Pathum POV (September 2020)

  My darling girl just went through a lot, I should have talked to her in a better way,

  crap my mouth ,my damn mouth. I should have been better. I behaved so wrong.

  She got into all that troubles because of me and here I am mocking her and bossing her. I should have talked to her in a sweet tone, she must be so hurt now.

  What can I do now? I should just kill myself . why did I hurt her why ?

  why Pathum ?

  why did you hurt her? She went through all those pain for you and you just hurt her like that? So many questions . so many questions and without answers Pathum you must be disgraced ! how could you let her go through all those hell and you here do nothing about it? Just how?

  You are a pathetic loser, do you know that? You are a freaking looser!

  If you wanna curse do that already because you are too weak to admit it isnt that so right ? please understand me I didn’t hurt her I was telling her she has to control her anger or else she is in danger I didn’t meant to hurt her, I know she is hurt I know she went through a hell and is living in a hell I dislikes it as much as you, so who is you ? it is just me, I and pathum. So who’s I then? Its pathum. God why am I so freaking confusing myself? I have two choices that is continue to blame myself for something that I am not responsible or go talk to her and comfort her.

  Pathum ; sweetie good morning!

  Scarlet ; morning

  Pathum ; sweetie what is wrong?

  Scarlet ; nothing.

  Pathum ; sweetie tell me

  Scarlet ; it’s just my freaking body it hurts,its like my intestines are being twisted and ripped apart.

  Pathum ; you are going to be a great mom for all the pain you go through sweetie

  Scarlet ; bullcrap

  Pathum ; I understand that you are in pain

  Sweetie.

  Scarlet : Whatever!

  Pathum : I am so sorry for what’s going on there.

  Scarlet : I wanna cry!

  Pathum : Aww sweetie. Go ahead.

  Scarlet : But I need someone to hug me and wipe my tears.

  Pathum : I WIsh I was there.

  Scarlet : Wishes don’t come true unless you work hard on them Pathum.

  Pathum : True!

  Scarlet ; sweetie I am so sorry for the way I acted before, I am sorry for being rude. I shouldnt have acted the way I acted its my fault. I am sorry.

  Pathum ; don’t say sorry, you did nothing wrong it was my fault I should have hugged you and comforted you but instead I hurt you , it is not your fault it is damn my fault

  Scarlet ; I just wanna sleep I don’t feel okay.

  Pathum ; please do sleep

  Scarlet ; I cant . mom just yelled , I gotta get ready for church.

  Pathum ; I forgot it was Sunday. You got church so I will miss you

  Scarlet ; I know.

  Pathum ; can you stay today? For me?

  Scarlet ; I wish I could but I am sorry I cant.

  Pathum ; I understand sweetie, if I was there we both could have gone to church together, it would be so beautiful.

  Scarlet ; you are cute

  Pathum ; no you are the cute one , I am just an ugly boy.

  Scarlet ; don’t even start, you are the most handsome man I ever known in my life and you will always be the most handsome man.

  Pathum ; and you will always be the most sweetest girl in the world. My sweet girl.

  Scarlet ; why do you love me this much ? what’s so special about me ? I am just a useless girl but you give me the attention that a queen deserves. I am just saying I am worthless.

  Pathum ; and I am just saying I am worthless too!

  Scarlet; you got me.

  Pathum ; gotcha!

  Scarlet ; no bitch today?

  Pathum ; donkey!

  Scarlet ; heyyyy did you just called me a donkey? Huh!

  The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.

  Pathum ; HEHEHE HEHEHE HEHEH HEHEHE

  SCARLET ; you are so cute!

  Pathum ; and you are so innocent.

  Scarlet ; I can guarantee you I am not that innocent.

  Pathum ; of course you are a devil, but I am not talking about that I am just saying you are so cute , nope not cute but innocent you are so innocent I don’t know how to define it but you are always my innocent girl.

  Scarlet ; gotta go sweetie I will text you when I come back until then study and have a good night.

  I missed her the moment she left, but that is okay, she is gone for her church to get close to god and I need to study , I need to stay focused on my studies.

  So I took my biology book and started to study , studied about evolution, that is a very interesting topic to be discussing but unfortunately a heartbreaking topic as well, because my sweet girl believes in a creation while I am stuck between creation and evolution. I am confused on what to do I am confused on what to choose, I kinda believes the evolution but is not a die hard fan of it because I don’t understand things but my sweet baby believes in a creation, I feel so sad about myself and her I feel so sad that it breaks me cause I cannot share the same opinion as her , but that does not mean I disrespect her .

  I believe her I accept I don’t believe in god as much as she believes but I believe in her as much as she believes in her or in fact I might believe in her more than she believes in her, so yeah. Sooo yeah! What can I say ?

  I missed my sweetie. I wish she was here so she could be talking with me but no she is not here with me because she is gone to church , I hope she shall come back to us soon.

  Us? Well me and I . when she comes back I will probably be asleep. But that is okay I will do everything in my power to become the very best bio-science student and pass this A/L exam and fly to USA. And meet her and marry her and live with her for the rest of time happily. She , mom and me . I wish I could achieve it soon.

  Am I dreaming too much?

  I don’t know Pathum!

  I did studied few pages of biology and then laziness came to me and loneliness along with it so I got to bed and fell asleep.

  When I was up she has arrived home. I walked outside and the sky look beautiful, the sky before a sun rise is always beautiful. It is pleasant , slight red and orange mixture and clouds in between. I took some pictures and send them to her.

  Scarlet ; Wow! Those are marvellous ! how could you capture so beautiful things.

  Pathum ; I guess I am blessed with beautiful things , you being one of them.

  Scarlet ; thank you !

  Pathum ; you are very welcome ma’am. And hey can I ask you a question?

  Scarlet ; go ahead.

  Pathum ; how much do we got before you go back to church?

  Scarlet ; about 15 minutes. Why

  Pathum ; can you stay today? Please I want to talk to you. Just oneday wont be that of a problem .

  Scarlet ; wish I could , but no sweetie I gotta go

  Pathum ; whats the point anyway? What is your point ? your mom and sis are such evil bitches and yet they seek the love of god what kind of people are they ? and what do you get by loving god ? arent you blessed with horrible parents and siblings? What is the point anyway?

  Scarlet ; I am done talking to you.

  Pathum ; I just told you some truths , its a matter of fact whether you see the reality in them.

  Scarlet ; you were being so disrespectful and rude.

  Pathum ; I was being dead honest and real and if I were in your position and my girl asked me to wait I would but its the other way around here isnt it?

  Scarlet ; bye see you soon!

  Pathum ; leave like you always do!

  Horrible and terrific!

  Are there many words in the vocablary that I could fit into this situation that ‘d be a lot of fun, but hell why couldn’t she wait for me? She always have to pray this god who does no good to her, I don’t understand their faith just horrific!!wow! My language is bit developed. I didn’t studied anything for the next thirty minutrs except blaming and questioning her, luckily she wasn’t hear to listen to my rumbling.

  Damn it!

  I should have watched my mouth I was being freaking rude to my girlfriend

  why? Why? Why ? why in earth was I rude to her?

  Why couldn’t I watch my mouth? Why did I failed to watch my mouth? Why was I rude to her?

  Please god why am I what am I ?

  I deserve nothing but misery , I shouldnt have hurt my girl like that. It is my fault damn it! Kill me for my mouth.

  Please God forgive me!

  An hour later she came home

  Scarlet ; I am back!

  Pathum ; heyyy!! I am sorry sweetie for hurting you.

  Scarlet ; I’m used to it. don’t you worry!

  Pathum ; oh really so now you talking to me in a fancy tone huh. Fuck god and his everything. He be cursed!

  Ugh this is not the start I needed.

  Scarlet ; watch your mouth, cause it will get you in trouble.

  Pathum ; watch your faith , cause it will get you nowhere.

  Scarlet; I am done talking to you, I don’t understand whats wrong with you ? whats the matter?

  Pathum ; why couldn’t you stay home for me? Oneday out from church or school? You never do. Why?

  Scarlet ; im sorry I am not the perfect girl for you.

  Pathum ; I am sorry that I am the rudest boy friend. I am such a shit! I mean it I am such a shit!

  Scarlet ; watch that language please.

  Pathum ; I am sorry I am such a bad person. I am sorry please go to sleep, I am such a horrible person, you deserve someone better.

  Scarlet; that’s okay!

  That is not okay sweetie.

  Five minutes later she fell asleep. My innocent angel fell asleep . I feel so bad, she kneels before the lord and prays for me , prays for us and then she comes home to see a comfort all that she gets is discomfort .

  how terrible is it?

  How horrific can a human being possibly be? I am such a bad person I really am , I need to find a way to control my anger or else I would end up causing more troubles.

  Imagine imagine if she hurt herself? What are you going to do then?

  I am sorry God for disrespecting you and hurting scarlet but please understand me too, there is something within me who does all these mad works , its like once I loose control over anger , anger does irreversible damage.

  But everyone thinks its me, scarlet had fallen asleep with tears ,so now her subconsicous mind thinks that it was me who hurt her but deep down reality is there is monster within me that caused the chaos , but unfortunately she is not going to see that. So she will register me as the bad person and my words a blunt liar!

  You cannot give plain excuses now. What is said is said, now suffer the consequences.

  Shit me!! I feel so horrible now, now that she is gone to sleep and me not getting the chance to apologise her. I should have talked to her better than that.

  Please God forgive me, I will watch my mouth!!

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