Satoshi groaned and sat up on one elbow after crash-landing face-first into a suspiciously soft lavender-scented flower field that reeked of aggressive disappointment.

  "Okay," he grumbled, spitting out a daisy. "No broken bones. No missing limbs. Only slightly emotionally bruised. So far, so—"

  "Hey! What's with the dramatic entrance? I just trimmed the lawn!"

  Satoshi narrowed his eyes in the direction of the voice. Approximately ten meters off was an old man wearing comfortable-looking pajamas, drinking tea on a rocking chair as if he'd just emerged from a Ghibli movie. The chair groaned in a serene cadence, and behind him was a simple cabin with a thatched roof, flower boxes, and the unmistakable air of retirement aspirations.

  "…Sorry, who are you?" Satoshi rose to his feet and swiped grass from his apron.

  The old man massaged his temples with a practiced sigh worthy of an award.

  "Kid, you crashed from the sky, crushed my hydrangeas, and that's your opening question? I'm Zeldran. Used to be Demon King. Present retiree. Now please refrain from body-slamming my lawn."

  Satoshi halted mid-dust-off. "Wait. Hold on. Demon King? The Demon King?

  "Is what they used to call me, yeah." Zeldran waved a hand idly. "Zeldran the Eternal Flame. Lord of the Twelve Hells. Scourge of Mankind. I had all the fancy titles. These days, I'm called Grandpa Z."

  Satoshi stared.

  "You… retired?

  "Of course I did! Do you have any idea how much paperwork is involved in operating an evil empire? Mana regulations, dungeon maintenance, summoning permits, overtime for imps—it's draining." Zeldran took another sip of his tea, pinky raised slightly. "Honestly, I miss the days when 'dark overlord' was a matter of burning a village and calling it a Tuesday. Now it's all budget sessions and pest control."

  But the goddess—" Satoshi flapped his arms around wildly. "She told me I was called to kill the Demon King!"

  Zeldran moaned. "That's why some of those self-righteous church folk keep sneaking into my cabbage patch with crossbows. I thought they were Jehovah's Witnesses."

  Just at that moment, the bushes alongside were shaken ferociously.

  Out leapt a paladin in silver armor, sword in hand, eyes afire with holy resolve. "Evil will die today, Zeldran! For I am Sir Bronthor of the Radiant Blade—!"

  You could be reading stolen content. Head to the original site for the genuine story.

  Zeldran didn't even glance up.

  With a dismissive wave of his fingers, a burst of magic shot from his hand. The paladin stalled in mid-sprint, dangled ludicrously in space, and was immediately sent flying into the faraway sky like a medieval Team Rocket.

  Ding!

  A floating text materialized in front of Satoshi's eyes:

  > Achievement Unlocked: Witnessed Casual Power Abuse

  Reward: +1 Mental Trauma, +10 Sarcastic Respect for Zeldran

  Satoshi blinked. "Alright. I have questions."

  Zeldran eventually got up, stretching like a cat. "Hurry up. I have a tea steeping schedule to keep."

  "So… the church still believes you're evil, the goddess is calling clueless individuals like me to murder you, and you're just out here pruning flowers?

  "More or less."

  "Why don't you, I don't know, let them know you've retired?"

  "I did send out press releases," said Zeldran with a wave of his hand. "But they only read scripture. No one believes the Demon King desires to relax and cultivate tomatoes."

  Satoshi gazed about. The garden flourished. Giant carrots, radiant onions, and. was that a stand of sentient mushrooms bowing politely?

  .Alright, so what am I doing now?" he asked, his arms slumping at his sides. "I was called. Against my will, of course. Sent a trash-tier sword and a cabbage-scented shirt. For what? To battle a dude who's already on break?"

  Zeldran rubbed his chin in contemplation. "Well, since you're here already, why don't you make yourself useful?"

  Satoshi narrowed his eyes. "Useful how?"

  "You can be my shopping boy."

  There was an awkward pause.

  "I got isekai'd to a fantasy world… to be a grocery delivery man?"

  Zeldran cocked his head. "Would you rather dig graves for dead heroes? Because I have a backfield full of 'em who tried to stab me during breakfast."

  ".Point taken."

  "You've got that minimum wage vibe around you. I can smell it. What do you do in your world?"

  "Convenience store clerk."

  Zeldran's eyes twinkled. "Great! You're qualified."

  Satoshi's soul visibly folded up.

  “I hate this world.”

  “Good. You’ll fit right in.”

  ---

  Fifteen minutes later, Satoshi stood in the middle of the cabin, staring at a parchment grocery list written in disturbingly elegant calligraphy.

  > Zeldran’s Shopping List

  1x Phoenix Egg (still warm preferred)

  2x Bottles of Basilisk Milk

  5x Ghost Peppers (from actual ghosts)

  1x Loaf of Dragonbone Rye Bread

  3x Moonbeetles (shiny)

  A watermelon

  (optional: don't die)

  “This… this isn’t groceries,” Satoshi muttered. “This is a boss raid.”

  Zeldran was now reclining on a hovering pillow, humming to himself as he leafed through a cookbook called Hellfire & Herb Butter: Recipes for the Retired Dark Lord.

  "Relax," he muttered not looking up. "Just go on down to the Dragon's Nest. It's only a couple of days' journey north. There's a merchant there named Bimpo who'll hook you up."

  "Bimpo."

  "Don't worry, he pitches people into lava when they laugh."

  "Oh, of course he does.

  “Oh, and take this.” Zeldran tossed him a glowing crystal. “Summon me if you’re about to die. I’ll consider saving you.”

  “Consider?!”

  “Hey, I’m retired. Not responsible.”

  ---

  By sunset, Satoshi was trudging down a dirt path with a burlap sack, a rusty sword strapped to his back like a cosplayer who gave up halfway, and a list of ingredients that could kill him six different ways.

  He passed by a chattering squirrel who attempted to sell him insurance, a bard singing ballads about cheese, and a frog with an ill-disposed stare that whispered "you're being watched."

  "This world is insane," he grumbled.

  Then his HUD pinged once more.

  > Side Quest Unlocked: Prove You're Not Useless

  Objective: Finish Zeldran's grocery run.

  Reward: Self-esteem (most likely).

  Satoshi sighed. "At least I can't fall any lower."

  Immediately, it started raining.

  ".I jinxed it, didn't I?"

  The squirrel nodded solemnly from a nearby tree. “You did, human. You did.”

  ---

  Back at the cabin, Zeldran chuckled as he watched through a crystal orb. “This one’s got potential,” he muttered, taking another sip of tea. “Or at the very least, he’s fun to watch suffer.”

  The crystal glowed, showing Satoshi slipping into a mud puddle face-first.

  “Ten out of ten landing,” Zeldran said, and went back to his book.

  ---

  To be continued. with additional groceries and regrets.