safe, at least.

  Caleb started to sit down on the floor and lean against the wall, but Angelina stopped him.

  "We'll share the bed, Caleb."

  "You sure?" said Caleb.

  "You're exhausted and right now you could use an old friend. Curmudgeon that you are, you had to deal with reaching out to two fathers you thought you'd never see or talk to again, all in the same night. You're running yourself ragged, you're emotionally a wreck, and I don't particurly mind you sharing a bed with me."

  "I don't want to start anything that's not going to go anywhere," said Caleb. "I need to be better. I'm nowhere near good enough for you."

  "You're not. And we're not going to be getting up to the same hijinks as Stessa"

  "Stessa?"

  "Or Pantelian," Angelina shrugged. "They need a ship name."

  "They are really cute together, actually," said Caleb, "And they... they compliment each other so well, even I can see it."

  "Caleb, when was the st time you really rexed?"

  "I can barely remember. It's been a long time."

  "Take off that damn denim jacket, Caleb. Lie down. Let yourself rex and let yourself feel. You don't have to be strong all the time. You don't. And right now is one of those times that I've got you, okay?"

  Caleb sighed, and looked into Angelina's eyes, hidden behind those cat-eye gsses. He sat down on the bed, nearly bumping his heel into the suitcase full of dirt from Central Park always kept under it -- and it reminded him of better days.

  It was a gift, from him to her, days early on in their retionship. Caleb remembered pnning it out for two weeks, and it took some doing -- but it was all worth the look on Angelina's face when Caleb managed to get her some real NYC soil that would st her years, maybe even decades, instead of the fake stuff from the New York, New York Casino Resort that only worked for a week or two.

  It was Angelina's bane, you understand. Like Caleb's garlic. Without sleeping near some soil from her home -- New York City -- she'd be unable to use her tricks. (And be cranky as hell for the whole night.) Oh, she could do it in a pinch, like she did that night when they all stayed in Stelian's bathroom, but that suitcase of dirt meant so much to her. Caleb couldn't help but get sentimental thinking about it.

  So, Caleb took off his denim jacket, and let it fall to the floor. Angelina leaned over, put her hands on Caleb's shoulders, and whispered in his ear.

  "You're not alone, Caleb. There are a shit-ton of vampires who care about you. And I'm one of them."

  Caleb had to chuckle at that. He was so pent up, and it felt good to be in Angelina's arms again. Even if it was just for tonight. He closed his eyes and melted into her embrace, finally, finally, for the longest time, able to rex.

  No more thinking about serial killers. Or missing sires. Or long lost retives. No need to think about evil ancient vampires, or bloodline curses, or prophetic bible verses...

  Wait.

  The bible verse. Who left the bible verse? It wasn't Joshua -- Joshua was surprised as anyone. It certainly wasn't the victims. There was only one other person who knew that there would be a murder and could have possibly left the note.

  It had to have been Renfield. Renfield left the bible verse!

  Wait. Why? Why did Renfield leave a bible verse? What does that get him?

  It gets Caleb to go to South Point to meet the Counts von Count.

  Caleb never asked how Joshua found him there. Stupid! Why was Joshua at South Point? The only possibility he could think of was that midnight meal deal, but Joshua was an Italian chef. The stuff he discarded was probably better than the 12.95 steak at South Point.

  But Renfield could manipute Joshua's mind and movements. Caleb remembered his time as the Stalker. Obviously, after the fact, you knew you had been mind controlled when you're staring at a young woman you had just stabbed twelve times, and thought "Why did I do this? I would never do this!" But maybe: "Hey, let's go to South Point tonight!" doesn't seem nearly so out of character. Even if Joshua may not have known why they had the urge to go.

  Speaking of 'out of character,' Joshua scared the hell out of Caleb by threatening to bury him alive. And sure, he didn't know Joshua that well, but even he didn't seem like the kind of guy to engage in that sort of level of psychological torture routinely. He treated Stelian rather decently, all things considered, when Josh caught him snooping. And at the hotel room, he was scared but eventually relented to trusting Caleb. The guy had a soft heart -- and going from a soft heart to a callous bastard capable of engaging in that kind of psychological torture was something that took, well, at least twenty five years of a hard life, at least in Caleb's experience.

  So, why the theatrics? Why the garlic, and the kwick-crete, and the hole, pre-dug, in the ground? Even if he was scared of Caleb. More of Renfield's manipution? What does that get Renfield?

  It gets Caleb scared shitless. It gets a massive, 'holy vuck, I could feel that all the way from Romania' bat-signal to go off. It gets Dracu, Renfield's old enemy, to come to Vegas.

  And then, Caleb immediately bolted upright, scaring Angelina.

  "Joshua and Dracu are in danger! We need to call them. Now!"

  ***

  Joshua had to admit, the Gulfstream was fancy. And right before they took off, and Dracu double-checked the light-proofing of the cabin personally (they would be flying eastward through daylight hours, after all,) he had an opportunity to make small talk with Captain Charles Tengle, Dracu's pilot.

  "So," said Joshua, "you're telling me that..."

  "Dracu's my gay lover. And also my billionaire boss."

  "Really?"

  "Oh yeah. I mean, think about it. You've read the book, right?"

  "Some of it."

  "Think about it," said Captain Tengle. "Let's say you were a young man traveling in a foreign country. Religious locals keep telling you not to visit a mysterious nobleman, but they won't even tell you what was so horrible about it. Is your first thought: 'murderous monster' or 'infamous homosexual?'"

  "What about the three brides?"

  "Oh, the beards. You have to understand, times were different back then, and Dracu needed a few brides to keep up appearances. Of course, Dorothy, Geraldine and Cornelia were happy with that arrangement because then they could form their lesbian polycule in peace. Nowadays, the three of them live in Munich, I believe. Dorothy has a PR firm, Geraldine is kind of a housewife, and Cornelia has a line of specialty soaps she sells on Instagram. Anyway, you might want to get some rest - jet g can be horrible, and it's a long flight."

  Eventually, they took off from Henderson Executive Airport, heading eastbound. They were about thirty minutes into their flight when Joshua's phone rang -- it was a Signal call from Angelina.

  "Hello, Angelina? This is Joshua, is everything alright?"

  Instead, it was Caleb's voice.

  "Josh, you need to nd the pne and get everyone off of it! I think you're all in danger!"

  "What do you mean, nd the pne? Danger, what kind of danger?"

  Obviously that st line caught Dracu and Capt. Tengle's attention. "Land the pne, what?" said Tengle.

  "I'm putting you on speaker, you can expin to Dracu and Charles, too."

  "Charles?"

  "The pilot. Hold on."

  Joshua put the phone on the table, and set it to speaker mode.

  "How did you know I was at South Point. You didn't, right? Do you even know why you were at South Point?"

  "I was going there for the 12.95 steak deal, but... wait a minute. I eat steak all the time. The steak at the Veneti-- I'm a chef, Caleb, what the hell was I doing at South Point?"

  "Renfield maniputed you... and me. He's the one who set up the bible verse. He knew that would get me to South Point, where I would run into you, and you would scare the shit out of me so that--"

  Dracu completed the thought for Caleb. "--To get me out of my castle and to Las Vegas! Charles, emergency nding NOW! I think Renfield put a bomb on ze pne!"

  "Small problem," said Charles. "I can call for an emergency nding at Albequerque, but... we're not going to get there before sunrise.

  "If zere is a bomb," said Dracu, stroking his chin. "It vould be set to go off during ze day. He vould not risk me simply... evacuating ze pne—ha! I do not need a parachute, after all."

  "I mean, could you carry both of us?" asked Joshua.

  Dracu tapped his chin. "I mean... prrrobably not. I vould not risk it. Is one zing to survive ze fall—anuzzer to nd looking undignified."

  Joshua thought. "Right then, Charles. Call for an emergency nding at Winslow, say we have a bomb threat -- no, that'll bring attention from the FBI."

  "I can just call in a minor mechanical malfunction. Happens all the time," said the pilot.

  "Right. That just leaves one... major sunrise problem."

  Dracu and Joshua looked around the cabin. Joshua eventually settled on looking at his luggage, then back at Dracu. Then back to his luggage, and back to Dracu.

  "Dracu, I know how you may hate looking undignified... but..."

  ---

  A few moments ter, Dracu, deeply humiliated, tried to contort himself inside Joshua's rolling suitcase, as Joshua tried to zip it up.

  "Maybe if you -- nope, your foot's sticking out. Okay... try to suck in."

  "Zis is not ze type of sucking I like," said Dracu, deadpan.

  Eventually, they nded at Albuquerque International Sunport, where the sun was already rising. Joshua started carrying his very heavy "luggage" down the air stairs, while Charles was busy shutting everything down inside the pne.

  BUMP.

  THUD.

  BUMP.

  Finally, Joshua got his Dracu-luggage down to ground level.

  Waiting for him was a friendly TSA agent. "Sorry to do this, sir, but can I see your ID?"

  Joshua produced his passport.

  "All looks good. We just have to scan your luggage."

  "Scan my what?"

  "Scan your luggage. Come, walk with me."

  Not really wanting to make a scene, especially not outdoors, in the sunlight, Joshua wheeled Dracu inside the building where the TSA agent recommended. At least if he had to let Dracu out of the bag, he wouldn't instantly burn.

  "All you need to do is put it on the conveyor belt," the TSA agent said.

  "Ah. Why?" asked Joshua, pying dumb, pying for time.

  "So we can X-ray it," he said.

  "X-ray. X-ray the luggage," Joshua crified.

  "Yes, sir."

  "Riiiight." Joshua tried to think of a way out of this, but came up bnk. Not knowing what else to do, he lifted with his knees, struggled, and loaded Dracu onto the conveyor belt.

  He didn't know what was going to happen, but "all hell breaking loose" was absolutely one of the most likely possibilities. He comforted himself with the knowledge that any good wyer would be able to say: "Tell me where in the criminal code where it is illegal to smuggle a vampire through airport security," the same way that it doesn't say in the rulebook that a dog can't py basketball... but that was small comfort. As Drac would say himself, they were 'vucked'.

  Dracu was lead into the bowels of luggage processing. There, a TSA agent attending the monitor, and quite bored of it, saw something quite unusual. He stopped the carousel and radioed for a second TSA technician.

  The second TSA technician showed up. "What's wrong," she asked, as they spoke in hushed whispers.

  The first one responded, "I'm not sure this thing is working right."

  "What do you mean," she said.

  "That bag just went through, but it's empty," he said, pointing to the bag.

  "So?"

  Look at it. It's bulging. It's clearly not empty. If I didn't know any better I might even think it moved

  "Well just run it through again!"

  And they did. They picked up the heavy suitcase, dragged it across the floor and put it through the X-ray machine again. And this time, they both saw... nothing.

  Oh, Dracu knew he didn't show up in mirrors, security cameras, or photographs. But even he didn't know he didn't show up in X-ray machines, either. Why would he? How often did he go through X-ray machines?

  Once again they stopped the conveyor belt. This time, however, they gave the bag a firm poke, and from inside the suitcase, Dracu growled. He was reaching the end of his considerable patience.

  The first TSA agent jumped back. "In my professional opinion," he said. "that bag is haunted"

  They called for airport security, and once everything was in pce, they sent the bag forward.

  Joshua and Capt. Tengle were escorted over to the baggage cim area by two armed airport security staff.

  "Sir," said the shorter of the two airport security professionals, "Is this your bag?"

  "The... bag belongs to me, yes," said Joshua.

  "Sir, this bag is empty, but is making noises. Please expin."

  "Uh," said Joshua.

  Captain Charles Tengle came to the rescue with a foolproof cover story.

  "He's a magician."

  "A magician."

  "A famous Vegas magician. Yes. And his... uh... assistant is in the bag. It's part of a trick. You wouldn't want to go ruining the trick, would you?"

  "I HAFF HAD ENOUGH! I AM NO ONE’S ASSISTANT!" cried the luggage.

  The security guard opened the luggage, gun drawn, only to find he was looking at the face of Dracu himself, pissed off and hissing.

  "Drop your guns!" commanded Dracu.

  The two security guards dropped their guns.

  "Sleep," Dracu once again commanded.

  The two security guards fell asleep on the spot.

  Joshua zipped up the vampire once again, and looked at Capt. Tengle.

  "What do we do now?"

  "Run?"

  "Run!"

  They grabbed the Dracu-luggage and sprinted through the airport.

  "I svear, I haff never been so humiliated in all my centuries of unlife!" Dracu decred. "Not even vhen zey chased me with ze torches and pitchforks!"

  They booked it outside. Luckily, the Days Inn & Suite by Wyndham Airport Albuquerque hotel offered free shuttle service, and so they loaded Dracu bumpily up the stairs of the shuttle bus, put him on the bottom luggage rack, and took the short ride to the hotel, where they booked a room without a view, put Dracu in the bathroom, and turned on the television, where the #1 news item was that a private jet had an explosion in the hangar at Albuquerque airport at around nine a.m. local time. Luckily, there were no injuries.

  Joshua stood staring, jaw dropped, at the television.

  "Charles, what do we do if the police come by to ask us about the explosion?"

  Capt. Tengle shrugged. "I don't know about you, but I'm pnning on telling them the absolute truth. Even if they arrest me, I'd be able to pull off an insanity plea."