120 months of Grace
“Why does it seem like you are avoiding being alone in the same room as me?” He asked her curiously after the numerous attempts she had made to require the presence of her secretary, even during small five-minute meetings, when there was no need for notes.
Let me take you back a few moments, perhaps days back. The aforementioned gentleman is ‘Luke’, once happily married to the lady, he has been so persistent in spending time with her after the mention of wanting a divorce, more than when she was a devoted wife, ‘Grace’. Maybe it's the fact that suddenly he realised that he didn’t know anyone as much as he knew her, or because her presence was such a constant in his life that he forever forgot about the possibility of her ever leaving him.
Don’t get me wrong, though, it was he who mentioned the divorce as a tease, but when she agreed, he was ultimately fumbled by her fast willingness to get away from him when her actions spoke the exact opposite of her words, so he made his lifelong mission to hold tight to her and keep finding loopholes on why she would ever think of leaving him.
On the other hand, perhaps what Luke thought about Grace was true. One thing is for sure: Grace’s love for Luke was not ending anytime soon, and she wanted to be there for him, really, until her last breath. But as that moment seemed to become exponentially near, she couldn’t bear being close to him and risking the man who had been nonchalant about her all along falling in love with her when it was already too late. She knew from how much she loved Luke and the kind of guy he was that if he were to fall in love with her, it would take him no less than forever to let go of that love. Ironically, she thought that she couldn’t rest in peace unless she were utterly forgotten by the ones who love her. Ultimately, nature always finds a way to exploit our weakest spots, and hers was surely being well exploited at this point, and she wondered if she could bear to keep the promise she made to herself and the universe ten years back. The promise she couldn’t even bear saying out loud to her reflection now that one thing she thought she would never feel and fall in love again, hindered all her plans, LOVE.
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But Grace was no promise breaker, unfortunately, it is like she has been cursed with this sense of commitment to nothing else but the promises she makes. They bind her to this thing called LIFE, and no matter the weight of the situation, she can never seem to escape that promise she made when she was 17. She gave herself 10 years, 120 months to finally find something that would give living a meaning. Love? She gave up on love when she was 14, barely a teen, totally heartbroken, and swore off love. Sometimes, I wonder what kind of madness she had been put through to swear off love at the age of 14 when other people began their obsession with it.
I look at her and I can’t help but wonder.
Still, it is the same love.
The same love that drove her to the edge of the knife.
To the lid of the pill bottle.
To the spark of the lighter.
Made her feel blissful whenever water slowly replaced air in her lungs.
Taking all the life out and leaving nothing but the utter silence of a storm that wrecked her ship ashore. It is the same love that is now raging up a bizarre fire inside her, bombing up a million butterflies in her stomach, and billions of questions in her mind; the same Unrequited Love…
Grace, oh Grace, why do you torture yourself so? I am still present, always watching.
Like me, you might wonder too? If her love is truly one-sided, how did she end up married to Luke and why is Luke so reluctant to let her go?
Well, let me bring you back to the present so both of us can take charge of this story and understand.
