How did one let go of embarrassing moments? That was the question Rayne had been asking herself since dinner. Yes, she was capable of using what her brothers thought to be affection towards a man as a way of distracting from her true affections to Hannah, but she still felt embarrassed by the whole thing. Not to mention how badly she continued to blush every single time she caught Hamish or Kaden smiling at her through the rest of the meal. It most certainly was not how she thought her night would go and she was worried that even spending time with Hannah wouldn’t be enough to distract from these feelings.
“Fuck, I hate this feeling,” Rayne muttered to herself. Talking to herself was a rare thing but it did happen. With secrets like hers one had to be careful of saying anything to oneself for fear that someone might just overhear. That being said Rayne had found herself doing it a few times in the past few days, though all but this instance had been reted to Hannah. The st week had been something she very much enjoyed but it was certainly taking a little toll on her. It wasn’t certain that now Hannah was here that things were ever going back to how they were, so Rayne needed to find a way to help regute herself in these days of new and grand emotions.
Pying with Hannah’s ears had been very rexing in the past few days, and maybe as she grew more confident in not accidentally arousing Hannah, it would be rexing enough to keep herself reguted. She did enjoy pying with Hannah’s ears so much. There was a passing desire to know what it would be like the other way around. Not with her human ears though. She didn’t think that would be rexing, but with beastkin ears it would probably be very rexing. For some strange reason she pictured it in her mind, ying her head down in Hannah’s p and letting her fox touch her ears. What kind of ears would Rayne have though? Lynx, wolf, bear, raccoon, fox… There were so many different shapes a beastkin’s ears could come in.
A knock at the door brought Rayne out of her musing of what kind of beastkin she would be. “Come in,” Rayne said, only mildly scared it was going to be Hamish like it had been the other night. By the Goddess, Rayne didn’t think she could handle Hamish trying to talk to her about Azaphan. Thankfully it wasn’t Hamish, but her wonderful fox.
“Mistress,” Hannah said with a curtsy before closing the door behind her with her tail. The tray of tea she was carrying wasn’t being held up by her hands, but resting on her forearms. With how Rayne responded to her holding the tray with her hands st night, Hannah didn’t want to worry her. It was awkward, but that slight awkwardness of carrying it pulled her mind away from her racing heart.
A smile grew on Rayne's face as she knew exactly what to say, having practiced it quite a few times after their lesson. “Hello, Hannah.” Rayne instantly fell in love with how those simple words made Hannah’s tail wag so hard. There was no way Rayne was ever going to greet Hannah differently. At least not until she learned more Everlian. She so looked forward to the day she could say so much more to Hannah in her own nguage.
With those words Hannah realized Rayne was never going to py fair when tugging at her heart. She liked that. If her face wasn’t already flushed in anticipation of seeing Rayne, it most certainly was now. Hannah looked down at the tray, hoping that she could pretend she was really focused on carrying it so that Rayne wouldn’t see her face. She wasn’t sure it worked as she walked up to the small table and set the tray down. Unlike the past few nights, Hannah didn’t sit down right away. Instead she gave a nervous gnce about the room, thinking of something, but feeling afraid to ask.
Rayne didn’t miss Hannah’s hesitation to sit down, though if she was reading the vixen right, it wasn’t nerves about sitting down. Maybe there was something Hannah wanted to ask. Should she say something to encourage Hannah to ask, or should she let Hannah build up that strength herself? That was a bit of a hard debate for Rayne. Of course she wanted to always encourage Hannah to ask for what she wanted, but Rayne still needed to spend time with the fox to really learn what best worked for her.
“Mistress,” Hannah started quietly, “can I request something a little strange?”
“Of course,” Rayne said as gently as she could. The dy stopped herself from saying that Hannah could ask for anything she wanted, because that might have been a little too much for Hannah.
Over the day after remembering how much she enjoyed humming and after dinner when she was thinking of her nights with Eine, something else that Hannah liked had come to mind. It was really only something simple, but she was still afraid to ask for it. “Could… could we turn off the magic lights and just sit with the light from the fire?” Back home in Everlial, Hannah never had her lights as bright as how the Haywards liked to keep theirs. When it came time to wind down and sit by the fire with Eine, the fire was often the only light they had. Their firepce had been smaller than this sitting room, so Hannah wasn’t worried that there wouldn’t be enough light. Then again, maybe Rayne liked the bright lights.
That was not at all where Rayne had thought this request would go. Rayne had honestly been expecting a request for a tangible item, which she would have happily provided no matter the cost. Though, maybe it didn’t speak well of Rayne that when someone wanted something she always thought of a physical item. When you had so much money, often all people wanted from you was money or expensive things. Pushing those thoughts away Rayne happily said, “Of course.” Rayne did think it was a little strange of a request but seeing how at ease her confirmation made Hannah feel made her rethink that feeling.
There was so much relief that washed through Hannah at Rayne’s acceptance of her request. She hadn’t realized just how tense she had become just thinking of asking for a simple thing as to turn the lights off. It didn’t take her more than a few seconds to head over to a little knob on the wall that controlled the lights. As she started to twist it there was a sudden spark of fear that maybe she was just trying to make this time with Rayne like the time she used to spend with Eine. That Hannah was just substituting Rayne for Eine. She didn’t want that though… Hannah wasn’t trying to repce Eine or recreate what they used to share. All she was doing was making the environment she was in feel more comfortable to her.
Rayne had to admit that as the lights dimmed and the room became more lit by just the fire, that the atmosphere of the room suddenly became a lot more cozy. The room somehow felt warmer than it had only a moment ago, and not in a bad way. This home hadn’t always had magical lights and Rayne could still recall the days when everything was lit by candles. When they had made the very expensive change the family had taken to having the lights very bright when it got dark out, feeling it was a luxury to have such easily obtained bright light. As far as she was aware it was only Hamish that liked to sit in the library with dim lights at night.
Turning off the lights really helped Hannah feel a lot less on edge. Of course there was still some stress and worry from the day that lingered, but for the most part it felt like most of that had gone away with the lights. Though she felt really comfortable in this light level, Hannah did realize that her eyes were different from Rayne’s. Any kin in truth had better vision in the dark than humans did. Granted it wasn’t always by much, but for slitted eyes such as her own she did have very good vision in the dark. “This isn’t too dark, is it?” she asked, only a little worried that it might be.
It was most certainly darker than Rayne was used to, but it wasn’t too bad. The firepce was rge and there was enough light to safely pour the tea without fear of overfilling the cups. Maybe not quiet enough light to comfortably read, unless she moved closer or angled the chair to be facing the fire more directly. As the room was set up now, the love seat faced a small settee across the table, having more intention to focus on talking to people than to admiring the fire. Maybe she should change that, but it would have to wait for another day. “This is fine.”
Finally Hannah made her way back over to the love seat and sat down. Though the dimmer light might have calmed her down a bit, actively sitting next to Rayne sped up her heart a little bit. Hoping that a physical action would calm her, Hannah poured them both a cup of tea. She also hoped that the darker light might hide any blush on her face as well.
When Hannah handed Rayne the cup of tea she finally caught a glimpse of Hannah’s wide slitted eyes. Most of the time when Rayne thought about Hannah’s eyes, she was admiring their yellow, almost bright amber, coloring. She hadn’t put much thought into how different Hannah’s sight might be compared to her own, but it must be different in some ways. “I suppose you can see rather well in the dark.”
“Yes, Mistress. Foxes have very good night vision. Back home it's not uncommon for kin with slitted eyes to take nighttime jobs.”
Rayne wondered if humans who owned beastkin sves took advantage of that too. It was a very disgusting thought though and Rayne pushed that line of thinking aside. “Do you prefer working in the dark?”
“I like working in sunlight, but I do prefer having dimmer light when it's dark out. It feels more comfortable and a little less overwhelming.” There was maybe also something to be said about the color of the lights but that wasn’t as important to her as the brightness.
The decision to consistently have dimmer lights when Rayne and Hannah met at night came very easily to the dy. It wasn’t going to hurt her and she had to admit it did make the atmosphere feel a little more intimate. Rayne wasn’t sure why it felt that way, but it did. Maybe it felt like there was only enough light for the two of them in this room and that this was a time for only them to share. She liked that feeling, and it made her even more inclined to rearrange the room a little. “It does feel more comfortable,” Rayne agreed. “Warmer too.”
“It helps me feel more rexed at the end of the day.” It really did, and doing so with a warm cup of tea in her hands made her feel warm and cozy. That cozy warm feeling also grew into light flutters in her stomach realizing that she was getting to spend this cozy time with Rayne. Though there was a slight horrid feeling that her feelings and attraction to Rayne weren’t going to end well. That thought made her think of something she wanted to know. How could she organically bring that up? “Can I ask a question, Mistress?”
“By all means,” Rayne said, her smile still strong on her face. Hannah was full of questions tonight and Rayne liked that.
Hannah felt nervous to ask it, but she did really want the answer. “I just wanted to crify something from st night.” The vixen didn’t feel like she could look at Rayne. “When you said you were also attracted to women I didn’t ask if you were only attracted to women or if…”
Rayne felt her face heat up, realizing where this question had probably come from. “The staff were talking about me and Mr. Vestar weren’t they?” Seeing Hannah nod, Rayne went to continue but found it a little hard. Though she had been honest with Hannah st night, saying it again still came with fears of speaking it out loud. “I am o-only attracted to women. Mr. Vester might be very pretty in his appearances but he is a man. I don’t have any sort of feelings or attraction to him.”
The relief Hannah felt was almost overwhelming. Not to say that she wouldn’t approve of Rayne being attracted to more than just women. Rayne could be attracted to anyone and Hannah would be happy for her, but the part of Hannah that had a crush on Rayne just wanted Rayne to be attracted to her. The heat in Hannah’s face grew much hotter at having that thought. “Thank you for crifying, Mistress.”
“I fear I’m not going to escape these rumors of my attraction to him very easily,” Rayne admitted.
“Some of the staff are very convinced that you are smitten with him.”
Rayne gave a slight nervous chuckle as she looked down at her tea. “So are my brothers. I utter just a few ill pced words and now the whole ton is going to be thinking as they do. Knowing Kaden this rumor will be all over the city by the weekend.” Surprisingly the smile on Rayne’s face hadn’t fully left. “Though maybe I could use this to my advantage. I know there is occasionally talk of my ‘spinsterhood’ as it were, so maybe a good distraction will keep other’s thoughts from wandering too far in the right direction.”
For some reason that put a smile on Hannah’s face. She didn’t like the idea that her mistress had to hide her truth from the world, but knowing that Rayne could use this to her advantage made Hannah feel better about it. “It must be hard to hide yourself so much from people.”
“It’s not been pleasant,” Rayne admitted, though the truth of her attractions wasn’t something she had been hiding for long. Her other secret she had been hiding for so very long and even if she was used to it now, it wasn’t pleasant. “Though I feel strangely better knowing I’m not alone in this.”
The smile on Hannah’s face was still there, if only a little sad now. “I didn’t hide it for a good while after being taken, but I learned to talk about it less. A lot of humans thought I was lying to them when I said my fiancée was a woman and then they started getting mad when I kept insisting.”
Rayne's smile left her face. “I’m so sorry, Hannah.” Hiding something about yourself was never fun, but having known a life in which you didn’t have to hide only to be forced to ter sounded worse than having only ever hidden it.
“I still don’t lie about it though,” Hannah admitted. She had never liked lying. It felt so contour productive to a healthy life. “I don’t talk about her much, but the few times I have in recent years I never use pronouns. It doesn’t feel like I’m hiding as much as omitting details.”
“As someone who can speak four nguages I would guess that you are very adept at word py.” Trying to be lighthearted in this moment didn’t feel good, but it felt like the best thing to do.
Hannah gave a very light chuckle. “I’m not as good as people might think. I’m just good at avoiding things.”
A smile flickered across Rayne’s face. “Well, you don’t have to avoid things with me.”
By the Goddess, how Hannah so dearly wished that was true. But she couldn’t just go admitting to having a crush on her owner. Rayne might be attracted to women, but that didn’t mean she was attracted to Hannah. The fox wasn’t even sure Rayne would find a kin attractive. “I hope you feel the same way with me, Mistress.”
Rayne felt guilty knowing that she wasn’t ready for that. She might not ever be ready for that… It wasn’t clear what Rayne should say next, but a thought did occur to her. “If you ever do wish to openly talk about Eine with anyone, I hope that you know I won’t punish you for it.”
That wasn’t a thought that had occurred to Hannah. Neither Rayne punishing her, nor that she wouldn’t be punished for talking about Eine. The whole reason Hannah didn’t talk about Eine was because of fear of punishment, but if there was no punishment… “As in with Ms. Eda?” She knew what Rayne was saying, but her mind was struggling to accept it.
“Ms. Eda, nor with anyone else.” There was a little spike of fear that grew in Rayne’s chest. “I can not say people will act positively towards this, but I can say that no one is allowed to punish you but me. If I say you are not in need of punishment for talking honestly about your past, then there will be no punishment. I would still strongly caution you to be mindful of who, when, and where you speak of Eine,” Rayne didn’t want to think about what she would do to someone who might make their displeasure physically known, “but know that there will never come punishment from me if you do choose to speak openly with others.”
Hannah took Rayne’s words of caution to heart, knowing humans could get very angry over such simple things. That being said, Hannah could still be open about who she loved without fear of her owner punishing her for it. Rayne wouldn’t punish her for being honest about who she was and Hannah truly believed that with all of her heart. The warmth she felt in her chest of her affections towards Rayne only grew stronger, and Hannah feared that there was no end to how deeply she would fall for Rayne. “T-thank you,” Hannah managed to croak out, not realizing that she was already shedding tears.
Rayne did honestly fear what openly not punishing her sve for something some would consider a crime against their Goddess would mean for her, but she was going to stand by that decision. Though doing so might bring into question Rayne’s own attraction. If she leaned into this idea of being smitten with Azaphan it might help the situation. “You’re welcome.” There was no falter in Rayne’s words. “Though I might ask if you do choose to share that with someone that you tell me. People might question why I don’t punish you and I want to pn ahead to make sure we will both be safe with my answer.”
In the week that Hannah had been here, it had never occurred to her that Rayne might not be put in the best situation in regards to how she treated Hannah. She had just seen Rayne as someone powerful enough that what others thought didn’t matter to her, but the fox didn’t have an understanding of high society. Maybe they wouldn’t be powerful enough to actually bring her any harm, but they could outcast her. They could ruin her social life, and Hannah didn’t want that for her mistress. “I understand.”
A gentle sigh of relief escaped Rayne’s lips. Rayne felt more stressed about this than she had realized, and she needed more relief. She could py with Hannah’s ears, but she wanted a little more time conversing with Hannah before that. So a lighter topic was probably a good way to go. Thoughts from earlier in the day came back to Rayne and she knew where to go with the conversation. “I wanted to say that you did a really good job today with lessons.”
The tail ying between Hannah and Rayne started to wag with gusto at Rayne’s words. Hannah had tried really hard to make a good introductory lesson for Rayne and she was so happy Rayne thought she did a good job. “Thank you, Mistress,” Hannah said again. The heat in Hannah’s face wasn’t leaving nor was the warmth in her chest.
Rayne was happy to know that praising Hannah did clearly make her fox happy. However, Hannah’s tail wasn’t nearly as fast as it had been earlier today and that was a little disappointing to Rayne. Not in Hannah of course, but her own ability to make the vixen happy. Had Hannah’s earlier reaction been so strong because it was the first time she had been praised in a long time? Was it the tone Rayne delivered it in? Or was it the words themselves? Rayne’s daydream came back to her, imagining calling Hannah a good girl again. Now the dy really hoped it was those words. She couldn’t just go immediately calling her a good girl though. “I struggle with learning foreign nguages, but you made it very patable to me.”
Hannah’s tail was only getting faster, but that was a problem because her tail was most definitely sore from how much it had wagged today. Not to mention how much it had wagged in the past week compared to the st few years. She made a little wince as she forcefully made her tail slow down to a not so pain inducing speed.
There was no way Rayne was going to miss that little wince that came from Hannah. Panic built up inside of her, trying to figure out why what she had said pained Hannah. Did she not compliment her in the right way? Did Hannah not like the mention of a student struggling with a subject? Rayne managed to calm down just enough to realize it was more likely her hands were still hurting from the other morning.
It was strange that Hannah could practically feel Rayne stiffen through the cushion, but she did feel it. Taking a peak at her mistress the worry on her face became clear. The st time Rayne had seen Hannah in pain was when she hurt herself, so was her wince bringing up memories of that. Or did Rayne still think her hands hurt? “I’m sorry, my tail hasn’t been used to wagging so much and it’s sore.” It was a little embarrassing to admit.
Somehow that was maybe one of the best compliments that Rayne had ever received. Not that she enjoyed hurting Hannah, but making her vixen so happy that her tail was sore filled Rayne with so much glee. The smile on Rayne’s face grew very rge and she felt so warm inside. She had made Hannah so happy her tail was sore. What did one even say to that? “You don’t need to be sorry. I’m just happy your tale has been wagging.”
Hannah was happy for that too. Even more so that most of it had been caused by Rayne. That thought made her tale start to wag harder again, which caused more pain and thus Hannah had to concentrate to slow it down. “I am happy about that too, Mistress.”
“Is there anything that can be done to help with the pain?”
“Just letting my tail rest and helping it build up strength again over time.”
Not trying to make Hannah’s tail wag was going to be rather hard for Rayne, but she could at least try. At least not let it wag as much as it had early today. Which meant Rayne wasn’t going to try and call Hannah a good girl again till her tail felt better. “Well, let's hope with my cousin arriving that she brings some gentle calm with her.”
Some calm would be rather nice for Hannah. As happy as the st week had made her, it had been extremely mentally stimuting and dis-reguting. “I would like some calm.”
Rayne looked down at the almost empty teacup. “If you would like some calm I could py with your ears now.”
“I would like that as well.” Like the other night, Hannah quickly finished the rest of her tea and set the cup aside. Before ying her head down she gave Rayne one st look and felt as if this was a turning point in her life. Not being bought by Rayne. Not being made the librarian of a massive personal library. Not being able to teach again. Not even being able to freely speak about Eine. But this moment was the start of the rest of her life. This moment of ying her head down in the p of someone she had a crush on, letting that person py with her ears while they sat quietly in the light of a fire at the end of the day.
Happily, Rayne set her own tea aside and looked back to her fox, only to find their eyes meeting. The dy’s breath honestly caught in her throat as she looked back into Hannah’s eyes. Her eyes were so wide and Rayne almost felt naked under their gaze. Hannah had looked at her in the eyes before, but never before had Rayne felt that Hannah was seeing her so clearly. And the flicker of the fire reflecting in those yellow eyes made the moment feel all the more powerful. Rayne’s face and ears quickly started to feel hot. Before she could do or say something. Hannah’s eyes left her and the fox went to y in her p.
If Hannah looked at Rayne any longer she was sure that she would give herself away. The dy was so beautiful and the gentle fire light only enhanced that, even if Rayne’s face was mostly in shadow. Quickly Hannah id her head down in Rayne’s p fearing that any longer and the dy would see her blush. She wondered if Rayne would be able to feel the heat in her ears. For the first time since starting this little habit with Rayne, Hannah noticed the warmth of the legs she y her head on. It was comfy, and as always the fabric of Rayne’s clothes was so soft against her skin. Memories of nights with Eine flooded Hannah, but somehow not in a comparative or sad way. It was almost as if the memory of Eine was happy for Hannah to have this again. For her to not look back on the old with a desire to replicate, but build new memories with someone new. Someone she cared about.
It took a second or two for Rayne to realize she still wasn’t breathing, and now she was in the slightly uncomfortable state of manually breathing. That didn’t take away from this moment however. There was something about this moment that felt so very different than the other nights Hannah and her had spent together. She wasn’t sure what it was, but she knew it had something to do with the way Hannah had looked at her. Still, she wasn’t one to leave someone hanging, so her hands quickly found their way to Hannah’s ears. Under the light of just the fire this act felt so much more intimate than it had ever in the bright lights, and Rayne very much liked that.
Trinidia
