The dinner and the shower passed like nothing; Luca faded out any outside sound; every blink sted more than it usually did, and no one approached him at any point to talk; he was zoned out like never before and only came to once he felt a hand on his shoulder.

  “SIR!“ The rookie looked backwards in a blink and recoiled from the shock. “I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.“ In front of him stood a guard of Zenith, and a few feet behind them stood another, looking cautiously at him. “Are you okay, sir? Are you from the university?“ Luca realized they must’ve called his name a couple times, so he shook his head and focused.

  “Y-Yeah, yeah- I mean no! N-No, I-I’m not from the university, b-but yes, I’m fine. Thank you.“ He nodded at them after stumbling over his words so much.

  “Okay, okay, sir. University students aren’t allowed to leave after a certain hour; can you tell us your name so we can confirm you are, indeed, not from the university?“ Said the guard in a calming tone.

  “O-Oh, I’m Luca. But um, h-here.“ Luca grabbed his badge from his pocket and fshed it; immediately, both nodded their heads understandingly.

  “Understood, be careful out there, sir.“ Both of them raised their hands to their chests with an open palm and spped their chests twice, the sign of a beating heart that soldiers used. Luca replied doing the same, just a bit more off rhythm.

  He felt the cool night air as he walked towards the mail office once more. Running a hand through his hair, Luca repeated to himself every positive fact he had learned that day: each day would be easier, he could make it in Zenith, he could achieve what he needed to, he could solve his issues, he wasn’t a coward for just being scared, etc. And yet, after repeating this to himself, he couldn’t get rid of the feeling of wanting to go home, the nagging feeling inside him that he didn’t have anything to do there in Zenith, the voice in the back of his head that kept calling Zenith there instead of here.

  With a sigh, the tired novice pushed the door open, only to find the pce illuminated only by candles and the office empty of any life, even behind the counter.

  “Hello?“ He called out as he walked forward. “I was told I could send a letter at this hour. HELLO!“ The ck of response worried him; he was counting on being able to send the letter at this hour, knowing his family, Luca would never hear the end of the promise he couldn’t fulfill, even if it was only by a day.

  “...“ Thankfully, after a second, Luca felt a presence in the room to the right, where the friendly and heartbeat-accelerating Tomoko came out of that morning. He raised his hands to rest on the counter. But as he looked towards the door, no one came.

  “Hm?” Luca leaned over the counter to gaze over it, peering into the room he felt movement from. The more he leaned, the more convinced he was that someone was there; perhaps they didn’t hear him? Or the most sinister option: perhaps he wasn’t meant to hear them. "Uh, I-I need to send a letter! Should I come back tomorrow?”

  No one would rob a mail office, right? No criminal was interested in the little coin that that business would bring. Unless it brought in a lot, after all, many more people needed to send mail here in Zenith than over on Dryleave.

  “...!” Luca heard a surprised inhale and instinctively stopped leaning onto the counter. He looked around to assure his worried mind that no one was there, and indeed he was alone with the silent presence.

  “I-I’ll just come back tomorrow; sorry f-for intruding.” He said as he backed away towards the door, not wanting to take his eyes off the pce the figure would appear from. A horrid dragging sound that resounded around the area awoke fears Luca didn’t know he had, like stone along wood, or perhaps like bone. His mind was pying against him, and his feet almost did too as he tripped. Thankfully, he was able to catch himself with the door handle, but when he raised his sight back to the counter, he noticed who was making said sound.

  “...” Two huge yellow eyes stared unmoving at Luca as the feathered individual stood behind the counter, with their wings crossed before them. “Good night to you, friend.” Their voice was quiet and their tone friendly, but their body stood still as a tree as they smiled at the novice, who slowly but surely came down from the scare once he noticed the same uniform the morning employees wore on the body of the aforementioned.

  “... Good night.” Luca slowly stood up and straightened his posture; he rubbed his shoulder to ease the slight pain that catching himself had provoked. “I uh…” He cleared his throat. “I need to send a letter.”

  “You are in the right pce then.” Said the employee, as their eyes narrowed to accompany their smile. “Where do you need to send it to, and also could you approach? I need the letter to send it, silly.” A small giggle made her eyes narrow again, but after every expression, the unnerving individual returned to the perturbing gaze.

  “Y-yeah, right, right.” Answered Luca as he indeed approached. “T-To cuartel, please uuuh…”

  “Ma’am will do.” Said the now-identified bird-woman, as she took the letter Luca handed her with her wings (which again, Luca had no idea how they worked).

  Luca didn’t have much experience with other races, but he did have it with quite a lot of nature, or at least that’s how it seemed when he thought back to his childhood. If he wasn’t pying with dogs, grimacing at the multiple bugs, or even petting the cattle that multiple times he had to help attend, Luca was watching the birds. He didn’t see too many strange birds; certainly no roc came to the dry fields of his birthpce, but the few times the young boy did indeed come out at night, Luca saw, in the small patch of trees the locals called forest, the occasional owl. His mother had always warned him to take the owls seriously, and the very bird certainly helped with that fact; before he studied them in css, a young Luca only knew the way their eyes looked in the darkness; an even younger Luca believed them to be as tall as the very trees, before his mother threw some light on the matter. And even though he used to fear them, Luca always found some charm in the barn owls that would perch on top of the doors of the barns that gave them their name, whenever the night season would arrive.

  “All seems in order. Where would you like to send this to, friend?” The woman before him was tall, and her feathers were of a light blue, while her face was white. She looked exactly like a barn owl, except for the colors that otherwise would be all white and a bit of brown, the eyes, which seemed more like those on a regur owl, and the two spikes of hair to the side of her head that also resembled the other type of avian. “Friend?” She asked again, her expression unchanging but her head tilting.

  “Sorry! To Dryleave, p-please.” Luca was perplexed at the sight of the woman, but instead of it being because of her beauty, like it had been with others, Luca found himself more astounded than intimidated by her looks; she seemed to be mystical, almost magical in nature. The woman noticed Luca eyeing her, and after writing something down, she suddenly twisted her face to be completely upside down, which caused Luca to stumble again.

  “Something else I can do for you, outsider?” She said after giggling at Luca’s scared reaction.

  “N-no… Thank you.” And with that he turned, but before he could leave, the voice of the owl-woman called to him again.

  “Something troubling you, young man?” The young man in question had already talked with someone he had just met about his feelings that day, and for him it was enough.

  “N-Nothing special, thank you.” He said, smiling politely at the woman as he walked back. “Just tired of the new pce.” She had deduced he was indeed not from Zenith, and he had no point in denying it.

  “I find that doing what I like helps me when I’m confronted with nerves.” Luca turned his head to gnce at her as his hand reached the doorknob. “What do you like to do?”

  “...” No answer came to him; he liked fantasizing, but he was in no position to do that now, and he didn’t really have much else he liked to do, apart from the occasional book. “I like to help.” The rookie shrugged as he answered.

  “Hmmm.” The woman turned her back to Luca and walked to a small desk on the far end wall, where she began writing something.

  “What?” Asked Luca, whose hand had not yet twisted the knob.

  “Humans are creatures who, like others, thrive in community. And I find that sometimes some humans cannot help but help others.” Now it was Luca’s head that tilted to the side. “Perhaps it’s an instinct carried on from ancient times that helped human ancestors survive, or perhaps it’s just their upbringing; after all, humans aren’t the only race I find this feature in.”

  “...Right.” Luca twisted the knob and pulled towards him, not knowing what she was talking about, but before he could say his goodbyes, she continued.

  “So perhaps, young man, you are confusing yourself, mixing the need to help with what you enjoy.” Luca stopped pulling the door. “After all, both doing what you like and helping bring a warm and enjoyable feeling to you.” Her neck twisted slowly around, making her face Luca, without moving her body, the sight was disturbing. “Do you not think so?” Luca didn’t know what to think; maybe she had a point, but then again, he had just met her, and most people aren’t that good at reading others. On the other hand, she did seem rather peculiar. Luca was tired, among everything else, of meeting peculiar people. “What do you like to do, young man?”

  “I uh.” No answer came again. What did Luca like to do? He liked spending time with his family, which was no longer an option; he liked thinking of stories, but his mind was too full with the real world to think of another one; he liked doing tasks and aiding people, but apparently that might not count; what did Luca like to do?. “... How would I know?” The mail woman smiled with her eyes once more.

  “You try to do something and see how you feel.”

  “Yeah but… What do I do?”

  “Whatever you want.” And with that, she slowly turned her head again as she finished writing on the desk and began walking towards the room she was in before, her cws slowly dragging against the wooden floor again.

  The night air hit Luca’s face once more as he walked out of the building once again, and he once again spaced out; what did he want? He always wanted to make people happy, but did that count? When was the st time Luca wanted something for himself?

  The rookie Zenith guild member walked through the main street of the biggest city in the world, with the night sky spread above him, as he got trapped in his own mind.

  Did I ever want something like that? I must've... right? He thought to himself

  Arriving at the door and going up the stairs, the troubled novice tried remembering a time where everything was simpler—when he was just a kid wanting something, or in more recent times, when he might have been able to achieve things he couldn’t have as a kid.

  Money has always been for the family, and health, I imagine, also counts as a default want… He slowly arrived at a conclusion as he opened his dorm.

  “Yo.” Said Cory, lying in bed reading a book; the light of the room was dimmed, and the tube that was used to make the magic fire in the ntern fre up almost closed, giving just enough light to read.

  “Hi.” Answered the young man absentmindedly. His mind was too focused on figuring out what he wanted. The rabbit hole had reached so deep, he now was wondering what even makes a person want something.

  “All good? Where were you?” Asked his roommate, too entranced in his book to notice anything different.

  “Had to send a letter.” He said as he walked into the bathroom.

  “Dope”

  Closing the door behind him, every action took a step back to the thinking, even relieving himself.

  Because Luca had always been taught to be thankful for what he might have, be it lots or few, he had somehow resigned himself to wanting more. There, in his little mind pace, he had refused to desire anything but the good of others.

  Is that really what I’m supposed to believe? He shook his head as he closed the toilet lid. What exactly happened to him?

  “What the fuck.” He was tired of thinking; he washed his hands and stared at the water go away through the drain as he tried to figure it out. He knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep while this question stood.

  Luca was no philosopher, no enlightened individual who had managed to get rid of the intrinsic need for more that came with sentience. He had a tough life as much as he didn’t like to admit it; he had lived in ruins up to his teens, he had worked even before he had learned how to count properly, and he wasn’t alone; he had to also help with his mother and his sister. Those two were his world for most of his life...

  But there was a time... Slowly Luca reminisced of those years he hated to reminisce about—his teenage days. When he was dumb, rude, full of pimples, and always distant. He only wanted to be alone those times; in fact, he had ended friendships during those times; even if the friendships weren’t exactly too deep, he never did reconnect with any other boy his age in town. What did he want then?

  He worked sure, but certainly not as much as he worked now; he spent most of his time just walking in the fields. What did he think about? Stories, girls, the capital, leaving Cuartel.

  “Heh.” Luca chuckled to himself, thinking about how thrilled a teenage him would be about the prospect of leaving. “I wouldn’t have sted an hour.” He said as he chuckled some more at his young and short bravery; still, for at least a bit of time after getting in the train, he would’ve thanked the mother for being able to do so. He’d leave the family that only bothered him all the time; he’d get to a new pce; he’d finally be able to choose for himself without feeling guilty; he’d finally...

  The answer revealed itself to the young man as he clutched the bathroom’s sink and slowly lifted his head to face himself in the mirror, now finally seeing himself again. What could he want? Well, it was obvious. Luca wanted what any young man did—what any young man with a bad past in romance and a life of working only for others would want. Finally, Luca saw a purpose beyond the one that he had imposed on himself; he had something to look forward to, something to achieve without feeling guilty for not doing what he needed; something he could do alongside that which he had to do; something he’d achieve for himself, and that only he could work to achieve. Luca stood in silence in the bathroom as the thoughts organized themselves in his mind, and there, as the dust he himself raised settled on his nerves and his eyes focused once more on reality, he uttered his not so new goal that he himself had repressed for a bit less than a decade.

  …

  …

  “I want a girlfriend. I wanna kiss a girl.”