Pathum POV (2021 February)

  I had a wonderful birthday , my dad called me after a while, I had some cakes, good fried rice , mom , grandmom , and above all Scarlet. I had scarlet. Most precious thing in my life. We spent the next few days likely , there were some arguments and hurting in some of the days but most of the days I managed my anger, I didn’t let it control me. But I don’t say I succeeded at all,because how could I say so ? my bad mouth hurts her and she often thinks I intentionally hurts her, I wish she could scan my internal dialogue so she could exactly see that something far greater inside me is controlling me and making me hurt my people. I am not proud of my anger I am scared, because there is hell in it and I can't seems to be free from it.

  Why can’t I control my anger ? And God why do I unleash it on the people I love the most? Especially on Scarlet! And God I don’t understand why I control my mouth, I just don’t. Please I beg you, I might not have the faith I need to have but please fix my mouth, don’t let it huurt my girl!

  February, a short month, and we have reached the last day and it is quite a hot summer month here , of course there are no winters and summers in Sri Lanka but this month is a dry month , it like autumn , leaves are fallen and sun is at highest and wind is quite . and the most ridiculous thing is the scarcity of water, it is drought season. There are two drought seasons , one from February to march and the 2nd season is in August. And the 1st season is the toughest, and I am living in it.

  I got up from bed and drank my morning tea, and got back to my studies , started studying chemistry.

  Scarlet ; whatcha upto?

  Pathum ; Chemistry sweetie!

  Scarlet ; oh that is interesting, how do you do ?

  Pathum ; pretty good, but still not good enough, I need to do this better sweetie, I am tired of loosing, if I can't pass chemistry then I most likely ain't going to be with you , you know I can't let that happen I gotta do something to upgrade my scores and achieve better but I never can , sweetie I am scared what if I cannot do chemistry at all?

  Scarlet ; don be scared sweetie you can do it, you just have to believe in your self and have a slot of faith in you. If you can have it , it shall be the blessing! And it shall push your beyond your limit.

  Pathum ; I am just scared scarlet, I can't do this anymore. I don’t understand what's wrong in me but I am trying my best but look where I am, still no where close to a good mark, you know I can't continue this, I just wanna be with you. The only way I can be with you is if I achieve this , if I fail then I don’t know when will I be able to be with you. That makes me so sad but sweetie don’t be scared I will always find a way to be with you, I will even if I takes a decade to be there I will always love you nevertheless, it Is all about patience and love and of course many more but I mean the basics first.

  Scarlet ; I trust in you nevertheless. I believe that you will rescue me from this hell, I know it I can feel it.

  Pathum ; why are we so far away?

  Scarlet ; because God want to test and show us that our love is greater than whatever around us.

  Pathum ; I love you sweetie

  Scarlet ; I love you too, but can you promise onething for me?

  Pathum ; tell me.

  Scarlet ; would you complete the evolution questions and finish studying it so you can move on with it.

  Pathum; sweetie I wanna cry.

  Scarlet; you have to be strong, you gotta be strong. You have move past it, I know my boy can do it.

  Pathum ; it breaks my heart . ??

  Scarlet ; we have to go through these , but what dictate our result is whether we grow through them. So sweetie forget about things and do the thing and get it done. don’t let me repeat it.

  Pathum ; sweetie I got another problem

  Scarlet ; what is it? Tell me before I fall asleep.

  Pathum ; it doesnt look like it will rain today as well.

  Scarlet ; oh sweetie, don’t worry about it all you have to do is wash your body for a maximum of 15 minutes, even if you managed to wash your body for 5 minutes and apply some soap that be good enough.

  Pathum ; both of our wells are almost empty sweetie, it looks like I would have to go to another well in search of water which is going to be pretty insane and disturbing. I don’t like to go bath in public places but it seems I got no choice. I will have to go to the nearest common public well, most people don’t bath there often but the well is open to anybody so we could go for it, I will have to go with my grandma , well I can go alone but what if there are some people that be very embarrasing . why does life suck this much ?

  Scarlet ; I am so sorry sweetie you go through a lot, but remember you are strong and you will overcome it. I believe you can. All you have to do is bath for few minutes you don’t have to take it for too longer than necessary always listen to yourself not your mind, if you listen to your mind it will be chaos but if you listen to you it will be freedom. You have to choose between chaos and freedom , but the thing is the path to freedom is quite tough and tricky. Trust in you , have some water on your body , apply some soap and then it is over sweetie, you don’t have to wash more than necessary.

  Pathum ; I wish I could follow you sweetie, if you were here I do easily defeat this thing but I cannot take it down when I am alone.

  Scarlet ; I am sorry

  Pathum ; please sleep well

  Scarlet ; I doubt it.

  Pathum ; oh why? why?why?why does this happen to us?

  Scarlet ; its like someone is ripping my intestine and I couldn’t just move my legs.

  Pathum ; do all girls go through this?

  Scarlet ; most does, some use painkillers and you know my mom doesnt allow me to take them but she lets Abigail use them, I don’t understand her.

  Pathum ; Jesus ! I look around and all I see is pain , thats okay sweetie ,I promise I will finish the evolution and then I will focus on chemistry, please sleep as best as you can,I know your internals are being twisted but sweetie you are a rare girl who go through enormous pain you are strong enough to do better.

  Scarlet ; promise me you’ll do it . that you will get it done.

  Pathum ; promise.

  With that my girl went offline so she could sleep , but she didn’t, she came online fewer times and eventually exhaustion drained her to sleep. First thing I touched was evolution , I studied the part which Lamarack said and the conditions of the earth before life and how life originated on earth and eventually finished all past paper questions and then followed chemistry , life was good until I got chemistry I got stuck in between I watched the online classes and it didn’t worked as well.

  My emotions got no better from then onwards. Until bath. I walked few meters with grandma to bath, it wasn’t very pleasing either,there were 2 grandmas when I went there so I had to wait few minutes until they were done and then I got to bath, I thought jut 10 buckets of water and some soap and job is done but it went in another direction taking me 145 buckets at first then 10 minutes of soap on head and then 10 buckets of water and then again 10 minutes of soap on my butt and then again 10 buckets and then once again 10 minutes of soap on body and then 100 buckets of water , statistics are mostly accurate there are either less , than more.

  How I measured time?Well they are estimated assumptions,If I had my waterproof watch, I am sure this watch will last another few months before it get water damage. Thanks to my OCD I spent 30 minutes APPLYING soap and another hour apply soap on clothes or in other words washing my clothes and an hour or two bathing, well putting those buckets of water on my head , it was a good exercise. Luckily the well is located near a paddy field and the surrounding is covered with trees and the way to come to the well is either from paddy fields or from the road, whatever means it was free from people, someone walking on the road or from distance couldn’t observe unless the peek on it, so I think God protected me from a public shame, now imagine there was a camera what would you think would happen to me? There will protests around the village saying that I am a lunatic from a mental asylum and that I am wasting the public water in a most wanted drought season. Yes luckily the well over flows with water I don’t know but it got a magic spring. So by 5 pm I came home luckily there were no houses between my house and this well. So it was a peace walk. No eyes on me or thats what I thought.

  By the time I arrived scarlet had already woken up and getting ready to school. I told her everything like I always do, I don’t know that is a good idea or being childish but I don’t mind, I tell her everything but I also makes sure to let her know that I am okay now and it doesn't matter how I was what matters is how I am, but yes you also need to remember this is just one day it Is just day one of me in a public well. A well is a source we get water if you are confused with it. Imagine you were in my shoes would you be able to handle these monsters within you ? I surely didn’t. not to mention what my anger does to my life as well.

  Bathing ritual continued as long as the drought exist , I was lucky there weren't people nearby while I am bathing even if I took hours. Maybe I am blessed. But that's only when the monsters are calm when they aren't it look so fierce.

  April arrived and drought diminished and flood cherishes. Its rainy season and I skipped classes because I was lazy enough to not get up at 6 am for the classes.

  Find this and other great novels on the author's preferred platform. Support original creators!

  Scarlet ; are you sure its okay that you skipped this class?

  Pathum ; I can have the notes from a friend. It be fine.

  Scarlet ; so you wanna skip classes because you want to stay with me?

  Pathum ; I skipped classes because I am lazy and because I want to stay with you

  Scarlet ; you are adorable! You sure it wouldnt caused you to fall grades?

  Pathum ; I don’t know sweetie I don’t know , I am scared ,I failed to get up at 6 am and then this network is a mess, there is no signal so I couldn’t attend the class due to network failure so I quit. And now here I am with you, I am no good at physics and yet I am skipping classes its not that I skip classes , its just there are many factors which comes across.

  Scarlet ; sweetie sometimes its the mind, if you step aside and look you will see that your ability might not be far away from achievement. Its just the mind does makes these things look so difficult when they are just that easy. Maybe you really aren't working on it on the right path . Try changing your study pattern things will be quite different then.

  Pathum ; I don’t understand sweetie. Why am I not better at this subject ? I tried all ways but none of them succeeded.

  Scarlet ; maybe you using a wrong method.

  Pathum ; what do you know about physics?

  scarlet ; nothing, but I will be studying them next year.

  Pathum ; useless no significance for me.

  Scarlet ; don’t get mad at me for that .

  Pathum ; I am not.

  Scarlet ; yes you are!

  Pathum ; no I am not.

  Scarlet ; yes you are, everytime stuff doesnt go in your way you get mad and take that anger rip us apart. If you don’t fix that I don’t know to what end it will take our relationship.

  Pathum ; oh fuck off!

  Scarlet ; here we go again another episode of his little monster out of control.

  Pathum ; please don’t mock me I cant control this anger, you better go to sleep or else I might hurt you.

  Scarlet ; hurt me? Might ? everytime you curse you are intentionally hurting me, just know that the next time you use your mouth.

  Pathum ; I helped you go through hell but look what you do for me in favour . You just abandon me when I need you the most, don’t do that sweetie don’t do that.

  Scarlet ; dang it !

  Pathum ; why sweetie?

  Scarlet ; my stomach hurts like hell.

  Pathum ; oh I am so sorry sweetie, and you have go through me as well it must be hard.

  Scarlet ; hard? Bite me

  Pathum ; could you please be kind to me? If that monster gets control over me its all over I clearly don’t want to hurt you so please understand I am going through something as well. I have problems too it is not just you who go through things I go through things too.

  Scarlet ; oh please grow up!

  Pathum ; grow up? Sweetie please tell me its not you who is typing these messages please tell me the truth . Tell me is Abigail texting me or mom? I don’t believe its you scarlet.

  Scarlet ; would you cut it please? I am so done over drama.

  Pathum; drama? I am not dramatic you are the one who is dramatic.

  scarlet ; I cant believe I fell in love with a man who just need to grow up.

  Pathum ; we both better agree for one thing now.

  Scarlet ; what is it?

  Pathum ; it is not me who has anger issues its you. Just because I curse and yell doesn't make me the villain here, everytime I took the blame I said it is my bad mouth that is causing troubles but that isn't true. You too have anger issues you have been insulting me too often but due to my cursing everything went clouded, you better fix yourself.

  Scarlet ; I have reasons to be angry. Its the stuff happening in my body that makes me insane. If you had to live on my body you wouldn't last a day with your mouth and little mind.

  Pathum ; little mind?

  Scarlet ; what else can I say about your mind? You can't handle the simplest things in life, you go to a washroom you pee and accidentally you contact your pee or someone else, you freak out , all you have to do is wash your hands and get over it but what do you do ?

  You not only washes your hands until they kick you out for wasting water but you also come up with AIDS that's you . That's because you have a little mind. I am so done with you I am so done with you. Pathum you seriously need to grow up. I denied it but you are so childish if you don’t grow up we wont be able to continue our relationship.

  Pathum ; I see.

  Scarlet ; do something about it, I can't imagine having kids with someone like you.

  Pathum ; you can leave me.

  Scarlet ; I would have done that if I could have, anybody in my position would have left you way before.

  Pathum ; I see ,I am sorry that I am such a problem to your life.

  Scarlet ; no thanks!

  Pathum ; I can't do this physics thing , if I could do that none of our problems will exist.

  Scarlet ; instead of finding that solution, you are here cursing and arguing.

  Pathum ; I am sorry

  Scarlet ; after everything you did.

  Pathum ; so you are innocent here? It's all my fault?

  Scarlet ; don’t put the blame on me.

  Pathum ; fuck you! And fuck physics I am so done with you all.

  Scarlet ; bye!

  Pathum ; fuck off, I hate everything, every bit of it. I’m going to fuck physics to hell. I hate the fucking crap Physics. Fuck you physics. Physics shit storm may hell take physics away.

  Scarlet ; watch your mouth I am done with you today .

  She went offline with that message. I tried to contact her many times by sending messages and calls but she didn’t answered any of them like she said I need to grow up and give space. Let me work on this physics.

  So I took mechanics unit2 of physics tried some MCQ and essays and I got them right but I couldn’t see myself doing tougher questions, maybe because they are over my IQ. I just have to accept that and let go.

  So does that mean you ain't going to pass this exam? If so that you wouldn't meet her and marry her?

  I don’t know man I don’t know. I tried and I tried, but I am failing. I don’t understand whats wrong with me. The day went on she had fallen asleep and I tried physics and I got my 3 hour bath and so forth.

  Around 9 p.m I could hardly focus so I went to my bed for a 5 minute rest and it tuned out to be a 5 hour sleep.

  It was 2 a.m when I suddenly woke up to see many missed calls and unread messages from her .I quickly clicked the messages and read them and I found out that while I was asleep for 5 hours she had freaked out that something bad must have happened to me cause I was only intended to have a 5 minute nap.

  I'm sorry things have been fallen apart.

  So I quickly texted her and comforted her . My lil angel had being scared about me and she had cried. I should have known and then there was a unread message on google hangouts which I hadn't read .

  Because it wasn’t from her but from her sister. Abigail. I wasn’t in a rush to read it , cause I had to comfort my girl before everything. So Abigail had send me few messages.

  Abigail ; hello there! I wanted let you know , that there were somethings that I havent told and I need to urgently inform you.

  Are you fallen asleep? If so ignore this message

  My sister has been worried about you. Are you alright?

  My sister said you left for a 5 minute rest. Why aren't you texting her? do reach her immediately.

  I can't let you hurt her this way. If you have fallen asleep then its okay but if you are intentionally ignoring her just know that you are hurting her so badly. I don’t want you or anybody else hurting my sister it doesnt matter if it is you or some other guy I cant let you do this to her. The reason I am keeping my mouth shut aint because I am scared or something it is because I don’t wanna mess up with my sister. I don’t want you to do that. She has been sleeping less, eating less, drinking less, talking less because of you , and I know that you have been talking rudely as well. Such things shall not go unnoticed. You better grow up and stop hurting her.

  I didn’t know what to say .I just woke up from a 5 hour slumber and all that I see is a crying girl and a complaining girl . I talked with the crying girl and comforted her but what can I do about the complaining girl? She has accused me of many things that I am not. Thats okay it is just an misunderstanding.

  Scarlet ; I am so sorry I wasn’t aware she would say such things for you.

  Pathum ; it's fine sweetie, they always hated me and they just took their opportunity and attacked it.

  Scarlet ; I am sorry sweetie,please forget about it.

  Well I didn’t . I texted Abigail.

  Pathum ; I had been fallen asleep . I wasn’t ignoring her or hurting her, you are in an complete misunderstanding. She would tell you what has happened. Ask her. And about her health issues yes I admit that she is loosing sleep for me and that I am sorry for it. I really try my best to make her fall asleep but some days she just wont sleep. She has pain in her body as well ,those things keeps her awake and since she is awake she texts with me , if you see there is nothing wrong with it. Its just you and mom hates me and you guys want me to be out of her life , thats why you are complaining. Please understand that I am not a bad person like you think I am. I admit I need to grow up but I am not intentionally hurting her.

  Abigail ; if you were asleep then just forget I said anything at all.

  Pathum ; but please don’t hate me, I just want you to love us and support us she needs you guys , but since you guys hate me ,you hurts her. That is so wrong. Try to love her ,she is an innocent soul she needs you. Please understand me.

  Abigail ; like I said if you were asleep , ignore what I said. I was only addressing you if you were intentionally ignoring her.

  Pathum ; but why would you blame me?

  Abigail ; I was just being the big sister. There was nothing against you.

  Pathum ; I am sorry but why do you guys hate me?

  Abigail ; I was just taking care of her.

  It wouldnt break her leg if she would just apologise me. But she didn’t . I understand them , like they said they were protecting her.

  Thank you so much for reading!

  Please vote, comment & share!!

  Enjoy!!!