Ian

  “You got all icy when I asked about the ELZ,” Chris said. “Is that one of the fraternities that dropped you after your incident?”

  Ian looked down at the floor in shame. “Yeah,” he replied quietly.

  For as much as he thought he had grown over the summer and for as much as he accepted his sexuality, Ian still felt hurt by how the fraternity system treated him after his coming out. He wanted to think that the ELZs were a progressive group. He had clicked with many of their members. He practically spent all his freshman year during rush hanging out at the ELZ House. Every Friday night, they had a keg. Every Saturday, they had a cookout. Every few weeks, they had a band. He had been there for every event. It was no secret that he was going to pledge ELZ. When they quit calling him to go out for late night study sessions at the Waffle House or didn’t include him in their Wednesday Nights in the Weeds, he was devastated. He felt like a piece of his freshman identity had been snatched away.

  The ELZ were one of the fringe fraternities on campus. Their house was on the outer boundary of campus. They were a motley group of guys. There were a few legacies whose fathers had also been Wellington ELZs. While being an ELZ was in their family, the legacies were less like the rest of the group. The legacies were the more conservative members of the group. The rest of the group were happy-go-lucky liberals. No one was particularly political, but the majority were more progressive in their attitudes. Not only were they diverse in their beliefs, but they were diverse in their socioeconomic status. There was an even mix of old-money trust funders and middle-class boys. They came from all over the US. The thing that stood out with Ian was that they seemed to not care who you were—so long as you were yourself. Some listened to rap, others listened to ska, and still others listened to heavy metal. The playlist at their parties was such a mix of different types of music that no one could categorize the genre.

  The ELZ were truly a collection of misfits that could not nor would not fall in line with the rest of the university. There was room for anyone at the ELZ House. The misfit factor was what bound all the brothers together. They all shared a special bond by not fitting in anywhere else. That was why Ian was so gutted when they dropped him from their potentials. If he could not find a place among the misfits, where else could he go?

  “Was Dave your friend?” Chris asked putting his hand on Ian’s shoulder. Ian felt a spark of excitement at Chris’s touch. He knew Chris meant the gesture to be comforting, but the physical touch from another guy sent a shiver of excitement throughout Ian’s body.

  Dave was a freshman with Ian. They did not know each other before rush and lived in separate dorms. They had different schedules so the only time that Ian and Dave encountered each other was at ELZ rush functions. During rush, they had become chummy but were still trying to figure each other out. Dave was a contrast to Ian’s punk alternative vibe. He was well mannered and well put together. It was clear that he came from a good family.

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  What stood out to Ian though was that Dave was very down-to-earth. He had no air of entitlement that many of the students at Wellington had. He never flaunted his family’s status—his father was a State Senator, and his mother was a pediatrician. Had Dave not told anyone about his family, it would be hard to tell anything about his upbringing. Ian and Dave had just started to hang out on a regular basis before Ian had his incident in the hallway. After that, all contact with Dave ceased. It was as if Ian had never existed.

  “Not really. More of an acquaintance but we could have easily been friends. We were well on our way until he joined the ELZ. Then, he got busy and kinda forgot about me,” Ian said looking off to the side. “I’m sure the gay thing added to it.”

  “I’m sorry about all that,” Chris said. Ian looked up into Chris’s hazel eyes. He smiled at the kindness Chris was showing him. Ian felt himself swallow hard. He trembled a little. He was finding Chris more attractive by the minute. Ian knew what it felt like when a crush was coming on. He was certain he was starting to get a crush on Chris. There was something about the way Chris looked at him and the way Chris interacted with him that allowed Ian to go along with the feelings he was starting to develop.

  “Well, I will turn the ELZ down,” Chris said with levity. “If they won’t take a fine fella like yourself, then fuck ‘em.” It was at that moment that Ian felt butterflies in his stomach. If Chris was willing to give up the ELZs for him, it meant that Chris was a friend. Ian suddenly wanted to be more than friends. He fought an overwhelming desire to run his fingers through Chris’s hair. He started to feel himself blush.

  Ian laughed. “Don’t base your decision on me. If you click with them, it’s cool.”

  “Well, so far, they haven’t made a good impression on me. They’ll have a lot of work cut out for them,” Chris smiled.

  “You’re such a sweet guy,” Ian said staring into Chris’s clear eyes. He felt a lump in his throat as he admired the glint in Chris’s eyes. Chris gave Ian a broader smile. Ian felt the full force of puppy love hit him when he saw Chris’s smile. All he wanted at this moment was pull himself closer to Chris and take in his aroma. Every now and then, he caught a whiff of Ivory soap and Speed Stick deodorant. Ian knew Chris must have smelled as wholesome as he looked.

  “I try,” Chris said continuing to look at Ian.

  “Just promise me you won’t change if you join a frat,” Ian said returning Chris’s look. Ian could easily get lost in Chris’s clear hazel eyes. The way they matched his honey colored hair mesmerized Ian. He noticed Chris’s full pink lips and button nose. Ian admired his fair pinkish skin and the natural blush of his cheeks and ears.

  “I promise,” Chris said pulling his hand away and turning towards the door. “See you tomorrow?”

  “Definitely,” Ian said as Chris opened the door. Chris gave Ian a playful wink and a crooked smile. Ian didn’t want Chris to leave. He wanted Chris to stay with him the rest of the night. Ian let out a sigh when Chris left. He noticed himself smiling wide in the mirror. It was confirmed. Ian had a crush on the boy across the hall.