“You want to know what it looks like?” I asked cautiously.

  “Yeah, you know, is it all lumpy, dark, and misshapen, or is it nice and clean?” Esme asked with a twinkle in her eyes.

  “Esme, dearest, what exactly are you asking to see?”

  “The dungeon, of course! What did you think I meant?” She let out a throaty chuckle. Well, that was a relief.

  “How do you feel about other species?” I was going to edge my way around to the real question I wanted to ask.

  “Oh, I’m fine with them.” She rose to her feet and looked down at me. “Shall we?” She held out an arm, crooked in front of her, so she was offering me her elbow. I climbed back to my feet and took it. Within an instant, her body was pressed against my side from knee to shoulder, and I had no idea how it was even possible.

  With my free hand, I pulled out the portal gems from my pocket and summoned one end of the link to appear in front of us. I walked through the glowing arc of eldritch blue light with the most beautiful woman in town on my arm.

  “So this is it.” I was feeling strangely shy and nervous. I gestured around the cave just as the hatch slammed open.

  “Bob! I’ve got the flour, but why the hell are you back so damn soon? Oh! Hello, Esme. Bob talks about you all the time,” Kat said with a grin.

  “Hello, um, I don’t know you’re name?” Esme replied as she looked at the pixie dressed like a stripper, her eyes going down and then further down. “That’s a nice outfit. Does Bob make you wear that?” A faint hint of ice had entered her tone.

  “Gods no! It’s the system!” I cut in.

  “Yeah, kind of.” Kat wasn’t going to be helpful about this.

  “What’s that?” Esme ran over to the wall and ran her hand down the scarring left by one of my acid-snot outbursts. “It’s all melted.”

  “Bob shot his load on it, and it made a bit of a mess. Don’t worry, he’s got much better trigger discipline now. Bob, are you sure about the ixnay on the hoardnay?” She mugged at the massive pile of gold that Esme had ignored entirely. I’d seen my girlfriend pan her eyes across it, but the first things she’d focused on had been the tiny erotic cosplaying pixie and the damage to the walls.

  “Thanks, Kat. Esme, Kat is my dungeon sprite. She’s almost as helpful as she is violent. Kat, how goes the expansion? Are we up and running downstairs yet?”

  “Getting there, chief. Two combat floors are on the go; the only issue is that the uni-bunnies are fighting with the summoned monsters. If you need any more biomass? I’m your gal. I made the oversized freezer for your meat anyway, and it’s nearly full.”

  “Biomass?” Esme asked. Setting aside her unbelievable appearance and warm personality, her total disregard of the mountain of gold behind me would have won her my heart in an instant. “I’m not as I pretend, Bob. What are you?” Shit. I was rumbled.

  “You remember how you said you were ok with other species?” I asked hesitantly.

  “Imma go check on the flour situation. You two be good!” Kat said as she hurried out of my lair and into the dungeon, her crook swinging with every step.

  “Why does she look like a slutty shepherdess?”

  “Oh, I got an evolution, and I took the option that played a prank on her. Now her outfit changes once a week, and it seems like she always rolls a stripper costume. So, you’ve seen the dungeon, how about-”

  “What are you?” She crossed her arms and fixed me with a glare. Her emerald eyes flashed like diamonds. I liked emeralds. And diamonds.

  “Just promise you won’t freak out?”

  “Promise!” She held out a pinky finger, which I dutifully shook with one of my own.

  “OK.” Was I ready for this? What would I do if she did freak out? I couldn’t kidnap her and keep her here. While I was confident about the state of her virginity, I had no strange impulse to eat her after all, I couldn’t just vanish her without raising a few eyebrows. Her father, for one, would likely be interested in her whereabouts. Fuck it, balls out, ride or die. My clothes vanished, and she glanced down.

  Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.

  “Well, I’m impressed but– holy shit!”

  Scales spread across my skin, and my arms transformed into my forelegs. My tails fanned out behind me, but they moved jerkily, uncertain and afraid for the first time in their semi-independent lives. AS I settled into my proper form, I was confident she would see the true glory of my draconic majesty. Mostly. A tiny part of me was quaking like a kid presenting a piece of work to his teacher that he knew was going to get him in trouble. I quashed that puny mammalian insecurity and spread my wings.

  Esme hadn’t moved beyond her eyes widening slightly as she looked me up and down.

  “I’m a dragon.” Really fucking smooth, Bob, you utter numpty.

  “I can see that. Can I…”

  “Can you what?” I moved over to my pile of gold, and she seemed to notice it for the first time, but all she did was nod slightly.

  “Can I ride you?”

  “Phrasing!” Kat called from just the other side of the hatch. A tail flicked out and slammed it closed.

  “Sure, Esme. Anytime you like.” I slammed a tail down on the hatch to muffle whatever the hell Kat was yelling. I crouched slightly and offered her a leg so she could climb up and straddle my shoulders. I moved over to the portal ot he sky and paused. “Just hold on tight, ok?” I felt her hands and her thighs tighten around my neck, and then I tipped out into the blue expanse that meant freedom to me.

  My wings cracked down and caught an updraft, spiralling us up into the sky. I circled Mount Bob and headed north, noting with satisfaction that the Orlics had moved way over to the horizon in the east before they rebuilt their ramshackle camp for the day's rest.

  “I won’t ask why you didn’t tell me sooner. I understand that. But what does this mean for the future?” Esme had stretched out along my neck, her legs were clasped tight around my shoulders, and her arms were wrapped halfway up my throat. I carefully ignored the other pressure points where our bodies intersected.

  “What future do you want? I’m going to be hunted, Esme. The Guilds will come after me. After whatever that prick was called, the blob that ate an imperial army, my kind isn’t welcome among humanity.”

  “Never heard about that. You know, most of the town is pretty fond of you. Angtirm and the mayor, maybe not so much, but the people, they like you. You dealt with the tanglethorns, helped old Mick get rid of the uni-bunnies that were eating the crops–”

  “Shit, fuck, and hellfire! I’ve still got him in storage!” I snarled.

  “Who and what, and will you let me finish my sentence, please?”

  “Yes, dear.” Hang on, when did the mammal part retake control? Could I go shopping now? Had Esme beaten down the worst of my draconic impulses? Was she my secret weapon in the quiet war of karma I was waging against the system? I made a note to hand the dead civvies from the cavalry raid over to Johnson the next time I was in town. One thing I wasn’t doing was dealing with the poor bastards' families.

  “You’ve built a reputation.” I briefly worried that this was the effect of the People's Dragon evolution I’d taken, and it was system fuckery messing with her head. “You’re a good man, Bob.” I felt warm lips press against my scales.

  “I’m a dragon, Esme!” I swooped up into the sky, flapping hard to gain height. “Part of me wants to take everything you can see and make it my own. I could rule with fire and acid from the sky!” I howled.

  “But you won’t do that. You’re a good man.”

  “I’m not a man! I am fire! I am death! I am dragon! It’s what the system has made me!”

  “But you don’t have to be like that.” Her quiet voice cut through the wind of our flight. “And I don’t think you will. Wow! Is that the Mill? I’ve never seen it from this angle before!” Her happy voice stilled the reptilian superiority. Being myself around her, being the real me, I was free. She wasn’t scared; she didn’t quake at the sight of me.

  I banked slightly and circled to give her a better look at her hometown from the sky.

  “That’s the Cod! I can see the lights from the sign you got us!” she said happily.

  “Even though it was wrong,” I grumbled as we circled around and sped north.

  “Do you think I wanted a light-up dick on the front of my alehouse?” She laughed in a way that made her whole body move against me. “You did fine on that one! Dad wasn’t amused, but he’s a curmudgeonly- Oh shit!” I had dived, tucking my wings in close and stooping like a bird of prey. She clung tightly to me and grunted as I leveled out and skimmed the treetops.

  “You weren’t scared of falling off?” I called over my shoulder.

  “You wouldn’t let me fall.” The quiet certainty in her voice settled something that had been worrying me. “Land over there, it looks lovely!”

  “I can’t bloody see what you’re pointing at!” Why didn’t dragon riders appreciate that my eyes weren’t able to perceive things through the back of my own skull?

  “Left a bit, a hill next to a pond, trees on the top of the rise!” she said above the wind. I felt her lean back, tighten her thighs, and I assumed she was waving her hands above her head.

  I settled down gently, with barely a thump, and I cocked one leg to let Esme step down easily. The pond was a crystal blue, the trees stood tall around us, and the empty expanse of the plains claimed by the Fuderation gave us a curious mix of exposure and privacy.

  I turned round and crouched low, bringing my head down to hover at her eye level. She was framed by the waters and the steppe behind her, red hair dancing in the wind and green eyes flashing with mischief.

  “You can go wherever you want!” she exclaimed happily, spinning around and making her skirt flash around her legs. I settled down and smiled faintly as she danced from flower to flower.

  “Not so much. Half the Guilds will kill me on sight, and if I want to visit the city, I have to do it in the mammal body. I don’t want–”

  “Bob?” she cut me off.

  “Yeah?” I looked up and my jaw dropped open.

  She slipped her dress off her shoulders and let it fall to the grass. I had been wrong about her requiring an enchanted bra to defy gravity, and it turned out she wasn’t a fan of underwear in general.

  “Turn back into a human. I still haven’t ridden you properly yet.” My dinosauric smile shifted quickly into a merely human one, and I stepped forward to take her into my arms.