Chapter 4: Battle of the Crystal LarderThe door shuddered again, its wooden frame bending as something thick and getinous pressed against it from the other side. Yulie clutched her rolling pin like a lifeline.

  Madam Celeste Bustier stood tall, her robes billowing like a battle standard, her silver dle gleaming in the candlelight.

  Outside, the Fridge Horror gurgled, its voice an unholy mix of spoiled broth, expired spices, and the ancient despair of forgotten leftovers.

  “You left us beeehiiind…”

  A cold dread settled over Yulie’s spine.

  “…Madam, are we really about to fight a sentient refrigerator demon?”

  Celeste adjusted her bodice, which somehow became even more structurally impressive.

  She lifted her dle with the authority of a woman who had personally trained every chef in Bergspire and once spped a duke for overcooking a roast.

  “Yulie, there is only one way to deal with expired food.”

  “What’s that?”

  “…You serve it one st time.”

  The door exploded open.

  The Horror RevealedThe Thing was rger now, its body having absorbed even more forgotten meals. It slopped and pulsed with new horrors, shimmering jellied meats, half-melded noodles, an entire chicken carcass fused to its back like an unholy shell.

  Yulie gagged.

  “Madam, I think it just ate an entire pot roast.”

  Celeste didn’t blink.

  “…Then it is now a pot roast with an expiration date.”

  The Thing lunged. Celeste moved first. Her dle fshed, striking the creature with the force of a five-star review.

  SPLAT.

  A chunk of getinous horror slopped off, flinging across the room and sticking to the ceiling. Yulie scrambled to dodge a flying meatball.

  “We can’t keep smacking it, it’s just falling apart and—oh my gods, is that a WHOLE TURKEY?!”

  The amalgamated monstrosity screeched, its jellied body twisting, forming grotesque, semi-functioning limbs. Celeste narrowed her eyes.

  “We need to neutralize the preservatives. Stop it from regenerating.”

  Yulie’s brain worked overtime.

  “…What about the spice rack?”

  Celeste grinned.

  “Oh, darling. Now you’re thinking like a chef.”

  The Assault on SeasoningYulie rushed toward the spice shelves, dodging a rogue tentacle made of coaguted stew. The room rattled as the Fridge Horror shed out, sending cooking pots cttering like iron hail.

  Yulie barely managed to duck behind a sack of enchanted Bustwood flour, yanking open a cabinet filled with Berg’s finest seasonings.

  She grabbed everything within reach.

  "Madam! Catch!"

  She hurled the first thing she grabbed, a small jar of rock salt. Celeste spun with grace unparalleled, snagging it out of the air without even looking.

  "Ah. A cssic."

  She uncorked the bottle with her teeth and flung a handful at the monster. The Horror shrieked, its body hissing and bubbling as the salt sapped its unnatural moisture.

  "More, Yulie!"

  Yulie grabbed the next jar, a heavy ceramic pot beled "Ground Cumin", and whipped it wildly toward Celeste.

  Unfortunately, her aim was absolutely terrible. jar flew wide, heading straight for Celeste’s head. Without blinking, Celeste plucked it cleanly from the air, flicked the lid off with her thumb, and tossed the contents in one fluid motion, all while giving Yulie a look of mild, aristocratic disappointment. Yulie cringed.

  "Sorry!"

  Celeste’s eyes fshed as the cumin struck the Horror, causing it to convulse violently.

  "It reacts to spice!" Celeste decred, her voice sharpening with excitement. "Oh, this just got fun."

  She twirled her dle like a duelist preparing for a final strike.

  “Pass me the paprika, the peppercorns, and—good gods, Yulie, is that Saffron?”

  “…Should I use it?”

  “No! That’s expensive!”

  Yulie hastily swapped it for a container of crushed red pepper.

  "Eat THIS, you festering soup stain!"

  She flung the entire jar, and the Fridge Horror howled.

  Its body writhed, pieces falling apart like a badly stitched dress.

  “It’s breaking down!” Yulie gasped.

  “We need to finish it off!” Celeste shouted.

  She pointed to the massive cauldron of boiling broth in the corner.

  "Get it in there!"

  The Final BoilYulie had no idea how to move a hundred-pound mass of cursed leftovers, but she had a rope, a rolling pin, and a growing level of desperation.

  She snatched a sack of enchanted yeast, tore it open, and flung the contents over the monster.

  The Horror staggered.

  It started to rise—

  Then it froze, its body swelling and bubbling grotesquely.

  Yulie grinned.

  “Madam, the yeast is making it expand.”

  "Then we shall give it no room to rise!" Celeste decred.

  With one powerful shove, she smmed the lid of a mixing vat against the creature’s midsection.

  It burst like an overstuffed pastry, chunks of harmless, steaming leftovers raining down into the boiling cauldron.

  “IT’S IN!”

  Celeste flipped the dle dramatically, took a deep breath, and snapped her fingers.

  The kitchen torches fred.

  The cauldron roared to life, sending up a column of steam so powerful it fogged the windows.

  The st remaining tendril of the Fridge Horror quivered… then dissolved into the bubbling broth.

  A long silence.

  Then, Yulie colpsed onto a sack of flour, panting.

  “…Holy ced corsets.”

  Celeste adjusted her now slightly ruffled colr, giving the cauldron one st flick of her dle.

  “And that,” she said crisply, “is how you deal with spoiled food.”