Pain, excruciating amounts of pain, that was the first thing I felt as I awoke. My muscles screaming in agony along with the irritating cawing of that damn crow outside my window once again ripped away any semblance of sleep I still possessed. I bit my lips hard as I tried to withhold the scream that sat at the tip of my tongue, only releasing a tepid whimper instead. As I lay frozen in bed, too scared to make any sudden movements for fear it would make the pain resurface, I took a deep breath to calm my nerves before trying to figure out what was causing the shooting pain I felt. Something that took only a few seconds to locate.

  I looked down on the remains of what were once my hands but were now an amalgamation of bruises, cuts and scrapes. A cacophony of red, blue and purple hues littered my skin. I stared at them in confusion, gingerly moving them one digit at a time, as if making sure they were really mine before memories of last night rushed back, clearing up my remaining confusion.

  I let out a depressed and frustrated sigh. Depressed at the realisation that everything that happened yesterday was real and not just a horrific nightmare. Frustrated because of the pain and discomfort I knew I was going to be forced to suffer due to my outburst yesterday. As I sat there, staring blankly at my mutilated hands, I thought about simply going back to sleep. Hoping that doing so would let me forget about all the sorrow and pain I felt. However, though tempting, I threw the idea away. Knowing the reprieve sleep would give me would only be temporary.

  Realising I needed to get ready, and get away from that annoying crow that still hadn’t shut up, I slowly stood up. Doing my best to use my hands as little as possible, I wobbled towards the shower to complete my morning routine. As I looked into the stained mirror above the sink and looked at my ghastly reflection, I tried to see if there were any obvious signs of the punch I had taken yesterday, remembering how bruised and sore my face had felt before. Fortunately, while it seemed that a single night's sleep was not enough for the bruising to have fully calmed down, it was enough for only a small lump to be located on the left-hand side of my jaw. Something which didn’t appear too noticeable if one wasn’t looking.

  After I had showered, only wincing in pain three times throughout, and had gotten changed, I headed towards the kitchen. However, unlike the day before, as I walked forward and out of my room, I could hear the sound of quiet murmurings and cupboards banging together. With a look of trepidation I walked into the kitchen, spotting my Dad dashing around the kitchen at a frantic pace, a focused glint in his eyes as he opened and closed every cabinet he could find. So focused it seems that he hadn’t even realised I had joined him in the kitchen. Hell, I doubt he would have even realised if an earthquake had taken place at that moment.

  Eventually, after what must have been at least a minute, Dad finally looked up, head peeking over the current cabinet door he had opened. As our eyes met I felt mine prickle with tears. The last time I saw him would have only been a couple of days ago, yet to me, it felt so long ago. Immediately I wanted to tell him everything that had happened, to just burst into tears as if I was a child while he told me everything would be alright, even if it wouldn’t. As If we were a normal loving family. However, before I could say a single word, my Dad spoke first.

  “There you are! Where were you last night? I told you before, you aren’t supposed to stay out so late, it’s dangerous, especially around here.” He said, going back to the cabinets, searching for whatever it was he was looking for.

  Before I could have even responded with some half-baked lie Dad spoke again in a disgruntled tone “Did you even get the shopping done like I asked you to yesterday? There’s not even a damn crumb left in these cabinets.”

  “N- no, that’s my bad. I, um, forgot. Sorry.” I said dumbly, not expecting the sudden change in topic.

  “Dammit Adam, I gave you one simple task” He muttered angrily, closing the cabinet door with a little too much force, making it creak and groan under the stress.

  “Make sure to get it done today Adam. You need to start acting like an adult. You should be able to handle these easy tasks by now without me having to constantly remind you.” Throughout his tirade not once did he glance towards me.

  Seeing his dismissive attitude a sense of indignation started to build within me. He didn’t even try to know why I didn’t get the shopping, something that had happened only a handful of times in the past couple of years since it became my job. For all he knew I could have been mugged or attacked. The fact that he seemed to care more about the groceries than my well-being swiftly turned the indignation I felt into a rising anger.

  Not trusting my voice to not give away my anger, I stiffly nodded my head while giving a low hum in agreement. Not that it mattered as my Dad clearly wasn’t paying attention. Instead heading back towards the living room now knowing there wasn’t any food available, grabbing his wallet and keys off the dark brown coffee table in front of the TV.

  “Alright well, I’m off to work. Make sure to get that shopping done today.” And with that, before I was even able to respond, he was already out the door without even a backward glance. The only sounds now able to be heard were that of the TV and his truck as it slowly drove away, bellowing and rattling as it went. When the sounds from the truck could no longer be heard, I meandered over to the sofa in a daze before promptly collapsing upon it.

  I stared blankly at the TV, not even paying attention to what was on as a hollowed laugh escaped my throat. Small at first before slowing building in strength, turning into a booming sound no doubt able to be heard outside after a few moments. With tears in my eyes, I thought about the irony of the situation. How I was so worried about what I would tell my dad just for him to not give a single shit where I was or what had happened, caring more about the bloody food. I must have still been an emotional mess from the day before as soon the tears in my eyes began streaking down my face, my laughter slowly devolving into a cry and the smile on my face switching to a frown.

  In truth I knew this wasn’t a fair assessment, ever since Mom passed away when I was young Dad had done his very best to support the both of us, working the excruciatingly long hours he worked now. Sacrificing his aspirations and free time so he could provide both of us with food and shelter. Yet with the stress of everything that had happened, none of that mattered to me, all I could feel was gut-wrenching sadness. Sadness over how unfair life truly was.

  It was at that moment the phone in my pocket gave a muted buzz, informing me of a message. Like last time, already knowing who it was from, I checked the message Sam sent, a message asking whether I would be at school today. I began to type my reply saying I wouldn’t. Yet right before I hit send I thought about what I would do instead. I looked around the barren living room, at the minuscule TV directly in front that seemed to be over a decade old and the few pieces of battered furniture scattered around such as the coffee table and dull green sofa I sat upon. Immediately I realised that the last thing I wanted was to be by myself In that barren, lifeless room alone with my thoughts. And so I quickly deleted the message before replying that I would be at school and that I would see him there.

  Having come to a decision, I turned off the TV and went to grab my bag from where I abandoned it the night before, preparing to leave for school. I looked at my phone and saw I still had over an hour until school started, explaining why I saw my dad that morning, with him usually leaving while I was still asleep. Still, I opened the front door and headed to school, not wanting to stay home for even a moment longer.

  The walk to school was shocking in its regularity. The houses and streets were just as run down, the weather just as nippy and the people around looking at me with the same looks of suspicion and derision I was used to. It was surreal how truly insignificant my life truly was and how little of an effect my passing would have. Regardless, the world would continue as normal with the majority of people not even noticing the difference. The only two people who would even care would be my Dad and Sam. For everyone else, it would simply be a shocking and slightly sombre story. A story that would be forgotten by week's end.

  I awoke from my thoughts as I stepped through the school gates and entered the school grounds. I looked around, seeing no more than ten people sparsely spread around in small groups of two or three. Seeing no sign of Sam and feeling the slight chill in the air I decided to head inside like I did the day before. The inside of the school was even more barren, with not a single student in sight and the halls all but silent. The only sound that could be heard was the squeaking of my trainers against the ceramic floor.

  With no direction in mind, wanting only to kill some time before Sam arrived and class started, I meandered my way forward at a relaxed pace, for once actually paying attention to the many papers and posters that littered the walls. Slowly, as the minutes passed, the once-empty halls around me grew more and more crowded as people slowly began to trickle in like water from a dripping tap.

  Abruptly, once the halls were teeming with teenagers and the hall became so cramped and congested the air seemed to thin out, I became all too aware of the attention I was attracting. Even more so than usual. Turns out that passing out in the middle of a fight and being rushed to the hospital was an interesting topic of discussion, with many of the students whispering and joking about what happened, uncaring that I could easily hear them from where I was standing. I overheard one obnoxious prick mention to his mates how I did it on purpose to try and get out of the fight. A comment that made me immediately want to start a fight with him until I accidentally clenched my fists and was swiftly reminded of the damage I had sustained. As I did my best to reign in my anger, knowing nothing good could come of it, I heard a quiet, feminine voice speak from behind me.

  “Are you alright?” Recognising the voice immediately, I instantly spun around, causing the girl in question to almost jump back in shock.

  Directly in front of me, to my complete surprise, standing there, with a mixture of worry and now also shock on her face, was Helen. I stood unmoving, unable to even process the idea of Helen coming up to talk to me. It was only when I saw her eyebrows begin to scrunch up cutely in confusion as she began waving her hand in front of my face that my brain kicked back into gear, allowing me to finally reply.

  “Huh? Oh, right, yeah I'm good! Great even, never been better!” Hearing the shake in my voice as I stuttered along I thought I was going to die of embarrassment. My face burned crimson red as I berated myself internally for such an awkward response. Seeing her amused expression and wanting to move the conversation away I quickly spoke again.

  “How are you doing? You're here early.”

  “I could say the same to you,” she replied with a smirk. “And I am doing absolutely amazing. I’m just so happy to be here!” The sarcasm dripped from her voice as she rolled her eyes causing me to snort in amusement.

  Seeing the easygoing smile on her face helped to put me at ease, with my heart no longer trying to jump out of my chest. However, before I could respond, the smile on her face was once more replaced with an expression of worry as she asked.

  “Are you sure you’re alright? Did everything go ok at the hospital?” I suddenly realised what she meant when she first spoke to me, asking if I was alright. I had assumed it was in regard to the angry expression I was undoubtedly wearing from all the whispers and rumours people were saying about me.

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  When I looked into her clear, almost sparkling hazel eyes, a part of me desperately wanted to tell the truth. No. I was the farthest thing from being alright, feeling as if my emotions were in a constant state of flux. As if I was one step away from breaking down into a fit of rage and depression at the same time, wanting to lash out in fury as I did on the river bank the day before. But I didn’t. Stopping myself before I could. Not only would it be weird and awkward to mention such a thing to someone who besides today I had never spoken more than a few sentences to. I also knew I wouldn’t be able to handle the look of pity she would undoubtedly show me.

  “Oh yeah, not a problem! Apparently, it was just a really bad cold. No biggie!” I lied cheerfully, a painfully false smile on my face. One that didn’t reach my eyes.

  Helen simply looked at me suspiciously, glancing towards the small swelling of my jaw, the look in her eyes letting me know that my skills at lying were god awful. Not wanting her to try and dig deeper into the truth I quickly switched topics.

  “Anyway, that prick Matthew got lucky. If I wasn’t sick I would have wiped the floor with him!” I jokingly said, flexing my non-existent muscles as I did so.

  “Oh, I'm not so sure,” she replied in a drawn-out tone. “From where I was standing it looked like you were in a spot of trouble.”

  “Pssh, that was on purpose to lower his guard. I was just seconds away from unleashing my secret strike before I passed out.”

  Helen giggled lightly in response, causing me to drop the fake serious expression I was wearing and chuckle alongside her. As I saw her stand there with a smile on her face and her eyes alight with mirth I was filled with a sense of happiness I sorely needed.

  Time seemed to pass quickly after that, with the both of us chatting and joking along as we walked randomly along the halls. Trying to stick to areas where we wouldn’t be squished to death by the other students. Being able to spend time with Helen was like a dream come true. If anyone had told me the day before I would be laughing and joking with her as we walked the halls I would have called them insane.

  “I can’t believe you did that! How did you get Sam to ever forgive you!” Helen wheezed out in between gasps for air as she broke down laughing, her hands resting on her knees for support as she buckled over.

  “Hey!” I said in mock offence. “If anything he needed to earn my forgiveness for what he did the week before! I’ve still got a fear of spiders now because of him.”

  “Ahh, Bless you. Is little Adam afraid of some teeny tiny spiders?” Helen mocked, a grin stretched across her face.

  “Be quiet,” I said jokingly, lightly whacking her in the arm to hide the slight embarrassment due to the truth of what she said. Not knowing what else to say and seeing that there was no one else around an idea entered my mind. With a scheming grin, just as she took a step I stuck my foot out to the side, catching her own and knocking her off balance.

  Clearly not expecting such an action Helen proceeded to stumble to the side, almost crashing against the wall that was then less than a foot away. When I saw the look of shock plastered on her face as her arms flailed wildly for a semblance of balance I almost burst into laughter, having to try my hardest to keep it smothered in my chest. Although the glare I received showed I did a poor job of hiding it.

  “Oh? Think you're funny, do you?” she said pouting, a weird glint in her eye that I failed to decipher.

  Looking at her pout and thinking I might have gone too far I went to apologise. However, before I was able to say a word, Helen disappeared from my vision before what felt like a cannonball made contact with my chest, pushing me backwards and into the opposite wall. As I stood there, trying to regain the air that had been forcefully exhaled, I saw Helen not far in front with the biggest and most dazzling grin I had ever seen. A grin that quickly transformed as she burst into laughter that filled the entire hallway, all the while I stood still in complete shock, thrown off by the unexpected move. Helen looked towards me, tears leaking from the side of her eyes and her chest rising and falling dramatically as her laugh seemed to be coming to an end.

  “You should have seen your face! I thought your eyes were going to pop out in shock!” she cackled.

  Finally shaken free of my stupor, I stood back, both regaining my breath and absentmindedly rubbing my chest, trying not to show how much that shove actually hurt. She was surprisingly strong for someone so small.

  “So that's how you want to play huh?” I replied, a shit-eating grin now plastered on my face as I stalked forward towards her.

  Immediately her expression turned to one of faux-wariness as she saw me slowly edge closer. She attempted to side-step away, to which I dutifully blocked, cutting off her escape. Realising I kept blocking her exit she stared directly at me, her piercing eyes filled with determination and her lips pressed into a slight smile, clearly having come up with an idea.

  That was all the warning I got as she once again charged towards me. Only this time I was prepared, meeting her charge with one of my own. As we collided with a smash, Helen was quickly pushed back to one of the hallway walls. A wall I also collided with as my momentum carried me forward, only coming to a stop when my hands made contact with the wall behind Helen, leaving me placed directly in front of her.

  As we stood there, both giggling at the horseplay that had taken place I realised the position we were in. My right arm pushed against the wall on her left side, our bodies less than a foot apart. When I went to look back towards her I saw a slight blush rise on her face as a sudden tension appeared around us, becoming almost palpable as I stood there frozen once more, unsure of what I should do. It was then, whether good or bad, that the sound of the screeching school bell washed over us.

  After the bell rang, breaking the weird atmosphere that had seemed to develop, both Helen and I jumped apart, putting a sizeable distance between us. My face was a bright red as I attempted, and failed, to look at everything and anything besides Helen. Who also seemed to be just as red in appearance and looking straight towards the floor, with strands of her curly rich hair covering her face.

  “Um, well I’ve got to head to class. I’ll see you later?” I said in a pathetic attempt to break the awkwardness and stilling silence.

  As I rapidly turned around, not even waiting to hear a reply and a second away from finding a hole to crawl into, I heard Helen shout from behind.

  “Wait!” Hearing this, I turned around, curious and slightly worried about what she wanted to say.

  “I was just thinking if you wanted to. Maybe we could exchange numbers?” Her voice turned quiet and meek as she finished speaking, her eyes shifting in every direction besides mine. Something at the time I barely noticed, too busy feeling a sense of euphoria burst within me as her words sunk in.

  “Absolutely! I mean yeah that would be great.” I replied, trying to hide my eagerness, not believing my luck.

  The nervousness she was displaying disappeared instantly, replaced with a smile so bright that it made my heart rattle in my chest and my face once again blushed a deep red. She shuffled forward, closing the distance between us that had previously been made. A sense of nervous excitement was felt in the pit of my stomach as we began exchanging numbers.

  “Okay, I’ve got to go. Got English first thing and it's quite a walk.” Helen cheerfully said once we finished.

  “I guess I’ll message you later?” I replied hopefully

  “Sure!” And with one last bright smile, she dashed away.

  Realising that I too needed to hurry if I didn’t want to find myself late I quickly made my way to maths class, thankful that it was nearby. As I entered the classroom and went towards my seat near the back, still thinking about what had just occurred, I almost didn’t spot Sam already present in the seat beside mine. Who, upon making eye contact, let out a long, deep sigh.

  “Hey mate, what's up?” I asked casually as I gingerly sat down.

  “What’s up? What’s up!” Sam suddenly shouted, drawing the entire class's attention towards us. “Is that all you can say? When you passed out yesterday I thought you were dying! You looked awful!”

  “So did you. But unfortunately for you, that's an everyday occurrence.” I joked, the snarkiness overflowing from my tone as I tried to draw Sam's attention away from any questions regarding my health. Unfortunately for me, Sam was a lot of things, persistent being one of them.

  “Well, I see you're in good enough health to still be an annoying prat.” He smirked before narrowing his eyes “ So what happened at the hospital?”

  “Nothing much, turns out not eating anything while having the flu is not the best thing for your body. I mean, who could have guessed.“ I shrugged as nonchalantly as possible, having had some more time since speaking to Helen to come up with a more believable lie.

  Sam just looked at me with his piercing, almost black eyes that seemed as if they were looking directly into my soul. As the staredown continued and I did my best to not fidget in my seat, a sense of guilt built up within me for lying to my closest friend, someone who was my brother in all but blood, especially with news this important. However, I continued to stay strong, not saying a word as he continued to silently stare.

  “Hmm, I see.” He hummed, turning back to the front of the class with not another glance, doing so just as our teacher Mr. Howard entered the classroom.

  “Morning everyone! I hope you are all having a great Wednesday morning!” he exclaimed jovially. As he did so every Wednesday morning.

  “Now before we begin, as seniors and with your exams not too far in the distance, you really need to start to think about what you want to do after school. Whether that be further education, going straight into a job or something else. The world is your oyster!” He valiantly proclaimed, earning a couple of chuckles from some of the students in the class at his over-the-top performance, not me though.

  What he said struck me like a bolt of lightning to my very core. Despite knowing I was going to die soon I hadn’t truly considered what that meant. What I was going to miss out on and be unable to do. I would never get a job or ever go to college. I would never be able to travel the globe and explore all the world had to offer or ever fall in love and get married. I would never have children to call my own or go back home to a loving family. I wouldn’t even be able to see any upcoming movies I was looking forward to that were releasing next year. There was so much I was going to miss and never be able to do.

  As these thoughts kept rampaging in my mind, growing with each passing second, I tried to keep calm, keep my breathing steady and only focus on what Mr. Howard was saying. Yet such a thing was impossible. My breathing quickly went from steady breaths to frantic gasps, my vision began to blur along the edges and the whole room felt as if it was caving in and only a second away from crumbling upon me.

  I felt as if I was on fire, my skin burning up. I knew I had to get away. To where? I wasn’t sure, just somewhere far, far away. I all but threw myself up out of my seat, the table unleashing a mighty slam as my legs collided with it in the process, interrupting whatever Mr. Howard was currently saying. All eyes were upon me yet I hardly even noticed. Mr. Howard said something from beside me but I paid no attention. Instead, I headed straight for the door with unbridled focus. Not even spending time to grab my bag that was now knocked over next to my chair.

  I stormed out the door and into the hallway, ignoring the now incessant chatter originating from the classroom that got quieter and quieter with each step I took. My surroundings all but disappeared as I purely focused on trying to stabilise my breathing. Something I did with little effect, even after a couple of minutes had passed and I rounded yet another hallway and finally, in the distance, saw the exit doors for the school. Unfortunately, in my delirium, I failed to notice Steven lumbering towards me, his feet stomping with each step like an obese troll.

  Steven was one of Matthew's friends, though lackey seemed the more precise term in my eyes. He along with Matthew and a few others from the rugby team revelled in making life as miserable as possible for me. Unlike me, he easily noticed my frantic form storming down the hallway, causing his mouth to form into a poor attempt of a grin, looking more like a crooked grimace. As the distance between us closed Steven threw his arm out to the side, smashing against the wall and creating a kind of barricade, blocking me from passing through on that side.

  “Oi oi, if it isn’t little baby Adam. I’m surprised to see ya here. Heard Matthew beat ya so bad ya had to be sent to the hospital. Although that's not really much of a surprise now is it?”

  Even as he spoke and only a couple of metres separated us I barely heard him, the words going in one ear and out the other. My expression remained completely blank as I focused only on getting outside and away from the walls closing in around me. A reaction that seemed to both annoy Steven as well as spur him on.

  “What the fuck is wrong with you? Did Matthew’s punch make you fucking brain-damaged or something?” He laughed, a deep rumbling laugh that seemed almost inhuman.

  Yet once more I didn’t react, instead continuing to move forward, his voice sounding so far away, so distant, regardless of the fact he was talking now less than a metre away. At least that was the case until I suddenly noticed the arm placed in front, blocking my path. Finally, his actions gained a reaction as my face twitched into a scowl and my teeth clenched in annoyance.

  Stevens' face which had quickly turned red in anger, looking like a volcano one step away from erupting, cheered up in derision, seeing that he was getting a rise out of me. Of course, when I didn’t stop moving, bulldozing past his arm and towards the exit it swiftly changed to one of complete bewilderment as he stood paralysed in place. Something that I was truly lucky for. After all, if he hadn’t then I doubted he would have just let me leave, at least not without a few bruises to take along with me.

  The moment I stepped through the school doors I was reminded of the day before. Of exiting the hospital and feeling that immense relief of freedom, of not feeling so suffocated you could barely function. Yet still as I breathed the chilly outside air deeply I felt a burning ball of energy in my stomach that permeated throughout my entire body. And so, not wanting to think for even a second, I started to run. I ran and I ran and I ran, sprinting away from the school with no direction in mind, only wanting to run as fast and as far away as I could.